F.I.S.T. #3 (Insert Non-Acronymical Nonsense Expression)
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Heading out on my 350 mile road trip this morning. We're celebrating my Mom's 80th birthday tomorrow. All 3 of us brothers rarely can get together these days, so that'll be a treat.
Have a great weekend, gang!
Have a great weekend, gang!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,172
Enjoy the family reunion this weekend FBL, time with Mom, and the radio show.
Del, sounds like you have done a lot of soul searching and growing up in your time of sobriety. Don't kick yourself for not being perfect. Instead, feel proud of how far you have come and how much better you are today compared to last year. I have discovered that this is really a lifelong journey, one day at a time. There doesn't seem to be a magical "I'm cured today" time with this disease. Just think about the things that you have control of, and try to make the best decisions for yourself that you can.
Have a great day all!
Del, sounds like you have done a lot of soul searching and growing up in your time of sobriety. Don't kick yourself for not being perfect. Instead, feel proud of how far you have come and how much better you are today compared to last year. I have discovered that this is really a lifelong journey, one day at a time. There doesn't seem to be a magical "I'm cured today" time with this disease. Just think about the things that you have control of, and try to make the best decisions for yourself that you can.
Have a great day all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Have a great trip FBL!! Sounds so nice for you all. I am looking forward to hearing about it 
Thanks Pj, SG, everyone. I've kind of put most of the anxious felings in a box for now. I can take it out to deal with it when I see my counselor this afternoon.
So I watch this show called "Switched at Birth". I am really inspired by it. The one girl, Bay is a lot like how I feel, a people pleaser, glossing and manipulating truths to try and make situations less difficult. She is kind, loving, creative. The other girl, Daphne, who is deaf, and while she has her character flaws, she is pretty fearless despite her deafness, and does her best not to let that stand in her way. She makes mistakes but quickly fesses up to them and is an upfront honest person. I remember her saying, it's just best to rip the bandaid off and deal with the consequences. After some really bad behaviour, she decides that her best course of action is to be honest and take the consequences for her behaviour.
I want to be fearless and honest like that. Feel the fear and face it anyways. I tell myself, the truth will out. I don't have to force anything, all I have control over is myself and the rest is up to my HP to sort out. NO MATTER WHAT happens. I won't drink. I can cry for days and keep moving forward. I don't ever want to feel that anguish of drinking again though.
Anyways, it's in it's corner for now, and I can come stand in this corner when I need to lean on someones for support. Thanks guys. I need a meeting tonight but they are all closed meetings so not available to me.
I also often think of another show I really liked, a guy who had gotten sober & clean and kept using it as an excuse to be a selfish jerk. His family member yelled at him, good job on accomplishing what the rest of the normal world does! (something to that effect.)
I think about that lots too. Not as a reason to guilt myself straight. It just keeps my ego in check. Which is something I need right now.
It's a beautiful day here! I feel like there are endless possibilities today.
Drinking will dull the sunshine. So, no drinkin' for this chick today.
Thanks Pj, SG, everyone. I've kind of put most of the anxious felings in a box for now. I can take it out to deal with it when I see my counselor this afternoon.
So I watch this show called "Switched at Birth". I am really inspired by it. The one girl, Bay is a lot like how I feel, a people pleaser, glossing and manipulating truths to try and make situations less difficult. She is kind, loving, creative. The other girl, Daphne, who is deaf, and while she has her character flaws, she is pretty fearless despite her deafness, and does her best not to let that stand in her way. She makes mistakes but quickly fesses up to them and is an upfront honest person. I remember her saying, it's just best to rip the bandaid off and deal with the consequences. After some really bad behaviour, she decides that her best course of action is to be honest and take the consequences for her behaviour.
I want to be fearless and honest like that. Feel the fear and face it anyways. I tell myself, the truth will out. I don't have to force anything, all I have control over is myself and the rest is up to my HP to sort out. NO MATTER WHAT happens. I won't drink. I can cry for days and keep moving forward. I don't ever want to feel that anguish of drinking again though.
Anyways, it's in it's corner for now, and I can come stand in this corner when I need to lean on someones for support. Thanks guys. I need a meeting tonight but they are all closed meetings so not available to me.
I also often think of another show I really liked, a guy who had gotten sober & clean and kept using it as an excuse to be a selfish jerk. His family member yelled at him, good job on accomplishing what the rest of the normal world does! (something to that effect.)
I think about that lots too. Not as a reason to guilt myself straight. It just keeps my ego in check. Which is something I need right now.
It's a beautiful day here! I feel like there are endless possibilities today.
Drinking will dull the sunshine. So, no drinkin' for this chick today.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
Fist held high. Too tired to get in some pumping action. Sober all the way.
This is my favorite of the women in the West Point 2016 cadet graduating class photo that stirred up media buzzing last year. She reminds me of Joan of Arc.
This is my favorite of the women in the West Point 2016 cadet graduating class photo that stirred up media buzzing last year. She reminds me of Joan of Arc.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Del - I know that my character defects are still there. They tend to become apparent, at least for me, when the going gets rough.
For me it's a matter of choosing whether I'm going to let myself fall into those old patterns or do the work to do the next right thing. I don't always do the right thing right away, but usually I catch myself and correct my direction.
Fbl - Enjoy your road trip!
It's a beautiful spring weekend here. All - enjoy a wonderful sober weekend!
For me it's a matter of choosing whether I'm going to let myself fall into those old patterns or do the work to do the next right thing. I don't always do the right thing right away, but usually I catch myself and correct my direction.
Fbl - Enjoy your road trip!
It's a beautiful spring weekend here. All - enjoy a wonderful sober weekend!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,039
What do you think is meant in AA by "character defect"? (6th step)
I still balk at that phrase whenever I run across it. First, it follows from step 5 which uses the word "wrongs." Wrong is different from defective. Wrong is in comparison to right. It's something that can possibly be corrected and certainly avoided in the future.
But "defect" is in comparison to what? What perfection? In character, I'm the combination of traits and dispositions that make me up. So to do step 6, I have to know, in what ways am I defective? Even if you put that nicely "What are my flaws?" ("shortcomings" is the word in step 7), it suggests that a person is a poor replica of a perfect ideal. To me it sounds like original sin, which is a piece of baggage I've been trying to lose all my life.
The thing is, even if I accept (which I do) that my character is deeply flawed, I stumble over readiness for God to remove my defects. I stumble over belief in the concept that change at the character level is possible. I keep thinking that I'm supposed to figure out how to remove the flaws, where all I'm supposed to do is be ready to let them go and humbly ask.
Very likely, my sin is pride, which loves itself (6) and hates god (7).
I still balk at that phrase whenever I run across it. First, it follows from step 5 which uses the word "wrongs." Wrong is different from defective. Wrong is in comparison to right. It's something that can possibly be corrected and certainly avoided in the future.
But "defect" is in comparison to what? What perfection? In character, I'm the combination of traits and dispositions that make me up. So to do step 6, I have to know, in what ways am I defective? Even if you put that nicely "What are my flaws?" ("shortcomings" is the word in step 7), it suggests that a person is a poor replica of a perfect ideal. To me it sounds like original sin, which is a piece of baggage I've been trying to lose all my life.
The thing is, even if I accept (which I do) that my character is deeply flawed, I stumble over readiness for God to remove my defects. I stumble over belief in the concept that change at the character level is possible. I keep thinking that I'm supposed to figure out how to remove the flaws, where all I'm supposed to do is be ready to let them go and humbly ask.
Very likely, my sin is pride, which loves itself (6) and hates god (7).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
These words are guides- so I see them. I think for me it means- what was/is crap about me- greed, anger- whatever. To open up to someone shows honesty. To do something about it shows accountability and growth.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Just got back from my trip back home.
The radio show started with some minor technical difficulties, but once we got those ironed out, the show was a lot of fun. The host will post it to his archives tomorrow, so if interested, just let me know and I'll PM you a link.
Mom really enjoyed her birthday celebration. So nice to do something special for her.
Have a great Sunday, gang!
The radio show started with some minor technical difficulties, but once we got those ironed out, the show was a lot of fun. The host will post it to his archives tomorrow, so if interested, just let me know and I'll PM you a link.
Mom really enjoyed her birthday celebration. So nice to do something special for her.
Have a great Sunday, gang!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,658
FBL- hope the project is going well. It is stuff like you are doing which keeps a record of stuff. That is important, I think.
C2- I do not think it is a way of avoiding...it is trying to process something we have no faced before. To explain something as absurd as addiction in rational terms??? A big ask. Also if I have one 'flaw' about AA stuff would be the jargon. I do not react to it anymore, but a lot of the words are not user friendly. A bit like reading the old testament. In processing something- I need a reference point. After spending so many years in denial of what my drinking made me- 'flaws', 'honesty'.....I had to reboot lots of times. I turned practice into theory- then reinterpreted it in my simplest terms.
A cliché like handing over my stuff to a higher power...is a way of seeing outside the square and understanding I need help with this addiction- as sheer willpower and being strong was not working (obviously and very dramatically).
The point is you are looking, reading- asking questions and reacting to stuff that makes you feel out of your comfort zone. Which is the place where we grow. SO WELL DONE.
C2- I do not think it is a way of avoiding...it is trying to process something we have no faced before. To explain something as absurd as addiction in rational terms??? A big ask. Also if I have one 'flaw' about AA stuff would be the jargon. I do not react to it anymore, but a lot of the words are not user friendly. A bit like reading the old testament. In processing something- I need a reference point. After spending so many years in denial of what my drinking made me- 'flaws', 'honesty'.....I had to reboot lots of times. I turned practice into theory- then reinterpreted it in my simplest terms.
A cliché like handing over my stuff to a higher power...is a way of seeing outside the square and understanding I need help with this addiction- as sheer willpower and being strong was not working (obviously and very dramatically).
The point is you are looking, reading- asking questions and reacting to stuff that makes you feel out of your comfort zone. Which is the place where we grow. SO WELL DONE.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Character is heavily related to what we do: consistently choosing to do the next right thing when we' rather not is a sign that we are developing character.
Character is hard to define: it's a quality that we obtain by training our inner gyroscopes to point toward integrity, goodness, and truth.
I had an interesting lunch today, speaking of character.
Since my oldest son failed to commemorate Mother's Day in any way whatsoever, yesterday he pulled up in my driveway to surprise me!
He took us out for lunch in my favorite Mexican restaurant.
It was my son and my husband plus my older daughter and her family.
While we were waiting for the food, my husband said, "Everyone go around and tell something that you appreciate about Mom."
My son-in-law started, and he said he'd seen a lot of growth in me in the last few years: I've gotten more pleasant to be around ("oh! You mean I was a such a monster before?"). And he said how much he appreciates me watching the kids.
My daughter also commended me for becoming more generous-hearted and willing to babysit.
I certainly appreciated being thanked for having developed the good character to put aside my own preferences and serve others; but at the same time, those things could be said about a million women.
My husband brought up another angle that praised my recovery: he appreciated that in older age I have not stagnated: whereas many people at this point in life would just throw in the towel and shrug "This is me--this is just who I am," he sees me continuing to strive to improve, to become a better person.
Then it was my son's turn.
He appreciated that throughout his childhood I'd always been a peacemaker. He also appreciated the fact that I was a friend as well as a mother.
Nobody has ever said that to me before. He recognized a quality that nobody else ever noticed, yet has always been one of the things I've strived most to demonstrate.
It felt really good to be complimented for who I am, not just for things I do.
I can't put my gratitude into words very well.
It just moved me so much that he saw me.
Character is hard to define: it's a quality that we obtain by training our inner gyroscopes to point toward integrity, goodness, and truth.
I had an interesting lunch today, speaking of character.
Since my oldest son failed to commemorate Mother's Day in any way whatsoever, yesterday he pulled up in my driveway to surprise me!
He took us out for lunch in my favorite Mexican restaurant.
It was my son and my husband plus my older daughter and her family.
While we were waiting for the food, my husband said, "Everyone go around and tell something that you appreciate about Mom."
My son-in-law started, and he said he'd seen a lot of growth in me in the last few years: I've gotten more pleasant to be around ("oh! You mean I was a such a monster before?"). And he said how much he appreciates me watching the kids.
My daughter also commended me for becoming more generous-hearted and willing to babysit.
I certainly appreciated being thanked for having developed the good character to put aside my own preferences and serve others; but at the same time, those things could be said about a million women.
My husband brought up another angle that praised my recovery: he appreciated that in older age I have not stagnated: whereas many people at this point in life would just throw in the towel and shrug "This is me--this is just who I am," he sees me continuing to strive to improve, to become a better person.
Then it was my son's turn.
He appreciated that throughout his childhood I'd always been a peacemaker. He also appreciated the fact that I was a friend as well as a mother.
Nobody has ever said that to me before. He recognized a quality that nobody else ever noticed, yet has always been one of the things I've strived most to demonstrate.
It felt really good to be complimented for who I am, not just for things I do.
I can't put my gratitude into words very well.
It just moved me so much that he saw me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Gilmer - What a gift that your son connects with you on a deep level. It sounds like a really nice lunch.
I'm engaged with my life and the people in it because of the 12 steps. I don't always like the wording that AA uses, but it's concepts have helped me find peace, joy, and freedom I've never known before and never thought I'd find.
I'm engaged with my life and the people in it because of the 12 steps. I don't always like the wording that AA uses, but it's concepts have helped me find peace, joy, and freedom I've never known before and never thought I'd find.
scoregood
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