The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) #2
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Mmm, ocean breezes, and hot and humid both sound wonderful.
It is a strugglin' to be nice here. We're getting some of the smoke from the forest fires way west of us, I have a sneaking suspicion that is part of the dreary weather we're having. I'm ok with that, it's summer, as long as we get some sun I'm happy.
Thanks SG, I am doing alright. I am hitting wall where I have this internal battle with trying to control and letting go of control. There ego, I tell on you. Now go back to your hole and let me be humble.
Going to try and practice mindfulness and gratitude. Trust the process.
Going to challenge myself to NOT complain.
My to do list is getting accomplished at a very satisfying rate.
Some things I can control by fixing-
Getting better rest; kick my kid out of my bed permanently. Telling my neighbours to shut the hell up at 4 am. Please and thanks. Going to let myself nap when I can and need it.
Not letting physical pain rule my mood; I am going to pick up some ibuprofen. I am back to daily head aches, I think I need to up my water intake but waking up hurting from the shoulders up puts me in aw awfully foul mood.
Really the letting things go and turning it over- I am pushing myself to do my step work, reach out to my sponsors, journal. Praying, working on the gratitude. Stop with the reacting- work on the acting on what I can control. Serenity prayer.
Is it really Friday?? Going to take Devil Cat to get fixed right away. I take satisfaction in that. Evil I know.
Have coffee with a program buddy this afternoon, I think meeting with my sponsor later. Having a nap at some point.
Ahh, just writing that all out I feel better.
The counseling for my son will work itself out. I have been banging at as many doors as possible to get him in somewhere for a month now. I trust it's going to happen.
In any case, things are all good here. Nothing too exciting to report.
One day at a time, I still live with the crazy, just in a more enjoyable way, ha.
Happy sober Friday all! No drinking here.
xo Del
It is a strugglin' to be nice here. We're getting some of the smoke from the forest fires way west of us, I have a sneaking suspicion that is part of the dreary weather we're having. I'm ok with that, it's summer, as long as we get some sun I'm happy.
Thanks SG, I am doing alright. I am hitting wall where I have this internal battle with trying to control and letting go of control. There ego, I tell on you. Now go back to your hole and let me be humble.
Going to try and practice mindfulness and gratitude. Trust the process.
Going to challenge myself to NOT complain.
My to do list is getting accomplished at a very satisfying rate.
Some things I can control by fixing-
Getting better rest; kick my kid out of my bed permanently. Telling my neighbours to shut the hell up at 4 am. Please and thanks. Going to let myself nap when I can and need it.
Not letting physical pain rule my mood; I am going to pick up some ibuprofen. I am back to daily head aches, I think I need to up my water intake but waking up hurting from the shoulders up puts me in aw awfully foul mood.
Really the letting things go and turning it over- I am pushing myself to do my step work, reach out to my sponsors, journal. Praying, working on the gratitude. Stop with the reacting- work on the acting on what I can control. Serenity prayer.
Is it really Friday?? Going to take Devil Cat to get fixed right away. I take satisfaction in that. Evil I know.
Have coffee with a program buddy this afternoon, I think meeting with my sponsor later. Having a nap at some point.
Ahh, just writing that all out I feel better.
The counseling for my son will work itself out. I have been banging at as many doors as possible to get him in somewhere for a month now. I trust it's going to happen.
In any case, things are all good here. Nothing too exciting to report.
One day at a time, I still live with the crazy, just in a more enjoyable way, ha.
Happy sober Friday all! No drinking here.
xo Del
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,146
Thanks Dee!
Gilmer, I hope you feel better today! My sinuses have been a mess with this weather also. Not spending much time outside is helping.
Del, the whole control battle is a paradox. When drinking, I basically gave up total control of my life, except to find booze. I was just a bottle floating on the ocean. In sobriety, I took control of the steering wheel and began to direct things myself. Sometimes, I think that I over steer a bit and have to ease up and just let life happen a little. I am still working on finding that line.
I have a bunch of 5:00 am shifts coming up. I enjoy chilling with my morning coffee and catching up on SR before work. It puts my head in a good place to start the day.
Still wicked hot and sunny here. I'm not complaining though. I don't have to shovel sunshine!
Wishing everyone a great Saturday!
Gilmer, I hope you feel better today! My sinuses have been a mess with this weather also. Not spending much time outside is helping.
Del, the whole control battle is a paradox. When drinking, I basically gave up total control of my life, except to find booze. I was just a bottle floating on the ocean. In sobriety, I took control of the steering wheel and began to direct things myself. Sometimes, I think that I over steer a bit and have to ease up and just let life happen a little. I am still working on finding that line.
I have a bunch of 5:00 am shifts coming up. I enjoy chilling with my morning coffee and catching up on SR before work. It puts my head in a good place to start the day.
Still wicked hot and sunny here. I'm not complaining though. I don't have to shovel sunshine!
Wishing everyone a great Saturday!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,828
Fran is still in the ICU. She's had some setbacks, but also some progress. This will be a long road for sure.
My normally reliable car was making some weird noises this morning. The shop opens at 7AM, so will try to get it there before they get too busy. Hopefully it's something simple.
Have a great weekend, gang!
My normally reliable car was making some weird noises this morning. The shop opens at 7AM, so will try to get it there before they get too busy. Hopefully it's something simple.
Have a great weekend, gang!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,023
Originally Posted by Delizadee 
There ego, I tell on you. Now go back to your hole and let me be humble.
I take ibuprofen most mornings. I clench my fists and toes in sleep, and wake up sore. Ibuprofen doesn't touch the cause of tension, but the physical consequences of it, some. Sometimes you work on problems at both ends.
The beach beat me up. Like the hottest, sunniest weekend ever. I'm mildly sunburned and completely brain-fried. Just what I wanted!
Glee, your hesitation to make yourself vulnerable to the boss is understandable. As a budding drunk and even earlier, I got my vulnerable parts beaten up enough that I wouldn't show them even to my own mate. Getting past lifelong suspicion -- wow. One of the best parts -- after you ask someone for help, you can thank them -- even just for listening (which is sometimes enough) -- and mean it! Wow!
' course, there's vulnerability with different degrees of risk. I measure pretty carefully in my own mind the risk of opening up. Now that I'm sober, I can see that most of the risks are small -- someone will think less of my total, invincible, power to independently control the universe! Who cares? But I still have my little invisible fences, and I always know where the Exit is.
Have a good day, everyone, and be sober
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
FBL, that is tough, hearing Fran is still in the ICU. She sounds strong though, I hope she stays on a path to improvement.
Courage, your time at the beach sounds lovely.
Glee, I liked what you said about being vulnerable with your boss too.
This whole being vulnerable thing is hard for me to shake, I always cared very much about what people thought about me and my own mental and bodily safety. I felt like a piece of cracked porcelain the last couple years of my drinking, like I could break if you so much as bumped me. Getting completely numb and focusing just on how I could maintain that level of comfort of deep dependency was how I kept myself together, I think.
Now, I am working at the being vulnerable, going to meetings and sharing, having coffee with people from the fellowship, working so hard with my counselor have really broken down some walls and opened me up to being vulnerable more now. I finally felt like it was safe to let my walls down.
I still struggle though- reaching out to sponsors is hard.
I am also afraid of conflict. Afraid to stand up for myself. I figure the best way to deal with that is to just acknowledge the feelings and walk through it anyways. I have had enough instances this year where I've had to do just that.
Just take a deep breath, and jump.
Courage I fight the suspicious paranoia too. I build up these conflicts in my head before things even happen. I still have moments when someone knocks on the door or my phone rings and my first instinct is to drop and run.
No one is out to get me. I am doing the whole, praying for the other person, forgiving, loving and all that, and to those I am just meeting, getting past prejudices, suspicion of motivations and my own expectations.
As usual, progress not perfection.
My feelings of being consumed by this need to control and fix this situation going on with my son have robbed me of a lot of time, energy, and joy and just enjoying and being with my son. It's the whole... I hit roadblocks. Every. Frikken. Where. I. Turn.
And then it's like... so what. I know, I have faith, that things will play out as they will, I've put it out to the universe & my HP without selfish intentions. That stuff isn't today. Today is meant for time with my family and being grateful and present and in a peaceful place of recovery.
I worry myself sick, over not being able to get him counseling, over money, over the future.
I looked myself in the mirror today after a LOVELY sleep in and some uplifting affirmation hypnosis and told myself all kinds of nice things and that today was going to be a good day.
Ask and believing, ye shall receive.
Enewho.
No drinking here today, bit of birthday celebratin' going on for my girl. Finally the sun is out.
Happy sober weekend to you all from me too!
Courage, your time at the beach sounds lovely.
Glee, I liked what you said about being vulnerable with your boss too.
This whole being vulnerable thing is hard for me to shake, I always cared very much about what people thought about me and my own mental and bodily safety. I felt like a piece of cracked porcelain the last couple years of my drinking, like I could break if you so much as bumped me. Getting completely numb and focusing just on how I could maintain that level of comfort of deep dependency was how I kept myself together, I think.
Now, I am working at the being vulnerable, going to meetings and sharing, having coffee with people from the fellowship, working so hard with my counselor have really broken down some walls and opened me up to being vulnerable more now. I finally felt like it was safe to let my walls down.
I still struggle though- reaching out to sponsors is hard.
I am also afraid of conflict. Afraid to stand up for myself. I figure the best way to deal with that is to just acknowledge the feelings and walk through it anyways. I have had enough instances this year where I've had to do just that.
Just take a deep breath, and jump.
Courage I fight the suspicious paranoia too. I build up these conflicts in my head before things even happen. I still have moments when someone knocks on the door or my phone rings and my first instinct is to drop and run.
No one is out to get me. I am doing the whole, praying for the other person, forgiving, loving and all that, and to those I am just meeting, getting past prejudices, suspicion of motivations and my own expectations.
As usual, progress not perfection.
My feelings of being consumed by this need to control and fix this situation going on with my son have robbed me of a lot of time, energy, and joy and just enjoying and being with my son. It's the whole... I hit roadblocks. Every. Frikken. Where. I. Turn.
And then it's like... so what. I know, I have faith, that things will play out as they will, I've put it out to the universe & my HP without selfish intentions. That stuff isn't today. Today is meant for time with my family and being grateful and present and in a peaceful place of recovery.
I worry myself sick, over not being able to get him counseling, over money, over the future.
I looked myself in the mirror today after a LOVELY sleep in and some uplifting affirmation hypnosis and told myself all kinds of nice things and that today was going to be a good day.
Ask and believing, ye shall receive.
Enewho.
No drinking here today, bit of birthday celebratin' going on for my girl. Finally the sun is out.
Happy sober weekend to you all from me too!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I just wrote out a long post about a great conversation I had with a Muslim lady today at a church-sponsored picnic/kiddie soccer event at a local subsidized housing complex.
I told her how well I was treated when I visited the mosque last December, and how impressed I was with how well the leadership provides for the congregation. Encouragement and support both secular and spiritual. I told her I followed the happenings via the mailing list. She laughed and asked, "The daily e-mails?" "Yes!" I said.
They're a huge congregation with multiple imams (the spiritual leaders) plus abundant resources to provide events for both the congregation and the community. They provide both youth and adult classes all week in their attached school--plus career fairs, day clinics in the community, annual fairs with food and rides, a guided trip to Mecca and Medina with nice accommodations during the Hajj with the main imam, and a video series on virtue and a peaceful heart during Ramadan.
Unfortunately, the only food we had was pork hot dogs and chips, so the Muslim family had slim pickings for lunch. I apologized and asked her to recommend some local take-out Halal places for next time. She texted me two links: one was a classic kabob restaurant and the other specializes in Halal Italian subs!
She is looking forward to other such events that we'll host at the apartments. We were expecting maybe ten families--it turned out to be more like 30!
It was blistering hot--our greatest "ministry" was passing out ice cold water bottles left and right!
I told her how well I was treated when I visited the mosque last December, and how impressed I was with how well the leadership provides for the congregation. Encouragement and support both secular and spiritual. I told her I followed the happenings via the mailing list. She laughed and asked, "The daily e-mails?" "Yes!" I said.
They're a huge congregation with multiple imams (the spiritual leaders) plus abundant resources to provide events for both the congregation and the community. They provide both youth and adult classes all week in their attached school--plus career fairs, day clinics in the community, annual fairs with food and rides, a guided trip to Mecca and Medina with nice accommodations during the Hajj with the main imam, and a video series on virtue and a peaceful heart during Ramadan.
Unfortunately, the only food we had was pork hot dogs and chips, so the Muslim family had slim pickings for lunch. I apologized and asked her to recommend some local take-out Halal places for next time. She texted me two links: one was a classic kabob restaurant and the other specializes in Halal Italian subs!
She is looking forward to other such events that we'll host at the apartments. We were expecting maybe ten families--it turned out to be more like 30!
It was blistering hot--our greatest "ministry" was passing out ice cold water bottles left and right!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,023
Reading along here -- I didn't have a thought for three days under the hot, hot sun, and it's only slowly coming back to me.
I saw a close congregation of seriously ruined addicts and drunks along the way. That was strange. Stumblebums, junkies, seeking cool air in the train station. A weird anti-church service. There but for the grace of god, or good fortune, go I.
I saw a close congregation of seriously ruined addicts and drunks along the way. That was strange. Stumblebums, junkies, seeking cool air in the train station. A weird anti-church service. There but for the grace of god, or good fortune, go I.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Hey all,
Birthday party for my 4 yr old. Wore out ! Made it to a meeting today- picked up my 1 yr chip. Just kind of a marker. ( one I never thought I'd get to).
Back to 24 hr living, thoughts. I was sober today, and I'm grateful.
- and tired.
Birthday party for my 4 yr old. Wore out ! Made it to a meeting today- picked up my 1 yr chip. Just kind of a marker. ( one I never thought I'd get to).
Back to 24 hr living, thoughts. I was sober today, and I'm grateful.
- and tired.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Nah.
Summer school break with kids on my off days keeps me from getting to enough meetings like I really should. I didn't broadcast the yr thing. I know what a BS-er I am to myself and others. I think it serves better for me to focus on life, 1 day at a time. I think and hope other years click by, but I'm just sober now, and it'll be a work in progress from now on I hope.
Summer school break with kids on my off days keeps me from getting to enough meetings like I really should. I didn't broadcast the yr thing. I know what a BS-er I am to myself and others. I think it serves better for me to focus on life, 1 day at a time. I think and hope other years click by, but I'm just sober now, and it'll be a work in progress from now on I hope.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,146
Welcome back Courage. I'm glad that you got out of your apartment and stretched out thoughtless under the sun for a few days.
Congrats on one year JL! I'm glad that you survived the 4 year old birthday party! I know what an adventure they can be.
Sounds like a great day Gilmer!
Del, growth emotionally and intellectually can be both amazing and scary during the first year. Learning what you can control and change and what simply will be what it will be is challenging. You seem to have strong personal insights into your thinking. One day at a time.
Another early day at work. One cup of coffee isn't cutting it so far. I just can't fall asleep at seven and get a decent night's sleep.
Best wishes for a great day all!
Congrats on one year JL! I'm glad that you survived the 4 year old birthday party! I know what an adventure they can be.
Sounds like a great day Gilmer!
Del, growth emotionally and intellectually can be both amazing and scary during the first year. Learning what you can control and change and what simply will be what it will be is challenging. You seem to have strong personal insights into your thinking. One day at a time.
Another early day at work. One cup of coffee isn't cutting it so far. I just can't fall asleep at seven and get a decent night's sleep.
Best wishes for a great day all!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,828
My car needed a new alternator. Cost a little over $400. This is exactly the kind of thing that I'd drink over in the past (not that I ever really needed an excuse). Nowadays, I just shrug it off and say "that's life."
Have a great Sunday, fellow Posties!
Have a great Sunday, fellow Posties!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Welcome back from beach Cour !
FBL o gosh ? Was that car work through a shop? They can get $$, but i found if you come across a mechanic place you trust, it's not so head bonking about costs for stuff. I drive junk, so I'm used to wearing the wheels off my cars/trucks.
Crock pot chicken fajitas test number 2, under way today !
Wife's in the bed. Knucklehead took a Benadryl at 2am.? (Wth). She can sleep the offday away. Im EATIN ! Lol
FBL o gosh ? Was that car work through a shop? They can get $$, but i found if you come across a mechanic place you trust, it's not so head bonking about costs for stuff. I drive junk, so I'm used to wearing the wheels off my cars/trucks.
Crock pot chicken fajitas test number 2, under way today !
Wife's in the bed. Knucklehead took a Benadryl at 2am.? (Wth). She can sleep the offday away. Im EATIN ! Lol
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,023
Good day, chums!
I have stood in bed until late, letting thoughts slosh around in my head until they settled in the right mental place. This little break was much needed. I haven't spoken more than 5 words to anyone except my husband since last Tuesday. Tomorrow I re-enter the fray. Everyone will have their little dramas that they couldn't air with anyone else, and it will be a challenge to keep my zen on
FBL, you need a getaway yourself. Maybe take that new-fixed car and head north for a weekend -- do you fish?
JL, I think you're wise not to make a big deal of the chip thing. Gather up each day with gratitude, and let the years mind themselves. At my first first year, there was a big deal -- my home group had anniversary meetings (do you do that where you are?) and I was the only "celebrant" that month, and any celebrant speaks briefly, but since I was the only one .... It was all very emotional.... and then I relapsed. The second first year I kept a low profile. I have some coins (we do coins in NYC, not chips), but I never celebrated my own anniversary in the rooms again. In retrospect, I wish I'd spent more time that first year listening and watching from the back.
Stargazer, is it the nature of the job that there will sometimes be 5 a.m. shifts, or is this a temporary thing? I could barely function on that kind of schedule.
Gilmer, I liked your story about the picnic/soccer event. It sounds like it really brought people together.
I have stood in bed until late, letting thoughts slosh around in my head until they settled in the right mental place. This little break was much needed. I haven't spoken more than 5 words to anyone except my husband since last Tuesday. Tomorrow I re-enter the fray. Everyone will have their little dramas that they couldn't air with anyone else, and it will be a challenge to keep my zen on
FBL, you need a getaway yourself. Maybe take that new-fixed car and head north for a weekend -- do you fish?
JL, I think you're wise not to make a big deal of the chip thing. Gather up each day with gratitude, and let the years mind themselves. At my first first year, there was a big deal -- my home group had anniversary meetings (do you do that where you are?) and I was the only "celebrant" that month, and any celebrant speaks briefly, but since I was the only one .... It was all very emotional.... and then I relapsed. The second first year I kept a low profile. I have some coins (we do coins in NYC, not chips), but I never celebrated my own anniversary in the rooms again. In retrospect, I wish I'd spent more time that first year listening and watching from the back.
Stargazer, is it the nature of the job that there will sometimes be 5 a.m. shifts, or is this a temporary thing? I could barely function on that kind of schedule.
Gilmer, I liked your story about the picnic/soccer event. It sounds like it really brought people together.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,828
Originally Posted by JL2014
FBL o gosh ? Was that car work through a shop?l
Originally Posted by courage2
FBL, you need a getaway yourself. Maybe take that new-fixed car and head north for a weekend -- do you fish?
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