stargazer016

I am glad that you got good news from the neurologist Gilmer. It must be reassuring to know that we are simply just getting older!

gleefan

Gilmer - I'm relieved to hear the neurologist isn't concerned. Yay. I'm sort of an only child too. I didn't get a step sister til I was 10, and we lived separately.

I resented any attention she received while I was around. I've carried a chip on my shoulder about that well into adulthood. Only in recovery have I even begun to scratch at the surface of how my behavior may possibly have been out of line. I don't feel sorry for how I acted when I was 10, 11, 12 and thrust in a situation that was hard to navigate without any support, BUT I don't feel quite as angry anymore. AND I can rewrite those scripts when I see them playing out now. I owe that peace and serenity to the 12 Steps.

Courage - I hope the discomfort you were experiencing with folks who were offering advice has simmered down. Here you are our superstar and champion. It's hard for me to picture you struggling with interpersonal dynamics.

Walk the sober road together is a comfort.

courage2

Thanks so much, glee, but you couldn't have it more wrong. I'm only good at interpersonal dynamics when there are no people. My intra-personal is still way underdeveloped.

I like your line "I can rewrite those scripts when I see them playing out now. " I'm kind of trying that too. Particularly less cut-and-run, my old-gold social tactic of choice.

courage2

This song just popped in my head for the first time in about 35 years. (So many things haven't happened in my head since about 1979. It's so sad. Anyway. This is a good thing.)

courage2

^^I was mistaken in my memory of my memory. Gilmer, will you ask your neurologist on my behalf about the shrinking hippocampus?

IWLSAST

Hi All,

Quick pop in as I final sip a coconut milk latte then head off to jog the beach with OH. Next is work, b/pump and meeting a friend for a burger. Life is simple with a few twists and turns. Locked my keys in the car Saturday and ran out of gas on Monday and yesterday. Each has a crazy story attached - I'll spare you.

Good day, POST's.

Carlos

FBL

Youngest of three boys here. My twin brothers are 6 years older than me. Growing up, they could be bullies one minute, protectors the next. Throw an alcoholic, but loving father into the mix and it made for an interesting childhood. Thankfully my Mom was there to help me get thru it.

Fran had a major setback the other night. Not exactly sure of her status this morning. Will know more when I talk to the boss later this morning.

Have a great day, all!

courage2

I hope for good news for your boss and Fran, FBL.

Gilmer

Not suffering fools gladly today (and they’re probably not suffering me, either)!

Time to get offline and go watch some comedy.

courage2

^^^ you & me both. I'm doing a pretty good job with them in the moment but I find myself hating the world inside my head when I'm alone. Each day I meditate and contemplate clear of the dreck, and each day it piles up again.

stargazer016

I saw Jerry play Sugaree live many times. Even by the end when the drugs and health problems were doing him in, he always rose to the occasion for this song.

I hope that you can turn down your mind chatter Courage. I have been reevaluating everything in my life anew, deciding what is now important to me and what I no longer care at all about. My family has sucked me into Pokemon Go, and it's become a modest addiction. I think I always need to have some kind of addiction to give my life focus outside the work arena. I used to plant very large vegetable and flower gardens. I haven't now for several years. I had a hobby orchid collection that I have slowly left to fend for themselves. I feel a relief in allowing myself to not feel obligated to pursue things that are a lot of work if the joy they bring to me is not worth the labor invested. I am ok walking away from my past and seek newer opportunities and hobbies to keep me engaged. It has taken me two and a half years to have finally reached a stage of self acceptance of whom I am, warts and all. Once I stopped beating myself up for my addiction, the mind chatter slowly has quieted, almost imperceptibly and without fanfare.

I was out mowing the lawn this afternoon on a beautifully warm day. This time of year used to trigger many SAD symptoms about the coming dark days of winter. Today, I enjoyed the day for what is was, and without the significance that late September is a harbinger of darker times. I am living life for what it is, as it is.

I have been told all my life that we are responsible for our own happiness. I never really understood that, except by drinking myself happy. We really choose our own attitude about how to deal with our time here. Are we content to just play out the string, or do we want to see what life has to offer? It is scary out there in the real world. But I am not afraid as much as before. I have slayed a dragon that has ruled my world for most of my life. What is scarier than a dragon?

Dee74

Sugaree is one of my favourite Garcia tunes
thanks for that Courage
D

courage2

You're very welcome, Dee!

& thanks for your helpful thoughts, stargazer. I only saw the Dead a few times -- the last time was 1980. But I was exposed to a lot of the Dead from when I was littler, like 1971 or 72.

My problems are just ch-ch-ch-changes. Rather than going along the path of least resistance, I'm trying to help others do things better, or do better things, sometimes taking the lead. I'm allowing people to have confidence in me. If things continue this way, it's a major shift. It's so different from any other way I've ever done, ever.

I frankly don't know if it's good for me to be extending myself or not. I'm full of worry & fear, but maybe there's stuff to come out of the stress that I can't appreciate yet. Anyway, like with my experience quitting drinking, it seems I'm more compelled than acting from personal will.

Of course, most of my compulsions in the past have ended up badly But you're right, the dragons in my past don't have to define my future.

gleefan

Stargazer - Playing Pokémon Go is so much easier than raising orchids! My expectations of myself have shifted in recovery. I don't feel like I have to be so productive all of the time. Which as I think about it is probably very healthy, due to the fact that I am not shutting off (and being unproductive for large periods of time) by getting wasted.

Courage - Very cool that meditation is clearing your mind so you can face the world anew each day. I always say I should try it.

At work I can't get out for walks like I used to, and I recently sprained my ankle making walking difficult, so I bought myself an under the desk bike peddler. I have found that peddling at a very easy pace for an hour once or twice a day has drastically improved my energy - to the point where I am looking to exercise a few days a week after work instead of flop on the couch in exhaustion every night. I don't know the science of exercise and what that's happening, but it is. (I've also never exercised at a very easy pace, ever in my life.)

Approaching life at a softer pace in recovery, for the win!

FBL

Fran is now stabilized and back to her regular hospital room. Her husband and daughter are taking rehab classes in anticipation of moving her home. There are a lot of preparations that need to be done as their home has too many steps and too many narrow doorways. I don't know if they are totally aware of just how demanding such care giving can be. We'll see how it all shakes out.

Have a great day, all!

stargazer016

I'm glad that Fran has stabilized and is back in a regular room. Your are right about the challenges your boss will face. A lot of older homes like mine have irregular doorways and narrow steps that aren't conducive to wheelchair living. I hope that he will hire medical aides to assist in the transition home when the time comes.

Glee, I love the idea of an under the desk bike peddler!

Best wishes for a good day all!

FBL

Legend has it that during a party at the Playboy Mansion many years ago, Mick Jagger got lost looking for a bathroom and accidentally opened the door to one of the bedrooms. Inside was the host and actor Dennis Weaver. Mick yelled into the room: "Hey Hey, Hugh Hugh, get off McCloud."

Have a great Friday, gang!

Gilmer

Gro-o-o-oan!

courage2

A big week here, but I think most of my antagonisms are reconciled. I hate hate hate conflict but my beliefs are not always mainstream, and now that I'm sober, I will not just fade out rather than contribute my piece.

But I should shut up more.

I'm listening to post-punk. Quite enjoying, suits my mood. What are you listening to?

Gilmer

Modern Bluegrass..