SoberLeigh

Goodnight, Suze and Nick.

SoberLeigh

Goodnight, all.

wpainterw

P.S. Of course a patient does not "have" to take what a doctor prescribes. He or she makes that decision not the doctor. But there are situations where, if one has a sudden relapse, a doctor can provide emergency help to stop things from getting worse, far worse. Increasingly police and emergency vehicle drivers are equipped in similar fashion. I once was walking with a fellow who suddenly had an alcoholic seizure and his speech turned into "word salad". Immediate medical help saved his life. A sudden relapse is like a stroke. Immediate medical help is crucial.

W.

PhoenixJ

yukonm

Continued prayers for both of you, Suze and Nick

Croutie

Thinking of you two; Venuscat and Goat...kind of sounds like some sort of rare astrological pairing...
All the best,
Croutie

Goat

Hello everyone -- I should have checked in here days ago. Sorry for the delay.

I am working consistently to address the issues I have been facing and to start correcting the damage I have done.

I am no longer following old patterns. In the past I would have recognized that there was an issue and made promises and plans to change, but I would not always (or even often) follow through. This time I am doing things differently -- focusing on concrete actions rather than vague plans, and making myself accountable for those actions.

First of all, I am going to AA meetings again. The most dangerous thing I do when I start to have issues is to allow my AA meeting attendance to drop. I have realized that I simply cannot do this. I need to be going to AA regularly, and from now on I am.

I also had an appointment with my primary care doctor to talk about my blood pressure and adjust my medicine. The medicine I was given at the hospital really helped, but it became clear that the dosage was not sufficient to address the whole problem. My doctor increased the dosage of the medication that seemed to be the most effective, and now the meds are working well. I have another appointment to review meds at the beginning of July.

I am taking the lead on helping Suze navigate the situation with immigration. I don't want to speak for Suze, but I feel like there needs to be a little more understanding of the difficulties she is facing. She originally came here to be with me, and made plans to attend school both because she wanted to pursue that career path here and also because it gave her a way to be in the country with me. Once she got here two things happened: 1) It became clear that the program she was entering had been misrepresented both by the school and (inadvertently) by me. What should have been a very quick program leading to licensure as an addiction counselor is actually a very long, involved program. 2) I (inadvertently, again) threw a lot of obstacles in her path -- my health issues caused my behavior to be, frankly, bizarre. To come to this country with no support and to have the one person who is supposed to be in you corner acting very strangely is disconcerting to say the least, and though she did her absolute best to hang on she really needed more support from me in order to succeed. And when I turned to drinking to ease my own issues it completely derailed her. Her classes were supposed to start immediately following the days where I was drinking and then disappeared for days.

So, now, she is trying to regain balance and confidence both in herself and in me... and right along with this school is proceeding and she is getting further behind.... in a program that is *NOT* what she originally signed up for.

So, the question is: is pushing through this and committing to get back into school and putting in the huge effort of getting back on track really the right course? Well, that is for her to decide, and whatever she decides I am behind her 100%

One way or another, she needs (and will get) very solid support from me, and she also needs support from all her friends here, in order to get through this.

Goat

I want to address one other thing...

Before I met Suze my life was a hollow trudge towards the grave. Life had become meaningless drudgery and I was utterly miserable. I felt old. I felt like I had already done everything noteworthy or remarkable that I would ever do in life, and I had just become a worker bee -- going to work, eating and sleeping. Life had no purpose anymore.

Suze showed up and changed that. Suddenly life had a point. Suddenly I felt young again. Suddenly I had hopes and dreams again. I felt like I could really make something out of life and have a purpose.

I did not expect that shift to coincide with health issues that made me feel.... crazy.

I did not expect those health issues to drive me to drink again.

I did not expect those health issues to make the resulting relapse many times worse than anything I had ever experienced before.

I *do* know that I am an alcoholic, and I know that drinking for me is very dangerous, both to me and to anyone I care about.

I am not looking for any sort of absolution or forgiveness for my behavior, and I am addressing and will continue to address my issues. I *WILL NOT* do that again.

Suze has shown amazing understanding and love towards me. Should she take me back after what I have done? Once an alcoholic has shown they are capable of relapsing does that then invalidate them as a person and make them unworthy of love? I think it depends on what I am doing now and what I do next. Any of us can relapse.... I certainly did not ask to be the kind of alcoholic who becomes a monster when he drinks -- someone who would inadvertently physically harm the person he loves -- but I *AM* capable of doing something about it. And as long as I am addressing my issues and making sure I never come close to relapse again, I hope Suze will continue to be able to move forward with me and continue our relationship.

One thing is for certain... I have never love anyone the way I love her. And I have never felt love from anyone the way feel it from her.... And I truly cannot live without her.

Aellyce

Hi Suze and Nick,

I have not commented much in these threads but have been following on and off. First of all, I am very sorry that things have become so complicated with lots of unexpected events and surprises. You guys have made the decision to get together relatively quickly (if I recall the beginning correctly), not knowing each-other too well, Suze moved to a brand new environment, all that home remodeling, reporting the story here on the forum... I can't imagine anyone would handle all that without major stress and emotional turmoil. If I may suggest anything, it would be not to make any major decisions and changes for a while apart from what is absolutely necessary.

I mostly wanted to comment on the counseling training. I know quite a few people that are trainee therapists/counselors, or have done it in the past, and it's pretty big commitment, not quick either, given that it's a decent program. Good programs take far more than just going to classes, studying books, and taking exams. Usually the trainees have to be in therapy/counseling as well, also work with cases/clients and supervisors... There are more "quick and dirty" ways, but those don't tend to be the best programs or provide competitive experience. Then it can be an emotionally quite challenging career (as I am sure people on this forum know/can imagine) if someone really cares about the work.

Is this school the only option? If not, maybe it's worth looking at alternatives and see if there is something more suitable? If Suze is on a student visa, I think some of those can be transferred between institutions.

Hope that things will work out for you two!

FBL

Nick, glad you're getting the blood pressure under control. I've been on bp meds for over two years now and they've worked wonders. Wish I would've got on them sooner.

Suze, Aellyce above said it much better than I ever could, re your educational options.

Will always be here to support BOTH of you!

wpainterw

Thanks Nick: So glad you are back with AA, have a good Primary Care Physician and will get counseling when you need it. I've been on blood pressure drugs for 20 years and these are modified from time to time. My pressure is now under complete control. Exercise helps a lot and I should do more of it. My cardiologist says it's about 60 percent of the struggle.
As you know I had several relapses from 1975 till 1988. I learned that the important thing is to try to predict when a relapse is being planned by the AV since they say these often are subconsciously in the works for a week or more in advance. Stress is often a factor. Also the body's conditioned response to stress, alcohol, Pavlov's Dog. I've told the story about coming back from the airport to see my wife off and feeling completely stoned without having taken a single drink. Like the "nurse" is away, and it's Party Time. Which shows that no one should rely on another person, nurse, wife or whatever. Do it for yourself. Get a book on Relapses. There are several. Also SR has a number of threads, including mine. Dee can be a big help locating them. Train yourself to spot relapses ahead of time. Then head off the AV by going right away to the doctor. Never let the AV get up steam since you have seen what can happen when it really gets going. It can destroy everything, job, loved ones, others, freedom and it can destroy you.
Good luck. You and Suze can work things out but it will take time.

Bill.

SoberLeigh

We are here to support BOTH of you as alcoholics and as friends.

venuscat

Perhaps no one is really going to understand all of this....no, we did not know each other briefly before I made this decision. We were close for many months before I got here last year, and we spent almost two months together at the end of last year.

We both went through hell in the last few weeks, that's for sure.

But one thing is certain....the love we have for each other is even stronger than we knew it was. It is probably far stronger than it was before all of this happened.

I am not a youngster ~ four years of study was not what I wanted at this point. But yes, perhaps I need to re-think this. Perhaps I can still do it.

Thank you all for caring....about both of us. ♥

venuscat

Thank you sweetheart. ♥

Croutie

Sending support and wishes for the very best for you both.

Aellyce

Well, if that career is what you really want now, perhaps it's worth the time investment? The way I like to think about these things: it may take four long years of study to get there, but then you have it for the rest of your life. Whereas if you don't go for it, perhaps you will still have the desire in four years and regret it? Based on your contributions here, Suze, you really seem to have a mission to help people, and you would be paid to do it then Something else I would consider though is what work opportunities you could envision in the future, where you are. Addiction counseling can be very competitive as there are so many people with various types of qualifications in that field, and you would just start getting work experience in it.

I seriously considered getting into the therapy field (not addiction counseling, I would be interested in more general, depth psychotherapy approaches) myself a couple years ago and explored options in detail. I am already in the mental health field, have done clinical research work including with patients, but to get qualified and licensed as a therapist (the kind I would want to be) would take quite a few years of expensive training, and then I would be working in an area of the country where these professionals are very abundant and there is a great variety of very experienced ones. I did not think of this as a complete career change but imagined doing it part time. But I did not even know how I could get through the (very involved) training besides my already very busy job. So I rejected the idea and just took some classes at various institutions and with different people, mostly to feed my interest. The irony is that now, 2 years later, I am in the process of a much bigger career change and will eventually want to do independent/freelance work, and the therapy thing could nicely fit into it. Not saying that I regret the past choice, but I need to do serious new training for what I plan to do anyway and the transition won't be a few weeks or months. So... I am back to thinking about it, and 2 years have passed. Life can be so unpredictable, I think that generally it's good to explore what interests us than never give it a try, especially if it's a persistent interest.

Kris47

Stay close to your sober supports. They are the most important thing in both of your recoveries.

I am here if and when you need me. My friendship reaches out to the both of you.

SoberLeigh

Goodnight, Suze and Nick.

Love to you.

SoberLeigh

Goodnight and love to all.

PhoenixJ

Hard stuff- to be put under the microscope by others in a community arena like this ON BOTH OF YOU..
G- to bare your soul like that takes true courage. I t certainly not my 'role' to judge anybody. The guy sitting to me at the meeting I go to today is not likely to share such personal stuff. Are alcoholic's worthy of forgiveness...I think we are our own executioners and put ourselves through more hell than any one else possibly could. WHAT RIGHT does anyone have to judge you or Suze...this thread is not a reality TV show- with winners and losers.

This thread is your lives- and I am a guest- just like I would be if invited into someone's home. A difficult time for both of you. You both only have to be accountable, IMO- to yourselves and each other.
My role- therefore as a guest, is to listen and offer support and positive feedback. This is not schadenfreude. This is your lives- which you share for support, given and invited.
Speaking as one whose glass house has all the windows replaced with plastic cling wrap.....just be true to yourselves guys. Do not let others sway your lives. Because they are the only ones any of us get. Do what is good and positive for yourself- for yourselves.
Prayers and support to you both...