MariahGayle

Wrote a post & lost it. You all are wonderful with your parents, precious challenging time on their journey.

Sitting alone on back patio, much cooler & a breeze blowing

freein14

We've had thunder storms today, the garden has had a good water, so not all bad.

It's been a busy day at work today, I'm ready for some yoga and then bed!

Night all.

topspin

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This has been the wettest summer I can remember Free ,..... more heavy thunderstorms here the last two days . Apparently I slept through the 4 hours of sunshine this afternoon .

Just got off the phone with an old friend I haven't seen in 22 years, ....and it was good to talk . He'd been trying to catch up ..

....... and thank me for taking him in as an apprentice back in the mid 80's .

It was good to hear he's been able to contract work with some of the bigger stained glass studios in the Eastern US specializing in church work .

Pretty darned excited to have 3 days off in a couple hours ,....

freein14

My internet connection was down this morning, and when I contacted my provider, they said it might take up to 3 days to fix ..... but within a few hours it's been sorted! Very pleased with that indeed.

I have a day off, on my own, it's such a treat.

Tops, it's wonderful to catch up with people after such a long time. It's always interesting to see how their lives have panned out. What a lovely testimony to you to hear how you helped him along his path.

Do you think one day you might get back to your own stained glass, or has that chapter been closed?

I'm doing some more work towards my job application this afternoon. It really is tedious, but it has to be done. Just need a cup of tea first.

topspin

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Glad to hear your connections back up and running Free .

This may be obvious , ...but ,..is the CV you're finishing unique to this particular prospective job ,...or will it be universally applicable to all others ?

I'm not sure I had too much to do with my old friend's path really . His name is Michael . Outside of some technical process and general approach he may,.... or may not have learned ) ,...ha

Just listening to a bit of what's happened so far ,... it reminded me of how very different we are ,...while ( and the irony is so..ooo thick ) ,...having experienced such similar situations .


.... more, and more evidence just how important a role long term sobriety plays out in such a fundamental positive way in each of our life's journey .
( if that makes any sense ?!? )

you've mentioned it before Free,...." life is funny "

topspin

'

Better try to get another couple hours of sleep,.... hopefully this will be close to the last Dr. appt. over in Georgia in about 5 hours .

Might as well " carry " my dad over there . That risk him asking to go somewhere ,...like his old house or a hundred other places ,..

There's more than one way to address those eventualities I guess ,...

freein14

Hope the drs appointment goes well Tops,

....my CV is really quite specific to this new job - but it'll also be a good starting point for other applications if needed.

I should be able finish it off at the weekend. The closing date for applications isn't until the second week of August, so I have plenty of time. Then they'll probably take a week or so to let people know if they have an interview. I have to give 8 weeks notice for my current job.....so it'll be a long old process if I'm successful. It'll do me good to go through the process whatever the outcome - it could be the first of many applications.

The week is half over, hope it's going well for everyone.

MariahGayle

I hope your appt & travel goes well too TS. I have scheduled an appt with Rhumetologist in early August......I'm hurting in feet, ankles, hands, knees, back & although bearable now I know once fall rolls around & the rains come, I am going to be really hurting if I do t get a jump on this & find something that helps. the first medication he prescribed for arthritis made me sick to my stomach, like morning sickness for a month & finally quit taking it. Anyway, between being so busy & hurting, Im getting burnt out.

I'm thinking of going back to get Rosie, she is still up for adoption & they evaluated her against & find her a big love. I am going to talk to roommate tonight, see if he will go out with me Saturday to get her so that he is part of that good thing for her & I just feel she will learn that this house is mine, not hers & will work with her. I just want her with me.

No company, no kids tonight & glad to be home & sober

MariahGayle

you will be a great interview Free, I see you lacking up your things now & moving on to something new

izzy8

Good luck with your application process, Free! I am still going through that and have said that getting a job has been a job! Sounds like you've been considering a change for a while- I just know you'll end up with something awesome .

I may post more in the newcomers thread ...

It's been a HARD summer. But I've got to turn this ship around.

love y'all!

freein14

You're already doing it Izzy "the ship is already turned" you just need to hold the tiller straight now

I hope the rheumatologist can get on top of the pain Mariah. I would imagine new treatments are coming in all the time, but it's not helpful if the treatment is actually worse than the symptoms it's treating! ( I do despair sometimes when I hear about the effects of some pharmaceuticals).

Hope all's well today for everyone.

izzy8

Thanks Free .

After my fall, I had a lot of sober time ... then turned back to my bff for support when the next stress hit ... not my bff, really- but I think that's what I'm fighting.

However, like Mariah said once would happen probably, did. I started drinking more.

I don't have any excuses. I know this is something that goes much deeper than alcohol. I'm passive and then I drink to deal with my problems. Like I've heard Dee talk about, I'm going to have to change A LOT about my life. I have some ideas but I think getting through the initial days and weeks is all I can handle at this point. I start work in 2 weeks so I want to at least be through the initial stuff by then. And I have a plan in place. I have learned a lot since 2014 so I'm going to put it all into play.

But it's obvious that if I wait for another bad thing to happen, it might be worse than ever. I was looking at our class name, "April 2014". That's 3 freaking years since I've logged in here! And I wish I would have taken it more seriously way back then.

But I can only go forward from here. I was doing good and then slipped 3 days ago. So back on day 3.

Gotta keep on keepin on

MariahGayle

So glad your back here Izzy.......i think your on the right track to keep it simple & just don't drink.....no matter what, it never changes or helps in any situation. I've been here even longer but have learned so much here from others. Glad you are in the newcomers threads too be kind to yourself!

freein14

Before I logged on in 2014, I had many false starts! Telling myself "that's it, I'm not going to drink anymore" only to find myself back in the old routine just a few weeks afterwards.
I think this time, I actually made a proper decision - a no turning back kind of decision. I had a plan that if I drank again then I'd get to AA, if I drank after that then I would book myself in to a rehab clinic....
I think, having that plan ahead of me helped to show my subconscious that I was serious - and luckily I didn't need to do any of that.

I have learnt that if a strategy doesn't work, it's best not to beat yourself up because that can then be used as an excuse to give up on your vision - just change the strategy.

I still can't believe that I used to waste so much time, money and energy on alcohol, it seems crazy to me now, but at the time I remember it felt like a non-negotiable part of my life, like breathing!

That's what alcohol does, it makes our brains think that it's something special, that we can't live happily without. But it really is a big lie, a huge whopping corker of a lie!

This is your time Izzy, keep keeping on

izzy8

So true, Free- thank you for being continually supportive it really does help- so much. I've noticed that I think rationally (as much as possible, I guess, at this point lol) until about 2 pm. Then it's like confusion sets in and I really start to see drinking as the answer. Can't believe I've done that for 10 years! I just saw a quote, "Addiction is trading your future for today."

So much of my life, I've wanted to do the next thing and have been able to just do what I feel and it turned out ok.

Time for me to put the big girl panties on and like top said a looong time ago ," fight to get back to shore... "

Felt like crap today- finally got in the pool... floating around all proud of my sober self with my sparkling orange juice then WOW! Stung by something big and black ...



Think I'll go to bed instead ...

Nite y'all

MariahGayle

Nite Izzy, sleep well & wishing you a better day tomorrow just gets better

Sitting on the patio at dusk, enjoying my beautiful garden. I really need to figure out how to show some pics here. In for the bargain, ready for the weekend. Have been having a lot of fun at work the past couple of months but it does keep me hoppin & im about hopped out this week. I will be airing up the tahitis this weekend & patching a leek, making a list of things I'll need for my long weekend on the river.....can't wait! The spot is not far from the original homestead where my Dad lived when he was young when his Dad still worked the placer mine. It's declared a wild & scenic area by the government & is stunning, right in our backyard here. Nite All

topspin

..
Goodnite Mariah ,...sounds beautiful out there on the river .



Izzy,
Just reading Free's thoughts on how the process went for her sounds like textbook Addictive Voice Recognition Technique ( AVRT )
Without her having " actually made a proper decision - a no turning back kind of decision "
There is no AVRT .

When you mention ," ...about 2 pm. Then it's like confusion sets in and I really start to see drinking as the answer. "
It implies you have no idea that is not really YOU ,....but only your AV you are unable to recognize .

And it seems to any rational person the internal dialogue, is indeed you . Of course it is , right !?
Nope ,....it's just your AV. Freein used to describe that voice ( her AV ) years ago as her " gremlins " ,.....

In quite the condensed version ,...of AVRT ,...the" technique" part is to first, ...learn to recognize any and all AV ,....and never , ....never ever ... engage with it .

The AV is nothing to be fearful of since it's just residing down in our lower brain . The part of our brain that has helped us survive with all important instincts .

Stuff like hopping out the way of oncoming busses, or running from bears ...or the desire for pleasure . Without a doubt drinking has a huge pleasurable component to it ,....... until it gets out of whack . Sometimes causing minor ,...to eventually major problems ,...or as they say in AA ,...causing our life to become " unmanageable ".
What a quaint expression !?

Izzy ,...you can look up and read plenty about the " Big Plan " they describe in AVRT here at SR ,....as millions upon millions of people have given up drinking years before the "recovery " side of things spread out . A hundred years ago,...in the church the " Big Plan " was called "the pledge "

AVRT is as ancient as can be . It's sure nothing new in there ,...except maybe it's a bit antithetical to modern "recoveryism "
and , well ,...I reckon everyone gotta " protect their own turf " as it goes .

I have full confidence in your success getting through the demanding initial part of early sobriety .

Dee, Freein and I can all assure you it gets wa..aaaay way easier as times goes on .

Dee74

I can attest to that

D

freein14

Yep, me too.

That's interesting about the AVRT, Tops. It makes perfect sense. It seems to link in with much of my meditation practice too - not allowing random thoughts to pull me off course.

I love it when things connect like that, it's almost as if the world does make sense after all (it just pretends to be chaotic to keep us on our toes)

Mariah, your weekend plans sound perfect, just the thing to blow away any cobwebs. I think my brother and his partner will be visiting this weekend, just staying over on Saturday. They do like to drink unfortunately, generally they bring their own, but it's still a bit of a nuisance. It's not that I ever want to join them, I definitely don't, it's just I don't like the smell of alcohol now, and I feel it desecrates my home in some way.
How things change!

izzy8

That sounds like great place to be, free!

Hope u enjoy your family time .

Yes, this is something I've needed to learn for a long time- to listen to what I KNOW, not how I FEEL. And You all have done it!

Day 3 is always the hardest - that's when I usually quit trying. So thankful to be past that first small hurdle.

Going to classroom today. Sharing with other special Ed teacher- so we will be painting, organizing, etc.

Jealous of your trees and flowers Mariah- sounds beautiful! WheRe I am in Tx, You can count the trees , there are so few

I'm so thankful for y'all ❤