Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 12
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Maybe we should all have a "hey ho she gave it a go" tattoo????
I looked up the fine young cannibals on youtube and as soon as it started, my son recognized it ... named it... and said he really likes them!
I'll have to listen to the whole song later....
I looked up the fine young cannibals on youtube and as soon as it started, my son recognized it ... named it... and said he really likes them!
I'll have to listen to the whole song later....
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,737
I'm up late again! The sleep cycle shifts... I skipped yet another friends birthday drinks..... in favor of, you guessed it, tomato sandwiches at home. I'm almost done with this bag and then I swear I'm off tomatoes for a good long while! 
This weekend R and I are celebrating my birthday, which we sort of skimmed over on our trip. I only ask one thing every year on my birthday, a nice dinner and a nice day. So, we'll see if I can let that happen and if he can also let that happen. Anyway, I am looking forward to the weekend. I so rarely have weekends off.
Oof. I used to run short distances. I am sorry to say, I really hate running. I loved the results but it really hurt my body. I understand that lots of people truly love it. I am a yoga person myself. And pilates. I used to dance but I have slowed way down.
Steely, I wonder if your logout problems were similar to mine? What's that about?
This weekend R and I are celebrating my birthday, which we sort of skimmed over on our trip. I only ask one thing every year on my birthday, a nice dinner and a nice day. So, we'll see if I can let that happen and if he can also let that happen. Anyway, I am looking forward to the weekend. I so rarely have weekends off.
Oof. I used to run short distances. I am sorry to say, I really hate running. I loved the results but it really hurt my body. I understand that lots of people truly love it. I am a yoga person myself. And pilates. I used to dance but I have slowed way down.
Steely, I wonder if your logout problems were similar to mine? What's that about?
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
I'm feeling nervous today, about to go to my boyfriend's and have a talk with him.
I kept myself busy yesterday and went to meet a girl I met at Al-Anon, then went to my first CoDA meeting (which was a huge eye opener for me!) where I randomly met some other AA friends who all decided idenpendently to try CoDA for the first time that day.
Afterwards we went for dinner with some more AA members. I also met this 'old' guy (meaning he could be me or even my BFs dad) who is friends with my BF and who really cares about him. I had a really nice chat to him and he gave me some advice on relationships, what he learned for himself.
Another good AA friend recommended a place to me where you can get free couples counselling in our city.
It's nice to always have those people that I know I can hang out with before and after the meetings who understand and don't judge when I'm just stressed and sad.
I didn't feel offended by anything anyone said. Just wanted to say, that you all just hear my point of view which of course isn't very understanding of my BF's point of view. I think I do often ignore him and pressure him when I don't get what I want in terms of reassurance, affection, attention. And what I want is often more than anyone with a job and proper self care could give me. Cause I always want more of that. And if I get it for a while and then receive less, I will think that I'm less important to that person now.
Of course there are issues on his side too, that he feels very stressed and pressured already from his own thinking and expectations. And that he too can be a bit insensitive to my point of view or my feelings when he's upset. But I do the exact same! I just never noticed!
I don't have the time now to reply to everyone individually but I wanted to say a big thank you to all of you. Sending you lots of love and I want you to know that I appreciate you so much and the support we give each other here.
Oh and thank you so much for thinking of my 11 months Kenton!! That's so sweet of you! I'm so close to a year, I can't believe it! It's almost scary in a way!
I kept myself busy yesterday and went to meet a girl I met at Al-Anon, then went to my first CoDA meeting (which was a huge eye opener for me!) where I randomly met some other AA friends who all decided idenpendently to try CoDA for the first time that day.
Afterwards we went for dinner with some more AA members. I also met this 'old' guy (meaning he could be me or even my BFs dad) who is friends with my BF and who really cares about him. I had a really nice chat to him and he gave me some advice on relationships, what he learned for himself.
Another good AA friend recommended a place to me where you can get free couples counselling in our city.
It's nice to always have those people that I know I can hang out with before and after the meetings who understand and don't judge when I'm just stressed and sad.
I didn't feel offended by anything anyone said. Just wanted to say, that you all just hear my point of view which of course isn't very understanding of my BF's point of view. I think I do often ignore him and pressure him when I don't get what I want in terms of reassurance, affection, attention. And what I want is often more than anyone with a job and proper self care could give me. Cause I always want more of that. And if I get it for a while and then receive less, I will think that I'm less important to that person now.
Of course there are issues on his side too, that he feels very stressed and pressured already from his own thinking and expectations. And that he too can be a bit insensitive to my point of view or my feelings when he's upset. But I do the exact same! I just never noticed!
I don't have the time now to reply to everyone individually but I wanted to say a big thank you to all of you. Sending you lots of love and I want you to know that I appreciate you so much and the support we give each other here.
Oh and thank you so much for thinking of my 11 months Kenton!! That's so sweet of you! I'm so close to a year, I can't believe it! It's almost scary in a way!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
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It is a fantastic achievement kev, 11 months ie. 
It sounds like you are starting to understand yourself well kev and really happy that you have these f2f people with whom to talk. These 11 months have done you good. Not drinking has done us all good and we are no longer avoiding, we have decided to learn instead. Yay, us!
Nothing worse than to be isolated and stuck in your own head which, from my experience, only leads to further self doubt and catastrophic thinking. Having people give you feedback is so helpful, and which I've found myself in dealing with this nit wit neighbour of mine.
My good friendly neighbour (who has problems with him too, everyone here does from what I can gather) has been really helpful in listening and understanding. It is so important to be heard. I was able to do the same for her when he pulled out her Basil plants in some retaliatory move.
He stuck his bike (covered in cobwebs) in my little backyard without even asking and I asked him to move it because he has room in his own space, which incidentally is larger than my little plot. He put it close to my washing line and my sheets flutter on it in the breeze. My clean sheets!
He just doesn't want the bike in his space because it takes away from his kitschy manicured little space decorated with gnomes and stuff
He put forward that 'my' space is 'common property' to which I replied, "does that mean I can put my stuff in your backyard?" He looked slightly confused, but took my point. He's not real bright. Damn.
He told me that I need to learn how to "communicate", and all that I had to do was ask him to move it and not get angry about it and that I was "hanging out for a cigarette", and which is probably true, but I DID ask him to move it.
One thing I do know is that had the boot been on the over foot there would have been all hell to pay. Seems there is one rule for him and another for the rest of the tenants.
This is so dumb I know, but am not prepared to have some bloke stand over me nor take control, which are core issues of mine. I'll work it out somehow and try to discuss it with him rationally when things have settled, but really want nothing to do with him and nor does anyone else by the look. Why can't people just mind their own business and leave others alone? He does get a creepy look in his eye.
But he has done so many intrusive and controlling things that I did get angry (not overly) and could no longer tolerate it. Nothing would have ensued if he had ASKED me if it was OK, and I probably would have said that it was.
Suggested to him that yes, I agreed with good communication, and that had only just stopped smoking so I should look at that, but he at the same time needed perhaps to examine the notion of boundaries. Oh man, this is so stupid.
By the way, he really does not like the fact that I am still succeeding at not smoking. I can tell.
The look in his eyes really quite scared me and he stepped closer and closer toward me, always encroaching, but I held my ground and did not step back. Just said I really believed he should have asked me and then walked on home.
I've wandered off the point kev and hope that your meeting with your boyfriend goes better than my meeting with my neighbour.
All will be well.
It sounds like you are starting to understand yourself well kev and really happy that you have these f2f people with whom to talk. These 11 months have done you good. Not drinking has done us all good and we are no longer avoiding, we have decided to learn instead. Yay, us!
Nothing worse than to be isolated and stuck in your own head which, from my experience, only leads to further self doubt and catastrophic thinking. Having people give you feedback is so helpful, and which I've found myself in dealing with this nit wit neighbour of mine.
My good friendly neighbour (who has problems with him too, everyone here does from what I can gather) has been really helpful in listening and understanding. It is so important to be heard. I was able to do the same for her when he pulled out her Basil plants in some retaliatory move.
He stuck his bike (covered in cobwebs) in my little backyard without even asking and I asked him to move it because he has room in his own space, which incidentally is larger than my little plot. He put it close to my washing line and my sheets flutter on it in the breeze. My clean sheets!
He just doesn't want the bike in his space because it takes away from his kitschy manicured little space decorated with gnomes and stuff
He put forward that 'my' space is 'common property' to which I replied, "does that mean I can put my stuff in your backyard?" He looked slightly confused, but took my point. He's not real bright. Damn.
He told me that I need to learn how to "communicate", and all that I had to do was ask him to move it and not get angry about it and that I was "hanging out for a cigarette", and which is probably true, but I DID ask him to move it.
One thing I do know is that had the boot been on the over foot there would have been all hell to pay. Seems there is one rule for him and another for the rest of the tenants.
This is so dumb I know, but am not prepared to have some bloke stand over me nor take control, which are core issues of mine. I'll work it out somehow and try to discuss it with him rationally when things have settled, but really want nothing to do with him and nor does anyone else by the look. Why can't people just mind their own business and leave others alone? He does get a creepy look in his eye.
But he has done so many intrusive and controlling things that I did get angry (not overly) and could no longer tolerate it. Nothing would have ensued if he had ASKED me if it was OK, and I probably would have said that it was.
Suggested to him that yes, I agreed with good communication, and that had only just stopped smoking so I should look at that, but he at the same time needed perhaps to examine the notion of boundaries. Oh man, this is so stupid.
By the way, he really does not like the fact that I am still succeeding at not smoking. I can tell.
The look in his eyes really quite scared me and he stepped closer and closer toward me, always encroaching, but I held my ground and did not step back. Just said I really believed he should have asked me and then walked on home.
I've wandered off the point kev and hope that your meeting with your boyfriend goes better than my meeting with my neighbour.
All will be well.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
We've had crappy histories kev and though not speaking for you, can attest for myself that I am also very self-critical, not good enough, lacking, etc., and these are just perceptions kev, possibly (again) from our histories.
Believe him kev and most of all believe in yourself.
Really well said Steely, even though it was not directed at me, I am taking this to heart, and give myself permission to not be perfect.
Kev I truly hope you are okay and everything is smoothing out for you.
Every time I see a bunch of tomato's I think of the La Tomatino festival in Spain. Its one of the very few events outside of the US that I would so love to go to! Looks absolutely hysterical!!
Still here and sober!
Badge
Believe him kev and most of all believe in yourself.
Really well said Steely, even though it was not directed at me, I am taking this to heart, and give myself permission to not be perfect.
Kev I truly hope you are okay and everything is smoothing out for you.
Every time I see a bunch of tomato's I think of the La Tomatino festival in Spain. Its one of the very few events outside of the US that I would so love to go to! Looks absolutely hysterical!!
Still here and sober!
Badge
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,572
Thanks badge I'm good at spitting out a few good words of wisdom from time to time just wish I could apply them to myself. Getting there, and my friendly neighbour said she was impressed by my ability to tell this bloke NO!
He first parked his bike outside of her place and she didn't want it there for same reasons as mine (outside our bedroom) didn't have the courage to tell him to move it. Then, suddenly it's outside my place. What's the G.O.?!
She in fact went to the Dept of Housing two days ago seeking transfer (crying) because he is doing her head in too. Apparently they have a number of complaints about him. I ain't no dobber (tell on people) , far from it, but he is really pushing the envelope.
Woke this morning and have decided to "lose"this bloke permanently Dee. I made the mistake of giving him another chance. I've even taken to locking my bedroom window at night, and it's hot. I've seen him walking up and down the pathways in the dead of night carrying a torch.
Only reason I was up myself was that I am having trouble sleeping and was up late mucking around on my computer, and I wasn't holding a torch. Not really funny, I know 
He has taken to raking up the fallen kumquats outside of my bedroom window which is distant from his place, and I don't like it.
Hope you went well with talk with your boyfriend kev.
He first parked his bike outside of her place and she didn't want it there for same reasons as mine (outside our bedroom) didn't have the courage to tell him to move it. Then, suddenly it's outside my place. What's the G.O.?!
She in fact went to the Dept of Housing two days ago seeking transfer (crying) because he is doing her head in too. Apparently they have a number of complaints about him. I ain't no dobber (tell on people) , far from it, but he is really pushing the envelope.
Woke this morning and have decided to "lose"this bloke permanently Dee. I made the mistake of giving him another chance. I've even taken to locking my bedroom window at night, and it's hot. I've seen him walking up and down the pathways in the dead of night carrying a torch.
Only reason I was up myself was that I am having trouble sleeping and was up late mucking around on my computer, and I wasn't holding a torch
. Not really funny, I know 
He has taken to raking up the fallen kumquats outside of my bedroom window which is distant from his place, and I don't like it.
Hope you went well with talk with your boyfriend kev.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,415
Congrats on 11 months Kev.
You're right that we only hear your POV but I think there's been good advice nonetheless. We care about you and how you feel
Sorry about that guy Steely. Don't let him rent any space in your head or back yard
Hi badgerden
Hope everyone else is doing well
D
You're right that we only hear your POV but I think there's been good advice nonetheless. We care about you and how you feel
Sorry about that guy Steely. Don't let him rent any space in your head or back yard
Hi badgerden
Hope everyone else is doing well
D
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Location: NSW - Australia
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Thanks Dee. I really like it here except for this bloke and am glad that my neighbour is on side. You're right about not letting him rent space in my head or backyard.
It's good having you guys here to get those little bits of back-up that I for one find invaluable. I thank you so.
It's good having you guys here to get those little bits of back-up that I for one find invaluable. I thank you so.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,572
'av a go
ya mug
ya mug
This is what the crowd yells when the batsman/woman is not giving it a slash at the ball in cricket and not many runs being made.
I took a walk to the park (it's really big) and two cricket matches were in play. I sat and watched the game and clapped when there was a big hit or someone made a good catch.
It was fun, think I'll go next weekend. Hey, I'm doing something healthy. Day 9 off the smokes. Rock on Steely. Rock on Nobenders.
Thought you might like it kenton. "Yo, ho, she had a go."
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We are perfect badge
I can't stop laughing. What's the matter with me? And I'm not drinking.
Actually the laughs stopped pretty early at the end of my drinking career. Kept looking for them, but alas and alack I just finished up crying.
I can't stop laughing. What's the matter with me? And I'm not drinking.
Actually the laughs stopped pretty early at the end of my drinking career. Kept looking for them, but alas and alack I just finished up crying.
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Happy birthday Plenny! Hope you've had a great time celebrating.
Hope all went ok with your bf Kev, been thinking of you lots.
Hello Badge, hope you have a good week at work.
How's everything going Poppy?
Hello Dee, I reckon a cut snake would be pretty mad. Australians have the best sayings and words. Boofhead is still my personal favourite. I'm using it at least 4 times every day. I want to get London saying Boofhead. I reckon it will happen.
Nands,,how are you? Hope all is good.
Steely, your neighbour sounds like a total nightmare. I know people say that everyone comes into our lives for a reason and to teach us something but what the hell are you supposed to learn from some weirdo who walks around in the dead of night with a torch and is incapable of keeping his cobweb-covered bike on his own property?? What's up with him?? I still can't get over the parallels in the lives of us on this thread. We've been united by massive tomatoes and now you have a nightmare neighbour to match my nightmare neighbour. My one has been on holiday for the last week and it's been so lovely on the street. He lives with 6 other people and whilst they're not pleasant, they're not aggressive. His absence has proved to everyone on the street that he is the one who is mad as a cut snake. Let's see what happens when he gets home. He seems to be able to control his temper for a month or so but then he has to explode about some nonsense. I've got my dictaphone at the ready. I will definitely press charges against him next time he verbally abuses me.
Sorry, didn't mean that to turn into a rant about my neighbour. It's just horrible having these nightmares living in such close quarters. Weird that 2 nobenders are dealing with it at the same time. Must mean something. Hey, maybe we've been sent into their lives to teach them something? Maybe we have to show them that people stand up to bullies and bullying isn't the way forward. Hey Ho, that's not the way to go!
I think I am definitely sounding as mad as a cut snake so I'm going to slither off and leave you all in peace. Love checking in and reading about your lives. Love you all xxxx
Hope all went ok with your bf Kev, been thinking of you lots.
Hello Badge, hope you have a good week at work.
How's everything going Poppy?
Hello Dee, I reckon a cut snake would be pretty mad. Australians have the best sayings and words. Boofhead is still my personal favourite. I'm using it at least 4 times every day. I want to get London saying Boofhead. I reckon it will happen.
Nands,,how are you? Hope all is good.
Steely, your neighbour sounds like a total nightmare. I know people say that everyone comes into our lives for a reason and to teach us something but what the hell are you supposed to learn from some weirdo who walks around in the dead of night with a torch and is incapable of keeping his cobweb-covered bike on his own property?? What's up with him?? I still can't get over the parallels in the lives of us on this thread. We've been united by massive tomatoes and now you have a nightmare neighbour to match my nightmare neighbour. My one has been on holiday for the last week and it's been so lovely on the street. He lives with 6 other people and whilst they're not pleasant, they're not aggressive. His absence has proved to everyone on the street that he is the one who is mad as a cut snake. Let's see what happens when he gets home. He seems to be able to control his temper for a month or so but then he has to explode about some nonsense. I've got my dictaphone at the ready. I will definitely press charges against him next time he verbally abuses me.
Sorry, didn't mean that to turn into a rant about my neighbour. It's just horrible having these nightmares living in such close quarters. Weird that 2 nobenders are dealing with it at the same time. Must mean something. Hey, maybe we've been sent into their lives to teach them something? Maybe we have to show them that people stand up to bullies and bullying isn't the way forward. Hey Ho, that's not the way to go!
I think I am definitely sounding as mad as a cut snake so I'm going to slither off and leave you all in peace. Love checking in and reading about your lives. Love you all xxxx
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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Exactly my feelings kenton. I don't want to bleat on about my neighbour either and I'm hoping that by keeping to myself he will tire of trying to control the new girl on the block and stay away. It's good to know that I have a good supportive woman neighbour living next door.
He claims to be 31 years (!!) sober, and volunteered this information first up! He also told me, first up, that during his drinking he was a perpetrator of domestic violence and then went on to say that he was also domestically violent in the early days of his sobriety! He definitely told the wrong girl, that one!
Why would he tell me all this stuff within a few days of meeting me other than to (maybe) intimidate me? Maybe he's simply just as mad as a cut snake. 
I don't know, just hope he stays away.
Am going to try and takes Dee's advice and not let him rent space in my head or backyard. Just want peace.
Been thinking about Poppy too, hope all is well Poppy.
Haven't heard from Nands for a while either, hope you are OK Nands would be good to hear from you, good to hear from you both.
Still organising this joint so better hop to it.
My love to all. xxx
He claims to be 31 years (!!) sober, and volunteered this information first up! He also told me, first up, that during his drinking he was a perpetrator of domestic violence and then went on to say that he was also domestically violent in the early days of his sobriety! He definitely told the wrong girl, that one!
Why would he tell me all this stuff within a few days of meeting me other than to (maybe) intimidate me? Maybe he's simply just as mad as a cut snake.
I don't know, just hope he stays away. Am going to try and takes Dee's advice and not let him rent space in my head or backyard. Just want peace.
Been thinking about Poppy too, hope all is well Poppy.
Haven't heard from Nands for a while either, hope you are OK Nands would be good to hear from you, good to hear from you both.
Still organising this joint so better hop to it.
My love to all. xxx
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Started to read up on the thread late yesterday, but had to leave for a sleep study... have another appointment in about 1/2 hour .... it has been endless drs appts and test the last few days. I should be able to get back on track either today late or tomarrow afternoon (one more test tomarrow that I know of so far).
I'm a bit worried cause the actual doctor called me to come in at 2pm, but it probably isn't important...
I'm not doing worse or anything than I was a week ago...they just are trying to root out the causes and see if they can make me more comfortable in daily life instead of struggling to get things done.... And it could just be old fashion depression ... hard to tell at this point.
I enjoyed reading and will finish that up later and respond to you all.
Love
Nands
I'm a bit worried cause the actual doctor called me to come in at 2pm, but it probably isn't important...
I'm not doing worse or anything than I was a week ago...they just are trying to root out the causes and see if they can make me more comfortable in daily life instead of struggling to get things done.... And it could just be old fashion depression ... hard to tell at this point.
I enjoyed reading and will finish that up later and respond to you all.
Love
Nands
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