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Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 9

Old 06-17-2017, 11:23 PM
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Found out our new neighbor is a sex offender. My husband checked the familywatchdog website before we decided to buy the house and thought the closest one was miles away. Well in the motel on the way here to sign on the house, literally already moving here with everything in the Uhaul, at 1am I decided to check out all of the offenders in the area. That is when I discovered the red pin beside our house. My husband had thought the pin was our house, because it is so close. I have an 8 yr old daughter and 14 yr old son. This has shattered the happiness of buying our first home. I didn't flip out on my husband because I know it was an honest mistake but I never in a million years would've agreed to live here, even though I love the house, if I had known. I found this article detailing the crimes:
GLOUCESTER The board chairman of Hopesville Ministries Children's Home pleaded guilty Thursday to five sex charges involving girls at the home, bringing to eight his total number of guilty pleas.

Gerald D. Boettcher, 46, faces a maximum of 45 years in prison for his admitted relationships with three teen-age girls.
His family and friends seemed stunned and angry when the half-hour Circuit Court proceeding ended.
"I hope you rot in hell," his wife, Sheila, said to the mother of one victim.
Sheila Boettcher is executive director of the family-run Christian home for troubled children. Her mother, Ruth Seal, who co-founded the home in 1967 with her husband, the Rev. Frank L. Seal Jr., apparently didn't understand the brief court proceedings.
Although Judge Wiley R. Wright Jr. announced that anyone who was scheduled to testify could leave the courtroom, because a plea agreement had been reached, and although Gerald Boettcher stood and answered "guilty" to each of the five charges, when the judge adjourned the session, Mrs. Seal asked, "Don't we even get a chance to testify?"
When she was told that her son-in-law had pleaded guilty and that the trial was over, she collapsed in sobs, crying out, "We didn't get a chance. We didn't get a chance. ... He didn't do it. He didn't do it. ... They lied. They lied. They know they did."
A courtroom confrontation between Boettcher supporters and a victim's family was quickly quieted when deputies moved in and one officer threatened to put disorderly people in holding cells.
Boettcher showed little emotion during his daylong trial Wednesday and the session Thursday, when the defense was scheduled to present its case. He left the courtroom Thursday without turning to look at his family.
At the beginning of Wednesday's session, he pleaded guilty to three charges, and Assistant Commonwealth's Attorney Rosemary Bourne spent the balance of the day presenting evidence to support 15 other charges. Judge Wright dismissed two Wednesday night for insufficient evidence.
Two girls gave graphic testimony about frequent sexual activities with Boettcher in buildings at Hopesville, in his vehicles, in the Boettchers' home and at a construction site in Dutton where the Boettchers were building a house.
Boettcher was taken by ambulance from that site in June after attempting suicide. According to testimony by a Gloucester Sheriff's Office investigator and a hospital crisis counselor, he admitted then that he had had sexual relationships with girls at the home.
A computer forensic analyst who works for the U.S. Postal Inspection Service testified Wednesday that it took him a week, but he cracked a code that enabled him to remove documents from Boettcher's laptop computer involving the "Golden Hearts Club."
A 16-year-old said Boettcher had had her stand nude and recite vows to join the club, which he described as a global mentor/protegee organization. She said he told her she "had qualities that he hadn't seen in anybody in a long time."
Under the plea agreement, 10 charges were dismissed. They involved the same offense - taking indecent liberties with a girl in his care - but they were for months during which the victim couldn't remember specific dates and times.
The 16-year-old testified she moved to Hopesville when she was 14, and Boettcher started having intercourse with her two months later. The relationship continued, with frequent encounters, for more than a year, she said.
The activity came to light after a Hopesville resident saw Boettcher and a girl "kissing intimately" and reported it to a housemother, who called Social Services.
Boettcher pleaded guilty to carnal knowledge of a 14-year-old and to taking indecent liberties with her - the girl who is now 16 - and with two other girls, now 17 and 20. The offenses date from June 1995 through June of this year.
Sentencing was set for March 1. Boettcher is being held without bond in Gloucester Jail.
The state temporarily shut down Hopesville after he was arrested, pending the outcome of the criminal charges. Randy Davis, a spokesman for Attorney General Mark Earley, said Thursday that the Department of Social Services "will move rapidly to permanently revoke their license to operate."

I am just sick. We do have a large property and he is not close. There are trees. I have not seen him but I have seen his wife. I went to the sheriffs office to ask advice. The man I talked to said he had been in law enforcement there a long time and doesn't recall anyone having problems with the guy, didn't even know who he was. He also said that he would consider him low risk since it had been 18 yrs. i feel disgusted, embarrassed, and even ashamed that we bought a house anywhere near that Chomo.
I have been thinking about drinking to the point of feeling like I know I'm going to. I've been basically planning relapse. But last night my fortune cookie said "A smooth sea
never made a skilled mariner". If you will notice, that is what my avatar says. So I thought maybe I should come here and talk. I hate coming here and complaining but it's been therapeutic just to even talk about this. I haven't told any of my friends and family about the situation. I'm just too embarrassed.
Sorry this is so long. I just don't know what to do.
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Old 06-18-2017, 12:38 AM
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As much of a shock as this must be LSW don't fall for the lie that a drink will somehow make it better or 'help you cope'.

I really have no other advice, and I don't know what the law is about full disclosure from whoever sold you the house, but I hope you and your husband can work out what the best path is for your family.

D
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Old 06-18-2017, 12:59 AM
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LSW

I am so sorry for you having to go through such a frightening time. I do know how it feels to feel unsafe and wanting to drink away the fear and pain of it all. I did try to drink it away for a very long time. It didn't work.

When I tried to drink it away I lost the ability to make a plan to deal with the situation and the drink actually made the feelings even bigger ... requiring more drink ... making the fear stronger .. more drink...

When I decided to do something about the situation that was of such grave concern for me, I first stopped drinking. One of the first things I figured out was that if I drank ... I lost, no one else. In fact I staid sober on that for quite some time as I figured out a temporary solution which led eventually to a semi-permenant solution.

Please try to see the lie in the thought that a drink will in any way help the situation. Talk to your husband and begin a plan that works for you. The two of you will know what that plan needs to be to make your world reasonably safe feeling again.

You are stronger than the part of you wanting to drink thinks. Please post here for comfort and support as you walk through this difficult time, and please don't drink.

Nands
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Old 06-18-2017, 01:08 AM
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Steeley,

"But I do think that I have an inner strength that I can draw on when times get tough I just don't demonstrate it in the real world during my day to day existence."

I always have to remind myself that vunerability is not weak. In fact it is from vuneralbility that I find my greatest strength. It takes a really strong person to allow themselves to be vunerable and that means that instead of walking through things with "dignity and grace" I often walk through things sobs and tears. But I do walk through them! And I am not lying to myself or others that it is easy or logically felt, or something glittery. It is just sogging through the mud when that is all there is to be done. If we waited for the mud to dry we would be standing still for a very long time!

I don't know what any of that just meant. I woke up and couldn't get to sleep and I think my brain is on reduced power at the moment.

Night Night Steely!

And you to LSW!

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Old 06-18-2017, 07:08 AM
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LSW - I'm so sorry that what should be such an exciting chapter in your life has been tarnished by this discovery. I completely understand how you feel. Obviously it would have been good if you'd known before but failing that, at least you do know now and you can take whatever precautions to ensure your children stay safe. As Dee and Nands said, drinking won't help in this situation at all. Let's face it, drinking never helps in any situation but with something like this, where you need to stay strong and calm, drinking will magnify all your fears and do nothing to support you at all. It must have been an awful shock LSW, I'm thinking of you and wish I had better advice to give. I think expressing your concerns to the police was a good idea.

Steely, I'm so sorry it may take that long to be rehoused. I definitely think it is the right thing to do to be completely honest with your son.

Kev, so glad your dad is out of hospital. I'm quite into running and anything under 30 minutes for a 5k is awesome. Well done Kev!!

Nands, great to hear from you as always. And thanks for your kind words about my guilt. Italy so far is amazing and I just had a little afternoon nap!! People are drinking everywhere but I'm not even tempted. I realised this may be one holiday where I actually feel like I've had a holiday when I get home. Going to post this now because wifi is hit and miss and I don't want to lose it xxxx
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Old 06-18-2017, 01:31 PM
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some times time zones suck

I figure you will be up in a bit, but then in a couple of hours I have to do the dinner thing (my turn to cook ... Beef Brocoli stirfry).

Oh well ... hopefully we will catch up with each other soon. I've been gardening all afternoon and have more to do. I HATE mowing the lawn ... such a waste of time and energy ... I hired it done back when I made money just cause I could, now I try to do it whith my cane and probably shouldn't do it, but can't afford to have it done!

It's ok ... I'm just whining. I think if I get a bit more done Chris will come take over. He just likes to see me make a start on things as when I drank I did nothing. He will get over it, but hey ... he is only human (So don't yell at him!!).

OK ... back in a bit. Kenton - sleep well and Steely - goo morning and Kev - you are doing great ... post us an update when you can. I know that AA can eat up a lot of time (as can a relationship) and then some AA sponsors don't like internet stuff ... although more and more they seem to accept it ... big difference in attitudes in the last 7 years Thank god!

EWWWW .. ok steely instead of a mushy morning ... now we get a gooey morning I guess the mush could turn to goo
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Old 06-18-2017, 01:48 PM
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Love you Nands xxx

Back in a little while.
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Old 06-18-2017, 03:53 PM
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Old 06-18-2017, 03:59 PM
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Old 06-18-2017, 04:03 PM
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the scared star is my favorite so she got a double post!
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Old 06-18-2017, 04:44 PM
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Thanks Nands, you're lovely.

Am just priming myself to phone Dept. of Housing to look at my options.

Think I'll just take it easy today and give my brain a rest and do a bit of meditating.

Glad you are enjoying Italy kenton. Did you smuggle the 3 legged frog in?

LSW sorry that you are living next door to this creep but he hasn't reoffended for 18 years and the police say that they view him as low risk, so that should give you a little peace of mind.

Don't want this to come across as defence of this cretin only to give you some reassurance that it looks unlikely that he will reoffend. I hate the guy, believe me. Wonder what became of the poor young girls?

As well as this he did plead guilty on all counts, where usually offenders deny everything.

Drinking in what you perceive to be an unsafe situation would only make things more unsafe so thoroughly advise against drinking. It's not going to make the idiot disappear, but will definitely disappear all of your hard won progress.

Good to see you LSW. Make that new house exactly what you wanted from the start. A happy family home.

Or, you could always sell if it were too disturbing for you and threatened your sobriety.
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Old 06-18-2017, 05:02 PM
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best wishes with the Housing Dept Steely

D
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Old 06-18-2017, 05:17 PM
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Steely (hug) yes take it easy and clear your mind ... settle down and if you can open your mind you may see some new ways to deal with them that might help .... I don't know what your beurocracy is like over there ... with ours if you get someone on your side you tend to get some rules bent.
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Old 06-18-2017, 07:36 PM
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Thanks Nands and Dee.

I have an appointment on Wednesday to see someone f2f as am getting the run around with different answers from different people who I speak to over the phone. Hope I get to meet someone who will go the extra mile.

E-mailed my son about possible 3 year wait not because I was gutless, but because I thought e-mail would give him time to digest the information and not break into an argument first up on the phone. I await his reply.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmm!
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Old 06-18-2017, 07:54 PM
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that sounds like a good way to handle talking with your son. I know that I sometimes would do an email first so that the person could calm down and be reasonable

It's night night time now
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Old 06-18-2017, 08:08 PM
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I had to wait ten years...what helped in the end, apart from
being imminently homeless, was finding an advocate..

there was a community service called KEIHS Early Intervention in Homelessness Service...

there might be similar advocacy groups in your area Steely?

D
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Old 06-18-2017, 08:42 PM
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Thanks Dee. I've been on the list for 7 years already surely this would give some cred given my current situation. Just might have to get myself an advocate. See how I go with this f2f interview on Wednesday.

Thanks for referral KEIHS and will follow through if nought happens Wednesday.
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Old 06-18-2017, 08:46 PM
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It probably wont be called KEIHS cos thats Qld state/local govt based but there must be an equivalent in NSW

D
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Old 06-18-2017, 08:51 PM
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Sweet dreams Nands.
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Old 06-18-2017, 08:53 PM
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Thanks Dee. Research awaits.
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