FBL

Way to go, Gil! It's always a great feeling to know that we can still learn things.

Glee, sorry you were "outed" like that. I honestly don't feel there's as much stigma these days regarding addiction. Besides, those of us in recovery should be looked at as doing something positive. We know how hard it is to beat this thing and I for one find it all very inspiring. Of course, it's hard for a "normie" to personally relate to our struggles, but surely many of them can see it as something positive, no?

Have a great Sunday, gang!

IWLSAST

Glee, thank you for that beautiful post on how our friendship has helped us to strengthen our recovery and have, well, really, tons of fun in doing so.

On the sponsor thing...good intentioned or not, I feel that was out of the anonymity bounds of our traditions. It's tough for me to figure out when I should just let things go or even exactly how to act after feeling that I've been wronged.

I'm far enough along to realize that REacting vs acting after careful thought makes much better sense. I also realize that winning a point or argument is rather pointless in the larger picture.

If you goal is peace and serenity, what are appropriate steps in discussing this with someone that you know cares about you? Won't be easy and for sure poses a recovery challenge - but, again, bigger picture....the process can be a huge opportunity for the recovery playbook when something like this inevitably happens again. My best as you sort this out.

Gilmer, what a busy action packed day proving that action and taking steps forward always beat the dreads.

Cour, you sweetie you....enjoy that summer schedule. I will be working on my list for leaving Thursday today....so, again, thank you for an interesting template.

FBL, enjoy your Sunday nature walk if that was your plan for the day.

Interesting day yesterday. I received so many congrats from SR friends, family, AA north and south and gym friends north and south. To be honest, it has been overwhelming. I was excited for that day for some reason beyond the way that I have been in the past. Not sure why???...thinking it was just gratitude for how life seems to keep moving positively. No light at the end of a tunnel - this recovery thing isn't finite...just feeling blessed.

That said - I am ready to be moving on now. Still having an early dinner with my sister and JG where I know that my sister wants to make it a big deal...then the home group meeting and chip on Monday. It's nice, so I will do my best to accept the spoils with grace.

Have a nice day, all. Not messin this good thing up be drankin today.

SP Carlos

courage2

Stargazer, re war stories, sometimes in the old days I'd get stuck in a conversation about what people did in their free time -- read, kayaked, baked, whatever. When it came to me, I'd give them that glazed look I always had and say, I just drink. Sad, wasn't it?

Nowadays when I hear a person over 30 saying something like, "I could use a drink," I wonder about them just a little.

courage2

I'm feeling quiet. Not very typical

If anyone wants to blow off some steam at the universe, you're very welcome to use this space.

Gilmer

I'm quiet, too. Not feeling deep today.

Enjoying my morning coffee and setting out to do the next right thing. How are others doing? Glee? Del? FBL? SG? Tom? PJ?

And Badge! Are you still around?

I hope you all see many little pleasures today, especially you, Cour.

I'm sorry if I forgot anyone. Hope you get a decent sleep, Dee.

PhoenixJ

I am here, Gilly. Weird day. 1 hour sleep last night. 2 degreesC at 0630 so decided to walk to supermarket and do me shopping- no point in wasting valuable alive time. Then counselling. Then a stress, weird meeting.
A young lady- who each time shares she has again 'busted' (d/addiction)- and how badly it effects her 5 year old boy. How he cares for her and cries and how she is terrified her child will be taken away from her. Her 17 year old has closed all contact. Today- same story- with concussion, new meds and suicidal thoughts. She is so fried she cannot understand why her family take her kid whenever they can. Lots of lady peple came to speak to her. She should not be caring for that child.
Then the guy- who at 70 complains enormous amounts about how his family destroyed him, how sick he is , how he hates them and is thankful his family never talk to him. Then says he rings his mum to tell her he wants no contact- each meeting.
Repeat/rinse stories. Both these people are articulate enough to explain themselves very well, but do nothing to even attempt to change their lot. Sigh.
tHEN LOSTS OF COOKING- CHICKEN/CORN/VEG CASSAROLE. then caps lock.

Gilmer

I hope you get some good sleep tonight, PJ.

IWLSAST

Hi All,

Busy week starting here. Leaving on Thursday morning for PA. Dinner was nice with my sister and JG. Been raining and overcast for days here...has me a bit down this morning. I never knew how much sunshine can brighten spirits until I moved to the Suncoast of FL. Rain with leaving on the horizon and it has me a bit down. Oh well, starting work now. Gym and AA to follow.

Hope that it's a good one for all. No drinking here today.

SR Carlos

courage2

Carlos. If you don't mind my saying, your posts have read a-little-on-edge since that annual golf game you (rightly) passed up this year. You've just had a big milestone, are getting serious (maybe faster than you expected?) with a woman, and about to be physically betwixt and between.

Please ignore all ^^^ where it's a giant misinterpretation. All I actually know, if I were in the situation you describe, I'd be freaked out and starting to obsess.

Chill. Put on some music. Remember that wherever you are there's you, so keep yourself warm and good inside & carry that around on your travels.

Oh and... remind me why are you taking this trip? How long?

Delizadee

I'm here. Alive and well enough. I'm on my phone so I can't respond to much but boy do you guys bring me comfort and strength. I'm about 3.5 hrs from boarding a plane to deal with what I have to tomorrow.

That's all I've got right now... I'm less nervous but I feel very lonely and sensitive. I'm going to carry you guys with me in my heart and also keep in touch with my sponsor and program friends.

Also have a nice skin infection in my face... luckily I went in early enough so one night of antibiotics has made a bit of difference already. Not that I'm vain, but I'm vain. Don't feel like being in public much with a big flaming red half puffed up face that I can't put make up on
Again. I'm not vain. Haha

And PJ WATCH OUT FOR THOSE CAPSLOCKS

Xo love to you all
dEL

PhoenixJ

Prayers, empathy, support- you know, stuff Delz.

Gilmer

I'll be praying for for success with your official business tomorrow, Del-and also that your face calms down overnight.

Delizadee

Thanks guys I heart you deeply.

I'll be ok. My rational brain tells me I need to chill and stop making a bigger deal than what it is.

Correct That, I am ok. I can't wait to get back and get out of my own head and start focusing more on the rest of the world around me again, including you guys.

stargazer016

Safe travels and good luck attending to your personal matters Del!

I just finished two days getting up at 2:30 for work. It's a bit of a grind that I hunker down mentally for and push through. I am pretty much spent and looking forward to a day off to catch up a bit around the house, and maybe sleep in a tad. I have never slept so much since sobriety. I often get 6-7 hours a night, instead of the 3-5 I squeezed in nightly during my drinking life. I used to feel guilty about lying around in bed sleeping, as though I wasn't being productive. Not that sitting with a bottle in front of me was any more productive.

Near the end of my drinking time, days off used to scare me somewhat. I always have had weekdays off so I would have the house to myself. As soon as my wife left for work and I got the kids on their buses, I would start drinking. 8:30 or so I would begin. That's if you don't count the glass or two of wine I would often have at 4:00am to help me get back to sleep. I'd drink through the morning and early afternoon until I knew folks were coming home. I actually used to get angry when 2:30 rolled around. I'd gulp some coffee and brace myself for family conversations, hoping that I wouldn't be slurring. What a pathetic waste my life had become, living to drink, and drinking to live. I have no idea what just brought those thoughts up in my head.I guess it's good to have the bad days still fresh in mind to help remember why I have chosen this new path. Knowing that all that neural wiring is lying dormant in my brain, just waiting for some alcohol to reactivate it once again, is frightening. It's also a great incentive to never pick up again.

Pens are looking good Carlos!

Enjoy the evening all!

courage2

Delz, as you say, you *are* fine. Mighty fine. Stay close to support as you travel.

Stargazer, I was a morning drinker too. We seem to have a lot in common. I haven't had a morning when I wanted a drink just to get me out the door in a while . I used to wake up every day and wish I was dead. That's something that change almost as soon as I quit.

gleefan

Del - Good thoughts with you as you take care of things.

I have had a down couple of days and feel a little bit sick and slightly grumpy. Nothing major, just a smidgen down.

Stargazer you bring up such an important point - that just one sip can reignite that pattern of insanity.

What I am grateful for in sobriety is that I don't need to escape days like this anymore. I can go through my day without altering my reality. I can meet my responsibilities, even when it feels dull. I can relax and let life happen.

What a gift!

FBL

Star, thanks for sharing. I never drank until I was done with work. From 6pm-11pm (or whenever I passed out) I could easily pound at least 18 beers. However, the weekends were a different story. On Saturday and Sunday I could start around 10am and just keep going until I passed out. That could be anywhere from 24-36 beers (or more!). That's how I "lived" for the last 10 years of my drinking career. The last few months I developed the morning shakes and that's when things started going downhill fast. I ended up in the ER one Monday morning and I knew that the jig was up. Luckily, I had my moment of clarity and on June 22, I'll have 8 years sober.

Gilmer

That's fantastic, FBL.

IWLSAST

This is exactly what happened with me. My desire to live became stronger than my desire to drink. Again, such strong talk as we continue to out that monster that is lying dormant. Yes, SG, pretty sure that for me it would only take one drink to restart that vicious cycle. I also share your moment of clarity, FBL...it remains vivid.

Cour, I took to heart every aspect of that post you directed to me. It helped me to set a nice tone for the day. It had much music, calmly working on my northern plan in writing and action steps, a few hours of work, a great gym workout, ending with a really good step 6 AA meeting. SG, I choose not to watch the Pens game and hit the sack early. Turns out, that was a good choice for staying calm.

I was working myself up into a frenzy over much of what you said, Cour. So crazy how that on-edge living can make its way back into my life so easily.

My new daily-start routine for the remainder of June will be:
1. Asking for the strength to stay sober another day.
2. Be grateful for my many gifts that day...
3. STAY CALM
4. Keep moving forward even through the tough sledding that is sure to happen on this journey north.
5. Accept EVERYTHING
6. Stay alert and aware of the signs that the Universe offers
7. Find joy in all the small things that I so often take for granted.

Courage....THANK YOU...your post just prompted me to write the most important to-do's of my trip. You rock, left-eye.

Have a good one, all. Again with the no-drinkin plan today for me.

SR Carlos

EDIT - Any thoughts on adding to my to-do list for my journey would be appreciated.

stargazer016

I am inspired by how you turned your life around completely FBL. You always bring such an upbeat vibe to your posts each day. I can always sense the gratitude that sobriety has brought unto you. You seem to attack each day with gusto. It's a joy to actually live life and not just slog through it.

Glee, I am certain that your social media fiasco has been weighing heavily on you. I hope that you have not encountered any blowback from it professionally or socially. I gather the relationship with your sponsor will be awkward to say the least for a bit. I am not an AAer, but perhaps a different voice and viewpoint on things may be in order for you to continue in your recovery.

Carlos, you seem to always have a great deal of nearly manic energy that you bring to the plate each day. You bring an organization, determination and clarity of drive to your daily life with your foot fully on the gas pedal all the time. Remember, life has red lights strewn about through it, times where we are forced to slow down and stop for a bit. Use these moments to check your personal map, and make sure that you are still oriented in the right direction. It will allow you to continue your drive with renewed confidence and faith in following the chosen path that you set out upon.

Courage, do you have downtime this summer, or do you have other plans?

Gilmer, I remember my Mom was into sewing some back in the early 1970's. I remember her buying patterns at the store and sewing pants together. She couldn't have cared about style, she was just looking to be frugal. It is laughable to think of my wife sewing pant outfits in this day and age when Amazon is a mere click away.

PJ, I hope you got some sleep finally! I got a good seven hours last night.

You will be in my thoughts today Del!