kenton

It's hard posting like that because you have to wait 30 seconds in between posts. What's the deal with that?? I'm an addict. I got no patience. I want to post and I want to post NOW.

Nands, can I call you Nands? I'm thinking of you. Sometimes if I don't respond to the really serious stuff it's because I don't know anything about it and I don't want to chip in just for the hell of it. I'd rather wait for someone with some knowledge to post. Hello Phoenix and Steely. These guys know what they're talking about. Just know that I'm thinking of you Nands and sending huge hugs and love right across the Atlantic to where you are xxx

This will cheer you up Nands... guess what happened to me today? First of all I dropped my phone without realising it. Then I reversed my car over my phone by accident. So now my phone is totally destroyed. Then I'm driving to collect my kids from school moaning in my head about my broken phone and then suddenly my car breaks down on a roundabout. It just stops. Without warning. One minute I'm driving along fretting about my phone. Next minute I'm stuck on a roundabout with cars beeping me because I'm blocking the road. And I can't call anyone because my phone is in pieces in my bag. Oh, how the mighty spud must have been looking down and laughing.

Anyway, luckily there are some angels that walk this earth and some people got out their cars and helped me push my car out the way and lent me a phone to call the Recovery and a mum from the kids school was stuck in the traffic and she went and picked up the kids for me. So it all worked out ok. Just have to see how much it will cost now to get the car fixed. And the phone. Although I think the phone might be beyond repair. I think it may have survived being dropped on the ground. I think being reversed over finished it off.

I hope everyone is doing ok. I see Rainy sometimes, hope you're having a good day Rainy. And you too Kev. And Steely and Phoenix and Dee and Poppy and Plenny and Tnek and LSW and Badger. Love to all of you xxxx

Steely

Your response was very funny kenton and really helped to cheer my morning. That 30 second wait is a bit tedious that's for sure, but couldn't resist. And like you I want it now!

I know it must have been a nightmare with your phone and car breaking down, but had to laugh when you said you REVERSED over it! . A comedy of errors. Spud is dubious

Like you I am uncertain as to what is going on with ananda's health and actually asked in my lost post.

If you don't mind sharing nands I would like to know why you are having trouble with your memory? If you don't want to share just tell me to rack off.

We have all gotten to know and trust each other pretty well I reckon, and it is only out of care that I ask. Love you nands.

Getting heaps good work done here in prep. for eventual move and have polished and moved my desk to an area that invites work. I really want to give writing a crack, and congrats nands on getting those two poems written.

Don't want to lose this post so off I go! Spudnik!

As always my love to all. xxxxx

Dee74

My brain has come back a long way since I stopped drinking and had those mini strokes...it took 5 years or so, but it doesn't seem that long looking back.

I hope everyone has a good day/night

D

Steely

I'm really happy for you Dee.. Everything seems to improve when we stop drinking. Every aspect of my life was negatively affected by alcohol.

Today I am taking a lazy Saturday as tired out from all the work in the house. Feels good to just to read, relax and potter around music in the background. Reintroduced Jazz into my life. What I have missed.

A standard Saturday would see me drunk already. And no fear when thinking about tomorrow. It's so good.

Have great weekend everyone.

kenton

The polished desk and your life in general is in a good place Steely. You sound so positive and strong. I hope you enjoyed/are enjoying your lazy Saturday. It sounds lovely. And like Steely said, I'm so happy for you Dee that your health has improved so much since your mini strokes. You are such an inspiration to those of us walking this path behind you.

So, I'm off tomorrow for my first ever sober holiday. My husband and I (I sound like the Queen typing that!), we've been married for years but we never had a honeymoon because we had kids and needed to save our money for other stuff. Anyway, we've been saving for ages and tomorrow we are off to Italy for a week. We've never been and it's somewhere we've always wanted to go. We're going to be travelling around a lot, seeing Rome and Pompeii and all these other awesome places I've always wanted to see.

My feelings and emotions about this trip are definitely like a herd of stray cats so it might help to write them down. Number one emotion is :

1) Excitement. Seeing new places. Spending time with my husband, just the two of us. We had kids when we got married (what will the Pope say??) and we've never been away from them before. We love each other very much and it will be amazing for it to be just us for a week.

2) Fear. We've never been away from the kids before and I'm feeling sick at the thought of leaving them. Even though I know they will have a blast with my mother in law who is looking after them for the week. They'll be at school every day and I've written a 20 page list of helpful instructions for my MIL (who is this person I am becoming??) so I know they will all be fine. But I feel bad about leaving them. This leads on to .....

3) Guilt. Who the hell am I to swan off to Italy for a week? This is not the kind of thing I have ever done and when I think about all the homeless people in the world, I feel bad that I have a home and I'm leaving it for a week for my own selfish reasons. I guess I'm so aware now of all the human suffering everywhere and it seems really frivolous to just get on a plane and see places I've always wanted to see. I guess I still don't think I'm worth having experiences like this. And I know my husband and I have never been away and we never took a honeymoon and we've both always worked hard but still I have the guilt.

4) Anxiety. I'm going to be out of my routine and I need to stay sober. I'm not sure if I'll have wifi where we are, I might not be able to check in here. There's bound to be lots of people sitting around, drinking Italian wine and I need to stay sober. This trip is a trip of a lifetime, I am not going to ruin it by drinking. I am determined about that. But the break in my routine is causing me some anxiety.

I think that's about it. Writing it down did help. My emotions are still a pack of stray cats but they all seem to be travelling in the same direction at least now. While I've been writing this, I've thought about other stuff I need to add to my MIL's list of instructions so I'll do that now before I forget. I'll check in here a few times today to get my full dosage of nobenders in case I can't contact you for a few days. Even though I'm sure there's wifi in Italy. There's an active volcano, the Vatican, Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Coliseum in Italy... of course there will be wifi. And pizza. Can't wait to eat proper Italian pizza.

Thanks for reading, if you got this far. I'm going to stay sober this week. I'm not going to let any of you down. And I'm definitely not going to let myself down. Because maybe, just maybe I am worth it. Love to you all xxxxx

Dee74

Have a great time Kenton - I'm sure the kids will be just fine - you deserve some me time

D

kenton

Thanks Dee

Steely

You are so definitely worth it kenton, and so dead funny, fair dinkum. "My husband and I." Sometimes I use the royal 'one' and think the same.

Your posts here have always been so supportive and giving, Italy is yours for the taking. Sip delicious chilled drinks from some romantic balcony overlooking the sea. It will be fantastic and the kids will be fine, spoiled by Nan, who will love it too.

It will be so exciting, and as we've come to understand as we've talked and laughed together over time alcohol does not add to the excitement, it diminishes and dulls everything.

We got smart together, and I thank you so. You will rock it kenton.

Don't feel guilty about going to Italy kenton because there is so much suffering in the world, we would not even scratch the surface of the suffering if we denied ourselves all joy. Besides, you might spot a homeless woman in Rome and you can slip her a quid or two

The kids will be fine kenton and I think it's a good bit of parenting to have kids see their parents having time just on their own. Shows them an independence which will feed into their own lives as they grow to adulthood themselves.

Kenton I'm afraid I'll lose this post so will post now just to make sure I make contact, and to let you know that this is going to be a truly great experience. Enjoy every moment.

Love you Kenton xxx

Steely

PS: Don't forget to take pics if you get the chance.

Steely

bon voyage kenton

kenton

Thank you Steely!! I'm so excited. Trying to pack sensibly...... my husband just told me to take the hot water bottle and statue of the 3 legged pig out of the case. My youngest made the pig for me at school and it actually really looked like a pig until the leg fell off. Apparently neither of these things are needed in Italy. I will stay in contact. Hope everyone is ok. Love to everyone xxxx

kevlarsjal

Have a lovely trip Kenton! I love Italy, when I was a kid I spend almost every summer there :-) I've never been to Rome though.

And don't feel guilty about going, you DO deserve it! Not going on holiday just because others can't would be a bit like not eating cause others can't. It's not people that go on trips to Italy with their husband that make the world unfair. Not going into more detail cause I don't want to get too political.

Enjoy the time with your husband and unpack the worries, anxiety and guilt from your suitcase. From my experience I can tell you, there's no need for them in Italy!

I'm not posting much these days but I read what's going on in our mush-room everyday and think of you (all of you) very much!


My weekend is okay so far, did some planting, some sewing (need to make some changes to the dress I'm gonna wear to my brother's wedding), baked a chocolate cake and cooked Moroccan food.

Oh and I can run again! I have a new personal record for a 5k distance, it's under 28 minutes which is really good for me. I started at 35 minutes in April this year and my goal is to reach 25 this year (silly I know).
I ran that 5k on Thursday night after my meeting. It was dark already and I went to the bay. Was a bit scared cause I don't like being outside in the dark and I thought it could be a bit sketchy by the bay. But it turned out to be so nice! Lots of people sat around the water (most of them drinking or smoking) but I felt somewhat safe cause it was so busy and the people looked normal. Lots of the guys my age cheered for me or gave me high fives and I thought it was funny.

Oh and my dad came out of hospital today! He's still a bit exhausted but I think it must be so nice for him to be back home. I just worry that he'll overdo it, he was already gardening today and catching up on work mails.

Sorry if that's a bit boring, but that's all from me for today. Bed time now.

I think of you all and I wish you a good and sober rest of the weekend! Lots of love

Ananda

Kev - thanks for checking in! Your running is awesome! In 87 I had a boyfriend that was 12 years older than me (42) and he and I had been sober about 2 years. He took up running when he had never done before and eventually ran a marathon! Now he ran really funny ... it looked pretty silly, but the neat thing is we are never too old or too young to get sober and take on new challenges.

OK I had to read the posts and write my answer in word. I will now copy it and hope it takes....

Everyone can call me Nands.

Kenton, I’m glad for everyone who is think of me. I thought about all of you a lot this morning. It is almost as if you are all there with me. Your phone story just cracks me up! It sounds like something I would do … right down to the broken car in a roundabout! (King Spud looks down and giggles from atop his white cloud ). Did I ever tell you about my driving in England driving on the wrong side of the road and trying to do the roundabouts? Although I did “ok” the hard part was that the car was a clutch and the clutch is the opposite of ours so …. It was pretty funny, although I must say I did pretty well . the SR folks were calling us Thelma and Louis and marking our progress through SR land in England.

And isn’t it funny that so often when everything around us is falling apart there seems to be an angel or two in the wings that helps make it a bit less crazy?

Steely, I thought I talked about it in my post on my hospital stay a year ago May, but I guess I forgot! lmao I assumed it was due to lack of oxygen when I went to the vent? And I thought they thought I had a stroke before that but decided no based on the cat scans and stuff… but for whatever reason, when I finally came back I couldn’t remember much. I never recovered any memory of my hospital stay, even though I was apparently active some of the time. When I left I couldn’t remember 5 minutes ago or complete tasks, but I’m much better now. Part of my having to retire is that I still couldn’t do my job because I couldn’t remember things well enough to stay on things. Writing things down will only take you so far. I spoke to one of my bosses and she said it would be no problem to explain to the SSA that I was practically incompetent after a year … which is a good thing as far as getting disability goes.

Days off are good Steely! If I would stay on task for a few days I would be able to take a day off. Instead….I’ve got to plant the rest of the starters and mow the lawn. It will probably take 2 days, so maybe I can take Tuesday off. But the good thing is that each day is more enjoyable, regardless of how much fun I have or how much work I do!

Kenton – I waited too long to post, so it’s too late to put my 2 cents in, but I will anyway!

Enjoy Italy! As for Guilt …. Guess what! It’s hog wash! You do what you can when you can for people. And when you travel, you are putting money in the hands of every person working at each hotel, each restaurant, each cab you take or bus… When I remember that money is a way to exchange love and caring to the world I seem to find more happiness. I’ve never regretted one of my trips abroad. I’ve never been sorry that I didn’t save the money so when I found myself short I could have made it on my own a while longer with out mom’s help. The first time I went on a trip it was my “in case I don’t make it to retirement” trip. Then I loved it so much I did a trip about every 18 months until my fortunes changed. And the insight and spiritual growth from each of those trips was well worth it. I still want to travel, but if circumstances never allow for it, I will be glad I did it when I did. I believe that is “make hay while the sun shines”.
And you never know how much you may be giving of yourself when you interact with people along the way that could change their lives unbeknownst to you!

OK Steely … what does “fair dinkum” mean LOL

Steely

Great t see you both kev and Nands.

And "fair dinkum" means 'the truth Nands. Like, "fair dinkum, I'm feeling anxious about my housing situation." Meaning it's the truth.

I do remember you you telling me about your stay in hospital but don't recall you saying lack of oxygen due to the ventilator. Maybe I'm wrong, it's happened many times before, and really, really glad it's improving.

Thinking about truth, I discovered a few days ago that even though I have been prioritised on the housing registrar it still might take three years for me to be rehoused.

I am really frightened to tell my son this sad truth as I know he will go berko. So, I google searched "why it is better to tell the truth" and got all the answers I needed. I knew it to be better, but am frightened about his response.

Feeling so frightened about it was going to tell a lie and just say that they couldn't give me a timeframe, but I've changed my mind and going to be completely up front. What else can I do and it will reduce the anxiety of telling a lie which I really don't want, or need. Spud is on my side.

It sickens me that basic housing is denied to people in these great democracies we share, and can only be grateful for what I have, count my blessings, and think of those who live in countries that relegate anyone to the street because of lack of dough. Sort of moving that way here too.

If I change the Zone (area) to a lesser more crappy one, maybe the wait time will be lesser and am now prepared to do so, I just can't bear it anymore.

Good thing though, the thought of drinking over it has never entered my mind. Hail the spud.

I'm going to phone the Dept. Of Housing tomorrow (Monday) to talk it through, and then talk with my son about the results. I will deal with it with all the integrity I can muster.

I found a bit of help while watching "Songs of Praise" on TV this morning, Sunday. I'm not religious but occasionally watch this show because it doesn't push religion down your throat, has good songs and stuff, and always with an interesting historical background. Apparently someone (?) said:

Steely

I posted before I spoke any further as didn't want to lose post. But will be back, and move away from me, me, me.

Man, I'm going to die filled with grace.

PhoenixJ

Steely- just remember to deal with what is in your control- today. You can speak with d/housing tomorrow- not today, so put it away until then. Memories cannot be changed. tomorrow can be planned for- but not controlled- so live today and what makes a difference for you in the moment.

Steely

Thank you Phoenix. I really did need to hear that, 'cause it's the truth.

Ananda

Steely All Hail The Great Spudinator!"

ok .. you know what ... you just made me realize how ridiculus I am sometimes ... cause I have a house that most people in England (don't know about Austrailia) would die for .... It's huge and in a nice area with decent upkeep. And thanks to a generous mom and a father who put saving for the kids first, I get to keep it for now.

You know ... no one can blame you for the long line!
You are one of the strongest women I know, and its ok to have a whole bunch of emotions hijack you and to freak out ... cause in the end, when it is time to tell ... you will be able to because of that inter strength. Lean on me.

Ananda

I just realized you might think I'm making light of your situation ... I'm sorry

I wanted to cheer you up, but sometimes that is a bit cruel. I know this has all been so hard for you. Uncertainty and Not Knowing are two of the biggest challenges we face as humans.

Take inspiration where you can, care for yourself, and all the rest will be ok ultimately ... ultimately (biggest hug)

Steely

Thank you Nands and no way in the world did I think you were making light. No way.

Thanks too for saying you think me strong because most of the the time I feel so puny and weak.

But I do think that I have an inner strength that I can draw on when times get tough I just don't demonstrate it in the real world during my day to day existence.

Maybe something to do with the ways in which a lot of us women here have been made disempowered and weakened out of our shared stories of abuse, rape. So much damage.

Sobriety is helping me to build on that inner strength and to demonstrate it in the real world, whereas before I hid from everything and drank myself into oblivion.

No more of that for me, I didn't get sober for nothing, I got sober so I could live strong in the real world, and face life with the hand that it deals.

But this time I'll know how to read my cards as a true and sober spud should.

Hope I get dealt a full house.

Love you Nands xxx