One Year and Under Club Part 59
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi CK
yeah that probably the most difficult part of a site like this to get used to.
I have to try and remember my journey was one over several years, but I got there in the end. I have to believe others can, and will, too
I can tell you that the majority of people who been here a few months or more and then disappear do come back, sometimes under another name.
I hope anyone reading this who's MIA at the moment will come back. No slaps or judgement here.
D
yeah that probably the most difficult part of a site like this to get used to.
I have to try and remember my journey was one over several years, but I got there in the end. I have to believe others can, and will, too
I can tell you that the majority of people who been here a few months or more and then disappear do come back, sometimes under another name.
I hope anyone reading this who's MIA at the moment will come back. No slaps or judgement here.
D
Living the life
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,211
Hi Folks.
I just got home from a camping trip. Last year I was brand new sober on this annual camping trip and it was a real learning experience. This year, for someone who thinks she is so over it, I sure talked about it a lot! lol "If I were drinking I'd never be doing *insert fun event* right now!" or "If I were drinking I wouldn't have the patience to listen to the dog whining for the whole trip here". I had no regrets about not drinking, I am truly happy that I'm not. But I don't know what it's going to take to get me to just shut up about it. Mr. Troy doesn't drink, never has, and has no need to go on about it. I need to take a lesson there.
Ok, off to go catch up on some posts
I just got home from a camping trip. Last year I was brand new sober on this annual camping trip and it was a real learning experience. This year, for someone who thinks she is so over it, I sure talked about it a lot! lol "If I were drinking I'd never be doing *insert fun event* right now!" or "If I were drinking I wouldn't have the patience to listen to the dog whining for the whole trip here". I had no regrets about not drinking, I am truly happy that I'm not. But I don't know what it's going to take to get me to just shut up about it. Mr. Troy doesn't drink, never has, and has no need to go on about it. I need to take a lesson there.
Ok, off to go catch up on some posts
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
CK I totally understand your frustration and sense of disbelief, I have felt the same myself at times in the past. It's like ' don't you even care about your sobriety?' Thing is, addiction has its claws in deep and will do everything it can to stop a person escaping its clutches. Isolation is an easy one, seperate him from the herd, whisper a few things in his ear, remind him how he really doesn't want to live without feeding the monster.... And yes. It is so hard to hear and see. People here I have great affection for, some great respect, yet like some form of self destruction, they have 'allowed' themselves to slip.
Yet nothing is ever so simple. It took me a decade of knowing I had a drink problem before I found the strength to seek help. It then took several shaky attempts to stand up and really try for this sobriety thing. It took a while longer than that to accept that for me to succeed I had to not just consider, but embrace a life without alcohol from here on in.
All of that takes strength, all of that takes courage, all of that needs the loving support of real life people, not just SR friends. All of that means learning to deal with the blows life has in store for us, especially in the early days, even as we deal with the emotional upheaval of understanding why we drank and accepting want we did through those drinking years. All of that means finding ways to enjoy, to celebrate, to socialise without the crutch of so many years.
So, yes. Some of us don't manage it the first time, or the third, or the thirtieth. But with the right kind of support, knowing that we are not being judged and found wanting, some of us do finally get to the point we can say. " me? No, I don't drink. Thanks"
Helen, don't stop yourself from talking about it if you want, I still do. You have achieved something immense ( see above!) and have every right to be proud of yourself. also I feel that part of the problem with alcoholism is the secrecy. I'm loud and proud in the hope that it helps even one woman who has a problem, to admit to it and seek help. For too long alcohol has oiled the wheels of social interaction, and everyone thinks they're the only one with a problem because everyone else seems to be okay. Until more people can stand up and say, "actually, I wasn't okay at all, I was really struggling with life" nothing will change.
Yet nothing is ever so simple. It took me a decade of knowing I had a drink problem before I found the strength to seek help. It then took several shaky attempts to stand up and really try for this sobriety thing. It took a while longer than that to accept that for me to succeed I had to not just consider, but embrace a life without alcohol from here on in.
All of that takes strength, all of that takes courage, all of that needs the loving support of real life people, not just SR friends. All of that means learning to deal with the blows life has in store for us, especially in the early days, even as we deal with the emotional upheaval of understanding why we drank and accepting want we did through those drinking years. All of that means finding ways to enjoy, to celebrate, to socialise without the crutch of so many years.
So, yes. Some of us don't manage it the first time, or the third, or the thirtieth. But with the right kind of support, knowing that we are not being judged and found wanting, some of us do finally get to the point we can say. " me? No, I don't drink. Thanks"
Helen, don't stop yourself from talking about it if you want, I still do. You have achieved something immense ( see above!) and have every right to be proud of yourself. also I feel that part of the problem with alcoholism is the secrecy. I'm loud and proud in the hope that it helps even one woman who has a problem, to admit to it and seek help. For too long alcohol has oiled the wheels of social interaction, and everyone thinks they're the only one with a problem because everyone else seems to be okay. Until more people can stand up and say, "actually, I wasn't okay at all, I was really struggling with life" nothing will change.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,165
CK, I know that it can be frustrating at times seeing folks that you have interacted with daily for many months suddenly drop off SR without a trace. As Dee mentioned, I have seen many come back months later for another try. I think some are embarrassed by admitting they had a slip, and unfortunately stop posting on SR, just when they need it most. All we can do is to be tolerant and forgiving and welcoming when these folks do venture back here.
Helen, I am glad that you had fun camping. I was much like you, going on in my head constantly that I would never be doing what I am doing if still drinking. Quitting drinking is one of the most momentous events any of us will ever experience. Yak it up!
Helen, I am glad that you had fun camping. I was much like you, going on in my head constantly that I would never be doing what I am doing if still drinking. Quitting drinking is one of the most momentous events any of us will ever experience. Yak it up!
Living the life
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,211
Originally Posted by tootsl1 
Until more people can stand up and say, "actually, I wasn't okay at all, I was really struggling with life" nothing will change.
Drinking was such a huge part of every aspect of my entire adult life. I am glad to be done with it but I guess in some ways I still can't believe it. And yes, I was really struggling while watching all my friends still having a great time with it. Or at least that's the front they put up. My guess is things aren't as rosy underneath for them either.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 697
I just got back from celebrating my 30th anniversary. We went back to our honeymoon spot, Niagara Falls. We had a great time, but I have to say I was surprised at how loud and constant my av was. After a year of sobriety, I was not expecting it. I think it must have been the stroll down memory lane to a time that was just carefree.
We got busy making new memories. Lots of hikes and bike rides. After a few days my av settled down
Toots - great post, thank you!
We got busy making new memories. Lots of hikes and bike rides. After a few days my av settled down
Toots - great post, thank you!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Barb, my AV was at its loudest at the year mark, like it was having its final fling, throwing everything at me. I made it through, but at times white knuckled it!
I guess a combination I of timing, and of nostalgia made for a huge AV target! Well done on ignoring the wee sh1te, I swear after a year, it does quieten down a whole heck of a lot. I'm glad you enjoyed your trip, makes me a little nostalgic for our stay in the states!!
I guess a combination I of timing, and of nostalgia made for a huge AV target! Well done on ignoring the wee sh1te, I swear after a year, it does quieten down a whole heck of a lot. I'm glad you enjoyed your trip, makes me a little nostalgic for our stay in the states!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,864
Nice to read about your experiences since I'm close to one year, Toots and Barbs.
I like to read them to see, as a Undie, what's coming up.
There's many situations I didn't test my sobriety since I've quit using alcohol and drugs.
Reading about Barbs in Niagara Falls reminds me I would probably be under AV attack myself if I was in a touristic place with the lights flashing at night, all the noise and the crowd. I see myself falling and ending in the closest bar available. Ugh.
I did everything possible to stay in my "sober comfort zone" in the last 10 months.
I didn't go to any rock concert (I work in the industry) , I've avoid the Jazz Festival that was a place to get wasted every year because they let you drink outside, no premiere, no album launching in fact no nothing!
Dry and safe and at home as much as possible.
I will have to test real life sooner or later.
But I need a better plan than just say "I won't take any"
I want to start to go to AA, CA or NA meetings once in awhile, not so much for the program but to see other humans fighting like me to stay sober.
First meeting will be in a CA on Sunday with a friend who is a 23 years member and acts like my "sponsor" since I've quit.
Reading posts like yours tells me it's a good thing to do!
Have a good day guys, thanks for existing
I like to read them to see, as a Undie, what's coming up.
There's many situations I didn't test my sobriety since I've quit using alcohol and drugs.
Reading about Barbs in Niagara Falls reminds me I would probably be under AV attack myself if I was in a touristic place with the lights flashing at night, all the noise and the crowd. I see myself falling and ending in the closest bar available. Ugh.
I did everything possible to stay in my "sober comfort zone" in the last 10 months.
I didn't go to any rock concert (I work in the industry) , I've avoid the Jazz Festival that was a place to get wasted every year because they let you drink outside, no premiere, no album launching in fact no nothing!
Dry and safe and at home as much as possible.
I will have to test real life sooner or later.
But I need a better plan than just say "I won't take any"
I want to start to go to AA, CA or NA meetings once in awhile, not so much for the program but to see other humans fighting like me to stay sober.
First meeting will be in a CA on Sunday with a friend who is a 23 years member and acts like my "sponsor" since I've quit.
Reading posts like yours tells me it's a good thing to do!
Have a good day guys, thanks for existing
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
CK, there is no such thing as too much support, so if you can get f2f help, I am sure it will benefit you. When I was approaching a situation where in the past I would have drank to excess, I would use positive visualisation as part of my preparation. I would see myself smiling, relaxed and happy, holding a full glass of water (my sober drink of choice ) chatting or dancing etc. Keeping this positive visual at the forefront of my mind helped a lot. Often at the start of an event, I would be quieter than normal, not interact as much as would be expected, but before I knew it I would genuinely be having fun and enjoying myself. Then of course, comes a point later in the evening ( if I'm still around!) when the drunks start earnestly explaining why they should be in charge of the world, and telling you how much they love you mate ( or how you're no fun now - those are the guys with reall drink issues themselves) . If you haven't left by then, it's time to show your heels!
I have a sober friend who didn't start going back to concerts until she had another sober friend to go with, and that helped her. Now of course she will go anywhere and doesn't worry.
I have a sober friend who didn't start going back to concerts until she had another sober friend to go with, and that helped her. Now of course she will go anywhere and doesn't worry.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
Koala, I am a lot like you in that respect. I carefully choose the environments that I expose myself to. Also getting close to the year thing. I've never been here before and I don't want to mess it up.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,759
Thanks toots. A freind of ours is holding a wedding social for her daughter. It's not much more than an event to raise money by everybody gathering and drinking to excess. We have to make an appearance (my wife and I). It's not the drinking I'm worried about, Its the boardom. We agreed to make it sort and sweet tho alot of my wifes freinds will be there and she will want to talk to everyone..... maybe I'll leave and come back for her later.....
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,165
I agree that my AV awoke a bit at one year. It was easy to rationalize a drink since I had shown that "I got this" after not drinking for a year. The thought of "You can have a couple and jump back on the wagon when you want" plagued me for a bit. Thankfully, reading so many stories here on SR of folks that had one drink and went back out for years afterwards reenforced that craziness of that idea.
CK, I was a little nervous going to my first few shows after I quit. Concerts were always party central, and some of the bands I love are known for wild lot scenes. I think I took a couple NAs the first couple times just to have something to hold onto. Now, I don't even think twice about sipping a water or whatever. It really does become easier as you accumulate more sober time. A fringe benefit of not drinking is that I do not spend half the concert waiting in bathroom lines anymore!
Have a great day all!
CK, I was a little nervous going to my first few shows after I quit. Concerts were always party central, and some of the bands I love are known for wild lot scenes. I think I took a couple NAs the first couple times just to have something to hold onto. Now, I don't even think twice about sipping a water or whatever. It really does become easier as you accumulate more sober time. A fringe benefit of not drinking is that I do not spend half the concert waiting in bathroom lines anymore!
Have a great day all!
Living the life
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,211
Originally Posted by stargazer016
The thought of "You can have a couple and jump back on the wagon when you want" plagued me for a bit. Thankfully, reading so many stories here on SR of folks that had one drink and went back out for years afterwards reenforced that craziness of that idea.
In her book "Between Breaths" Elizabeth Vargas talks about getting a call from a friend in recovery while she was in a treatment program. The friend said haven't you figured it out yet? It's so much easier to stay sober than it is to get sober! Wise words there.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
That is so true Helen! The problem is, it's not our logical mind that is the problem. It is the chemically addicted side, the psychologically addicted side, the emotionally addicted side. It's that bloody AV!! I firm.y believe that after a year, we have dealt with many of the issues that were drinking triggers... Christmas, birthday, Super Bowl, Friday's, friends parties...... So AV knows that once we get beyond that psychological focus point of one year, we are far less likely to listen to AV. So it throws everything at us, every form of temptation that ever worked in the past, every sneaky thought we didn't know we'd ever had...
OKay some here have said they were never troubled at the year mark. To them I say be thankful! It's horrible! But no worse than the trauma of stumbling through those first awful weeks, and we are a heck of a lot better armed.
In the overs we have recently been talking about what we enjoy most about our sobriety. For me, it is undoubtedly the total freedom of never having to make decisions around alcohol or feeling resentment at being kept from it. That freedom is truly the biggest lungsful of fresh air ever!
So if AV tries the one year tickle? Give it the one finger salute, and tell the wee sh1te to go find someone who might listen, coz you ain't!!
OKay some here have said they were never troubled at the year mark. To them I say be thankful! It's horrible! But no worse than the trauma of stumbling through those first awful weeks, and we are a heck of a lot better armed.
In the overs we have recently been talking about what we enjoy most about our sobriety. For me, it is undoubtedly the total freedom of never having to make decisions around alcohol or feeling resentment at being kept from it. That freedom is truly the biggest lungsful of fresh air ever!
So if AV tries the one year tickle? Give it the one finger salute, and tell the wee sh1te to go find someone who might listen, coz you ain't!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 697
Toots you are so right...it's that bloody AV!! I just can't seem to turn it off lately. It seems to be in over drive. It seems almost as bad as when I first got sober. Can't seem to shut it off.
It's such a beautiful day here and my husband is just hanging out with me and having a beer (only one) but I sure would love a drink right now...any drink...I will have my soda water and wait for it to pass, because it will pass...
It's such a beautiful day here and my husband is just hanging out with me and having a beer (only one) but I sure would love a drink right now...any drink...I will have my soda water and wait for it to pass, because it will pass...
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