Class of May 2017 Support Thread Part Two
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Hey Sunny, hey Cute, hey All,
25 days sober. Am meeting sponsor next week to start proper work on the steps. Determined to see what life without alcohol brings.
I'm *still* ill. My kitchen looks like it did at the end of my drinking, some sort of soup Armageddon, and I'm not exactly lovely to look at either.
I'm a bit wound up by people dropping in or phoning with things I can't deal with. Pressure in my head. I want to help but just don't know how. I might also be creating drama so my alcoholic brain can use it as an excuse to go to boozy BBQ later. (I seem to have endless opportunities to get blotto complete with alcohol-soaked acquaintances.) I wouldn't put it past my subconscious to set me up with a good excuse after all I've been living to drink for a long time. I'm going to have to accept I'm losing these friends. I find it so hard to say No.
Now, can I get away with slobbing around for the afternoon? I don't want to waste any more time. I want to get it all fixed now. Hope I can get to a meeting tonight. I think my thinking is all over the place right now. I'll stop rambling.
25 days sober. Am meeting sponsor next week to start proper work on the steps. Determined to see what life without alcohol brings.
I'm *still* ill. My kitchen looks like it did at the end of my drinking, some sort of soup Armageddon, and I'm not exactly lovely to look at either.
I'm a bit wound up by people dropping in or phoning with things I can't deal with. Pressure in my head. I want to help but just don't know how. I might also be creating drama so my alcoholic brain can use it as an excuse to go to boozy BBQ later. (I seem to have endless opportunities to get blotto complete with alcohol-soaked acquaintances.) I wouldn't put it past my subconscious to set me up with a good excuse after all I've been living to drink for a long time. I'm going to have to accept I'm losing these friends. I find it so hard to say No.
Now, can I get away with slobbing around for the afternoon? I don't want to waste any more time. I want to get it all fixed now. Hope I can get to a meeting tonight. I think my thinking is all over the place right now. I'll stop rambling.
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
This is a little of what alcohol took from me. I have a degree in computer science and I haven't been able to find my way around this site even to post a photo. I'm very pleased with myself right now though. I've finally got enough oomph to explore this site a little and I now have a tiger avatar. Excellent!
When I came off a three week bender at the start of April, finishing off the remains of a bottle of voddie to keep the shaking at bay, I searched for 'how to stop drinking' online and like a miracle this site came up. Hesitating for like an age over whether to sign up or go buy a new bottle, I remember, surprisingly clearly, thinking, "oh well, it's the lesser of two weevils", so I signed up and got my name.
Now I feel like a tiger of sobriety, a warrior, even with my runny nose.
It does get better. How long that takes is almost unimportant.
When I came off a three week bender at the start of April, finishing off the remains of a bottle of voddie to keep the shaking at bay, I searched for 'how to stop drinking' online and like a miracle this site came up. Hesitating for like an age over whether to sign up or go buy a new bottle, I remember, surprisingly clearly, thinking, "oh well, it's the lesser of two weevils", so I signed up and got my name.
Now I feel like a tiger of sobriety, a warrior, even with my runny nose.
It does get better. How long that takes is almost unimportant.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, CA
Posts: 349
I guess I'm going to have to join again. Seems like so many people are enablers, including my SO, family, and friends. They really don't want you not to drink; however, when you are around them and the are drinking you seem clearly how obnoxious they are. And they tend to drive drunk but are adamant that they aren't.
So I had it really under control Friday at a friend's B-Day party. Really fun party. I could tell people (largely drunk) were watching me closely to see how bad I was. I think they were shocked I was relatively clean. But then Saturday afternoon had me having beers, and some shots. I didn't lose track of the whole night - but that happened last night. I was OK to drive this morning, but can't eat anything. Drinking iced green tea. The most disgusting thing was that my drunkenness made me snore loudly both nights - keeping everyone awake in the small house (with bad sound insulation). The fact that I was a super-star - planting trees and running the BBQ perfectly - didn't offset the embarrassing ugliness of my brain disappearing with 3 attractive ladies in the house. So I am back here for the 3rd or 4th time. The good news is that each time the drinking is diminishing - but as soon as I think I can control it it ramps up on me like it did this weekend.
I'm not sure if I am quite ready to join May - writing this is helping me get some resolve together. But after drinking like I have over the last week it will probably be a pretty sleep deprived night if I don't. Hmmmm . . . maybe I'll take a OTC sleeping pill or two, even though those tend to make you dopy the next day, and I have a 5 hours drive to do in the morning. Or maybe have just a glass or two of wine. I know I can keep it at that, but I also know it's not a good idea.
But writing this feels like a good first step toward getting going in the right direction. Unfortunately the downside is pity and disconnect from those friends around me that don't think they are alcoholics. It is funny how us "experienced" alcoholics are now the designated drivers for their newer victims of this stupidity - and they don't even realize how dangerous they are.
Anyway, thanks for reading if there is anyone out there!
So I had it really under control Friday at a friend's B-Day party. Really fun party. I could tell people (largely drunk) were watching me closely to see how bad I was. I think they were shocked I was relatively clean. But then Saturday afternoon had me having beers, and some shots. I didn't lose track of the whole night - but that happened last night. I was OK to drive this morning, but can't eat anything. Drinking iced green tea. The most disgusting thing was that my drunkenness made me snore loudly both nights - keeping everyone awake in the small house (with bad sound insulation). The fact that I was a super-star - planting trees and running the BBQ perfectly - didn't offset the embarrassing ugliness of my brain disappearing with 3 attractive ladies in the house. So I am back here for the 3rd or 4th time. The good news is that each time the drinking is diminishing - but as soon as I think I can control it it ramps up on me like it did this weekend.
I'm not sure if I am quite ready to join May - writing this is helping me get some resolve together. But after drinking like I have over the last week it will probably be a pretty sleep deprived night if I don't. Hmmmm . . . maybe I'll take a OTC sleeping pill or two, even though those tend to make you dopy the next day, and I have a 5 hours drive to do in the morning. Or maybe have just a glass or two of wine. I know I can keep it at that, but I also know it's not a good idea.
But writing this feels like a good first step toward getting going in the right direction. Unfortunately the downside is pity and disconnect from those friends around me that don't think they are alcoholics. It is funny how us "experienced" alcoholics are now the designated drivers for their newer victims of this stupidity - and they don't even realize how dangerous they are.
Anyway, thanks for reading if there is anyone out there!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife 
Cutie!! 4 months is awesome. I'm so sorry you decided to drink but so glad you are in our class now. What was it in your line of thinking that made you relapse?
For me it was forgetting the pain and thinking I was cured and could drink in moderation after 3.5 months of sobriety. Well, I was wrong. I can't drink again- it always ends up with the same damn result.
Good luck to you , stay close to us and I hope your first few days are manageable. You CAN do this!
For me it was forgetting the pain and thinking I was cured and could drink in moderation after 3.5 months of sobriety. Well, I was wrong. I can't drink again- it always ends up with the same damn result.
Good luck to you , stay close to us and I hope your first few days are manageable. You CAN do this!
Then it turned into a bender and several disgustingly wasted days. I'm currently on day 3. I barely slept (I think) It always that in between sleep after I drink. So I dont know how much of this funk I feel is from lack of sleep. I'm hoping and praying to feel 100 % by Friday (It usually takes 5 days) so I can get back to what worked for me. Hanging with right friends. Going to shows. Church. Gym. and I actually start a new job next Monday. I wouldve almost had 5 months if I had remained sober before starting that job. My Dad just started chemo as well so I'm just really sad that I would disappoint my parents like this during this time. I asked for their forgiveness today and hope I get it as I need to feel (mostly) right with them again to get back on track. I am typing too much lol.. Hope your all having a great day and lets stay sober together. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, CA
Posts: 349
Yeah, I just keep thinking "disgusting" about myself Sunday and Monday nights. Life gets sooooo good when you are sober and then it just takes one little lapse to throw it all away. You can be a star 99 times out of 100 but that 1 time drunk is enough to remove all of the trust that you have built up with kids, SO, friends - everyone.
Originally Posted by CuteNGayYay
Hi Sunflower! I always get so excited to see old classmates although i know its not really a good thing either in the "new" section. I think it was similar to your line of thinking. I went to Pride and thought I can just have ONE day and go back to sobriety. My friend who also had similar sobriety was actually the one who said "Would u trip if I have a few drinks?" and there went my AV. I'm like that seems like a good idea. Then it turned into a bender and several disgustingly wasted days. I'm currently on day 3. I barely slept (I think) It always that in between sleep after I drink. So I dont know how much of this funk I feel is from lack of sleep. I'm hoping and praying to feel 100 % by Friday (It usually takes 5 days) so I can get back to what worked for me. Hanging with right friends. Going to shows. Church. Gym. and I actually start a new job next Monday. I wouldve almost had 5 months if I had remained sober before starting that job. My Dad just started chemo as well so I'm just really sad that I would disappoint my parents like this during this time. I asked for their forgiveness today and hope I get it as I need to feel (mostly) right with them again to get back on track. I am typing too much lol.. Hope your all having a great day and lets stay sober together.
Then it turned into a bender and several disgustingly wasted days. I'm currently on day 3. I barely slept (I think) It always that in between sleep after I drink. So I dont know how much of this funk I feel is from lack of sleep. I'm hoping and praying to feel 100 % by Friday (It usually takes 5 days) so I can get back to what worked for me. Hanging with right friends. Going to shows. Church. Gym. and I actually start a new job next Monday. I wouldve almost had 5 months if I had remained sober before starting that job. My Dad just started chemo as well so I'm just really sad that I would disappoint my parents like this during this time. I asked for their forgiveness today and hope I get it as I need to feel (mostly) right with them again to get back on track. I am typing too much lol.. Hope your all having a great day and lets stay sober together.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 61
Sorry to sound dim, but I think I've just figured out this thread. I was waiting until the class of June thread started as I thought you had to be in it from the start of the month, but now I'm thinking you join the one in the month you started sobriety and keep coming back to it. Is that correct?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, CA
Posts: 349
Pretty much, yep! Starting early in a month has certain kind of
lively energy though - kinda like you're joining a team!
lively energy though - kinda like you're joining a team!
Originally Posted by Tidytemper
Sorry to sound dim, but I think I've just figured out this thread. I was waiting until the class of June thread started as I thought you had to be in it from the start of the month, but now I'm thinking you join the one in the month you started sobriety and keep coming back to it. Is that correct?
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by blondsober
Pretty much, yep! Starting early in a month has certain kind of
lively energy though - kinda like you're joining a team!
lively energy though - kinda like you're joining a team!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, CA
Posts: 349
For me it comes back with a vengeance. And since it is a "legitimate need" it's a lot easier to get cooperation from your SO than when you are drunk and begging for it. But I suppose everyone has a different experience depending on age and how your partner is adjusting to your changes . . .
Originally Posted by 210dontdrink
Day 4 in the books. Lost my sex drive though which is odd. Maybe a withdrawal system?
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
You can join whenever you like as as many threads as you need TidyTemper.
The June thread will start in about 24 hours.
This thread moves to our Sister forum the Daily Support forum so that the new monthly thread of June can take your place here.
I'll leave plenty of redirect links. Nothing else changes
I'm sorry you're both back but it's good you're back fighting this thing blondsober and CAGY
I wrote this to someone else today but it fits here too...
D
The June thread will start in about 24 hours.
This thread moves to our Sister forum the Daily Support forum so that the new monthly thread of June can take your place here.
I'll leave plenty of redirect links. Nothing else changes
I'm sorry you're both back but it's good you're back fighting this thing blondsober and CAGY
I wrote this to someone else today but it fits here too...
It is tough to make different choices when your life and everyone in it is pretty geared to you being a drinking person.
But a drink for us doesn't mean the same thing as it does for other people.
A drink for most folks is done and finished...for us it's just the start...the beginning of what could be a one two day or even weeks long bender.
We have to remember that ... just as we have to remember it's the first drink thats starts the madness, not the last.
It is hard to accept we're different and always will be...and it's hard to walk to the beat of a different drum...but it's harder still to keep drinking like we do and try and manage a life.
The hardness of recovery is what support is for - and thats why we need to train ourselves to reach out for support when we need it, before we take that first drink.
Don't put off doing something about this...and don't just make declarations...take some action too.
But a drink for us doesn't mean the same thing as it does for other people.
A drink for most folks is done and finished...for us it's just the start...the beginning of what could be a one two day or even weeks long bender.
We have to remember that ... just as we have to remember it's the first drink thats starts the madness, not the last.
It is hard to accept we're different and always will be...and it's hard to walk to the beat of a different drum...but it's harder still to keep drinking like we do and try and manage a life.
The hardness of recovery is what support is for - and thats why we need to train ourselves to reach out for support when we need it, before we take that first drink.
Don't put off doing something about this...and don't just make declarations...take some action too.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
[QUOTE=Dee74;6478638]You can join whenever you like as as many threads as you need TidyTemper.
The June thread will start in about 24 hours.
This thread moves to our Sister forum the Daily Support forum so that the new monthly thread of June can take your place here.
I'll leave plenty of redirect links. Nothing else changes
I'm sorry you're both back but it's good you're back fighting this thing blondsober and CAGY
I wrote this to someone else today but it fits here too...
Thank you Dee!
<3
The June thread will start in about 24 hours.
This thread moves to our Sister forum the Daily Support forum so that the new monthly thread of June can take your place here.
I'll leave plenty of redirect links. Nothing else changes
I'm sorry you're both back but it's good you're back fighting this thing blondsober and CAGY
I wrote this to someone else today but it fits here too...
Thank you Dee!
<3
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by blondsober
For me it comes back with a vengeance. And since it is a "legitimate need" it's a lot easier to get cooperation from your SO than when you are drunk and begging for it. But I suppose everyone has a different experience depending on age and how your partner is adjusting to your changes . . .
I get $1000 tomorrow so I know there will be temptation but i have to do some shopping and get groceries. Then cook for the next day. I'm planning on going to a restaurant for a dinner while I do all this so i will pick the kind of place that wont ry to force alcohol on me. No pubs.
Things are finally, after about a year, turning around for me. My last job i drank every night after work because there were two nice bars on the way home. This job once I get off the bus I'm basically home. Things are working out.
Lots of good looking women at work and when co-workers talk about drinking i pipe up that I don't drink and hopefully that will exclude me from socially drinking with them.
I prefer dates without alcohol as thay killed my sex drive until the next hungover morning, where all i could think of was sex.
So for now I will trade my libido for sobriety and money.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 86
Day 9 beginning. Had a tough time yesterday. Almost stopped at the store on my way home from work and brought home my crutch. But I didn't. I was overstimulated at work and as an INFP and highly sensitive person, that can sometimes make me do stupid things, LOL! I am proud of myself and I have to constantly remind myself that this sobriety journey at this early stage really is one day at a time. Today is another day and I feel great!
Love and peace to all. Remember to breathe. xo
Love and peace to all. Remember to breathe. xo
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: northeast US
Posts: 715
No day, like today...
So here goes... lost it, now found it - 10 days in. Battled self in posting but I know I need it. Just got back from a morning meeting - Gratefulness was the discussion and that I am, although I'm so exhausted... can't seem to kick the tired!!! Will join the June group but didn't want to wait cause need to talk.
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