The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) #2
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi everyone
Courage - Welcome back from the beach! Glad you enjoyed your time there. I love having little breaks where I can scrub my brain of the day to day stressors.
Gilmer - The picnic sounds like a nice event. Glad you had the opportunity to connect with the woman attending.
Fbl - Life happens, no need to drink over it. Drinking never solves any of my problems, either.
SG - Your schedule is tough for sleeping. You do a good job of accepting it though. I get the impression you enjoy what you do.
Del - I have a way of getting in my own way. Mindfully and intentionally incorporating recovery into my life helps make it more of a habit to life humbly, in the moment, ODAAT. But old habits die hard, though, especially my cunning, baffling, and powerful alcoholic traits. I like the way you share your internal monologue about it! I really relate!
JL - Congrats on a year sober! I am fairly understated in meetings, too. I think that having 1 or 2 people I really trust is a healthy approach right now for me. When I turned a year, Carlos and I met up in D.C., where one of the meetings we attended was a speaker meeting. As per that meeting's tradition, my 1 year coin was passed through the hands of everyone in attendance in the room. It was a really powerful way to celebrate. It shows the true bond of recovery: visitor or regular, newcomer or old timer, outgoing or understated, man or woman, we support each other.
Hi Carlos! I hope you're enjoying some Vitamin Sea with JG!
Today I'm cleaning the house and running some overdue errands. My inner alkie wants to do it all. I'm trying instead to prioritize. It isn't easy but I'm trying my best to do what I can and not worry about the rest.
Courage - Welcome back from the beach! Glad you enjoyed your time there. I love having little breaks where I can scrub my brain of the day to day stressors.
Gilmer - The picnic sounds like a nice event. Glad you had the opportunity to connect with the woman attending.
Fbl - Life happens, no need to drink over it. Drinking never solves any of my problems, either.
SG - Your schedule is tough for sleeping. You do a good job of accepting it though. I get the impression you enjoy what you do.
Del - I have a way of getting in my own way. Mindfully and intentionally incorporating recovery into my life helps make it more of a habit to life humbly, in the moment, ODAAT. But old habits die hard, though, especially my cunning, baffling, and powerful alcoholic traits. I like the way you share your internal monologue about it! I really relate!
JL - Congrats on a year sober! I am fairly understated in meetings, too. I think that having 1 or 2 people I really trust is a healthy approach right now for me. When I turned a year, Carlos and I met up in D.C., where one of the meetings we attended was a speaker meeting. As per that meeting's tradition, my 1 year coin was passed through the hands of everyone in attendance in the room. It was a really powerful way to celebrate. It shows the true bond of recovery: visitor or regular, newcomer or old timer, outgoing or understated, man or woman, we support each other.
Hi Carlos! I hope you're enjoying some Vitamin Sea with JG!
Today I'm cleaning the house and running some overdue errands. My inner alkie wants to do it all. I'm trying instead to prioritize. It isn't easy but I'm trying my best to do what I can and not worry about the rest.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,150
JL, Courage does bring up some good points about making it a year. I found myself having the occasional " I totally got this now" and can probably have a drink mental fallacy running through my head. That's why I don't obsess over days. It's just a reminder once in a while of the distance that I have crawled from the burning car crash my life was.
TGIF for me. One more early day then I'm off until Thursday afternoon. It makes the nine hour turnarounds worth it, sometimes.
Welcome back to the working world Courage. I hope you can keep your head in a zen state of mind.
An alternator isn't bad FBL. Those Toyotas just run forever. I had a 1992 Tercel that I sold at 150k miles and I only replaced a few parts along the way. It even had the original clutch in it. I think that Corolla might take you to retirement!
It's just pouring rain here. I hydroplaned yesterday on my way in to work. It's quite a scary feeling to unexpectedly lose control of your car in July. Thankfully, no one else was on the road!
I hope everyone has a great Monday!
TGIF for me. One more early day then I'm off until Thursday afternoon. It makes the nine hour turnarounds worth it, sometimes.
Welcome back to the working world Courage. I hope you can keep your head in a zen state of mind.
An alternator isn't bad FBL. Those Toyotas just run forever. I had a 1992 Tercel that I sold at 150k miles and I only replaced a few parts along the way. It even had the original clutch in it. I think that Corolla might take you to retirement!
It's just pouring rain here. I hydroplaned yesterday on my way in to work. It's quite a scary feeling to unexpectedly lose control of your car in July. Thankfully, no one else was on the road!
I hope everyone has a great Monday!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Yay JL! Awesome job. I feel you both. I quietly celebrate milestones.
It has been a very long time since I have felt this shaky about my recovery.
Pulling out all the stops. Getting busy with life and busy with my program, the steps and my sponsor(s?). Just keeping busy. I am fixated on the out. I can't handle the obsessive thinking. Trying to pick apart every problem to find a solution.
This ain't working for me and it's driving me batty at times.
One day at a time. When I feel the death grip it feels like my circle of support has shrunk too.
Hmm. Not sooo shaky now. What did my one lady tell me today?
Do my best with what I have today, tomorrow will take care of itself.
Yeah I guess. For whatever reason I became very productive right at bedtime.
Early morning tomorrow of course.
Glee I am glad you relate, really glad! I love the two person meetings I can have with program members. Get out of my head, share esh, I sat and had a short coffee with a newcomer the other day. It was great. It was an, ah, I am not alone. I am not the only bottom bouncer, insanity dwelling reaching out to the light of support and sobriety. I think I have found another friend. One I need. My support circle needs to grow.
Holy crap, I am chairing a meeting next Sunday.
Sorry to hear about the vehicle trouble FBL. I once had my vehicle repossessed and I tell ya there never felt like a better reason to morning drink, so that I did. It was a very traumatizing experience. Thank God I came out of that one drunk. *eye roll* thankfully we don't need to drink over that crap, or under it, or whatever.
Courage, I am real bad at keeping my mouth shut.
I think of the virtue of that thoughtful action often long after the opportunity has passed.
My sponsor said something today about 'appropriate sharing' in meetings. I was like, is there really such a thing? Huh. I know I am at a point of just shutting up and listening for a while. I did my best speaking for a good year, now it's time to listen for awhile I think. My sharing no longer makes sense to me. I am still trying to figure out this layer of the onion, the sponsor thing. I've got two polar opposites, and a thing to pray on.
A little more behind the scenes work as I delve deeper into the stepwork and my sponsor really wants to get me into service work.
SG I give up sleeping for my me time at night too often. It's this bad habit I have, I don't get a lot of uninterrupted me time. I kind of paid for it by sleeping a fair bit on my days off. One day I slept in until 10:30 and I was so awake when I woke up.
First day I haven't mulled over having a nap most of the day in a while.
Where is everyone else? How are you all?
In other news, no drinking here today. I was up front about my prescription drug use (not abuse) with my sponsor to see where I fell on that continuum. It seems I am not an abuser of drugs, so no drugging today either.
Happy sober Monday all
It has been a very long time since I have felt this shaky about my recovery.
Pulling out all the stops. Getting busy with life and busy with my program, the steps and my sponsor(s?). Just keeping busy. I am fixated on the out. I can't handle the obsessive thinking. Trying to pick apart every problem to find a solution.
This ain't working for me and it's driving me batty at times.
One day at a time. When I feel the death grip it feels like my circle of support has shrunk too.
Hmm. Not sooo shaky now. What did my one lady tell me today?
Do my best with what I have today, tomorrow will take care of itself.
Yeah I guess. For whatever reason I became very productive right at bedtime.
Early morning tomorrow of course.
Glee I am glad you relate, really glad! I love the two person meetings I can have with program members. Get out of my head, share esh, I sat and had a short coffee with a newcomer the other day. It was great. It was an, ah, I am not alone. I am not the only bottom bouncer, insanity dwelling reaching out to the light of support and sobriety. I think I have found another friend. One I need. My support circle needs to grow.
Holy crap, I am chairing a meeting next Sunday.
Sorry to hear about the vehicle trouble FBL. I once had my vehicle repossessed and I tell ya there never felt like a better reason to morning drink, so that I did. It was a very traumatizing experience. Thank God I came out of that one drunk. *eye roll* thankfully we don't need to drink over that crap, or under it, or whatever.
Courage, I am real bad at keeping my mouth shut.
I think of the virtue of that thoughtful action often long after the opportunity has passed.
My sponsor said something today about 'appropriate sharing' in meetings. I was like, is there really such a thing? Huh. I know I am at a point of just shutting up and listening for a while. I did my best speaking for a good year, now it's time to listen for awhile I think. My sharing no longer makes sense to me. I am still trying to figure out this layer of the onion, the sponsor thing. I've got two polar opposites, and a thing to pray on.
A little more behind the scenes work as I delve deeper into the stepwork and my sponsor really wants to get me into service work.
SG I give up sleeping for my me time at night too often. It's this bad habit I have, I don't get a lot of uninterrupted me time. I kind of paid for it by sleeping a fair bit on my days off. One day I slept in until 10:30 and I was so awake when I woke up.
First day I haven't mulled over having a nap most of the day in a while.
Where is everyone else? How are you all?
In other news, no drinking here today. I was up front about my prescription drug use (not abuse) with my sponsor to see where I fell on that continuum. It seems I am not an abuser of drugs, so no drugging today either.
Happy sober Monday all
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I had a slow day yesterday. My family went for a drive to see my daughter and my new grandson, but I was too wiped out. Didn't accomplish anything--just zombied out in front of the TV.
Hope to get something done today.
I'm suddenly feeling overwhelmed and besieged with appointments and such.
Real life seems to intrude on school more and more.
I'm not good at making my mind switch focus on a dime.
I will do my best to get schoolwork done today. The day is young; it hasn't been derailed yet.
Hope to get something done today.
I'm suddenly feeling overwhelmed and besieged with appointments and such.
Real life seems to intrude on school more and more.
I'm not good at making my mind switch focus on a dime.
I will do my best to get schoolwork done today. The day is young; it hasn't been derailed yet.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I manage to get a little chunk of schoolwork done early, so my day has gone over to the plus column.
I have a known pattern: I do something genuinely good; then I'm depressed for a day or two. After that I can become unstuck, but I have to do something tangible; the mood doesn't lift by itself.
But once I do something I'm good.
For some reason I'm always susceptible to the pronounced down days following exceptionally good days.
I've heard that that's a common reaction, especially in spiritual things. The biblical precedent is when Elijah assembled all the false prophets on a mountain, then, with the complete assistance and approval of God, TOTALLY KICKED THEIR BUTTS and made an utter spectacle of them.
He retained confidence for about a day; then evil Queen Jezebel put word out that she was going to kill him--and he ran and hid, completely overwhelmed and begging God that he might die!
Eventually God comforted him and he ministered awhile longer.
But it's interesting how, even when you know you have done real good (especially then!), you are plagued--attacked, even--with self-doubt and recrimination.
My problems are first world problems, though.
I have a known pattern: I do something genuinely good; then I'm depressed for a day or two. After that I can become unstuck, but I have to do something tangible; the mood doesn't lift by itself.
But once I do something I'm good.
For some reason I'm always susceptible to the pronounced down days following exceptionally good days.
I've heard that that's a common reaction, especially in spiritual things. The biblical precedent is when Elijah assembled all the false prophets on a mountain, then, with the complete assistance and approval of God, TOTALLY KICKED THEIR BUTTS and made an utter spectacle of them.
He retained confidence for about a day; then evil Queen Jezebel put word out that she was going to kill him--and he ran and hid, completely overwhelmed and begging God that he might die!
Eventually God comforted him and he ministered awhile longer.
But it's interesting how, even when you know you have done real good (especially then!), you are plagued--attacked, even--with self-doubt and recrimination.
My problems are first world problems, though.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Courage that was a huge part of turning my head around about life. I never realized or accepted that I was so selfish and wanted to be right. Accepting being "wrong", conversationally, and mentally, has freed me in ways I've still not realized yet. For me, doing the next right thing doesn't involve having to convince anyone that I'm right anymore,( if I ever did).
Trusting in a HP, is a huge part of that too.
Trusting in a HP, is a huge part of that too.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
The joy and freedom of not knowing and admitting that you don't! Not just off the hook -- not even biting at it.
I told my students that the criterion for success is attaining one's own self respect, and that they should write the truth, even when the truth is wrong. They looked at me weird.
I told my students that the criterion for success is attaining one's own self respect, and that they should write the truth, even when the truth is wrong. They looked at me weird.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Whoa, dude. 
I had an "ahhh, grasshopper" moment today.
I stopped obsessing and gnawing over things. My to-do list is a couple short words. Shocking. I just chilled about stuff for the most part.
Gil I can relate to what you are saying. I don't know if it's quite the same or if it's a little different. I have good days and then a crushing depression for a couple days, where I really wonder if I'm alright. I've kind of clued in for me... that's my point of surrender and powerlessness. Where I am at that point that I really can do or be no more without help from my higherpower .
Maybe it's a little different for what I'm describing, but I also listened to a sermon by Joyce Meyers I think that spoke of this too, and also another podcast of which I can't recall the speaker, speaking of how things would seem bleak before the break through.
It's always darkest before dawn... don't give up right before the miracle happens, those kinds of things.
So I put down the heaving sighs, the finger biting, got off the hamster wheel and just... did stuff. Things still went through my head and I had my ups and downs and I was really lazy today but still, I got stuff done, so what?
I figure, I've done all I can on the counseling/legal front... defeat just feels crap so I'll just let that all alone. And just be.
And I had a nap, the weather turned crap, all of a sudden after supper the new neighbours' kids are over asking to play, and then I've got a yard full of laughing and playing kids, and then a house full, and just listening to the squeals and the belly laughs, playing truth or dare and be silly..
And then came that moment of stepping out of myself and thinking, oh yeah, this is the living life while you're making plans or trying to fix things. Kids laughter is priceless.
I'm learning better how to manage the contents of my bucket. Less crap, more of the good stuff. And I think being humble enough to know I really don't need much, I can keep my bucket modest, I can pack it to overflowing with love and all the other good stuff that has more intangible value in life than those things that seems SO important at any given time.
The rest of it can wait, on it's own shelf for it's own time to be dealt with. (edit to add: FOR TODAY ANYWAYS.
The shiny squirrels can come back anytime)
I don't know. I ramble. And the theme of late is the more I think I know the less I find out I really do know. (You know the saying, right?)
Whatever.
Still no drinking or unusual drugging here.
I had an "ahhh, grasshopper" moment today.
I stopped obsessing and gnawing over things. My to-do list is a couple short words. Shocking. I just chilled about stuff for the most part.
Gil I can relate to what you are saying. I don't know if it's quite the same or if it's a little different. I have good days and then a crushing depression for a couple days, where I really wonder if I'm alright. I've kind of clued in for me... that's my point of surrender and powerlessness. Where I am at that point that I really can do or be no more without help from my higherpower .
Maybe it's a little different for what I'm describing, but I also listened to a sermon by Joyce Meyers I think that spoke of this too, and also another podcast of which I can't recall the speaker, speaking of how things would seem bleak before the break through.
It's always darkest before dawn... don't give up right before the miracle happens, those kinds of things.
So I put down the heaving sighs, the finger biting, got off the hamster wheel and just... did stuff. Things still went through my head and I had my ups and downs and I was really lazy today but still, I got stuff done, so what?
I figure, I've done all I can on the counseling/legal front... defeat just feels crap so I'll just let that all alone. And just be.
And I had a nap, the weather turned crap, all of a sudden after supper the new neighbours' kids are over asking to play, and then I've got a yard full of laughing and playing kids, and then a house full, and just listening to the squeals and the belly laughs, playing truth or dare and be silly..
And then came that moment of stepping out of myself and thinking, oh yeah, this is the living life while you're making plans or trying to fix things. Kids laughter is priceless.
I'm learning better how to manage the contents of my bucket. Less crap, more of the good stuff. And I think being humble enough to know I really don't need much, I can keep my bucket modest, I can pack it to overflowing with love and all the other good stuff that has more intangible value in life than those things that seems SO important at any given time.
The rest of it can wait, on it's own shelf for it's own time to be dealt with. (edit to add: FOR TODAY ANYWAYS.
The shiny squirrels can come back anytime)I don't know. I ramble. And the theme of late is the more I think I know the less I find out I really do know. (You know the saying, right?)
Whatever.
Still no drinking or unusual drugging here.
Last edited by Delizadee; 07-24-2017 at 10:06 PM. Reason: because
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,828
Have a good break, Dee.
They were finally able to move Fran out of the ICU yesterday. Still a very long way to go, but baby steps are the best we can hope for right now.
Still busy, busy, busy juggling my various work projects. I love working on all of them, just have to keep making progress and they will all get done in due time.
Have a great Tuesday, gang!
They were finally able to move Fran out of the ICU yesterday. Still a very long way to go, but baby steps are the best we can hope for right now.
Still busy, busy, busy juggling my various work projects. I love working on all of them, just have to keep making progress and they will all get done in due time.
Have a great Tuesday, gang!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,150
Del and Gilmer, I too often suffer paralysis through analysis. I get so lost in my head that nothing gets done in the real world. Sometimes, just starting to do stuff, laundry, vacuuming, taking out the trash, etc will get me out of that head space.
Life is doing the simple things that need done and doing them without drinking. It's really as simple as that for me. I know that I am my worst enemy most of the time.
Have a great day all!
Life is doing the simple things that need done and doing them without drinking. It's really as simple as that for me. I know that I am my worst enemy most of the time.
Have a great day all!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Have a great time, Dee!
I'm very pleased that Fran is out of ICU, FBL. I hope she gets the rest she needs.
Cour, you are so right. One of the best things about sobriety is the peace that comes from personal integrity. We all need to "be our own people," unafraid and unashamed.
Another good thing about sobriety: it gives us a sense of humility about where we've come from, so we are free to hear what other people have to say.
Someone once told me, "You can't give what you don't have." Another benefit of personal integrity and freedom: we can provide an atmosphere in which others can be freely themselves.
I'm very pleased that Fran is out of ICU, FBL. I hope she gets the rest she needs.
Cour, you are so right. One of the best things about sobriety is the peace that comes from personal integrity. We all need to "be our own people," unafraid and unashamed.
Another good thing about sobriety: it gives us a sense of humility about where we've come from, so we are free to hear what other people have to say.
Someone once told me, "You can't give what you don't have." Another benefit of personal integrity and freedom: we can provide an atmosphere in which others can be freely themselves.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
We cross-posted, SG.
I think you're absolutely right that usually we're our own worst enemies!
Del, you might not be able to bring about world peace, or engineer solutions to all of your life's problems--but you are bringing people joy! The lives of those little kids are immeasurably better because you are there to welcome them in!
JL, Glee, Carlos--anybody else I missed: How are you doing?
I think you're absolutely right that usually we're our own worst enemies!
Del, you might not be able to bring about world peace, or engineer solutions to all of your life's problems--but you are bringing people joy! The lives of those little kids are immeasurably better because you are there to welcome them in!
JL, Glee, Carlos--anybody else I missed: How are you doing?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
HI everyone,
Gilmer - I think it's great that you've observed that your behavioral patterns And have learned how to work through the let down you feel following an accomplishment.
At AA last night a couple people discussed how working on the 12 steps allowed them to see the patterns of their behavior.
Me too! Maybe not to the same extent as some of the more insightful old timers, but for some of us, or at least me, being open to there being a "pattern" is a miracle in and of itself! I thought I had it all figured out. Thank God for the wake up call of recovery!
I don't feel 100 percent peace, serenity, focus and joy in everything I do. That's why I keep coming: not to attain perfection but for guidance and tools to stay on the path of doing the right things.
Gilmer - I think it's great that you've observed that your behavioral patterns And have learned how to work through the let down you feel following an accomplishment.
At AA last night a couple people discussed how working on the 12 steps allowed them to see the patterns of their behavior.
Me too! Maybe not to the same extent as some of the more insightful old timers, but for some of us, or at least me, being open to there being a "pattern" is a miracle in and of itself! I thought I had it all figured out. Thank God for the wake up call of recovery!
I don't feel 100 percent peace, serenity, focus and joy in everything I do. That's why I keep coming: not to attain perfection but for guidance and tools to stay on the path of doing the right things.
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