Elke516

Grateful for the human variety

In the UK they 'it takes all sorts to make the world go round'.

I hope everyone is well and sober today.

joandmelandhan

"Two eyes and a penis" Arp you are truly hilarious and amazingly accurate too! ❤❤❤

What's making me so scared and sad is actually that I'm too broken to try again. Ever. He took it all on the chin (my past) and was an amazing support. I mean Christ I left my husband for a fellow alkie (and a woman I might add). That relationship was wonderful and horrific in equal measures. 3 years in and she was dead on my living room floor. It broke me in many ways and I dont feel like other people any more. Now facing being on my own is making me feel so damn lonely. I didn't realise how much I relied on him just bloody being there next to me. I'm not saying I was just with him out of gratitude. I was quite a catch at one point (lol).
So I'm in a bit of a pickle. Stick to my guns and go it alone and take the risk or let him back in because I'm such a screw up and don't deserve better. But the trust? And my self respect?
Ugh it's too hard so I need more time to think.
Plus my family land on Saturday for 2 weeks I've not told them. Ugh ugh ugh!
Maybe he'll make the decision for me and stay away for good. That'd be easier.......

Love to you all. Sim how are you doing? Are you finding it any easier yet?

Thanks for listening I'm still a bit of a wreck ❤❤❤

Arpeggioh

Jo: you don't have to make any life decisions today, other than not drinking. Enjoy some time with your family this weekend; share some of your thoughts with them. I know full well the downside of "being alone," but you're really not, especially for the next two weeks. Nobody "deserves" a lying cheat as a partner, so knock that idea right out of your head, please! I've known too many women who settled for emotional pain and misery, simply out of fear of being alone...

I'm off to the clinic to ask for mood-altering medication; I hope that doesn't break any policies on SR! Shh, we just won't mention it...

joandmelandhan

I won't tell Arp!
Take care lovely xxx

Simplicity4114

((Jo)) You're in my thoughts friend You remind me of me Always wanting to fill the empty. But it's those spaces "in between" where life opens up new doors, brings us new loves, stills us in a way where wholeness no longer comes from the outside in. I don't know the man so I can't say whether or not he's the one but I do know you shouldn't use him to fill that space. As far as I go, well I'm in my own ugly little "space between".

joandmelandhan

Sim you have a real talent for seeing things in people and a lovely way with words too.
Home from our little break now. The house is very quiet but it's nice to be back. Just got one more days peace before the family invasion! Got more cleaning and tidying to do but that can wait I'm shattered! Think I'll stick a movie on and sneak in a snooze!
Lots of love to you all ❤❤❤

Elke516

Have a good and sober weekend everyone.

joandmelandhan

I drank last night and the night before. It got too much. Back to day 1 but I will get there......
Sending love to you all ❤❤❤

Simplicity4114

Day 1 here too, jo.

Arpeggioh

Love to both you girls...at least you didn't disappear into the ether, as I've always done every time I fell off the proverbial wagon. I'm sorry to hear the "Day 1" designation, too...I prefer the concept of a very temporary detour off the desired path we're all following together. Racking up consecutive days is certainly important and empowering; but my biggest mistake was always throwing in the towel whenever I relapsed, wallowing in the feeling of defeat and failure, and running full tilt down the opposite path of self-destruction.

I don't hear that sort of thing from either of you. I'm just very happy that you both posted here. My dear old dad, who's watched me struggle for almost forty years, always says "Never Quit Quitting!" I've come to love that phrase...

Best weekend wishes,
Arp

joandmelandhan

Waking up on day 2. Had a lovely quiet coffee before everyone else wakes up.
Have reconciled with you-know-who. It felt like the right thing to do I was getting more and more lost in my own self which wasn't good. We had a good talk and things seem nice and calm. Would I have taken him back if I'd not drank? I honestly can't say. But the truth is I am stronger with him by my side.
Sim we now officially have the same sobriety date! I'm with you sweetheart every step of the way. ❤❤❤
Are thank you for your thoughtful words you're a truly lovely man ❤❤❤

Simplicity4114

Happy Sunday Folks! So I did not drink yesterday and I will not drink today. Thanks Arp....I have been running slightly head on into the path of defeat and self destruction for the last month or so......I'm not counting days right now...just trying to enjoy them in the best sober way possible....it's a better look for me.
Jo- I'm glad things are steady and calm for you. You do what's right for you and know we're here and got your back Let's dust ourselves off!

My youngest and his lady love have moved back into the Simples household. Just another stressor that's been creeping up on me as the move in date neared. Truthfully, the stress of that was overshadowed by the eldest son.....but officially sons changed poll positions on Friday when he showed up and commandeered the basement of my quiet house. Don't get me wrong.....it's a good stress. They're moving in to save some serious money so that they can get a place of their own so this is kind of a pit stop on their way. And surprisingly, their filling this home with some much needed laughter! Who knew?
Have a great Sunday All!

tootiesdad

THIS: That's me up and down - sage advice from your dad

Dee74

Glad you guys are back Jo and Sim

Hiya Tootiesdad and Arp

D

joandmelandhan

Just finished work and having a sneaky 10 minutes peace in my car before I go home. I've got my parents and sister staying so it's 7 of us here for a while! I love them dearly but the lack of space and quiet time will be tough. Must remind myself they're helping me out with childcare and I am grateful for that. Good thing too is I never drink when they're around. Never. That'll be another 2 weeks done by the time they've all gone. So I'm going to try really hard not to resent the noise and the additional work that comes with guests.
Take care everyone and welcome back Dee xxx

Elke516

Hi everyone, I'm so pleased for you both that things are settling down a bit. I never liked counting days either, kept on loosing count, anyway to me every day is a Day 1 with new opportunities and choices.... new day....new you and me :-).
Have a good and sober Tuesday everyone xxx

Simplicity4114

Happy Monday folks. Checking in sober. Welcome back Dee!

Dee74

Thanks guys

D

Simplicity4114

joandmelandhan

Hi everyone. I hate the fact that I've lost some of the gritty determination I had before. The momentum of racking up time felt good. Actually it felt great. Now I'm uncertain and lacking in confidence in my ability to get it all back. I know it sounds stupid but I got so ill back in April it truly felt like I'd had enough and drawn the line. Now by dabbling again all that is a little compromised. Even looking at my own posts Im irritated by myself. Ugh! I keep trying gratitude. At least I stopped quickly. At least I've not upset anyone.
Getting to the end of my fifth day. I do now know that no matter what life throws out drink isn't the answer. I didn't even enjoy it. It did nothing for me. That's gotta be good.
Take care lovelies ❤❤❤