Angie 247's thread - This new sober life Part 5
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
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Originally Posted by Angie247 
Alex and Elvis enjoyed their baskets then Alex spent some time in the pool with me putting my feet in the water. Perfect 80 degree weather for it too.
I had to be around my son's father for a bit today and some anxiety came up. He saw me fidgeting and my nervous ticks, told me to relax and said that I needed to start smoking pot. I guess it is legal to have a small amount or will be next year in the state of California. To be honest, I did it maybe 3 times many, many years ago and I just did a small amount but I didn't feel anything. Even if it did do something, I don't want to get addicted to it now because I would if I started. I need to be clear headed..
It's day 160 without alcohol.
I had to be around my son's father for a bit today and some anxiety came up. He saw me fidgeting and my nervous ticks, told me to relax and said that I needed to start smoking pot. I guess it is legal to have a small amount or will be next year in the state of California. To be honest, I did it maybe 3 times many, many years ago and I just did a small amount but I didn't feel anything. Even if it did do something, I don't want to get addicted to it now because I would if I started. I need to be clear headed..
It's day 160 without alcohol.
).Clear-headed - perfect choice, dear Angie
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Join Date: May 2015
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You are all so wonderful! Thank you so much! I wouldn't start smoking pot, I want to be focused and work on being naturally happy. Maybe feeling energized after a nice walk, or a refreshing bubble bath or find some happy time for myself reading a good book.
I had a dream that I was drinking last night and I know these types of dreams are common but I woke up feeling weirded out. In the dream, I was on my second can of beer and I started to freak out that I was drinking and upset that I had to start over again. I knew that I was going to have a hard time starting over again. I guess it was a relief to wake up but I was bothered by it. It's just a dream though.
Supposed to take it one day at a time, but I'm already looking forward to hitting 6 months in a little over two weeks. I managed to get 7 months in 2015 then relapsed and took a good year to stop again. No bad brain fog lately, just very tired but I can usually manage a good nights sleep. Much better than the nights of drinking, sleeping an hour or two then awake the rest of the night in misery. Ugh and I never have to go through that again.
I had a dream that I was drinking last night and I know these types of dreams are common but I woke up feeling weirded out. In the dream, I was on my second can of beer and I started to freak out that I was drinking and upset that I had to start over again. I knew that I was going to have a hard time starting over again. I guess it was a relief to wake up but I was bothered by it. It's just a dream though.
Supposed to take it one day at a time, but I'm already looking forward to hitting 6 months in a little over two weeks. I managed to get 7 months in 2015 then relapsed and took a good year to stop again. No bad brain fog lately, just very tired but I can usually manage a good nights sleep. Much better than the nights of drinking, sleeping an hour or two then awake the rest of the night in misery. Ugh and I never have to go through that again.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
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It was really important to me to get up to where I relapsed as well Angie (time-wise)....I had this anxious feeling that I somehow couldn't do it again, but I did and so will you.
And I don't think it's a terrible thing for our drinking dreams to weird us out....I would actually be more concerned if they didn't bother me. Watching myself drink in a dream is very disconcerting....I feel like: who is this person? Am I her? The answer is no. I'm not her anymore. She is part of my past, and although I can still see her sometimes, it is just a glimpse of long-gone Suze. A reminder of who I never want to be again.
I will be 2 and a half years sober in 6 days....that is just unbelievable to me. And fantastic. One day at a time we are really doing this love. 
♥
And I don't think it's a terrible thing for our drinking dreams to weird us out....I would actually be more concerned if they didn't bother me. Watching myself drink in a dream is very disconcerting....I feel like: who is this person? Am I her? The answer is no. I'm not her anymore. She is part of my past, and although I can still see her sometimes, it is just a glimpse of long-gone Suze. A reminder of who I never want to be again.
I will be 2 and a half years sober in 6 days....that is just unbelievable to me. And fantastic. One day at a time we are really doing this love.
♥
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
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You're so awesome, venuscat. Congratulations on your upcoming 2 and a half years! Thank you for your friendship and support.
So, I have been thinking about something for a while and finally did it. I opened a savings account and I have drafted that 20 dollars out of each paycheck go into it for Alex for his future. I may be able to put more but we can start off with that. Also, for the past few months I have been saving loose change and dollars, went to one of those coinstars and ended up with a little over 100 dollars that went into the savings account too. During tax income, some of it will be put into it there too. I want Alex to go to college and hopefully this money will help with some expenses. Right now, he wants to be a firefighter like his papa. I should have started it a long time ago but unfortunately I can't do anything about it now.
Feeling good, but it's going to be hot and I so dislike the heat. Just have to stay hydrated with some good cold water.
Congratulations on your upcoming 2 and a half years! Thank you for your friendship and support. So, I have been thinking about something for a while and finally did it. I opened a savings account and I have drafted that 20 dollars out of each paycheck go into it for Alex for his future. I may be able to put more but we can start off with that. Also, for the past few months I have been saving loose change and dollars, went to one of those coinstars and ended up with a little over 100 dollars that went into the savings account too. During tax income, some of it will be put into it there too. I want Alex to go to college and hopefully this money will help with some expenses. Right now, he wants to be a firefighter like his papa.
I should have started it a long time ago but unfortunately I can't do anything about it now. Feeling good, but it's going to be hot and I so dislike the heat. Just have to stay hydrated with some good cold water.
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Join Date: May 2015
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Still hanging in there. I'm 172 days today, I believe. Sometimes I don't know the exact number but I know a rough ballpark. I do know that I'm a few days away from 6 months! Whoo hoo!! Thoughts of drinking have come up but no real urges. Sometimes I tell myself, wouldn't it be nice to just have one and that would be it but my brain knows that I can never have one drink. That ship sailed about 7 years ago, never to return. My mind never stays there for long anyway. I was at a dollar store today behind one woman who was talking with her friend about a party that she was planning and an alcoholic drink that she always makes. She said that one can get drunk really fast on it, and it sounded horrible to me. All I thought about was the aftermath of a night of drinking and it sickened me. My last few times drinking were very, very bad the next day and I'm lucky that I didn't have a seizure and/or die from withdrawals. I do feel like I've been given a second chance and for that, I am grateful. I'm a good mom now, and my son deserves that, every child does. Although, I'll always be remorseful for the time spent drinking during his childhood. I can't describe how much it pains me. I'm working with my therapist on forgiving myself for that. My son got an award for math this week, and I am so proud of him. He's the sweetest little guy and I am so lucky to be his mom.
I do know that I'm a few days away from 6 months! Whoo hoo!! Thoughts of drinking have come up but no real urges. Sometimes I tell myself, wouldn't it be nice to just have one and that would be it but my brain knows that I can never have one drink. That ship sailed about 7 years ago, never to return. My mind never stays there for long anyway. I was at a dollar store today behind one woman who was talking with her friend about a party that she was planning and an alcoholic drink that she always makes. She said that one can get drunk really fast on it, and it sounded horrible to me. All I thought about was the aftermath of a night of drinking and it sickened me. My last few times drinking were very, very bad the next day and I'm lucky that I didn't have a seizure and/or die from withdrawals. I do feel like I've been given a second chance and for that, I am grateful. I'm a good mom now, and my son deserves that, every child does. Although, I'll always be remorseful for the time spent drinking during his childhood. I can't describe how much it pains me. I'm working with my therapist on forgiving myself for that. My son got an award for math this week, and I am so proud of him. He's the sweetest little guy and I am so lucky to be his mom.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
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^^^ Oh yes, so very true.
Congratulations to your darling Alex on receiving that award. How fantastic!
That's because he has a mum who loves and supports him, and provides a wonderful home environment. That is how children thrive.
And yes, I know the pain of all of the years lost, and mistakes made. But they have made us into the wonderful compassionate women that we are today.
How can I feel sad about that? I still feel regret, but I try to always remind myself that everything that happened led to where I am right now. And wow, I would never have believed I could start a new life like this....not a chance.
Look at us go Angie! ♥
Congratulations to your darling Alex on receiving that award. How fantastic!
That's because he has a mum who loves and supports him, and provides a wonderful home environment. That is how children thrive.
And yes, I know the pain of all of the years lost, and mistakes made. But they have made us into the wonderful compassionate women that we are today.
How can I feel sad about that? I still feel regret, but I try to always remind myself that everything that happened led to where I am right now. And wow, I would never have believed I could start a new life like this....not a chance.
Look at us go Angie!
♥
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Join Date: May 2015
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Thank you Dee and venuscat. That's the best compliment that I could get over about being a good mom, thank you both so much!! I'm so very happy for you, venuscat. You deserve all the happiness in the world!
I didn't go to sleep until 5:00am and I was up by 11. Last night, I decided to go to the 24 hour fast food place about 5 miles away. It was about 2:30am but it sounded like a good idea to me. On my way there, I'm driving down a 4 lane road and I stopped at the red light. There was a truck at the red-light facing me right in my path, going the wrong way. The car next to me motioned me so he knew I saw it and that was very nice, but I saw what was going on. When the red-light hit, I went in the lane next to me and passed the driver who was still stopped. I could not go in my lane because she was facing me and it was scary not knowing if she would hit the gas and come toward me. It was a woman on the phone, screaming at someone. I rolled down my window and asked if she was okay but she did not respond. She was more than likely intoxicated. I pulled into the nearby gas station and called 911. It had already been reported. To me, it looked like she more than likely left the gas station, turned the wrong way and had stopped at the red light. She stayed stopped with a few cars coming and blowing their horn at her. A police car was there within minutes then I went on my way. I've been thinking about it all day and I'm grateful that no one was hurt that I could see and hoping that she'll get help if she was indeed driving drunk. It was scary watching it and knowing a car could come and I didn't know what she was going to do.
I didn't go to sleep until 5:00am and I was up by 11. Last night, I decided to go to the 24 hour fast food place about 5 miles away. It was about 2:30am but it sounded like a good idea to me. On my way there, I'm driving down a 4 lane road and I stopped at the red light. There was a truck at the red-light facing me right in my path, going the wrong way. The car next to me motioned me so he knew I saw it and that was very nice, but I saw what was going on. When the red-light hit, I went in the lane next to me and passed the driver who was still stopped. I could not go in my lane because she was facing me and it was scary not knowing if she would hit the gas and come toward me. It was a woman on the phone, screaming at someone. I rolled down my window and asked if she was okay but she did not respond. She was more than likely intoxicated. I pulled into the nearby gas station and called 911. It had already been reported. To me, it looked like she more than likely left the gas station, turned the wrong way and had stopped at the red light. She stayed stopped with a few cars coming and blowing their horn at her. A police car was there within minutes then I went on my way. I've been thinking about it all day and I'm grateful that no one was hurt that I could see and hoping that she'll get help if she was indeed driving drunk. It was scary watching it and knowing a car could come and I didn't know what she was going to do.
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Join Date: May 2015
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I think I've mentioned the friend who doesn't live far from me, always wants to make plans and always cancels. Well, she and I were planning on going to a place yesterday around 1:00 where there's shopping, and finish the day with a movie. I texted her when I got up and asked what exact time should I meet her, and she responded that she was so sorry but she had gone to the beach. Then sent me three beautiful pictures of the ocean. Beyond time to meet other friends and just finally accept that this friend and I will only have a friendship where we communicate through texts. We live less than 10 miles away and only have seen her once in 4 years besides the time we ran into each other at a mall. I don't want to act like a brat but I don't want to make plans with her anymore. I didn't say anything negative to her, just replied that the pictures were beautiful and to have fun. There's no point in getting anyone upset anymore because she and I had it out years ago because of her always cancelling. Then I started to drink a lot and didn't try to make plans for about a year. Time to get out there more. Definitely don't want to date, but would like to make friends with people.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
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Okay. So I'm over my little temper tantrum. Lol. I've spent the day with Alex, we went out so he could pick out a game for doing so well in school this year. He was so happy and picked out a Zelda game. He worked so hard this year and he deserved it. I love seeing my baby happy. I love this sober life.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Originally Posted by Angie247
Okay. So I'm over my little temper tantrum. Lol. I've spent the day with Alex, we went out so he could pick out a game for doing so well in school this year. He was so happy and picked out a Zelda game. He worked so hard this year and he deserved it. I love seeing my baby happy. I love this sober life.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
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One week away from 6 months, and less than 30 days away from 200 days. Whoo hoo!! Tomorrow, I am going to use the treadmill or exercise bike at work on both breaks and maybe a part of lunch. Maybe doesn't seem like much but it's a start.
Maybe doesn't seem like much but it's a start.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
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Oh gosh, that's a lot of treadmilling love....maybe start with 10 or 20 minutes.
You can build. ♥
We have stairs here, and they are quite steep and kind of short, as in not big enough for your whole foot.
I whinged and complained to begin with, but now I LOVE them. My leg and bum muscles have seriously benefited. ♥
You can build.
♥We have stairs here, and they are quite steep and kind of short, as in not big enough for your whole foot.
I whinged and complained to begin with, but now I LOVE them. My leg and bum muscles have seriously benefited.
♥
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Angie - You are doing a great job with Alex. Congrats on his award.
How cool that your company has exercise equipment for you to use. Mine has a gym that charges an overpriced membership fee.
You're making great progress. Keep up the good work!
How cool that your company has exercise equipment for you to use. Mine has a gym that charges an overpriced membership fee.
You're making great progress. Keep up the good work!
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
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I got about 20 minutes in yesterday, and it felt pretty good. I'm going to try to make this a habit.
I've also averaged about 3 hours of sleep for the past 4 nights and I'm feeling pretty wiped out. I managed to get food done, homework checked, watched a kid friendly movie with my little guy and clothes washed and dried. We watched The secret life of pets and it was cute but I'm surprised that I didn't nod off for a second or two. I'm going to try to get some good sleep tonight because I am exhausted. It's just me at night unable to shut my mind off to rest.
I'm going to try to make this a habit. I've also averaged about 3 hours of sleep for the past 4 nights and I'm feeling pretty wiped out. I managed to get food done, homework checked, watched a kid friendly movie with my little guy and clothes washed and dried. We watched The secret life of pets and it was cute but I'm surprised that I didn't nod off for a second or two. I'm going to try to get some good sleep tonight because I am exhausted. It's just me at night unable to shut my mind off to rest.
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