joandmelandhan

Are you still home alone now td? Keep in touch if to need to we are always here for each other

tootiesdad

I yelled at my daughter last night for the first time in my life. In her innocence she didn't know that I had been drinking.

So, yes, I took the day off to spend time with her (she didn't go to day camp). We're just hanging out...I feel a need to let her know everything is OK.

My wife gets in tomorrow morning. Hopefully this will all blow over. Again, just feeling sick inside and out.

Elke516

Hey tooties, I'm glad you're back. I hope you don't mind me saying but could it be that deep down you're staying sober for your wife and so when you're alone you don't have a reason to stay sober? Think about it... you're worth staying sober for Toot.... give yourself a pad on the back and onward and upwards. You're not that far away from it, it's the next step, isn't it?

Take care

tootiesdad

Thank you Elke - and yes, you're pretty spot-on. I got tired of the strain drinking was putting on my relationship with my wife, so I quit. But I also know deep down I need to do it for me. So, yes, you're right about that too...it's time that I accepted that I have to be quit regardless of whether I'm alone or not.

Dee74

I'm sorry you drank but I'm glad you posted Tootiesdad - welcome back.

For a long time I drank because I could get away with it - it was my one finger salute to the world...but ironically I also drank because I didn't think very highly of myself.

you're a good guy TD - do this for yourself.

Start building a sober life you love and you'll guard it with your life

D

Dee74

Hi Arp good to see you too - how are you feeling now?

Hi Elke Sim and Jo - hope you guys are doing well

D

tootiesdad

Bingo.

Thank you D - I needed to hear your message.

Everyone here is a lifeline for me...

Elke516

You can do it Tootie.

Hey Arp, 11:46pm here, lights off for me, 2nd time this week - just. Have you cooked / eating the veg?

Hi Dee, good to see you...

Good night and a sober Tuesday for all of us.

Dee74

Night Elke

D

tootiesdad

Morning all - I hope everyone has a beautiful day...

joandmelandhan

Hi tootiesdad how are you today?

joandmelandhan

^^^^^ this! Dee you have a real knack of being able to share in a way that many of us identify with completely.

Problem with the one finger salute is that we only hurt ourselves in the process.

I remember you posted recently about drinking on a resentment being like "drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" that's another very clever observation.

When I slipped up (11 days ago and counting) it was utterly to hurt myself. I didn't enjoy it (had to force it down) and I knew exactly how bad I'd feel afterwards. And I did.

But guys we are the lucky ones. We are trying. We can get there together. Yesterday I found out that an old mate of mine died of this nasty addiction. When I started at a recovery group about 8 years ago she had 3 years sobriety and was so strong and a great help to me. It's a sobering (literally) thought that she is now dead. No second chances. The finality is absolute.

So I feel extremely lucky to be on this path with you all

joandmelandhan

Elke 11.46 is technically before midnight so hey hoorah you did it!!!!

joandmelandhan

I for one am so pleased we've kind of got back together here gang

tootiesdad

Hey Jo - I'm doing OK, I guess. Physically I'm about 95% good. Mentally, I'm pretty down, remorseful, and, quite frankly, ashamed. Not very happy with myself at the moment.

I do appreciate you asking...

tootiesdad

Thank you Jo

tootiesdad

Night Mayflies...

joandmelandhan

Morning all! Just popping by to say hi before my day starts.
Tootiesdad I hope you had a restful night. Hard though it is I hope you can start to put the weekend behind you.
Sim how are you darling? Check in if you can hun we ❤ you.
Elke did you get to bed at a decent time like a good girl? I'm terrible for not going to sleep early enough then snoozing the alarm 10 times on a morning. Sleep is an amazing thing though.....so good for us.
Arp how are you doing? I'm on day 3 of vaping. It's not exactly quitting the nicotine but I'm quietly pleased with it so far. But oooohhhhh the thought of all that lovely dirty smoke in my lungs......aren't we strange creatures?
Tell you what has struck me recently. When my family stay I have zero desire to drink. I dont even think about it let alone crave. It's like the lack of opportunity or maybe potential consequences take all that away. Why is that? Addiction sure is a strange beast......
Have a lovely day and please don't hesitate to post anyone who is struggling or just fancies a natter ❤❤❤

Arpeggioh

I guess I 'fancy a natter' this morning! You Brits and your slang...I learn a new phrase here every day, love it...

It's good to have this thread more active again; strength in numbers, and all that. This is the first place I go when I get to SR, always nice to see it hasn't fallen off the front page! It amazes me that a few of us are still chatting (nattering?) a year and a half later. I like how we don't give up!

I've stopped taking the Wellbutrin; it wasn't curbing my cigarette appetite, and while it amped up my mood a bit, it also increased my anxiety, and messed with my sleep. I'm focusing more on my sugar cravings for now; the cookie and donut diet was completely out of control. Damned addicts!

Yeah, 'situational drinking' has been an issue for me, too, mostly every time I jumped off the wagon. 'I could' led to 'I will,' and off to the races I went. I still have those 'I could get drunk' thoughts; now I know the only correct response to my stupid lizard brain is, "No, you can't. Ever again. Or you will die." I don't have slips, I had full blown leaps into the abyss, damn the torpedoes, give 'er all you've got relapses. And I'll always be one little drink away from doing it again, probably for the last time.

Jo's story of her dead friend is a perfect cautionary tale for me.

So, my dear Mayflies, let's not drink today!

Happy Wednesday,
Arp

tootiesdad

Hi all,
Just a quick 'thank you' to everyone here. I've really, really needed you guys these past several days.
@Jo - being around the family - I'm the same way. It's the 'being alone' part that I am trying to conquor.
I hope everyone has a sober and stress-free day...