Class of February 2017 Support Thread Part 6
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
We spent yesterday afternoon/eve with some dear family members who we haven't seen since the last night I had a drink .
I have always enjoyed being with them as they are very warm, kind, and loving, and I also look up to them as they are slightly older than we are (they are the oldest in our generation of the family). They LOVE good food and they also REALLY LOVE to drink wine, and I used to REALLY enjoy doing that with them.
Anyway, they noticed right away that I was not drinking-----but I didn't go into it, just lumped it together with the fact that I am also trying to lose weight.
This was the first time that I heard from the AV in a long time.
I was not really tempted to drink, although the AV did say in my ear "Wouldn't it be nice." But I told myself that I can't because I can't control it.
I actually had more of a problem with my "food AV", because there really was a feast before me-----but I stood strong with that too.
And I did have a good time just being with them and drinking seltzer.
It also helps that some of the big problems in my life involve the family, and it was really good to be able to talk about those problems with them as they are also semi involved and they are very supportive.
You know how we say that "the first step is to stop drinking" but the things which caused us pain are still there, and we now have to learn how to deal with them sober.
This morning though, I find myself with that "there is nothing to look forward to" feeling that we all have when we first quit.
So strange that that feeling came back today.
So I am trying to remind myself of how awesome sober life is. For months I have been at peace.
I plan to substitute by looking forward to reading a good book this eve instead.
I have always enjoyed being with them as they are very warm, kind, and loving, and I also look up to them as they are slightly older than we are (they are the oldest in our generation of the family). They LOVE good food and they also REALLY LOVE to drink wine, and I used to REALLY enjoy doing that with them.
Anyway, they noticed right away that I was not drinking-----but I didn't go into it, just lumped it together with the fact that I am also trying to lose weight.
This was the first time that I heard from the AV in a long time.
I was not really tempted to drink, although the AV did say in my ear "Wouldn't it be nice." But I told myself that I can't because I can't control it.
I actually had more of a problem with my "food AV", because there really was a feast before me-----but I stood strong with that too.
And I did have a good time just being with them and drinking seltzer.
It also helps that some of the big problems in my life involve the family, and it was really good to be able to talk about those problems with them as they are also semi involved and they are very supportive.
You know how we say that "the first step is to stop drinking" but the things which caused us pain are still there, and we now have to learn how to deal with them sober.
This morning though, I find myself with that "there is nothing to look forward to" feeling that we all have when we first quit.
So strange that that feeling came back today.
So I am trying to remind myself of how awesome sober life is. For months I have been at peace.
I plan to substitute by looking forward to reading a good book this eve instead.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
the AV did say in my ear "Wouldn't it be nice."
Alcohol was the poison that turned me into someone I didn't want to be.
I really honestly believe I have everything to look forward to now - not in spite of, but because I am sober
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
I have been happy to be able to counter the thought that one drink, one night, one weekend would be fine with the memory of where it will take me. I can’t remember the hangovers too well. I know that they were awful. I can’t remember the depression, but I know it was low. I can’t feel the isolation, but I know I was lonely. I don’t want to see what those were like, or test whether I could avoid it again. I do know that I am happy now, and that staying the course is the easiest way to sustain that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: North Georgia Mountains
Posts: 588
The good news is that we are all smart enough to ignore the AV. The wife and I went for a long walk on Saturday. When we returned, the thought pops into my mind that a nice drink would be good. I just laughed at it, as I knew were that would lead and I am not going back there!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
It was like a ball and chain around my ankle.
Fessing up here: I was constantly preoccupied with figuring out how I could secretly drink every eve. I would rotate which store I bought wine from, so that it wouldn't be obvious (in my community) how much I was drinking. I would have one glass of wine openly in front of my family, and then secretly drink the rest of the bottle alone, when nobody was watching, every night! Then I secretly got rid of the empty bottles.
So much shame involved.
It is SO good to be free from that! And I am proud of myself now, not ashamed.
Fessing up here: I was constantly preoccupied with figuring out how I could secretly drink every eve. I would rotate which store I bought wine from, so that it wouldn't be obvious (in my community) how much I was drinking. I would have one glass of wine openly in front of my family, and then secretly drink the rest of the bottle alone, when nobody was watching, every night! Then I secretly got rid of the empty bottles.
So much shame involved.
It is SO good to be free from that! And I am proud of myself now, not ashamed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
I have a funny one, just on the other side of the coin. The guy that used to manage the beer department at my local grocery store, which I would buy from almost nightly, stopped being there suddenly. I just assumed he got another job. Fast forward a few months and I see him at an AA meeting! We both laughed and realized that we stopped going there - him for work and me for purchases - to go get treatment.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 144
10 months for this past Tuesday. I realized a few minutes ago this is the longest I've gone without a drink since my early teens. Oddly enough I hopped on here for support because my A/V has been going off last few hours and I needed to find some words to help in the battle and here they are here waiting for me. Glad you are still winning the battle. ALL of you. Carry on and I appreciate what was already said.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: North Georgia Mountains
Posts: 588
Hi Nextime,
Glad you found the support you needed, sure would be a shame to have to start all over again. For people like us ( I hate the word alcoholics), starting to drink again and expecting it to be ok this time is like hitting yourself in the head with a hammer and expecting it not to hurt because it has been awhile since you last hit yourself!
Glad you found the support you needed, sure would be a shame to have to start all over again. For people like us ( I hate the word alcoholics), starting to drink again and expecting it to be ok this time is like hitting yourself in the head with a hammer and expecting it not to hurt because it has been awhile since you last hit yourself!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 144
So true RG and agreed Dau have been taken a back last couple of days by the rattle in my head. Its the first time in a long time that I've had to "work" at it. Glad I remember the tool box but this is annoying to say the least. Still have to keep the guard up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
I got to tell my doctor Thursday morning about 4 1/2 months of sobriety. He was so happy and told me if I could do that, more healthy outcomes would be easy. After the holidays, I’ll work on the diet and activity and get back to a healthy weight and life will be even better. Plus, I am working on fixing my financial trouble, which seems bad but can be almost wiped in the next 3 months if I focus.
Keep it up and the gifts keep coming! Happy holidays, everyone!
Keep it up and the gifts keep coming! Happy holidays, everyone!
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