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Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 9

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Old 06-06-2017, 11:40 PM
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Well done for cracking on with the packing Steely. This will be such an exciting new chapter for you. Hope your dad is doing ok Kev and hope your visit from your mum/mom is going well Ananda.

Hi Dee, Phoenix, Poppy, Plenny, Badger, LSW, Tnek and everyone else. Hope everyone is doing well. The other day I thought about a beautiful post Tnek wrote a month or so ago. Scrolled back at read it because I found it so inspirational. Hope you're ok Tnek. Thank you for that post.

Have a good day everyone xxxx
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Old 06-07-2017, 03:25 AM
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Yes, I miss tnek too kenton. I miss everyone really.

Everyone had something to say that related to the topic at hand that is our idiosyncratic (?) response to alcohol and other drugs, and it is a learning curve, and never too late for sobriety.

I am sitting in this well organised flat preparing to move and think you could be right in that this will be but just another chapter kenton. Hope it has a 'happy' ending.

And I don't even know where I am going Sounds adventurous. In a way(ish).

Naturally I am concerned about the/my future but after laying down some boundaries with my daughter, asking for time out from everyone/thing until I get myself OK, am feeling better and I'm lovin' it. Maybe just a window idk.

Just space to myself is divine. My mind was so cluttered with the needs of others that I lost myself, and there wasn't that much to lose

My daughter upped the ante when I set the boundary as I knew she would, but am finding that space within myself where I can be authentic, and not feel guilty. I feel better in that place. I cannot 'save' her. It hurts.

I will probably lose this post if I don't shut up but sending hands across the waters, hands across the sea.

Nobenders live!
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Old 06-07-2017, 05:42 AM
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Well done Steely for organising your flat and your mind. I think we all sometimes need a good declutter of all the guilt and worry we have piled up in our minds. Do you ever see those TV programmes about hoarders? When they're crawling around on top of decades of old newspapers and junk? That's what I imagine the inside of my head looks like. Be alright if all the clutter was awesome brain power but it's not. My poor little brain has to try to work amidst years of worry, fear and anxiety. And even with all the clutter I still rent out space in there to toxic people!! No more. Now I'm sober the decluttering can start. But first I need to sort out my fainting. I fainted again earlier and conked my head on the wall so got sent home from work. Head feels ok but I seem to be very short of breath. Wondering whether I've got a chest infection or asthma? Don't know if a person can suddenly develop asthma at 40? Have to go for my ecg later so I'll ask them then. For now I'm curled up with the dog on the kitchen floor. Not sure why. I saw him lying in the floor and he looked really cosy so I thought I'd join him. Oh to be one of the normal ones.

How's your dad Kev? I keep thinking about him and you. Hope he's better today xx

Hello Ananda. Love to everyone xxx
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Old 06-07-2017, 09:38 AM
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Just got the results of my blood tests and ecg. Was a bit nervous, especially about liver function test. Never had my liver tested before and was worried about it for obvious reasons.....

Well, how awesome is the human body?? Apparently all my blood test results are frighteningly normal and according to the doctor, I have the blood pressure and heart rate of a young athlete!!!! How the hell can that be??? Makes me feel very guilty that I abused my body for years and it's still fighting fit. Makes me feel awful for all those people who don't abuse their bodies and get horrible illnesses. Most of all it makes me determined never to abuse my body ever again and never ever take it for granted. It's awesome and I'm so lucky.

Still don't know what's causing the fainting. Might be a virus. I'm off to celebrate with a blueberry smoothie. Love you all xxxxx
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Old 06-07-2017, 01:34 PM
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Fantastic news kenton. .

I have a bit of a morbid fascination with hoarding behaviour. Seems that most of the people have suffered some major loss in their lives and clutch desperately at 'stuff'. Making space in their surrounds seems to free a lot of them up. Not all.

It feels (shakily) a lot like that with my mind. It's clean, not muddied by guilt and all of the other negatives I crowd into my head. Still crap esteem and confidence, but can see my way. Still have anxiety but the depression seems to be lifting. Hope it continues.

I'm really glad that your bloodwork came back so great but think you should speak with doctor about the fainting spells. Banging your head is not good.

Is it only since you stopped drinking that they started?

Removalists are coming today to ditch all of the heavy stuff I'm not going to take with me and this will free up further space for me to continue, less cluttered, with more focus.

I feel like I'm making progress, but this can prove deceptive. "Get it while you can".

I could not have achieved any of it if drinking.

How you going nands, kev? I've been busy as you know and really do need to catch up. Love you both.
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Old 06-07-2017, 01:51 PM
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I'm working on it.
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Old 06-07-2017, 03:19 PM
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Hi everyone,

Steely, you're doing awesome. Moving is one of the most stressful life events remember. Don't forget to remind yourself often of how well you're doing.

I had an amazing evening. I went to a local mindfulness class. It was so good. Everyone there was lovely. We learnt about a mindfulness technique called RAIN. That stands for Recognising, Allowing, Investigating and Nurturing. It all made sense to me when the teacher was talking about it but I think I need to read through all the info sheets we got to understand it better.

What I found really interesting was the group discussions. The other members of the group seem like totally normal, switched on, enlightened people. In my head they are the total opposite of addicts. I always feel a bit inferior around people like that. They're the normal ones. They're bound to sniff out a recovering alcoholic like me. What was interesting was that when I spoke, they listened. And not in a patronising way, in an equal way. They made me feel like my opinions matter, like what I have to say is as important as the next person. Hell, they made me feel normal.

Hope your dad is ok Kev. I'm worried about you.

Love you nobenders xxx
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Old 06-07-2017, 10:19 PM
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Posted to you earlier kenton but lost it, and so very tired from yesterday's effort no energy left to repost.

So happy that you enjoyed the mindfulness class and was going to say no-one can sniff out a Nobender because we're sober. And yes, you are normal. So there!

It sounds really good and reminds me of what I am trying to do with myself. I listened to a PhD psychologist on the ABC radio the other night who talked of the "space" that exists between our conflicted minds and our reactions.

She talked of this space within us as our authentic selves, the way we really are, and want to be, but are stifled and held back by the chatterings of guilt, and all the other negatives that hold us back from expressing who we really are as individuals.

I'm not expressing any of this very well kenton but I seem to have found that tiny bit of space within that is me, Steely.

That space has no room for the inauthentic, the guilt ridden, and the rest. It just is and is how things are meant to be, and it's OK to dwell there. Lovely, in fact.

It sort of resembles mindfulness I think, and RAIN makes a good acronym. For myself, ALLOWING is helping me most at the moment. Allowing myself to be.

Talking of rain did I just see rainypnw pop up? Hope so, and if so, hope you are travelling well rainy.

I am so very tired from yesterday am going to ALLOW myself to rest, I am exhausted. Removalists came and moved the heavy stuff downstairs this morning so now I have more "space" to continue less cluttered. Just like my mind.

I hope your Dad is still on the mend kev please let us know how both he, and you are going. We girls have a lot in common.

And kenton you are switched on and enlightened, probably moreso than the rest, sorry you had to turn out normal

It's great being around stimulating people who have change on their minds.

Love as always to nands, and am now going to fall upon the couch to rest. I'm allowed.

Love you guys.
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Old 06-08-2017, 12:54 AM
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Blimey Steely, you sound like the mindfulness teacher! You could teach this stuff. It's awesome that you've found that space inside that is you, Steely. And amazing that you have all this awareness. You inspire me Steely.

Yesterday, at the mindfulness course, I realised that I am way too reactive. If someone cuts me up on the road, I react. If I get a parking ticket, I react. Sometimes I seem to spend my whole life stomping around reacting. Yesterday the teacher said something really interesting. She said I should learn to befriend my anger. Stop being ashamed of it and recognise that in certain situations, anger can be useful. When I thought about it I realised that when dad was being mistreated on the psychiatric ward, it was my anger that made sure the nurses that were abusing him were suspended and faced disciplinary action over their actions.

When I found out my brother was self harming, it was my anger at the bullies that were ruining his life that made me confront them and help my brother build a new life. I realise that my anger at injustice has helped me correct injustices and that is actually awesome. Now I just need to try to harness the anger so that I use it for important stuff not for shouting at a poor traffic warden who's only doing his job.

I guess what I'm trying to say, in a confused way is that I'm beginning to remember who I am. I am the kind of person who doesn't turn a blind eye. I stand up for things that matter. Somewhere along the line, I started getting drunk and started forgetting that maybe I've got an important job to do here. Not just earn a living and bring up my kids. Maybe I'm here for a purpose and I'm so darn excited to be awake again so I can try to figure out what that purpose is.

Sorry for rambling, once I started I just couldn't stop. Hope everyone is ok. Thinking of you and your dad Kev. Thinking of everyone. Please post if you're feeling happy/sad.... even if just to say you're irritated by me. Although please say it kindly. I'm getting stronger but I'm still quite a fragile, damaged soul. Lots of love everyone xxxxx
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Old 06-08-2017, 05:27 AM
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In case I don't get ttime to post .....

I'm so sorry.... I have so much to catch up on and I miss you all

But I am finding it so uncomfortable that I just can't post while my mom is here

I'll try ... but it may be Saturday before you hear from me

Please know how much I care about all of you and how much I miss you.

My PM box is almost full, but it has a little room and if you need me, use the private message option and my computer will tell me so I can check in at least within a few hours...

Love and support to all novemberites (hug)
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Old 06-08-2017, 05:38 AM
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I miss you so much Ananda but understand it must be difficult to post with your mum there. I'll look forward to hearing from you on Saturday.

I'm getting really worried about Kev. Kev, are you ok? Please post even just one word to let us know you're ok xxxx
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Old 06-08-2017, 06:00 AM
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Blimey kenton got all jittery to post because thought you might think I knew what I was talking about. I am so struggling with all of this, particularly the practice. Yikes, it's hard.

Thank you though because you tell me that I was understood. Couldn't seem to express my thoughts very well but guess because I am so struggling it's understandable. Sort of like learning a new language.

I think ananda spoke of first there being the anger then with effort, commitment and acceptance the finding of that "space" between, which allows us to be with ourselves in that gentle and authentic way. Hope I'm not misrepresenting you nands.

Again, I have trouble expressing these ideas so hope you understand. I reckon we are all doing so well!

Wondering where you were nands and have missed you, you little seedling.

And...there is always arsenic
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Old 06-08-2017, 06:10 AM
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Ditto kev. ^^^ kenton's post.

We all have a lot to say and talk about so hop back on board with those who 'get it'. You get it too, and you are needed.

Hope your Dad is OK and thought maybe that's why you weren't posting. Let's know how things are for him and how things are for you. Love you kev.
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Old 06-08-2017, 06:20 AM
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Nands hope you didnt take offence at my 'mother' jokes? I've got one too, and with your sense of humour thought you would take them as intended, with love.
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Old 06-08-2017, 07:10 AM
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I'm sure Ananda finds it funny!! The arsenic comment made me laugh so much I spat hot tea all over my work computer. I am one classy lady xxxx
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Old 06-08-2017, 08:46 AM
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Love you kenton. I am so glad you are a Nobender, you give our class, class.

Aren't you just so proud of us? We have batted so hard next there'll be a stand for us at Lord's. The Nobenders Stand!
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Old 06-08-2017, 10:58 AM
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Hello, all! I got back on SR yesterday and wanted to check in with my original group...the Nobenders! Looks like you are doing well. I'm back on the first week of sobriety but have made some big changes. I have a sober pal that is keeping tabs with me a few times every day and the accountability has made a big difference so far. I'm also back on SR for a good while each morning.

I'm going to keep up with this thread (if it's okay with all of you) and check in every once in a while to let you know of my progress.

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Old 06-08-2017, 11:05 AM
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hey ... mom says she will be leaving in just a bit....I cant wait, catch up with you then.

and I zipped down a afew posts...

Kenton -- yes a certain type of emotion that can be anger or something similar to it is really a good motivator!

More on that later ....

Love and Hugs Nands

PS chime in any time rainy (hug)

I think everyonbe here welcomes more posts and once a novemberite, always a novemberite
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Old 06-08-2017, 12:10 PM
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Hi Rainy, great to hear from you. Having a sober friend checking in on you sounds fantastic. I hope you check in here, it will be great to hear from you. The people on this thread have made a huge difference to my life. So odd to think that I don't know you guys but in some ways I feel like you know me more than all the people I see everyday.

What a difference 24 hours makes..... last night I was feeling awesome at a mindfulness class, tonight I was feeling like Nobby No Mates!! My daughter is off on a school trip next week and there was a meeting tonight at the school. Some of the other mums used to be my best friends but they don't want to know me now I'm sober. I sat on my own, listened to the info and then listened to them planning nights out and laughing at all the "in" jokes. I felt a bit hurt at being left out so I tried to remember the RAIN mindfulness I learnt. I remember the R stands for recognise. I think the teacher said when you recognise you are feeling emotional you need to say to yourself, "I'm triggered". But I forgot the word triggered and thought to myself, "I'm activated". This then made me laugh in my head because it suddenly felt like a Sci Fi film. I imagined I would become activated like an emotional robot and start marching around the school hall shouting at the mean mums. Anyway, I forgot what the A, I and N stand for... didn't get much further than activating myself but not sure what for. Think I'm going to have to practise this mindfulness a lot.

Anyway, I don't care about being left out by the in crowd. They'll just go to the pub, drink too much and say stuff they forget or regret. Much better to be sat on my own, imagining myself as a robot. When I got home I got a call from another friend and I'm going out now to vote in the general election and then she's popping round for a cup of tea. So it's all worked out beautifully.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Please let us know you're ok Kev and hello again Rainy. So so so pleased you're back xxxxxx
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Old 06-08-2017, 02:03 PM
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WOW ... you guys are so great ... and so insightful! I am really sorry for all I missed in real time ... tried to watch the reruns, but think I missed a few...

Steely - I missed your mom jokes. Can you repost some of them? and yes I love mom jokes... you wouldn't believe some of the nasty jokes Chris and I make about her and just about everything. Not to be cruel, not mean natured ... just love jokes . we have a very mixed rrelationship, but actually the visit was good... more later :_

Kev .. I too am worried about you and your father. I know how alchohol and drugs can be very luring during those sorts of time. In my family people buy lots of beer and share a lot of "meds" in those family crisis times ... even the non-addicts are definitely abusers of substances.

Kenton - Just a quicky ... yep ... It is absolutely imperative for me to accept my anger ... it too belongs in this world. sometimes when I try to not get too Buddhist the words don't come out right...

OK ... I'm going to reply in more detail thoroughout the night cause I really wanna be a part of the conversations you all had .... for you, but my personality is such that I often want to get my 2 cents in

love all more posts to follow ... figure many of you are bedward bound...
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