Class of February 2017 Support Thread Part 5
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
...thai expat questions. Everyone starts with the sex industry. Expats? I know a little about this. There are different kinds. Yes, the bars and drinking is rife. A lot of them are guys who've had hard lives in the west....but often high pay jobs, oil rigs, mining. When it ends they just float back to where they'd spend the downtime in the working days. girlfriend, kids even. A lot of them are all a bit larger than life and knowingly enjoy the reputation.
There are others who genuinely make a success of their lives in a really different place. They're the interesting ones....often never quite fitted at 'home' but have made a place for themselves. Always outsiders but now accepted as such. Thai, SEA culture is very family, community orientated. They often have little but each other.
The worst guy I ever came across was a young dude who'd obviously been making a lot out west here in Aus. Had a great Thai girl....built a house out in the country. All brand new, great outside cookhouse. Guy was permanently nasty drunk. I sat at a wedding party one night, sober, and watched this idiot utterly humiliate her.....remember, this is a face culture. The whole place went quiet. This guy was heading for disaster.....but happily pissed off his head he couldn't see it.
The other guy I went with was a non drinker. Lost a lot of money, bad divorce, fishing boat all gone. But happy living there with a new wife and genuinely Buddhist. He'd found a peaceful acceptance of it all. Looked like your expat boozer nightmare....but actually nothing like it. So you can't go on the appearances.
So.....not standard SR post I guess......but I was just surprised by the immediate assumption that Thailand is just a transsexual brothel. I got very sick there, in hospital, a long way from home. I was so well cared for....always be grateful and wish them and their proudly independent country all the best.
There are others who genuinely make a success of their lives in a really different place. They're the interesting ones....often never quite fitted at 'home' but have made a place for themselves. Always outsiders but now accepted as such. Thai, SEA culture is very family, community orientated. They often have little but each other.
The worst guy I ever came across was a young dude who'd obviously been making a lot out west here in Aus. Had a great Thai girl....built a house out in the country. All brand new, great outside cookhouse. Guy was permanently nasty drunk. I sat at a wedding party one night, sober, and watched this idiot utterly humiliate her.....remember, this is a face culture. The whole place went quiet. This guy was heading for disaster.....but happily pissed off his head he couldn't see it.
The other guy I went with was a non drinker. Lost a lot of money, bad divorce, fishing boat all gone. But happy living there with a new wife and genuinely Buddhist. He'd found a peaceful acceptance of it all. Looked like your expat boozer nightmare....but actually nothing like it. So you can't go on the appearances.
So.....not standard SR post I guess......but I was just surprised by the immediate assumption that Thailand is just a transsexual brothel. I got very sick there, in hospital, a long way from home. I was so well cared for....always be grateful and wish them and their proudly independent country all the best.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Canguy! Thanks for the offbeat post! That's exactly what I wanted to ask about! Interesting information. The Buddhist thing seems like the way to go. The crazy lifestyle, larger than life thing, seems it would be a lot of fun at 30 years old, but at 47 just stupid. I was in Key West this year (I'm sure it's notorious even in Australia, the southern most point of the US at the end of a string of Islands off Florida). Anyway, that's the crowd. A lot of carpenters, fishermen, former Navy Men, people who have been around the world, all drunk. High dollar blue collar guys. Its kind of gross. I mean you're retired from a serious job, or it's the off season in a job where you bring in mad stacks of cash, and every night you stumble around Key West polluted out of your mind with some floozy (no offense to women). Seems like a waste. Of course a Key West does not have what Thailand does. The level of partying, characters (I'm sure) and the natural beauty. My buddy is a businessman who goes to Thailand and says it's MY spot. That's where I belong. He's convinced. Not because of partying, but everything else.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Vipe... the Buddhist thing has 2 sides. It can be totally fatalistic. You simply accept all that happens. It denies individual agency. Or,.. it can enable you to accept what happens. You can detach a little.....maybe what is a problem today won't be a problem tomorrow.
I'll never forget the Thai girl driving the taxi with one hand thro the Bangkok traffic.....laughing...she yelled explaining to the tourist: all Thai people..'in one ear out the other'. It was hot, fast, it smelled and I loved it.
I'll never forget the Thai girl driving the taxi with one hand thro the Bangkok traffic.....laughing...she yelled explaining to the tourist: all Thai people..'in one ear out the other'. It was hot, fast, it smelled and I loved it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
So not a bad day. I'm cool today. I slept really hard and long last night. I spent the day trying to get information. I have 2 prescriptions that I'll need to pay out-of-pocket for, since my Doc is out of network (which is total BS). I called a bunch of 'big box' pharmacies and a few Canadian ones. Canadian generic's were 1/4 the lowest US price, but they're all out of stock. Luckily it's not much money. Costco is pretty cheap.
I'm getting a little sick of my financial trap and it's restrictions. Unfortunately I can't explain in detail. System is BULLS#%+.
Anyway, I think I can get feeling good and have meaningful life experiences, which is not the case for many people. People are in wheelchairs, or blind, of take nurishment through a tube, etc, so it's important for me to keep my restrictions in perspective.
Ok. Bed soon.
Axe, I owe ya one.
Viper
I'm getting a little sick of my financial trap and it's restrictions. Unfortunately I can't explain in detail. System is BULLS#%+.
Anyway, I think I can get feeling good and have meaningful life experiences, which is not the case for many people. People are in wheelchairs, or blind, of take nurishment through a tube, etc, so it's important for me to keep my restrictions in perspective.
Ok. Bed soon.
Axe, I owe ya one.
Viper
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
PC, congrats on 101 days! You make a good point in regards to spinning defeatist thoughts into positive affirmations.
Axe, hopefully your liver tests will begin to show improvement. I'm going back to retest in June. Last visit, my doctor suggested I could return to drinking once they leveled out, reminding me that "men can have two units per night and etc." which I already knew. I guess the part where I said I was drinking too much and unable to stop blew by him.
Thailand sounds awesome. Travel in Asia would be one of my bucket list items. I'd just avoid the drunk expats. Like for me, I can look at drunk Americans any day of the week, so like hell I'm going to fly all the way to Asia to hang out with them
Axe, hopefully your liver tests will begin to show improvement. I'm going back to retest in June. Last visit, my doctor suggested I could return to drinking once they leveled out, reminding me that "men can have two units per night and etc." which I already knew. I guess the part where I said I was drinking too much and unable to stop blew by him.
Thailand sounds awesome. Travel in Asia would be one of my bucket list items. I'd just avoid the drunk expats. Like for me, I can look at drunk Americans any day of the week, so like hell I'm going to fly all the way to Asia to hang out with them
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
My doctor said that at my levels I could heal. Even said it might be dirt and not alcohol. But he also asked me about my drinking and we concluded that I am an Alcoholic, but he made me feel less of the stigma of that word. Said I would be surprised at how prevalent. But he said his medical advice was total abstinence for life. I drank last night out of self pity but I really might try to take his advice starting today. If anyone asks, I can't drink ever again. "Doctor's Orders". That would make the social pressure go away. Now I just have to teach myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
I am sober tonight. Not much of a choice, really because I feel like a dumpster fire after last nights binge, but sober nonetheless. I wish I could freeze this feeling and revisit it any time I thought about drinking ever again so I could quickly realize it was a dumb idea, but I know that in 4-5 days I'll feel better again and the thought will arise. I am so afraid of that. I really do want to quit and I think I am finally ready to do whatever that takes, even if it's AA which I have always feared out of my own stigma associated with it. I need to realize that not quitting is a death sentence, maybe not instantly but sooner than I should die. I want to live. For my family, my wife, and if I succeed, my future kids. Please God give me the strength to do this.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Axe, I hope you do find a way to do it. It really is so freeing.
I'm done with my CBT group. I can go for two more weeks, but with camping season starting Thursdays aren't good. It was a wonderful group of people to start this journey with.
I'm done with my CBT group. I can go for two more weeks, but with camping season starting Thursdays aren't good. It was a wonderful group of people to start this journey with.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
I think that the problem with it all is that the life issues are not resolvable by sobriety alone. And nonsobriety offers a too easy temp fix.
I read many on here saying that sober is transformational. Wish I could experience it. It just turns into a relentless plod. Then 60 -90 days....'let's have a break'
I read many on here saying that sober is transformational. Wish I could experience it. It just turns into a relentless plod. Then 60 -90 days....'let's have a break'
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
Hi Guys,
I'm also struggling this eve. Have been cleaning out my house and this afternoon found 2 unopened bottles of wine that I didn't even know I had.
On top of that, I just finished a big project (time to celebrate!)and its Friday eve,
AND I'm home alone==a perfect set-up to pour a glass.
The AV is going crazy!
The ONLY reason I am not doing it is because I am afraid I won't ever be able to stop again. I feel like this is my last chance.
I stopped drinking once before, for 5 years,
and then thought I could just have one glass (as "anesthesia" for severe emotional pain )------
it took me over 5 years to stop again!.
I KNOW I can't just have one glass.
I'm also struggling this eve. Have been cleaning out my house and this afternoon found 2 unopened bottles of wine that I didn't even know I had.
On top of that, I just finished a big project (time to celebrate!)and its Friday eve,
AND I'm home alone==a perfect set-up to pour a glass.
The AV is going crazy!
The ONLY reason I am not doing it is because I am afraid I won't ever be able to stop again. I feel like this is my last chance.
I stopped drinking once before, for 5 years,
and then thought I could just have one glass (as "anesthesia" for severe emotional pain )------
it took me over 5 years to stop again!.
I KNOW I can't just have one glass.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Dau, dump those bottles out or go to your neighbor and give them away. You know it won't stop with just one night. Could be another 5 years.
I've stopped for 6 months a few times and just was totally compelled to drink one day. Then it was a gradual 2 week progression to booze hound again.
Canguy, go ahead and laugh. I was trying to be funny.
I wish I could really explain my roadblocks. Maybe in a pm but not a public forum.
Ok. There is an episode of Better Call Saul I didn't see yet. So I'm going to put that on.
V
I've stopped for 6 months a few times and just was totally compelled to drink one day. Then it was a gradual 2 week progression to booze hound again.
Canguy, go ahead and laugh. I was trying to be funny.
I wish I could really explain my roadblocks. Maybe in a pm but not a public forum.
Ok. There is an episode of Better Call Saul I didn't see yet. So I'm going to put that on.
V
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
I am not going to drink tonight.
Funny how I'm having trouble pouring it down the drain though.
That's the AV talking. I have to remember that the AV is not me, and I am stronger than it. The AV is the addiction talking and it is very cunning!
I
Funny how I'm having trouble pouring it down the drain though.
That's the AV talking. I have to remember that the AV is not me, and I am stronger than it. The AV is the addiction talking and it is very cunning!
I
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
It shouldn't be a relentless plod Canguy.
Maybe it would help to work on other parts of your life as well as just not drinking?
My old life was so bad I had to drink to tolerate it...
still living that same life and just not drinking would be wearing on anyone.
I hope you, and Dau, stay with us
D
Maybe it would help to work on other parts of your life as well as just not drinking?
My old life was so bad I had to drink to tolerate it...
still living that same life and just not drinking would be wearing on anyone.
I hope you, and Dau, stay with us
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
Hmm. Better Call Saul. It's a great show, would stand on its own even without Breaking Bad. Probably time to binge on that
Also, I've hit 100 days. YEAH!! WOOO!! Triple digits.
I saw a therapist a few years ago -- basically post-divorce, I knew I needed to, and saw him for about a year. We worked through some things, and he gave me a ton of helpful knowledge. I then proceeded to not do a damn thing with any of it until this past February (I'm stubborn and weird that way). But the thing is, all that knowledge is still valid. It all helped. When life situations came up that I used to blunt with alcohol, I drew upon that knowledge. Even way after the fact, I feel lucky to have had that to rely on when things got tricky.
Also, I've hit 100 days. YEAH!! WOOO!! Triple digits.
I saw a therapist a few years ago -- basically post-divorce, I knew I needed to, and saw him for about a year. We worked through some things, and he gave me a ton of helpful knowledge. I then proceeded to not do a damn thing with any of it until this past February (I'm stubborn and weird that way). But the thing is, all that knowledge is still valid. It all helped. When life situations came up that I used to blunt with alcohol, I drew upon that knowledge. Even way after the fact, I feel lucky to have had that to rely on when things got tricky.
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