Cheers for Venuscat Part Five
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Rough day yesterday, but I learned from it...
I am having a very hard time sleeping at the jail. I've been averaging 4 hours per night. And yesterday morning I was too exhausted for my brain to function normally.
So that's pretty normal, right? Yeah, except I found that when my brain is not functioning at normal efficiency I kind of lose progress on what I have been learning in recovery. I change back to old ways of thinking. Fear creeps back in and I interact with the world from a place of fear rather than from a place of recovery.
I talked it through with my sponsor and as usual he gave me assignments, which I followed to the letter of course.
Today I am still exhausted, but I am a lot better. And I carry on with even more conviction... one day at a time, and today my mind is in, and will stay in, recovery.
I am having a very hard time sleeping at the jail. I've been averaging 4 hours per night. And yesterday morning I was too exhausted for my brain to function normally.
So that's pretty normal, right? Yeah, except I found that when my brain is not functioning at normal efficiency I kind of lose progress on what I have been learning in recovery. I change back to old ways of thinking. Fear creeps back in and I interact with the world from a place of fear rather than from a place of recovery.
I talked it through with my sponsor and as usual he gave me assignments, which I followed to the letter of course.
Today I am still exhausted, but I am a lot better. And I carry on with even more conviction... one day at a time, and today my mind is in, and will stay in, recovery.
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
I am thinking about arrogance today. For most of my life I could not understand why I came across to people as arrogant -- I certainly did not feel that way inside, I told myself. It must have been something about the way I talked... People heard me saying words they did not understand and pinned the blame on me for arrogance rather than accepting their own deficiency in vocabulary. Haha, wow... I really used to think that, and today I can see just how dripping with arrogance that statement is!
I am not arrogant because I am an alcoholic. I am arrogant because I am arrogant. Being an alcoholic in recovery (and having people in my life who are unafraid to tell me the truth) has helped me to see and accept the facts. And now that I see it I do not want to be that way. Arrogance may be part of my makeup, but at a much deeper level it is not who I am or who I want to be, and it certainly does not fit in with how I want to treat others.
So I have been working on this, but yesterday I said something that surprised me. It revealed that I still have a lot of learning and work to do to get rid of this arrogance that I do not want.
Onward I go, one day at a time. I will never be perfect, but I can certainly be a lot better than I am today.
I am not arrogant because I am an alcoholic. I am arrogant because I am arrogant. Being an alcoholic in recovery (and having people in my life who are unafraid to tell me the truth) has helped me to see and accept the facts. And now that I see it I do not want to be that way. Arrogance may be part of my makeup, but at a much deeper level it is not who I am or who I want to be, and it certainly does not fit in with how I want to treat others.
So I have been working on this, but yesterday I said something that surprised me. It revealed that I still have a lot of learning and work to do to get rid of this arrogance that I do not want.
Onward I go, one day at a time. I will never be perfect, but I can certainly be a lot better than I am today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
As you guys know, I have been trying to adjust to a brand-new life.
And of all of the things I left behind in Australia, my plants hurt me the most.
Well, Nick is wonderful....he not only 'lets' me have as many plants as I like, but he truly loves it all as I do. I now have 111 plants. Possible 112. Both the inside and outside of our home looks like a fairy garden.
The point of this is that I had to leave my gloxinias. And they are/were my prize plants. Gorgeous and living for years and years past their usual life-span. I was determined to find them here. I couldn't. But I did find the bulbs and in April I planted them....this is the first flower.
I made this.
And of all of the things I left behind in Australia, my plants hurt me the most.
Well, Nick is wonderful....he not only 'lets' me have as many plants as I like, but he truly loves it all as I do. I now have 111 plants. Possible 112. Both the inside and outside of our home looks like a fairy garden.
The point of this is that I had to leave my gloxinias. And they are/were my prize plants. Gorgeous and living for years and years past their usual life-span. I was determined to find them here. I couldn't. But I did find the bulbs and in April I planted them....this is the first flower.
I made this.
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Originally Posted by venuscat 
Well, Nick is wonderful....he not only 'lets' me have as many plants as I like, but he truly loves it all as I do. I now have 111 plants. Possible 112. Both the inside and outside of our home looks like a fairy garden.
Originally Posted by venuscat
I made this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by Goat
I am thinking about arrogance today. For most of my life I could not understand why I came across to people as arrogant -- I certainly did not feel that way inside, I told myself. It must have been something about the way I talked... People heard me saying words they did not understand and pinned the blame on me for arrogance rather than accepting their own deficiency in vocabulary. Haha, wow... I really used to think that, and today I can see just how dripping with arrogance that statement is!
I am not arrogant because I am an alcoholic. I am arrogant because I am arrogant. Being an alcoholic in recovery (and having people in my life who are unafraid to tell me the truth) has helped me to see and accept the facts. And now that I see it I do not want to be that way. Arrogance may be part of my makeup, but at a much deeper level it is not who I am or who I want to be, and it certainly does not fit in with how I want to treat others.
So I have been working on this, but yesterday I said something that surprised me. It revealed that I still have a lot of learning and work to do to get rid of this arrogance that I do not want.
Onward I go, one day at a time. I will never be perfect, but I can certainly be a lot better than I am today.
I am not arrogant because I am an alcoholic. I am arrogant because I am arrogant. Being an alcoholic in recovery (and having people in my life who are unafraid to tell me the truth) has helped me to see and accept the facts. And now that I see it I do not want to be that way. Arrogance may be part of my makeup, but at a much deeper level it is not who I am or who I want to be, and it certainly does not fit in with how I want to treat others.
So I have been working on this, but yesterday I said something that surprised me. It revealed that I still have a lot of learning and work to do to get rid of this arrogance that I do not want.
Onward I go, one day at a time. I will never be perfect, but I can certainly be a lot better than I am today.
How you have changed ~ what a long way you have come.
And so very much of the work has been concentrated in the past two months....it is like watching a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.....it looks painful: the butterfly is struggling to find its freedom. And then it escapes and it is just so beautiful that it fills your heart with wonder.
I wish there were more words to convey how proud of you I am.
It is easy to talk the talk, as they say, but it is a whole 'nother story to actually walk the walk. That takes courage. And determination. And perseverance.
I am proud to be on this journey with you my love. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Georgia
Posts: 711
Hi Suze and Nick,
Although I am very frightened of spiders, I certainly can admire their ability to create works of art. Thanks for posting the pic.
Think of you two often and hope things are progressing nicely for y'all.
All the best,
Croutie
Although I am very frightened of spiders, I certainly can admire their ability to create works of art. Thanks for posting the pic.
Think of you two often and hope things are progressing nicely for y'all.
All the best,
Croutie
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Location: Australia
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