One Year and Under Club Part 59
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
(((ST))) I very much understand that state of emotional chaos.
I remember very early on when I was doing intense outpatient work where I spent days and days crying and I couldn't figure out why. It was like mourning a death and celebrating a birth all at once... and when the tears eventually stopped, I felt a lot more peace than I had felt in years.
I also had that moment in treatment. I was walking to my van on pass day in the most frigid weather and suddenly the tears started quietly running down my face... all those people who had encouraged me and told me I was a survivor and I really was a special person, were right. And I had been doing my best all my life to try and put out that light. I spent years grinding myself down and denying myself of any worth. And all along I had been wrong.
Somebody told me once in a meeting that the worst form of abuse is self-abuse.
You pour a little bit of love and empathy on that shame and guilt and it's as though our inner child comes out, crying with relief and a quivering fear of the unknown. That part of our soul needs love and understanding. It's confusing and emotional digging through all the muck and mud until you find those things you thought you'd lost forever.
That's my feeling on it... we're all so precious inside. Busting through the denial of that can be painful, hard work.
Keep on keeping on. It's a beautiful journey hey?
I remember very early on when I was doing intense outpatient work where I spent days and days crying and I couldn't figure out why. It was like mourning a death and celebrating a birth all at once... and when the tears eventually stopped, I felt a lot more peace than I had felt in years.
I also had that moment in treatment. I was walking to my van on pass day in the most frigid weather and suddenly the tears started quietly running down my face... all those people who had encouraged me and told me I was a survivor and I really was a special person, were right. And I had been doing my best all my life to try and put out that light. I spent years grinding myself down and denying myself of any worth. And all along I had been wrong.
Somebody told me once in a meeting that the worst form of abuse is self-abuse.
You pour a little bit of love and empathy on that shame and guilt and it's as though our inner child comes out, crying with relief and a quivering fear of the unknown. That part of our soul needs love and understanding. It's confusing and emotional digging through all the muck and mud until you find those things you thought you'd lost forever.
That's my feeling on it... we're all so precious inside. Busting through the denial of that can be painful, hard work.
Keep on keeping on. It's a beautiful journey hey?
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,755
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement and comfort. This weekend turned out to be a really good one that I won't soon forget. We went on another family adventure today and explored some nearby areas. It's amazing what can be found just outside your own back yard. (well, a 30 minute drive, but so worth it).
LockPortPellicans.JPG
LockPortPellicans.JPG
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,163
Originally Posted by Purplrks3647 
(((((One year and under club))))) 
StDragon, it sounds like you had to work through some stuff to be ready to move forward, and you have. That is awesome. Be kind to yourself over the next few days, we always feel a little more vulnerable than usual after an emotional adjustment.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Thanks toots.
It's not a state I can maintain consistently, it's just these little moments along the way where the dots connect and I find some clarity.
It's hard to stand firmly out of default mode and live intentionally. We are not conditioned to be that way.
But lucky for us, we can figure out we have the choice to stay that way or change.
I have hit a bit of a low myself. I am trying to be my best own cheerleader. My son has left back to his dad's after spending a great part of the summer here.
It doesn't help that often times when I am thinking of him, missing him, my 5 year old daughter chimes in sadly, "I miss N. When is he coming back to live with us? Are we going to see him tomorrow? I really love him. "
Early days, but it will get better and he'll be back soon enough, to live with us.
Grateful for the summer we had. Can't wait for school to start now.
It's not a state I can maintain consistently, it's just these little moments along the way where the dots connect and I find some clarity.
It's hard to stand firmly out of default mode and live intentionally. We are not conditioned to be that way.
But lucky for us, we can figure out we have the choice to stay that way or change.
I have hit a bit of a low myself. I am trying to be my best own cheerleader. My son has left back to his dad's after spending a great part of the summer here.
It doesn't help that often times when I am thinking of him, missing him, my 5 year old daughter chimes in sadly, "I miss N. When is he coming back to live with us? Are we going to see him tomorrow? I really love him. "
Early days, but it will get better and he'll be back soon enough, to live with us.
Grateful for the summer we had. Can't wait for school to start now.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,163
DDee do you schedule FaceTime/skypes with your son so his wee sister can chat? It must be tough on you to be seperated from your son, though modern technology does make it a little less painful.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
HI all! Yes I am still here, still sober and busy with the buildings. We are redoing the front entrance and the terracotta cornices of the roof... lots of dollars flying out the door. Sadly not in my pocket.
Singing season again, so off to rehearse tonight for a bid Sunday mass at my church. I do get tired of it sometimes, but beats sitting around. That is when the call of the addict gets louder!
Going to check in with you all for a bit and then head out!
Singing season again, so off to rehearse tonight for a bid Sunday mass at my church. I do get tired of it sometimes, but beats sitting around. That is when the call of the addict gets louder!
Going to check in with you all for a bit and then head out!
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,755
So I'm 10 months in and I think I'm beginning to understand brain fog. I've had moments over the last week where I've noticed the clarity and others where I've felt the fog. I hope it continues to lift...
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,144
STD, I found myself probably for the first year and a half bouncing between moments of great clarity and moments shrouded in a dense fog. Once I realized that this is apparently par for the course, I stopped beating myself up about it. Our brains are trying to heal and rebuild after drinking poison for many years. Sometimes, I feel our brains just simply need to reboot and reload. Hence the fog. I have found the fog to occur far less often these days. Hang in there!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,144
Helen, family and hobbies were definitely two causalities of my drinking. I am working still on the family angle, but my hobbies are still lagging. At least I know that I am pointed in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 697
Hi everyone. Heading out to Seattle tomorrow morning to visit my son for a few days. My daughter will also be flying out to join us. I can't wait to see them both. Reality seems to be setting in for my son regarding his hand, but he is determined to keep a positive attitude.
I'm looking for a good book to read on my flight. My boss recommended "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy". Not sure it's my cup of tea, but I'll see if I can get into it
Hope everyone has a great day!
I'm looking for a good book to read on my flight. My boss recommended "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy". Not sure it's my cup of tea, but I'll see if I can get into it
Hope everyone has a great day!
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,755
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - I used to love the TV series. Never read the book, but my son enjoyed it. I was some what disappointed by the movie. I used to have a text based game (back in the IBM 8088 'personal computer' days) that I enjoyed playing. You can still find it online.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,163
Barbs, I loved the book and the original series, it is wonderfully eccentric! Have a safe trip and best of wishes for your son, it sounds like he really is trying to make the best of his situation.
We definitely find ourselves interacting differently with our loved ones, families and friends once we become more settled into our sobriety. We are quite literally, a different person. It can be a difficult transition period at times, but also very rewarding.
I love the opportunity sobriety gives us to try new things and to find out what hobbies, new and old give us joy. I never would have written one book let alone six if I had stayed drunk. I would love to take a painting class, but my life is too unsettled at present to commit a specific period of time. Hopefully at some point I can give it a go.
We definitely find ourselves interacting differently with our loved ones, families and friends once we become more settled into our sobriety. We are quite literally, a different person. It can be a difficult transition period at times, but also very rewarding.
I love the opportunity sobriety gives us to try new things and to find out what hobbies, new and old give us joy. I never would have written one book let alone six if I had stayed drunk. I would love to take a painting class, but my life is too unsettled at present to commit a specific period of time. Hopefully at some point I can give it a go.
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