Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 10
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hi everyone,
Poppy, not sure if the hen night is happening at the moment so you might not read this til afterwards but I agree with everyone else. And I feel very strongly about this. Ever since I stopped drinking, the biggest cause of upset for me has come from so called "friends". Yes, I was a big partier before but friends have been so resistant to me changing. They've been nasty, called me boring, left me out of social events but let me know about the events etc etc.
Throughout it all, I've maintained my sobriety and my belief that maybe I need to find new friends! Brides seem to get massively stressed out and entitled in the run up to the day. They seem to lose perspective that it is only one day. Your friend is definitely being insensitive to your sobriety but it may be because she has become caught up with all the wedding madness. I hope you have a good time. It is definitely possible to have great fun sober whilst everyone else is drinking but I've only done it on nights out, not hen dos. I hope it goes ok Poppy. I know you won't drink. I just hope you have a good time.
Steely, I did the eulogy at my dad's funeral and spent weeks afterwards wishing I had said this and hadn't said that. It's a tough job. You need to accurately and respectfully represent the deceased whilst trying to accommodate the feelings and highly charged emotions of everyone listening. If you really feel like you'd like to say more, Ananda's idea about saying a few words by the graveside (if there is one) is lovely.
And Ananda, you're right. We are ants scuttling around on a planet that will still be here long after us and all our worries have disappeared. I needed to be reminded of that today. I've made such good progress emotionally but I still put myself in a position where I give, give, give until I have nothing left. Over the last few months,on top of looking after my kids and working, I've organised all the leavers events for my daughters year at school. Last night was the disco. I was running around so much during the day getting everything ready, I forgot to eat or even drink water. When the event started, I was left on my own to try to control 60 kids. Their parents dropped them off and then sat in a nearby pub drinking. A couple of other mums stayed and did help me thank goodness and it all worked out fine. The kids had a great time and that's all that matters. But today I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I know I like to keep busy, it's part of my character but I need to find a balance so that I'm busy but not taken advantage of. I'm a work in progress. But a sober one! Love to everyone xxxx
Poppy, not sure if the hen night is happening at the moment so you might not read this til afterwards but I agree with everyone else. And I feel very strongly about this. Ever since I stopped drinking, the biggest cause of upset for me has come from so called "friends". Yes, I was a big partier before but friends have been so resistant to me changing. They've been nasty, called me boring, left me out of social events but let me know about the events etc etc.
Throughout it all, I've maintained my sobriety and my belief that maybe I need to find new friends! Brides seem to get massively stressed out and entitled in the run up to the day. They seem to lose perspective that it is only one day. Your friend is definitely being insensitive to your sobriety but it may be because she has become caught up with all the wedding madness. I hope you have a good time. It is definitely possible to have great fun sober whilst everyone else is drinking but I've only done it on nights out, not hen dos. I hope it goes ok Poppy. I know you won't drink. I just hope you have a good time.
Steely, I did the eulogy at my dad's funeral and spent weeks afterwards wishing I had said this and hadn't said that. It's a tough job. You need to accurately and respectfully represent the deceased whilst trying to accommodate the feelings and highly charged emotions of everyone listening. If you really feel like you'd like to say more, Ananda's idea about saying a few words by the graveside (if there is one) is lovely.
And Ananda, you're right. We are ants scuttling around on a planet that will still be here long after us and all our worries have disappeared. I needed to be reminded of that today. I've made such good progress emotionally but I still put myself in a position where I give, give, give until I have nothing left. Over the last few months,on top of looking after my kids and working, I've organised all the leavers events for my daughters year at school. Last night was the disco. I was running around so much during the day getting everything ready, I forgot to eat or even drink water. When the event started, I was left on my own to try to control 60 kids. Their parents dropped them off and then sat in a nearby pub drinking. A couple of other mums stayed and did help me thank goodness and it all worked out fine. The kids had a great time and that's all that matters. But today I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I know I like to keep busy, it's part of my character but I need to find a balance so that I'm busy but not taken advantage of. I'm a work in progress. But a sober one! Love to everyone xxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Greetings. Quick recap, I got through the hens do, it was tough at times, seeing vino poured into glasses, a few ladies getting a bit louder as the night progressed.
A couple of comments about bride being disappointed if I didn't kick on was frustrating. I just kept reminding myself that until some people experience alcohol addiction they won't 'get it'.
I did end up taking 2 V during the course of the night. Now I'm paying for that with a headache this morning, but it also might be due to 'that time of the month'.
Nutshell, thank F it's done and dusted now and I can not stress about it. Bloody hate stressing.
I hope everyone is doing well - Kenton, Steely, Nands, LSW, Kev, Dee, and anyone else I have not mentioned early on a Sunday morning
A couple of comments about bride being disappointed if I didn't kick on was frustrating. I just kept reminding myself that until some people experience alcohol addiction they won't 'get it'.
I did end up taking 2 V during the course of the night. Now I'm paying for that with a headache this morning, but it also might be due to 'that time of the month'.
Nutshell, thank F it's done and dusted now and I can not stress about it. Bloody hate stressing.
I hope everyone is doing well - Kenton, Steely, Nands, LSW, Kev, Dee, and anyone else I have not mentioned early on a Sunday morning
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Well done Poppy. That situation must have been tough. So tough I think they should have T shirts for people like us. You'd get a "I went on a hen do and stayed sober" T shirt. Most people I know would see that T shirt and think you are a mysterious guru of virtue. Everyone here gets hammered on hen dos. Even those that don't drink much. It's almost part of the law. So ridiculous to think that social occasions are graded in terms of how much poison must be drunk. At christenings it's ok to drink a little poison. At weddings, more poison should be drunk. Going on holiday? Drink as much poison as you can at the airport. Birthdays should involve lots of poison and hen/stag dos and new years eve? Drink til you pass out. Who made these rules? And why do we follow them? I'm glad I don't anymore. It's cool being a rule breaker. I never doubted you for a moment Poppy... This November we will have one year!!! It's coming round so fast. Good on you xxxx
)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,582
I have read no posts except last, and hope you are OK Poppy.
Thought you might get a laugh, like this badge/pin that I bought in the op shop. I've been wearing it around the house, never outside, because though I'm not drinking alcohol, still have a long way to go in achieving what I consider sobriety. It's a good reminder.
My iPad is still not working properly and will probably be off the air for a while until the bloke fixes it. $$$$$
I must say that not having as much engagement with the computer has given. me a sense of freedom as well.
Going back now to start reading posts, and much appreciated PM's.
My love to all. xxx
Thought you might get a laugh, like this badge/pin that I bought in the op shop. I've been wearing it around the house, never outside, because though I'm not drinking alcohol, still have a long way to go in achieving what I consider sobriety. It's a good reminder.
My iPad is still not working properly and will probably be off the air for a while until the bloke fixes it. $$$$$
I must say that not having as much engagement with the computer has given. me a sense of freedom as well.
Going back now to start reading posts, and much appreciated PM's.
My love to all. xxx
iMember
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
hi steely 
I'm doing ok, but just not exactly my happiest time. I guess for the next month I'm gonna have a lot of limits on what I can do physically. It really sucks. I feel guilty which I can turn into blaming and drinking. I don't think that is a direction I would consider going in, but it was interesting to learn that guilt is a big trigger form me. got to think that for me guilt is really a form of self pity. "see how bad I am? No one has ever been as bad as me".
I think that one of the challenges for me in sobriety is to stay sober when I'm really just not having many happy moments. Some, but more of them are frustration and grumpy and generally just not happy over all.
It's so hard for me to explain, I hope you all can kinda get it. I'm really not miserable or anything. Just very unsatisfied.
I went grocery shopping with Chris yesterday and that sorta was the end of my fight. I was so wiped out and slowed us down and felt horrid and weak from about the time we got from the car to the door. I just feel like I'll need to just accept my temporary limits and assume for now things will be better after the surgery.
When I think about how it was a year ago when they didn't even think I would get out of a walker and that my memory was beyond repair LOL ... ok ... they thought it was not to be expected that I would necessarily get out of the walker and that my memory might stay a bit more swiss cheese than it is. Bottom line is they think it is a miracle where I am at now (the cardiologist said they were all there when I went in the hospital and they knew how bad it looked. My neurologist was also there).
The high moment today ... I ate my first tomato harvest! It was awesome! And now we have a thunderstorm so I will go out and enjoy it 
I'm doing ok, but just not exactly my happiest time. I guess for the next month I'm gonna have a lot of limits on what I can do physically. It really sucks. I feel guilty which I can turn into blaming and drinking. I don't think that is a direction I would consider going in, but it was interesting to learn that guilt is a big trigger form me. got to think that for me guilt is really a form of self pity. "see how bad I am? No one has ever been as bad as me".
I think that one of the challenges for me in sobriety is to stay sober when I'm really just not having many happy moments. Some, but more of them are frustration and grumpy and generally just not happy over all.
It's so hard for me to explain, I hope you all can kinda get it. I'm really not miserable or anything. Just very unsatisfied.
I went grocery shopping with Chris yesterday and that sorta was the end of my fight. I was so wiped out and slowed us down and felt horrid and weak from about the time we got from the car to the door. I just feel like I'll need to just accept my temporary limits and assume for now things will be better after the surgery.
When I think about how it was a year ago when they didn't even think I would get out of a walker and that my memory was beyond repair LOL ... ok ... they thought it was not to be expected that I would necessarily get out of the walker and that my memory might stay a bit more swiss cheese than it is. Bottom line is they think it is a miracle where I am at now (the cardiologist said they were all there when I went in the hospital and they knew how bad it looked. My neurologist was also there).
The high moment today ... I ate my first tomato harvest! It was awesome! And now we have a thunderstorm so I will go out and enjoy it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,582
Only tiny bit of charge left.
Enjoy your first harvest Nands, nothing beats a 'real' tomato, and think it is the right way to look in that it IS a miracle you have made it thus far, and sober to boot. The future looks good Nands.
Drinking would only screw it on the guilt theory of drinking imo and know you know that, so no go there, imo, it's a sheep in wolfs clothing. And if I bear thinking about what might have transpired at my mother's funeral if I were drinking, I'd have walked myself to the Gap. A popular suicide spot here, into the rocks and ocean. No way!
In some ways it is of huge relief that my mother has gone to her God. It is best for us all, she no longer suffers and we no longer have to watch her suffer. She was afraid.
Many period of remembering the ways in which I felt she had abandoned me in practically all ways, so difficult to sort these conflicting emotions of both hate and love.
My current course is that it that of love I hope, and am better able to see my mother in time and place, not "mother". It helps, as many things can be let go.
Betta go and sounding a bit sop brigade.
Enjoy your first harvest Nands, nothing beats a 'real' tomato, and think it is the right way to look in that it IS a miracle you have made it thus far, and sober to boot. The future looks good Nands.
Drinking would only screw it on the guilt theory of drinking imo and know you know that, so no go there, imo, it's a sheep in wolfs clothing. And if I bear thinking about what might have transpired at my mother's funeral if I were drinking, I'd have walked myself to the Gap. A popular suicide spot here, into the rocks and ocean. No way!
In some ways it is of huge relief that my mother has gone to her God. It is best for us all, she no longer suffers and we no longer have to watch her suffer. She was afraid.
Many period of remembering the ways in which I felt she had abandoned me in practically all ways, so difficult to sort these conflicting emotions of both hate and love.
My current course is that it that of love I hope, and am better able to see my mother in time and place, not "mother". It helps, as many things can be let go.
Betta go and sounding a bit sop brigade.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Don't rush your mourning and sorting time Steely. It is ok to live in confusion for a time. It's 11 years and I am just now sorting out the confusion of my dad .... It is difficult sometimes to accept that every monster has a bit of angel and every angel a bit of monster. I'm not even sure sorting it out is what it is all about, perhaps just really accepting both as true?
I found that I had to wander my way around the grieving over the years. Sometimes it was off my radar for years at a time, only to come to the fore again for more work later. I like to think that a lot of healing has happened since his death (a lot happened before as well for me). I can't really get rid of the confusion, but I think I might be able to learn to live with the confusion and maybe someday even dance inside it without a trace.
Any how, I love you deeply.
Kenton - I do hope you are doing well. You must be a lot younger than I thought with your kids and your running (LOL). One of the things I like about SR... there is often no age, no race, no sex .... just other human beings living their own life story.
Love to you as well Kev. Hope you can check in soon.
Peace, Poppy - It is always nice to see you come in and Poppy thank you for letting us support you and go through the Hen thing with you!
All other nobenders - love and best wishes
I found that I had to wander my way around the grieving over the years. Sometimes it was off my radar for years at a time, only to come to the fore again for more work later. I like to think that a lot of healing has happened since his death (a lot happened before as well for me). I can't really get rid of the confusion, but I think I might be able to learn to live with the confusion and maybe someday even dance inside it without a trace.
Any how, I love you deeply.
Kenton - I do hope you are doing well. You must be a lot younger than I thought with your kids and your running (LOL). One of the things I like about SR... there is often no age, no race, no sex .... just other human beings living their own life story.
Love to you as well Kev. Hope you can check in soon.
Peace, Poppy - It is always nice to see you come in and Poppy thank you for letting us support you and go through the Hen thing with you!
All other nobenders - love and best wishes
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,582
I've finally caught up with 3% charge to spare. I have understood each and every word and am with you all.
And I'm with the rest kev if you even considered jumping out of a window because of conflict/toxicity with laughing at your tears boyfriend .
Even if it were a window low, you were trying to 'escape' somehow and I don't know from what. But he ain't helping. Maybe it is time for a change kev.
I'm really sorry to hear about your sight kenton, but I do love your new avatar. We are a great crew. What happened to 'Peace'?
Nands Im struggling with all that you are, and am now about to hit empty. We can do it we are gardeners. Just hit 1%.
I loved crazed spud Nands.
And I'm with the rest kev if you even considered jumping out of a window because of conflict/toxicity with laughing at your tears boyfriend .
Even if it were a window low, you were trying to 'escape' somehow and I don't know from what. But he ain't helping. Maybe it is time for a change kev.
I'm really sorry to hear about your sight kenton, but I do love your new avatar. We are a great crew. What happened to 'Peace'?
Nands Im struggling with all that you are, and am now about to hit empty. We can do it we are gardeners. Just hit 1%.
I loved crazed spud Nands.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,582
I found some charge.
Forgot to say Poppy how well done on doing the maid of honour stuff I didn't think you'd drink after reading your first post on concerns and so happy was proven correct.
Can't agree more with perception surrounding alcohol, which apart from what it does to people like ourselves, is a really damaging drug all around.
Youth Rites of Passage, and all the rest. What a con. Did you know that when Aboriginal people (here) first got the vote, landowners and station masters began to truck in alcohol to prevent these people from voting?Stop them thinking.
The bride becoming a bit disgruntled when you did not attend 'after's' made me laugh a bit Poppy. Would they insist we eat peanuts if allergic just to show our commitment? I mean what's a little anaphylaxis?
Forgot to say Poppy how well done on doing the maid of honour stuff
I didn't think you'd drink after reading your first post on concerns and so happy was proven correct. Can't agree more with perception surrounding alcohol, which apart from what it does to people like ourselves, is a really damaging drug all around.
Youth Rites of Passage, and all the rest. What a con. Did you know that when Aboriginal people (here) first got the vote, landowners and station masters began to truck in alcohol to prevent these people from voting?Stop them thinking.
The bride becoming a bit disgruntled when you did not attend 'after's' made me laugh a bit Poppy. Would they insist we eat peanuts if allergic just to show our commitment? I mean what's a little anaphylaxis?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
I write bearing bad news.... got a bottle of early harvest sav Blanc, chick at the bottlo couldn't believe how great I looked and I still purchased it. Now I am sitting in my car at the park hating myself and so filled with anger at myself but also at others.
I think it is a culmination of crap that led me here
it's my hubby's birthday today so I took half a day to surprise him. Thought we could go see a movie or go have lunch somewhere. Nope! He was not in a good mood. So I started making some dream catchers (I'm making two for the bride and groom for their wedding present). He gets stroppy at one of our dogs (the one that is my profile pic - honey). I got a distinct vibe that my half day interrupted his plans of whatever it is he wanted to do.
So I bundled up honey and took her to the park for a walk (same park I am currently at typing this). Get home, still stroppy but I am also on a war path now and I am way more troppo than him when I get to that point.
I tell him I am extremely close to getting a bottle and he asks why. Why??? Sends me over the edge. I get in my car and drive to the bottlo having an internal fight with myself. I lost the fight!
This sobriety sh*t is hard! And I am bloody sick of it. Sick of people asking why it's hard, why does it make me feel uncomfortable being around drinking. FFS!
I didn't post here first because I wanted to try drinking again. I am angry at the world right now but that seems to be subsiding. Now I am feeling defeated. A failure. A glimmer of hope I will hate the taste and not fall back into a world of blurriness anxiety.
I recall Steely that you had a slip awhile back and I so don't want to remind you about it but you actually give me hope I can hop back on the horse asap.
That bloody hens night didn't help either, just highlighted my frustrations that I can't party anymore.
Sorry for the rant. I just know you all 'get it'
I think it is a culmination of crap that led me here
it's my hubby's birthday today so I took half a day to surprise him. Thought we could go see a movie or go have lunch somewhere. Nope! He was not in a good mood. So I started making some dream catchers (I'm making two for the bride and groom for their wedding present). He gets stroppy at one of our dogs (the one that is my profile pic - honey). I got a distinct vibe that my half day interrupted his plans of whatever it is he wanted to do.So I bundled up honey and took her to the park for a walk (same park I am currently at typing this). Get home, still stroppy but I am also on a war path now and I am way more troppo than him when I get to that point.
I tell him I am extremely close to getting a bottle and he asks why. Why??? Sends me over the edge. I get in my car and drive to the bottlo having an internal fight with myself. I lost the fight!
This sobriety sh*t is hard! And I am bloody sick of it. Sick of people asking why it's hard, why does it make me feel uncomfortable being around drinking. FFS!
I didn't post here first because I wanted to try drinking again. I am angry at the world right now but that seems to be subsiding. Now I am feeling defeated. A failure. A glimmer of hope I will hate the taste and not fall back into a world of blurriness anxiety.
I recall Steely that you had a slip awhile back and I so don't want to remind you about it but you actually give me hope I can hop back on the horse asap.
That bloody hens night didn't help either, just highlighted my frustrations that I can't party anymore.
Sorry for the rant. I just know you all 'get it'
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Poppy, did you drink the wine or just buy it?
I totally get it. I get the frustration and the anger and the self hatred. But there's so much more to being an addict in recovery. Think about all your strength. Your strength is incredible Poppy. Ok, so real life crept up and got all overwhelming for a while. That's what real life likes to do every so often. But it doesn't have to undermine all your hard work or define how you live the rest of your life.
If you haven't drunk the wine, pour it away. If you have drunk it, dust yourself off and get back in the race. You're posting here straightaway. If I was planning on having a huge relapse, the last place I'd be is here. The fact that you're here proves that sobriety is where you want to be. These feelings will pass Poppy. Don't beat yourself up. Your AV won't tell you this so I'll tell you. You are an awesome person Poppy79. You were the first person who responded to my first ever post on SR and you told me about this thread and made me feel so welcome. You are not defeated and you are definitely not a failure. That's your AV talking and you know it talks rubbish. You're an amazing person who had a slip. I'm sending you loads of love. Stay strong Poppy xxxx
I totally get it. I get the frustration and the anger and the self hatred. But there's so much more to being an addict in recovery. Think about all your strength. Your strength is incredible Poppy. Ok, so real life crept up and got all overwhelming for a while. That's what real life likes to do every so often. But it doesn't have to undermine all your hard work or define how you live the rest of your life.
If you haven't drunk the wine, pour it away. If you have drunk it, dust yourself off and get back in the race. You're posting here straightaway. If I was planning on having a huge relapse, the last place I'd be is here. The fact that you're here proves that sobriety is where you want to be. These feelings will pass Poppy. Don't beat yourself up. Your AV won't tell you this so I'll tell you. You are an awesome person Poppy79. You were the first person who responded to my first ever post on SR and you told me about this thread and made me feel so welcome. You are not defeated and you are definitely not a failure. That's your AV talking and you know it talks rubbish. You're an amazing person who had a slip. I'm sending you loads of love. Stay strong Poppy xxxx
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Hi Poppy
I'm not sure if you drank or that you feel a failure because you bought a bottle - either way I'm sorry - but I think my post addresses both outcomes anyway..
I think maybe there's been a storm building for a while?
For years I drank because I felt entitled to drink..not all the time, but a lot of the time I drank at things and at people to punish them - but I also drank at myself...
I was disgusted with a lot of things about me.and so self punishment, even self eradication seemed appropriate.
Thats why for me, staying sober has been a lot more about not drinking...
its also been about not dancing to the self destruction tune anymore or the impotent rage at others tune....I'm worth more than that, and I've discovered I have other choices and other solutions now.
Those old dialogues are outmoded and redundant and I believe as long as I keep growing and learning I'm out of the reach of that old voice now.
anyhoo, enough about me
You have a choice to react as you did in the past, or as Poppy 2.0, and make this a blip rather than a full on relapse - and I really hope you'll take that blip road
Sobriety is hard to start with, sure - but it gets a lot easier when you accept the old way is just death for you, and you decide you prefer to live this new improved way and to hell with what anyone else thinks
You're worthy of the effort
D
I'm not sure if you drank or that you feel a failure because you bought a bottle - either way I'm sorry - but I think my post addresses both outcomes anyway..
I think maybe there's been a storm building for a while?
For years I drank because I felt entitled to drink..not all the time, but a lot of the time I drank at things and at people to punish them - but I also drank at myself...
I was disgusted with a lot of things about me.and so self punishment, even self eradication seemed appropriate.
Thats why for me, staying sober has been a lot more about not drinking...
its also been about not dancing to the self destruction tune anymore or the impotent rage at others tune....I'm worth more than that, and I've discovered I have other choices and other solutions now.
Those old dialogues are outmoded and redundant and I believe as long as I keep growing and learning I'm out of the reach of that old voice now.
anyhoo, enough about me
You have a choice to react as you did in the past, or as Poppy 2.0, and make this a blip rather than a full on relapse - and I really hope you'll take that blip road
Sobriety is hard to start with, sure - but it gets a lot easier when you accept the old way is just death for you, and you decide you prefer to live this new improved way and to hell with what anyone else thinks
You're worthy of the effort
D
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Just had the most infuriating conversation with my sister. I had to have my eye injected with steroids earlier which sounds worse than it is but isn't pleasant. Anyway, my sister phoned earlier to talk about all the Probate stuff we're trying to sort out since dad's death. I wasn't really in the mood for it because my head and my eye hurt and I told her so but still she goes on and on moaning and moaning about the stress she's going through. Not once does she ask me about my eye and my vision. Not once. It's all just negative doom and gloom. All of a sudden I felt sick and ended the call rather abruptly. I think maybe I'm becoming allergic to negativity. I can handle being around it for a little while but if I have too much exposure I feel physically sick. My mum and my sister are hugely negative people and now I'm wondering whether another reason I drank was because alcohol lowered my mood and made it easier for me to relate to them. Since I stopped drinking, my positivity has soared which is great but means I can't be around negative people anymore. Well, not for long anyway. That's a problem when you're related to them tho. Not sure what the point of this is. I guess I just needed to rant. Now I can get on with my day. Hope everyone is doing ok xxxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Kenton,
I often struggle with my mom and her negativity. The other day in a conversation I should have avoided I ended up telling her how I thought this one woman really loved her husband and just saw something good in him and blah blah blah. Mom said "that is ridiculous, your just making up some romantic story ... she just wanted the money".
At the time I shut up and tried to not act totally pissed off! (angry). But my thoughts came back to that conversation over and over this week.
During my meditation the other day, I started seeing how many stories my thoughts tell me. I realized they are stories, no more, no less. My mind creates stories 24/7. Kornfield calls it "Saturday Night at the Movies".
So ok ... I make up stories about things I have no facts on. But she did to. She doesn't know anymore than I do about why they got married. Her stories are no more right than mine...
At this point I tend to think that if my mind is going to create a story, why not the more compassionate and more pleasant story? So yes! It is just my opinion, my thoughts, my ideas .... it is not "reality, firm truth", or anything like that. But I see the positives in people and their lives all the time. I spent too long only seeing and assuming the negative.
Not sure where all that came from, but please Kenton ... keep looking for and seeing the good in life. Not in a denial of truth, polly anna type way. Just in living in all that we have good. the bad will hit us up when it does ....
I spent way too much time seeing the bad stuff coming my way and going on around me. I missed the good stuff underneath that cloud. Today let us stop and smell the roses ... even if it is raining
I often struggle with my mom and her negativity. The other day in a conversation I should have avoided I ended up telling her how I thought this one woman really loved her husband and just saw something good in him and blah blah blah. Mom said "that is ridiculous, your just making up some romantic story ... she just wanted the money".
At the time I shut up and tried to not act totally pissed off! (angry). But my thoughts came back to that conversation over and over this week.
During my meditation the other day, I started seeing how many stories my thoughts tell me. I realized they are stories, no more, no less. My mind creates stories 24/7. Kornfield calls it "Saturday Night at the Movies".
So ok ... I make up stories about things I have no facts on. But she did to. She doesn't know anymore than I do about why they got married. Her stories are no more right than mine...
At this point I tend to think that if my mind is going to create a story, why not the more compassionate and more pleasant story? So yes! It is just my opinion, my thoughts, my ideas .... it is not "reality, firm truth", or anything like that. But I see the positives in people and their lives all the time. I spent too long only seeing and assuming the negative.
Not sure where all that came from, but please Kenton ... keep looking for and seeing the good in life. Not in a denial of truth, polly anna type way. Just in living in all that we have good. the bad will hit us up when it does ....
I spent way too much time seeing the bad stuff coming my way and going on around me. I missed the good stuff underneath that cloud. Today let us stop and smell the roses ... even if it is raining
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Poppy
I was once told that a winner is a looser who never stops trying. As someone else here said ... keep this a lapse, don't let it go into relapse. My counselor has been very emphatic that right now my biggest job in my life is to build my sobriety and strengthen it. It will become a base for new relationships, repair of old relationships, the base for an enjoyable life overall, and a safe place I can go to when things are hard and I need to recharge ... a place that isn't a drink.
I know for me that for about 10 years taking a drink was sorta like playing Russian roulette ... I never knew when it would be the bullet to start a full blown relapse. In the last 20 years the gun has been fully loaded. The drink always becomes dire in results and drinking continues until it can't continue anymore. I don't know when that change happened, but it never needed to be an issue if I just accepted the new reality of sobriety.
Poppy ... do what you need to do in order to get back to sobriety (in your heart, not just in your physical body ..although that is important). We are here to walk this path with you and I think I can speak for everyone that there are no judgments being made. As I use to hear it put ... We don't shoot our wounded
Let us know what's going on even if it seems a bit out there or crazy right now. Talking it out can help.
I was once told that a winner is a looser who never stops trying. As someone else here said ... keep this a lapse, don't let it go into relapse. My counselor has been very emphatic that right now my biggest job in my life is to build my sobriety and strengthen it. It will become a base for new relationships, repair of old relationships, the base for an enjoyable life overall, and a safe place I can go to when things are hard and I need to recharge ... a place that isn't a drink.
I know for me that for about 10 years taking a drink was sorta like playing Russian roulette ... I never knew when it would be the bullet to start a full blown relapse. In the last 20 years the gun has been fully loaded. The drink always becomes dire in results and drinking continues until it can't continue anymore. I don't know when that change happened, but it never needed to be an issue if I just accepted the new reality of sobriety.
Poppy ... do what you need to do in order to get back to sobriety (in your heart, not just in your physical body ..although that is important). We are here to walk this path with you and I think I can speak for everyone that there are no judgments being made. As I use to hear it put ... We don't shoot our wounded
Let us know what's going on even if it seems a bit out there or crazy right now. Talking it out can help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
So I am hating myself right now. Tummy is all churned up. Anxiety is not pleasant. I feel deflated and defeated. Angry at myself for going back to the drink after living an awesome life for the last 8.5 months.
I drank to punish others and myself.
Really hoping this is just a blip. I'm going to try and get in to see my psych today, don't like my chances but I will try.
Not going to work, I don't want to leave the house. Crying sporadically.
I keep trying to tell myself that it could be worse, I could be addicted to heroin or crystal. Nope, just alcohol. A poison that is so readily available.
Least I know I won't drink today I suppose.
Thanks for the kind words. It means more than I can describe.
I drank to punish others and myself.
Really hoping this is just a blip. I'm going to try and get in to see my psych today, don't like my chances but I will try.
Not going to work, I don't want to leave the house. Crying sporadically.
I keep trying to tell myself that it could be worse, I could be addicted to heroin or crystal. Nope, just alcohol. A poison that is so readily available.
Least I know I won't drink today I suppose.
Thanks for the kind words. It means more than I can describe.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
There no need to hope its a blip Poppy. You're not a victim here, you call the shots (no pun intended)
you've beaten your addiction before, I know you can beat it again and for good this time.
No point in chewing over past decisions. Todays a new day and a new start.
You absolutely have the power to say I do not drink
D
you've beaten your addiction before, I know you can beat it again and for good this time.
No point in chewing over past decisions. Todays a new day and a new start.
You absolutely have the power to say I do not drink
D
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