F.I.S.T. #3 (Insert Non-Acronymical Nonsense Expression)
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
You would have loved "The Gong Show" in the 70s!
Also the first phase of auditions for "American Idol"
I didn't like that part much. There were occasional people who were outrageous on purpose, but sometimes the judges mocked people who were really sincere and didn't realize they were bad.
Also the first phase of auditions for "American Idol"
I didn't like that part much. There were occasional people who were outrageous on purpose, but sometimes the judges mocked people who were really sincere and didn't realize they were bad.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Happy Sober Sunday, All...
Chuck Barris was a treat....seemed like a good kinda crazy...if there is such a thing?
Derby day was lots of fun. I didn't win though. I had 1st, and 3rd thru 7th, but the 1 horse eluded my research and took 2nd, and all I bet were trifecta's. As my long term boss for 15 years at three different companies would say, "It is what it is." JG was dressed to the nines and looked amazing - prettiest woman there!
Oh, Cour...there is no enjoyment whatsoever for me in online dating. The painful first few emails, trying to be clever. The phone call to set up a place to meet, just terrible. Then, that 1st get-together, meet and greet to see if a real connection might exist - give me a root canal.
The only reason that I stuck to the process is that I really enjoyed having a partner in life. My ex and I had more than 24 of our 25 years together as best friends...true partners in every sense. My inability to quit drinking after my relapse was our demise. Alcohol claimed another family unit.
So I've endured the torture to the tune of about 30 1st dates in the past year, in hopes that lightning can re-strike. All but 2 were one and done - bam - no vibes. Last summer I met a Berniecrat that loved to golf and workout...how is this not perfect?-my female twin. Like five dates, three golfing, and neither of us wanted to go searching for that lost ball in the woods. Haha, oh yeah...she had like 6 dogs though.
Today I'm thanking the universe for putting Jersey Girl in my life. Who knows what might happen...but, it looks like we are very much in early stages of a relationship? After spending most of the weekend together and no plan to get together today, she recently text to see if I wanted some chicken tikka masala for dinner. I'm all in, and I don't even know or care what that is.
Have an enjoyable day, all. No drinking for me today.
SR Carlos
Chuck Barris was a treat....seemed like a good kinda crazy...if there is such a thing?
Derby day was lots of fun. I didn't win though. I had 1st, and 3rd thru 7th, but the 1 horse eluded my research and took 2nd, and all I bet were trifecta's. As my long term boss for 15 years at three different companies would say, "It is what it is." JG was dressed to the nines and looked amazing - prettiest woman there!
Oh, Cour...there is no enjoyment whatsoever for me in online dating. The painful first few emails, trying to be clever. The phone call to set up a place to meet, just terrible. Then, that 1st get-together, meet and greet to see if a real connection might exist - give me a root canal.
The only reason that I stuck to the process is that I really enjoyed having a partner in life. My ex and I had more than 24 of our 25 years together as best friends...true partners in every sense. My inability to quit drinking after my relapse was our demise. Alcohol claimed another family unit.
So I've endured the torture to the tune of about 30 1st dates in the past year, in hopes that lightning can re-strike. All but 2 were one and done - bam - no vibes. Last summer I met a Berniecrat that loved to golf and workout...how is this not perfect?-my female twin. Like five dates, three golfing, and neither of us wanted to go searching for that lost ball in the woods. Haha, oh yeah...she had like 6 dogs though.
Today I'm thanking the universe for putting Jersey Girl in my life. Who knows what might happen...but, it looks like we are very much in early stages of a relationship? After spending most of the weekend together and no plan to get together today, she recently text to see if I wanted some chicken tikka masala for dinner. I'm all in, and I don't even know or care what that is.
Have an enjoyable day, all. No drinking for me today.
SR Carlos
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Aside from bad judgment I also put the face to the name of the lady who passed away from the fellowship.
She took her own life a couple weeks ago... life and addiction got the best of her. She was a lady I saw at a women's aa recovery group every week while I treatment and often thereafter. She was so kind and encouraging.
My sobriety and my life is a precious gift I cherish and protect today.
It's so important we take care of ourselves. Love to you all
Xo Del
She took her own life a couple weeks ago... life and addiction got the best of her. She was a lady I saw at a women's aa recovery group every week while I treatment and often thereafter. She was so kind and encouraging.
My sobriety and my life is a precious gift I cherish and protect today.
It's so important we take care of ourselves. Love to you all
Xo Del
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
You inspired me with your poem, Cour.
I've got a sonnet by Shakespeare that I've always loved. It's the only poem in my life I ever memorized.
Since spiritually I've been tempted to feel like my happiest days are behind me, I think this is a very fitting prayer to offer to the Lord:
Sonnet 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee--and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
I've got a sonnet by Shakespeare that I've always loved. It's the only poem in my life I ever memorized.
Since spiritually I've been tempted to feel like my happiest days are behind me, I think this is a very fitting prayer to offer to the Lord:
Sonnet 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee--and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,150
[QUOTE=IWLSAST;6447265
Today I'm thanking the universe for putting Jersey Girl in my life. Who knows what might happen...but, it looks like we are very much in early stages of a relationship? After spending most of the weekend together and no plan to get together today, she recently text to see if I wanted some chicken tikka masala for dinner. I'm all in, and I don't even know or care what that is...
Ugh, just got home from work, and I have to be back there at 7:00am tomorrow. If I'm lucky, I might be able to squeeze in four hours or so of shut eye. It always takes me forever to wind down after work. I used to come home and slam down a couple drinks to try and knock myself out so that I could get to sleep faster. Never worked out well for me.
I am glad things are going well with Jersey Girl, Carlos! Bruce Springsteen plays in the back of my mind while reading your tales. By the way, TJ's has a good frozen chicken tikki masala if you liked it tonight.
Really need to get to bed.
Good night all!
Today I'm thanking the universe for putting Jersey Girl in my life. Who knows what might happen...but, it looks like we are very much in early stages of a relationship? After spending most of the weekend together and no plan to get together today, she recently text to see if I wanted some chicken tikka masala for dinner. I'm all in, and I don't even know or care what that is...
Ugh, just got home from work, and I have to be back there at 7:00am tomorrow. If I'm lucky, I might be able to squeeze in four hours or so of shut eye. It always takes me forever to wind down after work. I used to come home and slam down a couple drinks to try and knock myself out so that I could get to sleep faster. Never worked out well for me.
I am glad things are going well with Jersey Girl, Carlos! Bruce Springsteen plays in the back of my mind while reading your tales. By the way, TJ's has a good frozen chicken tikki masala if you liked it tonight.
Really need to get to bed.
Good night all!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,828
Sounds like you just might have a keeper there, Carlos. I wish you well, my friend.
Got a call last night from my brother. He's dealing with some massive anxiety issues. Reminded me of my own struggles towards the end of my drinking career. I don't think alcohol is a factor for him, but I didn't ask. I just let him talk and tried to assure him that he's loved and appreciated. He's been on meds for quite awhile, but I told him it might not be a bad idea to consult with his doctor on perhaps tweaking his prescription. He's also started therapy, so hopefully that will help. We've been very close over the years, but he's now 500 miles away, so it's hard to know exactly what's been going on. It's hard seeing loved ones suffer.
Have a great Monday, gang!
Got a call last night from my brother. He's dealing with some massive anxiety issues. Reminded me of my own struggles towards the end of my drinking career. I don't think alcohol is a factor for him, but I didn't ask. I just let him talk and tried to assure him that he's loved and appreciated. He's been on meds for quite awhile, but I told him it might not be a bad idea to consult with his doctor on perhaps tweaking his prescription. He's also started therapy, so hopefully that will help. We've been very close over the years, but he's now 500 miles away, so it's hard to know exactly what's been going on. It's hard seeing loved ones suffer.
Have a great Monday, gang!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Originally Posted by stargazer016 
So glad that I don't drink anymore.
Haha, SG, The Boss singing Jersey Girl...had to listen to it right after I read your post. That chicken was the second Indian dish that she made for me and it was sooo good. I'll look for the TJ's version on my next trip there.
DZ, sorry about your your AA friend. I have a pendant and the same design in a small tatt on my back the symbolizes peace, serenity, joyous, happy and free that I co-designed with my first close friend in the fellowship. She relapsed and died on 2/17/15 - it was crushing.
What struck me the most was knowing how she wanted a life of freedom as much as I did. Alcohol...cunning, baffling and oh so powerful. I like to add, patient...I must remember this daily. January 6th in the 24 Hours a Day book also echos the vigilance that I need in order to keep this gift.
AA Thought for the Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Busy Monday of work, gym and AA, where I make the worst coffee on earth. Think I'll try something new tonight...
Staying on that sober beam today. Enjoy the day, all.
SR Carlos
PS, that for the well wishes with JG.
Okay - one last thing. I read somewhere a while back where if a person grabs puts both hands on your cheeks, then kisses you, they are a keeper....well, a couple weeks ago while out to dinner she looked at me and randomly did just that. I might be wrong, but, to me, that was a sign??
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Thanks guys...
haha, tom. Sorry Dee, I did snigger. I thought about posting it often.. but refrained. In real life, I wouldn't have had so much self control though.
The lady who passed was only an acquaintance, and was not someone I was close to. It was just a stark reminder to me of how precious our sobriety is and getting the support we need when we need it.
I was once that person... I am grateful I have what I have to get me through each day.
I sorry... I haven't even caught up with this thread.
Things just kind of keep going sideways on me. I keep telling myself to trust in the process and things happen for a reason... but it's hard not to feel the pity party coming on and like I keep getting shanked.
I'm getting a no more bringing child into closed meetings issue. Which is understandable, but once again my meeting access is dwindling very low.
This also affects the other woman I had offered to drive to meetings. Also, I'm driving her and hour both ways to court tomorrow. She's offered and supposed to be giving me gas money, which is fine- but she also told me that her lawyer has asked? if I would testify on her behalf as to the meetings and whatnot.
I have no idea how this is a) going to work with having my little one there, b) how this is going to affect me as in what I say will be on public record so what does this mean in my case? and c) if I can't or don't, what is the likelihood of me being subpoenad as her counselor said she couldn't make it tomorrow... so this girl's lawyer is going to be supboenaing her.
Also, my ex has now come off the road from long haul driving and is working locally, now that his teenage daughter has moved in with him. So, he told me last night that the agreed upon child support he won't be able to afford anymore.
This is a big issue for me, as I rely on his support payment to pay a 2/3rds of my rent. So now, I have less than 3 months to figure out housing, what I'm going to do about my work situation and I have to leave the housing situation and figure out where and how much it'll cost for me to move until the last month of my lease. I am strongly considering going to a lawyer as I am pretty sure I am entitled to more support than the halving of support that I calculated out thus far, plus he has more assets than me which I should have a half share in.
If worse comes to worse... I may have to move out of province and rely on family for awhile while I get myself back on my feet.
And we complicate the matters by the on and off again whatever is between us. Of course things happen and are said. The money bomb gets dropped on me last, naturally.
And feeding into my resentment is the fact that he lives in a miniature version of what the bank took from us, cheap rent thanks to it belonging to family, and working at a job making 4x what I make.
My 'in the mean time' ideas are so... friggen pointless in so many ways.. I am giving up around 200 hours of my month to make a whopping 6.80/hr, and that's before taking off my costs for food and gas for childcare purposes.
And.. I have to prepare an email to send off to my lawyer for my next court date. My son wants more than anything to live with me and now I don't know what the F this all means to that situation and how that is going to affect that whole matter. I have got a new lawyer too.. whom I haven't talked to, don't know his or her name. This lawyer is through legal aid and resides in the province the children are in, which means I can't even use that lawyer for what is going on on this side of the border.
And I have run out of most of my meds... no refills and the damn pharmacy seems to be getting their wires crossed as to getting the papers from my dr for refills.
I don't even know how to work through all this with my sponsor.. it seems pretty straight forward what a sponsor is meant for and to do, it just seems to not be happening for me? She is a great sponsor, so I'm told by my counselor and others. I don't know, maybe it's just me, trust issues, not understanding. I get more out of coming here than I ever have out of a sponsor. She is my 3rd sponsor. My first one ended up on stress leave and then I moved, my second one dropped me before Christmas because she was dealing with too much of her own troubles to keep me on. That one was a blow, it happened right when I was really needing some support with some big stresses going on. So I guess that, just waiting for the other shoe to drop and maybe not compatible.
More hoops to jump through, more obstacles... I am tired, I am frustrated, and I am despondent. I have considered taking the mental vacation of drinking.
But really, for what? To throw away all this work, the fact that this whole year I haven spent sober, that even if no one knows I will know? And most of all- I know it will do NOTHING but make me feel worse. Whether I drink one or 12, it won't matter it will be a stupid intentional step into the quicksand which will be my death sentence.
None of this crap is worth that. Even if I had everything else taken away or smashed to smithereens, nobody and nothing in this world can take my sobriety.
So. No drinking for me today.
The rest will start figuring itself out when I stop crying and leave my pity party.
haha, tom. Sorry Dee, I did snigger. I thought about posting it often.. but refrained. In real life, I wouldn't have had so much self control though.
The lady who passed was only an acquaintance, and was not someone I was close to. It was just a stark reminder to me of how precious our sobriety is and getting the support we need when we need it.
I was once that person... I am grateful I have what I have to get me through each day.
I sorry... I haven't even caught up with this thread.
Things just kind of keep going sideways on me. I keep telling myself to trust in the process and things happen for a reason... but it's hard not to feel the pity party coming on and like I keep getting shanked.
I'm getting a no more bringing child into closed meetings issue. Which is understandable, but once again my meeting access is dwindling very low.
This also affects the other woman I had offered to drive to meetings. Also, I'm driving her and hour both ways to court tomorrow. She's offered and supposed to be giving me gas money, which is fine- but she also told me that her lawyer has asked? if I would testify on her behalf as to the meetings and whatnot.
I have no idea how this is a) going to work with having my little one there, b) how this is going to affect me as in what I say will be on public record so what does this mean in my case? and c) if I can't or don't, what is the likelihood of me being subpoenad as her counselor said she couldn't make it tomorrow... so this girl's lawyer is going to be supboenaing her.
Also, my ex has now come off the road from long haul driving and is working locally, now that his teenage daughter has moved in with him. So, he told me last night that the agreed upon child support he won't be able to afford anymore.
This is a big issue for me, as I rely on his support payment to pay a 2/3rds of my rent. So now, I have less than 3 months to figure out housing, what I'm going to do about my work situation and I have to leave the housing situation and figure out where and how much it'll cost for me to move until the last month of my lease. I am strongly considering going to a lawyer as I am pretty sure I am entitled to more support than the halving of support that I calculated out thus far, plus he has more assets than me which I should have a half share in.
If worse comes to worse... I may have to move out of province and rely on family for awhile while I get myself back on my feet.
And we complicate the matters by the on and off again whatever is between us. Of course things happen and are said. The money bomb gets dropped on me last, naturally.
And feeding into my resentment is the fact that he lives in a miniature version of what the bank took from us, cheap rent thanks to it belonging to family, and working at a job making 4x what I make.
My 'in the mean time' ideas are so... friggen pointless in so many ways.. I am giving up around 200 hours of my month to make a whopping 6.80/hr, and that's before taking off my costs for food and gas for childcare purposes.
And.. I have to prepare an email to send off to my lawyer for my next court date. My son wants more than anything to live with me and now I don't know what the F this all means to that situation and how that is going to affect that whole matter. I have got a new lawyer too.. whom I haven't talked to, don't know his or her name. This lawyer is through legal aid and resides in the province the children are in, which means I can't even use that lawyer for what is going on on this side of the border.
And I have run out of most of my meds... no refills and the damn pharmacy seems to be getting their wires crossed as to getting the papers from my dr for refills.
I don't even know how to work through all this with my sponsor.. it seems pretty straight forward what a sponsor is meant for and to do, it just seems to not be happening for me? She is a great sponsor, so I'm told by my counselor and others. I don't know, maybe it's just me, trust issues, not understanding. I get more out of coming here than I ever have out of a sponsor. She is my 3rd sponsor. My first one ended up on stress leave and then I moved, my second one dropped me before Christmas because she was dealing with too much of her own troubles to keep me on. That one was a blow, it happened right when I was really needing some support with some big stresses going on. So I guess that, just waiting for the other shoe to drop and maybe not compatible.
More hoops to jump through, more obstacles... I am tired, I am frustrated, and I am despondent. I have considered taking the mental vacation of drinking.
But really, for what? To throw away all this work, the fact that this whole year I haven spent sober, that even if no one knows I will know? And most of all- I know it will do NOTHING but make me feel worse. Whether I drink one or 12, it won't matter it will be a stupid intentional step into the quicksand which will be my death sentence.
None of this crap is worth that. Even if I had everything else taken away or smashed to smithereens, nobody and nothing in this world can take my sobriety.
So. No drinking for me today.
The rest will start figuring itself out when I stop crying and leave my pity party.
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