Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 9
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Glad that what my dad said could help you somehow 
It helped me too, especially hearing it from him. He's such a go-getter, everything he does turns into a success. I found out for myself that if I don't allow myself to enjoy life and also to make time for that, I'll die one day without having really lived. Someone told me not that long ago that the only time we'll be "done with everything" is when we're dead. It's a never achievable condition in life and I think many of us alcoholics tend to be perfectionists that used to live by that stupid maxime to first get everything done and then make time for ourselves.
It was the case for me at least and I'd never allow myself me-time, even my hobbies had to be productive (like baking or cooking). I ended up feeling empty, disconnected and always stressed. The only way out I thought was to drink to relax myself.
But yes, there's no such thing as being done with everything. So we don't have to learn to let go and make time for ourseflves even when not everything's done yet. That's my big lesson I learned in the past year.
It helped me too, especially hearing it from him. He's such a go-getter, everything he does turns into a success. I found out for myself that if I don't allow myself to enjoy life and also to make time for that, I'll die one day without having really lived. Someone told me not that long ago that the only time we'll be "done with everything" is when we're dead. It's a never achievable condition in life and I think many of us alcoholics tend to be perfectionists that used to live by that stupid maxime to first get everything done and then make time for ourselves.
It was the case for me at least and I'd never allow myself me-time, even my hobbies had to be productive (like baking or cooking). I ended up feeling empty, disconnected and always stressed. The only way out I thought was to drink to relax myself.
But yes, there's no such thing as being done with everything. So we don't have to learn to let go and make time for ourseflves even when not everything's done yet. That's my big lesson I learned in the past year.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I totally relate to what your dad said. By the time I retired nothing was fun anymore. Even when I would get periods of sobriety ... the things I use to like to do became responsibilities and a chore with no joy.
After I retired, got sober, and started paying attention to Ajan, I slowly began to accept that I couldn't do it all all the time. I began to relax and space off on getting everything "done" or perfect... became a fan of "good enough".
Strangely, after a number of months, I began to enjoy things again ... gardening, cooking, SR .... what had became a chore, became an enjoyable activity I choose again.
I'll try to read up and post later. I'm pretty lack luster right now and have a doctor appointment (neurologist) in an hour.
I do care about all of you and am sorry I am feeling a bit blocked off right now. I won't stay there, but I've come to realize sometimes I need to allow myself to have space to recharge (NOT that anything is draining me ... but just that I'm feeling so lack luster... I have to look that up, have no idea where that saying comes from!)
In a bit girls! And love you all!
After I retired, got sober, and started paying attention to Ajan, I slowly began to accept that I couldn't do it all all the time. I began to relax and space off on getting everything "done" or perfect... became a fan of "good enough".
Strangely, after a number of months, I began to enjoy things again ... gardening, cooking, SR .... what had became a chore, became an enjoyable activity I choose again.
I'll try to read up and post later. I'm pretty lack luster right now and have a doctor appointment (neurologist) in an hour.
I do care about all of you and am sorry I am feeling a bit blocked off right now. I won't stay there, but I've come to realize sometimes I need to allow myself to have space to recharge (NOT that anything is draining me ... but just that I'm feeling so lack luster... I have to look that up, have no idea where that saying comes from!)
In a bit girls! And love you all!
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hope the doctor's appointment went well Ananda.
I've just come out of my second mindfulness class. We did a more intense RAIN meditation. We had to think about an emotional experience. I thought about watching my dad die. Maybe this was too emotional because I ended up crying (in private. Everyone had their eyes closed so no one saw the tears falling down my face). I wiped the tears away before the teacher rang her little Buddha bells and I found the whole experience very useful. But then at the end of the class a couple of the people in the group said they'd noticed I'd looked a bit red eyed and asked if I wanted to go for a drink. I say no thank you, I'm driving and they said, "oh come on, you can have one". So I said no again and they said, "just have a quick one, it will make you feel better" then I said, "no, it won't be a quick one and it won't make me feel better because I'm a recovering alcoholic and so I can never just have one". And I don't know why I said it. Because I don't know these poor people and they were only being nice and I could have just gone and had a diet coke but for some reason I needed to slam my alcoholism down their mindful throats and I don't know why.
Maybe it's good that I'm losing the shame about being alcoholic. Maybe I felt uncomfortable and a little pressurised to go to the pub. I don't know. Be interesting to see how they react to me next time, if I see them again. Now that I've outed myself. For reasons even I don't understand.
Very confused by my own reaction. I'm so glad mindfulness has made an appearance in my life. I think I need it. Lots of it. And fast. Love to you all xxxx
I've just come out of my second mindfulness class. We did a more intense RAIN meditation. We had to think about an emotional experience. I thought about watching my dad die. Maybe this was too emotional because I ended up crying (in private. Everyone had their eyes closed so no one saw the tears falling down my face). I wiped the tears away before the teacher rang her little Buddha bells and I found the whole experience very useful. But then at the end of the class a couple of the people in the group said they'd noticed I'd looked a bit red eyed and asked if I wanted to go for a drink. I say no thank you, I'm driving and they said, "oh come on, you can have one". So I said no again and they said, "just have a quick one, it will make you feel better" then I said, "no, it won't be a quick one and it won't make me feel better because I'm a recovering alcoholic and so I can never just have one". And I don't know why I said it. Because I don't know these poor people and they were only being nice and I could have just gone and had a diet coke but for some reason I needed to slam my alcoholism down their mindful throats and I don't know why.
Maybe it's good that I'm losing the shame about being alcoholic. Maybe I felt uncomfortable and a little pressurised to go to the pub. I don't know. Be interesting to see how they react to me next time, if I see them again. Now that I've outed myself. For reasons even I don't understand.
Very confused by my own reaction. I'm so glad mindfulness has made an appearance in my life. I think I need it. Lots of it. And fast. Love to you all xxxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,550
You'll get your shine back nands 
(That's you in the middle).
I know those emoticons are silly, but couldn't resist.
It seems to go that way, and really don't think it possible to be always shining nands, it's the way it goes for me too. It can be disappointing, but it shouldn't, because we are human and life throws spin balls without a thought in mind, and I know you know these things. Life is mindless, but we are mindful.
Next time you invite your uncomfortable thoughts to tea give them the shine and they will shine right back at you, because you've got the rights on shining. But ya gotta share
I hope everything goes well with your neurology appointment and all trepidation about your heart unfounded.
I'm trying to break my posts down as to reply to all would make for a too long post, and I'm afraid it will get lost. And nor is my brain good enough to condense all into one.
But wanted to say kev that the conversation you had with your father was beautiful to read.
It's rare (I think) for a daughter to have such a meaningful conversation with their Dad and am pleased that he is regaining his health. You sound so well kev, it's a joy.
As always, my love to kenton who had the power to remove my blush. Thank you again Kenton, your response meant more than you might know.
(That's you in the middle).I know those emoticons are silly, but couldn't resist.
It seems to go that way, and really don't think it possible to be always shining nands, it's the way it goes for me too. It can be disappointing, but it shouldn't, because we are human and life throws spin balls without a thought in mind, and I know you know these things. Life is mindless, but we are mindful.
Next time you invite your uncomfortable thoughts to tea give them the shine and they will shine right back at you, because you've got the rights on shining. But ya gotta share
I hope everything goes well with your neurology appointment and all trepidation about your heart unfounded.
I'm trying to break my posts down as to reply to all would make for a too long post, and I'm afraid it will get lost. And nor is my brain good enough to condense all into one.
But wanted to say kev that the conversation you had with your father was beautiful to read.
It's rare (I think) for a daughter to have such a meaningful conversation with their Dad and am pleased that he is regaining his health. You sound so well kev, it's a joy.
As always, my love to kenton who had the power to remove my blush. Thank you again Kenton, your response meant more than you might know.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,550
We seem to cross post all of the time kenton and have just read your post. I think it's fantastic that you "outed" yourself.
I have a real commitment to remove the shame and judgement that surrounds the misuse of alcohol and other drugs by both the general population as well as within medicine. It still gets me in strife sometimes when I am honest and open with (some) doctors. So I seek a second opinion.
Both still reek of judgement if you ask me so, yay kenton, one for the team.
I have a real commitment to remove the shame and judgement that surrounds the misuse of alcohol and other drugs by both the general population as well as within medicine. It still gets me in strife sometimes when I am honest and open with (some) doctors. So I seek a second opinion.
Both still reek of judgement if you ask me so, yay kenton, one for the team.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Hello Novemberites. A strong core of people here. Hope all are travelling okay. You all show honest- and supportive shares. I am okaysies, 500 days yesterday- and making headway with the faceless govt.- which goes a l-o-n-g way with self esteem. Take care, y'all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I hope to be able to post again tomarrow. I didn't want you all to worry. I'm "OK" and not drinking. I'm just really emotionally worn out and things are flying at me (emotions and thoughts) so fast I can only hang in there and wait for it to pass.
My son is letting me spout out nonsense and cry from time to time and once I "burst" I calm down and see how silly the things I was saying to myself (and him) are. then the same thing again ... and again...
I don't expect it to last too long, but cant ttrack well enough to interact yet.
I plan to see you all in the morning. If this doesn't settle by morning I'll probably call the psychiatrist ... just to be safe ... I don't want this to be something that takes over my newly discovered life.
ok .. I sound strange weird and am probably freaking you out...
TV ... read...breath...sleep....
My son is letting me spout out nonsense and cry from time to time and once I "burst" I calm down and see how silly the things I was saying to myself (and him) are. then the same thing again ... and again...
I don't expect it to last too long, but cant ttrack well enough to interact yet.
I plan to see you all in the morning. If this doesn't settle by morning I'll probably call the psychiatrist ... just to be safe ... I don't want this to be something that takes over my newly discovered life.
ok .. I sound strange weird and am probably freaking you out...
TV ... read...breath...sleep....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,550
You are not freaking me out nands and pretty sure no-one else.
Sounds like you are handling things exactly as they should be handled so don't worry about not posting and stuff. It's about you, and you getting better. We love and care for you heaps nands, and we know when time out is needed.
Maybe just a hi to let us know you are OK. A simple hi, that's all. And then we'll know you are still OK. Good on your son too, he sounds like a really good boy and gives you the freedom to let it all hang out. And sometimes that's part and parcel of the winning of our new found lives.
I've had the emotions and thoughts rush at me too nands, the anger, the hurt, the regret, memories, the everything, and it is not possible to engage properly when stuff like that is going on in our heads. You need to engage just with yourself and get better.
If things are really bad for you nands speaking with your psychiatrist sounds a good idea, so do follow through if that is the case. I know you will, because you said so.
Always here for you nands and though I'm a freak myself I don't freak out easily about the stuff you are describing because I know it is true and honest. And that's why the Nobenders stick together. 
Sounds like you are handling things exactly as they should be handled so don't worry about not posting and stuff. It's about you, and you getting better. We love and care for you heaps nands, and we know when time out is needed.
Maybe just a hi to let us know you are OK. A simple hi, that's all. And then we'll know you are still OK. Good on your son too, he sounds like a really good boy and gives you the freedom to let it all hang out. And sometimes that's part and parcel of the winning of our new found lives.
I've had the emotions and thoughts rush at me too nands, the anger, the hurt, the regret, memories, the everything, and it is not possible to engage properly when stuff like that is going on in our heads. You need to engage just with yourself and get better.
If things are really bad for you nands speaking with your psychiatrist sounds a good idea, so do follow through if that is the case. I know you will, because you said so.
Always here for you nands and though I'm a freak myself
I don't freak out easily about the stuff you are describing because I know it is true and honest. And that's why the Nobenders stick together. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,550
Congratulations on 500 Days Phoenix. Absolutely awesome.
We are both working with the faceless govt in terms of our housing and was just now thinking and remembering a woman who spoke from the floor at an AA meeting.
Apparently she once had heaps of dough, big house, swimming pool, all that stuff but was now living in a"granny flat" (hate that descriptor), and I could tell she was being honest when she said that living in the "granny flat" sober was so much better than living in the big house drunk. I can relate so well to that now.
We'll get there Phoenix even though it would be so much better to have some certainty.
Getting some really good work done in the house, and am even becoming a bit creative in the kitchen. I've found that limited funds has forced me to find ways to turn a potato into something interesting. Well, as far as you can go with a spud.
We are both working with the faceless govt in terms of our housing and was just now thinking and remembering a woman who spoke from the floor at an AA meeting.
Apparently she once had heaps of dough, big house, swimming pool, all that stuff but was now living in a"granny flat" (hate that descriptor), and I could tell she was being honest when she said that living in the "granny flat" sober was so much better than living in the big house drunk. I can relate so well to that now.
We'll get there Phoenix even though it would be so much better to have some certainty.
Getting some really good work done in the house, and am even becoming a bit creative in the kitchen. I've found that limited funds has forced me to find ways to turn a potato into something interesting. Well, as far as you can go with a spud
.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
You don't sound like you're freaking out Ananda. Not to me. You sound like someone being completely honest about her feelings and emotions. We're here Ananda. No matter how much or how little you feel like posting, we're here. A few weeks back when I couldn't stop crying and drove myself to the doctors, I wrote here, "am I having a nervous breakdown?" I was properly freaking out in a way I've never experienced before. You guys were there for me. Sometimes all I need is someone to hear my words. To really hear my words. I'll always be here to hear your words Ananda. Don't care how many words there are and what emotion they contain. Read something in the newcomers forum yesterday written by someone with 4 years sobriety. They wrote that SR started working for them when they started to post honestly. Not just the positive stuff. All the stuff. And the good thing about being in this nobender community is that we probably won't all be feeling the same emotions at the same time. So when I need support, someone will be strong and when others need support I can offer my strength. It works and it's a wonderful thing. And you are part of it Ananda because we all love you.
Huge congratulations Phoenix on 500 days. You are such a strong, inspirational presence here on SR. Your words help me greatly and I'm hugely grateful to you. You will achieve whatever you need and want to achieve because your strength and determination shines all the way from Australia into my little corner of the world.
And Steely, you help me even when you don't realise you help me. My dad was Irish and he used to call potatos "spuds". Don't know if it was an Irish thing or just a him thing but I haven't heard them referred to as spuds for a long time. Remembering that tiny detail about my dad triggered a load of memories, happy memories. He was so funny Steely. I think you would have liked him. I think he would have liked you. I think he does like you, I think he's looking down on us and feeling proud of what we're all doing. He's a good person to have in our corner. And all these happy, long forgotten memories? They're resurfacing because I've stopped drinking. Everything is slowly resurfacing... the good, the bad and the ugly. But whatever decides to show up, I'm welcoming it because it's always been there. And regardless of whether I welcome it or hide from it, it's always going to be there. Thank you Steely for using the word "spud" and giving me an excellent start to my day. Love as always to every single person reading this xxxx
Huge congratulations Phoenix on 500 days. You are such a strong, inspirational presence here on SR. Your words help me greatly and I'm hugely grateful to you. You will achieve whatever you need and want to achieve because your strength and determination shines all the way from Australia into my little corner of the world.
And Steely, you help me even when you don't realise you help me. My dad was Irish and he used to call potatos "spuds". Don't know if it was an Irish thing or just a him thing but I haven't heard them referred to as spuds for a long time. Remembering that tiny detail about my dad triggered a load of memories, happy memories. He was so funny Steely. I think you would have liked him. I think he would have liked you. I think he does like you, I think he's looking down on us and feeling proud of what we're all doing. He's a good person to have in our corner. And all these happy, long forgotten memories? They're resurfacing because I've stopped drinking. Everything is slowly resurfacing... the good, the bad and the ugly. But whatever decides to show up, I'm welcoming it because it's always been there. And regardless of whether I welcome it or hide from it, it's always going to be there. Thank you Steely for using the word "spud" and giving me an excellent start to my day. Love as always to every single person reading this xxxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,550
I just lost my post to you kenton. Aarrgghh! What's the go, why do I get logged out when I'm logged in? I know I can save but this is not how it should be. Is it a technical problem within SR?
When you're logged in you should remain logged in until you log out.
All hail the mighty spud.
When you're logged in you should remain logged in until you log out.
All hail the mighty spud.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Good Morning Spudettes!
Attachment 32086
I feel quite a bit better at the moment. Woke up to some interesting TV stuff (shhhh). It was weird, cause yesterday I was feeling like I couldn't ever share some of my deep thoughts and beliefs on "compassion for your enemies", and there on TV it was being discussed. Not quite in the way out there way I would go with it...but at least a hint of it.
So are we now part Dork - Part Spud????
Derptato.png
Attachment 32086
I feel quite a bit better at the moment. Woke up to some interesting TV stuff (shhhh). It was weird, cause yesterday I was feeling like I couldn't ever share some of my deep thoughts and beliefs on "compassion for your enemies", and there on TV it was being discussed. Not quite in the way out there way I would go with it...but at least a hint of it.
So are we now part Dork - Part Spud????
Derptato.png
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
MMM maybe you can only upload one picture per post...
Attachment 32089
WOW ... I guess it's the attachment
Attachment 32089
WOW ... I guess it's the attachment
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Thank you Steely for all your encouragement! (Kenton too, but she get's her own post).
Your smiley reminded me of living in the bounce ...Once I get my sea legs I'm pretty good at it!
I was thinking how horrid it would be to be uncertain on where one'x home might be ... to have someone else assign it! But ... I have periodic bouts of fear of loosing my house and work hard to hold on to it. I've eased into enjoying my home for the time I have it and spend less time in the fear thing... but the truth is homes are like jobs, Any of us could actually loose them at any time. And that is real, not just an idea ...
When I was sober and doing well in my 30s, I was able to "detach" from my house (Of course I never liked it much) oh ... and from my yard which I spent hours gardening in. I started thinking of my home as something I take care of for a time that will ultimately get cared for by someone else...just as it was cared for by someone before I had it.
I sometimes have long periods of that peace now. I know it will grow and deepen as I move through this life.
mush mush mush ... could someone please get me some rubbers!!!!
Your smiley reminded me of living in the bounce ...Once I get my sea legs I'm pretty good at it!
I was thinking how horrid it would be to be uncertain on where one'x home might be ... to have someone else assign it! But ... I have periodic bouts of fear of loosing my house and work hard to hold on to it. I've eased into enjoying my home for the time I have it and spend less time in the fear thing... but the truth is homes are like jobs, Any of us could actually loose them at any time. And that is real, not just an idea ...
When I was sober and doing well in my 30s, I was able to "detach" from my house (Of course I never liked it much) oh ... and from my yard which I spent hours gardening in. I started thinking of my home as something I take care of for a time that will ultimately get cared for by someone else...just as it was cared for by someone before I had it.
I sometimes have long periods of that peace now. I know it will grow and deepen as I move through this life.
mush mush mush ... could someone please get me some rubbers!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
OK Kenton it's your turn!!!
Attachment 32090
er ... or not...
gotta go to a meeting be back later.....
Attachment 32090
er ... or not...
gotta go to a meeting be back later.....
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Ooohh, when I tried to open the attachment Ananda, I got a very formal message informing me "Invalid attachment specified. If you followed a valid link, please notify the administrator."
Dee, consider yourself notified. What's going on Dee? Why can't I open the attachment Dee? Can you look into it Dee? It's not like you're busy or anything is it Dee? Not like you're replying to several million posts every day or anything?
Seriously though Dee, you do an amazing job. I don't know how you stay so positive and wise and upbeat all the time. I'd be stomping around, jumping on my phone and computer after about a day of doing what you do. Kudos Dee. But seriously, why can't I open Ananda's attachment??
Dee, consider yourself notified. What's going on Dee? Why can't I open the attachment Dee? Can you look into it Dee? It's not like you're busy or anything is it Dee? Not like you're replying to several million posts every day or anything?
Seriously though Dee, you do an amazing job. I don't know how you stay so positive and wise and upbeat all the time. I'd be stomping around, jumping on my phone and computer after about a day of doing what you do. Kudos Dee. But seriously, why can't I open Ananda's attachment??
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I got sidetracked 
OK so ... I really think you would enjoy listening to Ajan Sumedo. If it helps, Buddhism doesn't say that there is or isn't a god, it says that is unknowable. If you want I can post a link to one I think you would like ... he is really good, but some are better for mindfulness and emotions then others. He talks a lot about the things our heads do.
(and remember all my thoughts are reflections of what I've heard or learned... very rarely is it "wholly" original).
I found it interesting that your friends do mindfulness training and then turn immediately to non-mindfulness drinking Drinking really is putting something between you and reality so you can evade.
When it comes to memories, one of the most potent moments for me was when I suddenly was flooded with good memories. In pushing out of my knowledge the bad moments...I had pushed out the good as well. Of course than I was mad cause he had stolen one more thing from me. the important thing really was that when I look at the bad stuff I do get some good stuff. Some time after the pain (sometimes years, sometimes days) I move from anger and blame to a more at ease place.... hard to explain.
I think when I really get mad I shall call my higher power the mighty spud!
All hail the mighty spud
All hail the delightful dorks
aw h*ll
OK so ... I really think you would enjoy listening to Ajan Sumedo. If it helps, Buddhism doesn't say that there is or isn't a god, it says that is unknowable. If you want I can post a link to one I think you would like ... he is really good, but some are better for mindfulness and emotions then others. He talks a lot about the things our heads do.
(and remember all my thoughts are reflections of what I've heard or learned... very rarely is it "wholly" original).
I found it interesting that your friends do mindfulness training and then turn immediately to non-mindfulness drinking
Drinking really is putting something between you and reality so you can evade. When it comes to memories, one of the most potent moments for me was when I suddenly was flooded with good memories. In pushing out of my knowledge the bad moments...I had pushed out the good as well. Of course than I was mad cause he had stolen one more thing from me. the important thing really was that when I look at the bad stuff I do get some good stuff. Some time after the pain (sometimes years, sometimes days) I move from anger and blame to a more at ease place.... hard to explain.
I think when I really get mad I shall call my higher power the mighty spud!
All hail the mighty spud
All hail the delightful dorks
aw h*ll
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