Class of April 2014 Part 31
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I've only read about AVRT here on SR,.... some years ago when someone named Terminally Unique was writing about it in some longer threads .
One thing they would mention is ,....we have all experienced the angst and misery associated with having a desire to drink,...and also having a desire not to drink. Attributing the desire to drink in the present, or anytime in the future is classic 100% AV . ( IT )
The desire for sobriety in the present and in the future being ( I ) ,...
They believe folks have success separating the two and shining a bright light on anything and everything AV and are convinced it weakens the AV ( . desire to drink ) as time goes on. That's been my experience so far too.
Anyway,....one thing they speak of is what the AV surely cannot do,....and that one thing ( they say ) is have power on our motor movement . They say all we have to do is rest our hand flat on a table and challenge our AV to lift our little finger ?
This proves ( they say ) our AV may indeed take up plenty of room in our thoughts, ...but it surely cannot * make* us use our hands to pour alcohol in our mouths . The motor movement part ( they say ) is apparantly on us ( I ).
Personally, I found this idea kind of empowering . My AV gets a little active from time to time, even after many, many months of sobriety ( 42 maybe,...but who's counting ? )
Every now and then I still lay my hand on a table and challenge it,...just to make sure it's still true !?!
Originally Posted by freein14 
This would be a great day to show that AV that it has no power over you Izzy. _
One thing they would mention is ,....we have all experienced the angst and misery associated with having a desire to drink,...and also having a desire not to drink. Attributing the desire to drink in the present, or anytime in the future is classic 100% AV . ( IT )
The desire for sobriety in the present and in the future being ( I ) ,...
They believe folks have success separating the two and shining a bright light on anything and everything AV and are convinced it weakens the AV ( . desire to drink ) as time goes on. That's been my experience so far too.
Anyway,....one thing they speak of is what the AV surely cannot do,....and that one thing ( they say ) is have power on our motor movement . They say all we have to do is rest our hand flat on a table and challenge our AV to lift our little finger ?
This proves ( they say ) our AV may indeed take up plenty of room in our thoughts, ...but it surely cannot * make* us use our hands to pour alcohol in our mouths . The motor movement part ( they say ) is apparantly on us ( I ).
Personally, I found this idea kind of empowering . My AV gets a little active from time to time, even after many, many months of sobriety ( 42 maybe,...but who's counting ? )
Every now and then I still lay my hand on a table and challenge it,...just to make sure it's still true !?!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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That's been my experience too Tops, although I used to call the AV "the Gremlin". I hadn't read about AVRT, but distancing myself from the cravings was a great step forward. Over time (and not that long actually), the Gremlin got weaker, and I got stronger.
The way you've described it makes perfect sense.
The only time this year that I've even considered having a drink, was during my holiday in Croatia. Out of my routine, and being with someone who still enjoys drinking wine is a big trigger - but I know that if I have one, then I'll be back to the start again, hating myself. The craving doesn't last long even then.
I know (through experience) that it gets harder to claw my way back to sobriety, after a relapse. The Gremlin seems to get stronger each time - it has another weapon in its armoury - "you know you won't stick at this, you might as well....."
But I'm glad to say it doesn't trouble me much now, but I'm still on guard just in case
How's it going Obo?
Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend.
The way you've described it makes perfect sense.
The only time this year that I've even considered having a drink, was during my holiday in Croatia. Out of my routine, and being with someone who still enjoys drinking wine is a big trigger - but I know that if I have one, then I'll be back to the start again, hating myself. The craving doesn't last long even then.
I know (through experience) that it gets harder to claw my way back to sobriety, after a relapse. The Gremlin seems to get stronger each time - it has another weapon in its armoury - "you know you won't stick at this, you might as well....."
But I'm glad to say it doesn't trouble me much now, but I'm still on guard just in case
How's it going Obo?
Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by freein14
That's been my experience too Tops, although I used to call the AV "the Gremlin".
.......... - it has another weapon in its armoury - "you know you won't stick at this, you might as well....."
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.......... - it has another weapon in its armoury - "you know you won't stick at this, you might as well....."
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That particular AV "reasoning " we all. hear must be pretty universal . Since it's certainly been the dark truth for us swearing off alcohol,...only to find ourselves right back at it !
I wonder sometimes if permanent sobriety begins as an event ,....rather , than say ,...a process ?
The event is described in AA literature as a * spiritual awakening ",.... which happens often as we engage in *working * the 12 Steps of AA.
In some early AVRT literature I read years ago from the library,...they describe the event as * the Big Plan *
My Uncle called it * The Pledge * ,.....when I asked him 25 years ago how he quit drinking . He must have assumed I was familiar with the concept ?! Anyway,...
Recently I've wondered if the * pledge* was akin to when I got " saved" as a teenager ? I'd definitely describe that as an event,....not a process .
So our AV using it's time honored worn out salvo of " you said that before,.... and changed your mind,..... some things never change "
Well,....some things do change,...and for millions of us
........after the Pledge, ...or Spiritual Awakening ,...or A Big Plan ,...whatever anyone wants to call it !
The AV taking such a cheap shot would be analogous to a Minister performing a wedding ceremony for a couple from a failed first marriage .
.....to make that comment directly after vows were taken. .... Bride : " I do "
Preacher : You said that before !!
Or ( keeping on the wedding ceremony theme,...and vows ) ....I was thinking the other day how it would go down if one person said:,..instead of " I do " ,.....said rather weakly,.. " I'll try "
LO ,... !
I guess there's a really good reason for wedding rehearsals .
All joking aside, ..... to begin with saying our confidence level would be best set up high ( 100% ),...may make it easier to shine a bright light on anything AV ,....with a little practice as we go along.
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good stuff, tops. the av in my head even sings to me, you might recognize the tune ... an old country song ...
" ... I come from a long line of drunks ... when times get tough ..."
Even goes so far as to say that life's too hard anyway, I gave up a long time ago, might as well coast to the end ... I mean, look at what happened when I was really trying ...
That is part of what has pulled me back in- before ... They say drinking is what causes problems. But when I think of how things got before I had a problem ... dealing with that ... sober ... seems a little daunting.
So, what it comes to for me is this:
Who do I trust? I can't rely solely on my memory of what things were like before I developed a problem ... I have to trust that life can be/has to be BETTER than before I fell in this hole of addiction. ... Not that I'm just going back to square one.
Something faulty about my thinking ... about ME - got me getting to a place where I gave up in the first place ... which is very much what I did.
life got and still is very hard on many levels, drinking aside. Some of it my fault, but honestly, a lot of it was/is out of my control.
What has helped from AA is the mentality that we have to live life on life terms. I've never been too good at that. I've also wondered how I haven't gone completely insane after all that has happened ...
So for me, its a combination of choosing to hope, letting go and hanging on ... for life.
I love your analogy of the wedding. I agree that the sneaky av isn't so sneaky after all when we start comparing notes ...
" ... I come from a long line of drunks ... when times get tough ..."
Even goes so far as to say that life's too hard anyway, I gave up a long time ago, might as well coast to the end ... I mean, look at what happened when I was really trying ...
That is part of what has pulled me back in- before ... They say drinking is what causes problems. But when I think of how things got before I had a problem ... dealing with that ... sober ... seems a little daunting.
So, what it comes to for me is this:
Who do I trust? I can't rely solely on my memory of what things were like before I developed a problem ... I have to trust that life can be/has to be BETTER than before I fell in this hole of addiction. ... Not that I'm just going back to square one.
Something faulty about my thinking ... about ME - got me getting to a place where I gave up in the first place ... which is very much what I did.
life got and still is very hard on many levels, drinking aside. Some of it my fault, but honestly, a lot of it was/is out of my control.
What has helped from AA is the mentality that we have to live life on life terms. I've never been too good at that. I've also wondered how I haven't gone completely insane after all that has happened ...
So for me, its a combination of choosing to hope, letting go and hanging on ... for life.
I love your analogy of the wedding. I agree that the sneaky av isn't so sneaky after all when we start comparing notes ...
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Surprisingly,....I don't know that particular song Izzy.
Too many drinkin' songs to even count ,....like ' Family Tradition, Whiskey River, etc. " from the 70's Outlaw genre that got some radio play .
My AV tried any and every subtle trick in the book early on,...until it felt threatened. Then look out,...it became desperately overactive when it saw the writing on the wall ,...and feared the *end is near* ,......the jig is up, .. as it's been endlessly forced out of the shadows !?
Surprisingly,....I don't know that particular song Izzy.
Too many drinkin' songs to even count ,....like ' Family Tradition, Whiskey River, etc. " from the 70's Outlaw genre that got some radio play .
My AV tried any and every subtle trick in the book early on,...until it felt threatened. Then look out,...it became desperately overactive when it saw the writing on the wall ,...and feared the *end is near* ,......the jig is up, .. as it's been endlessly forced out of the shadows !?
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I love your analogy about the wedding, Tops. It made me smile because it described my thoughts exactly !
I firmly believe that there was some sort of spiritual awakening in my case - a sense that there is something much more powerful and greater than the "little me". I now have a sense that life is nudging me towards the Devine (whatever that might be), and the problems that I encounter are there to help overcome the barriers created by the ego.
Life will always throw up problems, until we no longer see them as problems, but just as another thread in a complex tapestry which is our unique life story.
I'm learning to allow feelings to be felt fully, and I've not come across any feeling that has been totally unbearable since April 2014! I know now that it is possible for me to cope with anxiety, sadness, fear, anger, loss, boredom, overwhelm and even excitement without having to "escape" from it.
Perhaps one day I might even get married again, without the subconscious thought "well, I'll try"
It's an interesting topic for discussion, Tops, thanks for bringing it up.
Have a great start to the week everyone.
I firmly believe that there was some sort of spiritual awakening in my case - a sense that there is something much more powerful and greater than the "little me". I now have a sense that life is nudging me towards the Devine (whatever that might be), and the problems that I encounter are there to help overcome the barriers created by the ego.
Life will always throw up problems, until we no longer see them as problems, but just as another thread in a complex tapestry which is our unique life story.
I'm learning to allow feelings to be felt fully, and I've not come across any feeling that has been totally unbearable since April 2014! I know now that it is possible for me to cope with anxiety, sadness, fear, anger, loss, boredom, overwhelm and even excitement without having to "escape" from it.
Perhaps one day I might even get married again, without the subconscious thought "well, I'll try"
It's an interesting topic for discussion, Tops, thanks for bringing it up.
Have a great start to the week everyone.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 801
Yes, I agree, it MUST be a "spiritual awakening",nothing else will do!
Because when I was describing the logistics of my thinking process, it isn't to play victim or say that I'm the only one with problems. It was to explain that my situation(s) have been overwhelming. Of many comments I have received in the vein of, "I don't know how you do it", I have had someone who knows me but that I haven't explained anything to, say, "You're the kind of person that lets life's difficulties make you better, not bitter..."
I'm also aware that I have so much to be thankful for. I remind myself of that much more than daily bc I certainly don't want the hard to rob me from all the good that is also right in front of me.
And I have REFUSED to let life beat me. But THAT has been my problem. It's been all about ME. I probably would have become an alcoholic either way- it had been lurking there all along. But my THINKING is what I was explaining that has to change- my foundational beliefs ... and knowing that I can trust God more than myself is the only hope I have, honestly.
The song usually has different words usually , tops- that's why you probably don't recognize it. it is usually, " I come from a long line of LOVE ...
peace
Because when I was describing the logistics of my thinking process, it isn't to play victim or say that I'm the only one with problems. It was to explain that my situation(s) have been overwhelming. Of many comments I have received in the vein of, "I don't know how you do it", I have had someone who knows me but that I haven't explained anything to, say, "You're the kind of person that lets life's difficulties make you better, not bitter..."
I'm also aware that I have so much to be thankful for. I remind myself of that much more than daily bc I certainly don't want the hard to rob me from all the good that is also right in front of me.
And I have REFUSED to let life beat me. But THAT has been my problem. It's been all about ME. I probably would have become an alcoholic either way- it had been lurking there all along. But my THINKING is what I was explaining that has to change- my foundational beliefs ... and knowing that I can trust God more than myself is the only hope I have, honestly.
The song usually has different words usually , tops- that's why you probably don't recognize it. it is usually, " I come from a long line of LOVE ...
peace
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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UP, have you found any Tai Chi classes near you?
Izzy, things will be become clearer for you in time. I agree that changing our thinking patterns is key to a happier life. It takes time but it really is a game changer. Keep going, you're doing a great job!
I'm still trying to clear up some work issues, and trying to find someone to pass stuff on to when I leave. Funny, but no one wants the hassle......how surprising
Have a great day all.
Izzy, things will be become clearer for you in time. I agree that changing our thinking patterns is key to a happier life. It takes time but it really is a game changer. Keep going, you're doing a great job!
I'm still trying to clear up some work issues, and trying to find someone to pass stuff on to when I leave. Funny, but no one wants the hassle......how surprising
Have a great day all.
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Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by freein14
I'm still trying to clear up some work issues, and trying to find someone to pass stuff on to when I leave. Funny, but no one wants the hassle......how surprising
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I think I saw a *Tai Chi * class on the beach one morning years ago,...does it look a little like slow motion Bruce Lee stuff ?
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I have a Tai Chi DVD, I enjoyed it but I must admit I found it difficult to remember the moves. I would like to be shown the basics by a teacher, I think I could use the DVD more easily then. Let us know how you get on UP, it will be interesting to hear how you manage those Bruce Lee double somersaults
Mariah, how is the exercise regime going? I missed my workout this morning, my computer had trouble streaming the class for some reason. I did do a bit of yoga, but nothing to boast about.
I fancy booking a massage at a local health club soon - I think my body would appreciate it. A bit of pre-Christmas pampering sounds a great idea. Anyone else up for it?
Mariah, how is the exercise regime going? I missed my workout this morning, my computer had trouble streaming the class for some reason. I did do a bit of yoga, but nothing to boast about.
I fancy booking a massage at a local health club soon - I think my body would appreciate it. A bit of pre-Christmas pampering sounds a great idea. Anyone else up for it?
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