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One Year and Under Club Part 58

Old 04-06-2017, 03:33 AM
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Babs I had some fruit with my breakfast this morning. I always do this when away on vacation but never do at home so this is a big step! Hope you have a great visit with your sister.

Tomls congrats on 3 months of no smoking. That is huge!

Midwest I've found a whole wheat recipe with honey I'd like to try. I didn't have much luck with my bread machine (I burned it out with a bad recipe lol) so I use my Kitchenaid to knead the dough and bake it in the oven. I get pretty good results that way.

Also I know what you mean by the different mindset. It is spring in my part of the world and generally a time where I try and make some positive changes in my life. I feel like I am way ahead of the game by having some sober time under my belt. It's a great feeling!

Wishing everyone a great day.
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Old 04-06-2017, 05:15 AM
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Hello!

Thought I'd pop over from the September class to say Hi. I'm just over 7 months sober. I just went back to my first ever post on this site, as I thought it might be a good way to introduce myself to people on this thread. Reading it really brought back how difficult those first weeks were - not that it's at all easy now, but it is better.

This is what I wrote back then -

***

First post, but have been ‘lurking’ on these forums for a while and finding them useful. I’ve done “Dry January” a few times and used the fact that I could get through one month each year to convince myself that I did not have a problem - but I was always counting down the days and by half way through Feb I’d be back in the cycle of drinking every day. It has really spiralled this year - easily hitting 60 units per week.

I didn’t really drink to excess as a student, but as I started to work very long hours in my mid-20s, I gradually used alcohol to mark the division between work and relaxation time - it became part of my routine. Then as a few bouts of depression hit, I began to use it more to ‘self-medicate’ - I still feel very low, but I care less with a bottle of wine inside me. I prefer to drink alone, but whenever I’m going to a social event I will try to find a way for it to involve alcohol. Cinema trip? Let’s take a couple of cans of G&T in. Picnic? Can’t do that without a nice chilled rose! Long train journey? Better get a bottle… I’ve found myself planning alcohol - looking forward to what I’m going to drink at the event more than the event itself.

I work from home, so this has really allowed things to get out of control and over the summer, I’ve found myself starting earlier and earlier. I hide booze from my husband. He thinks I’m polishing off a few glasses of wine, but is unaware that every time I go upstairs I’m also swigging from a can of G&T hidden in my wardrobe.

I’m now on Day 6 sober and I’m hating it. I had to go to a wedding during this time and I felt on the verge of tears without a drink. I didn’t know many people there and found it so painful trying to talk to them. Then the next morning - despite zero alcohol - I woke up with the worst hangover-style headache. I’m exhausted and irritable all the time and cannot concentrate on work. Last night, I just gave up and went to bed at 8pm because I didn't want to be conscious any longer.

Sorry to be such a pity-fest. I know that I have to do this and I know that on paper I should have a great life. I’m just finding it very hard and I’m furious with myself because I feel like I have inflicted this all on myself. I would really like to be able to get to the point where I can have just one or two drinks once or twice a week - but I’m starting to think I might be someone who cannot do that.

Glad to have found this forum and sorry for such a long post. Hope you’re all having a good day today. I find the idea of “one day at a time” very helpful, as I can’t really handle thinking beyond that!

***

I'm still incredibly grateful for these forums. Reading other people's stories over the past few months has been so helpful. The constant gnawing craving has gone away - although I'm still taken by surprise by powerfully wanting a drink every now and then. I still associate so many things with alcohol - e.g. as the sun finally comes out in the UK, my thoughts naturally turn to picnics in the park with Pimms or a glass of rose outside. These things are so much part of my routine - I guess I just need to make new routines for myself.

My initial plan had been to do a year sober and then decide what to do. More than half way through that year, I can see the benefits that sobriety has brought to my life and I'm now thinking that I should commit to at least another year - particularly because my husband and I would like to start a family.

I think there's a good chance that it will never be OK for me to drink again - that I would not be able to moderate and that the process of finding that out could be fairly catastrophic. But at the moment, I still find it easier to look at things one day at a time / one year at a time - I find the idea of "forever" too overwhelming.

So - that's where I am at the moment. Hope you're all doing well. Hello to the guys from my lovely September class and it's good to meet everyone else!

x
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Old 04-06-2017, 06:10 AM
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good share ssoh
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Old 04-06-2017, 06:17 AM
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Welcome SSOH!

Congrats on seven months sober! It really is a huge achievement!

I think as you close in on a year, you will decide that you don't want to return to drinking ever again. I think all of us here tried to moderate our drinking many times and many ways, with no success. I wish that I had quit drinking before having kids, as I don't remember so many memories that I could have had. At least I am present for them now.

For myself, I hope to never have to relive Day one, Week one, Month one, Year one, ever again. I view sobriety as a second chance at life. I hope you will also.
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Old 04-06-2017, 06:40 AM
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Welcome to the Undies group SSOH And congratulations on seven months.

Reading your initial post brought me right back to that time in my own journey. Thanks for reminding me how tough it was in the early days. I never want to have to do that again.

I have also worried about the summertime. I have a beautiful sunroom where I would spend many hours listening to good music and drinking wine while enjoying looking out on my back yard. Sounds nice in theory but it always ended up in me getting drunk - I never stopped with one glass of wine. Then I would start posting to Facebook where it would be obvious that I was drinking. No more. After just having a sober sun vacation I now know that I can enjoy the summer without *having* to drink. I now feel confident that I will be fine and I have tools to deal with any urges to drink that come up. Of course one of those tools is checking in and reading here every day.

I also struggle with the concept of "forever", so I say "for now". But to be honest there is a tiny voice in the back of my head that knows for me it needs to be forever and deep down I am really ok with that. My sober life has been pretty good so far.
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Old 04-06-2017, 01:39 PM
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Helen- the whole wheat bread with honey sounds great! I am sure it will turn out wonderful. do you do any gardening ? I am not home enough too but my mom does and she shares!

welcome to this thread SSOH! Congratulations on 7 months sober. It does get better and more fulfilling!
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Old 04-07-2017, 04:50 PM
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Just bought a loaf of whole wheat bread with honey. Not homemade, but better than nothing!

Helen, I think your AV will always want you to say "not now" and not "forever." The possibility of future drinking keeps it going. When I quit, I had no idea of forever. I just wanted a day, then a week and a month and so on. . Forever is indeed a long time. I think you have already made that decision in the back of your mind. Doubtful that you would like to trade places with the Helen of this time last year.

Best wishes for a good weekend all!
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Old 04-07-2017, 05:17 PM
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Stargazer I think you are right. It is actually other people who seem to have an issue with me never drinking again more than I do. I am loving my life these days.

I just took Thor for a walk and now I've put the fishing channel on for him while I read. Yes he is a spoiled pup! Lol. I can't put on other nature shows because he barks at the animals. I'm re-reading "Her Best-Kept Secret: Why Women Drink" after recommending it to someone.

Have a good night everyone.
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Old 04-07-2017, 05:26 PM
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welcome SSOH

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Old 04-08-2017, 12:05 AM
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Good to read your post from the early days, funny how much so many of us have in common yet think we are the only one... I used to stash a bottle of brandy in the kitchen and have a gulp from that. Note to all women with undomesticated hubbies, the cleaning cupboard is the perfect place to hide anything, seriously they never look in there!!

For me, leaving that door open on a possible drink in the future messed with my fortitude. It was like 'well if I can drink then, why not now, I've proved I don't need to, I just liked to a little too much' actually taking the option off the table was incredibly freeing.

There is no one stop solution to not drinking, just as we all found different routes here. But with support, which ever road we walk, it's no longer lonely.
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Old 04-08-2017, 05:36 AM
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Welcome SSOH and congrats on seven months. I am almost at two months. I have had too many attempts at moderating to believe that it has any chance at working for me this time. I guess that is one advantage of being an old guy, sooner or later you realize you just can't drink. I hope it is sooner for you!
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Old 04-09-2017, 06:22 AM
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Good morning folks.

I had a really good productive day yesterday and even did a bit of outside work as we finally had good weather.

I made mussels with dinner last night. My goto recipe has 1 cup of white wine. I have cooked with red wine (in small amounts) a couple of times since quitting but (a) I would have to buy a bottle of white to do this, (b) 1 cup is a lot! and (c) that would mean an open bottle of my favourite drink - white wine. So I decided to not tempt fate after I have been doing so well and instead subbed apple juice for the wine. The mussels were delicious!

Have a good one everyone
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Old 04-09-2017, 07:39 AM
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Helen- yes 1 cup is quite a bit! I haven't cooked with wine since I quit but I never did before. I made Thai peanut chicken and used apple juice instead of wine and it turned out great.

I hope everyone has a great day!
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Old 04-09-2017, 07:53 AM
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SSOH, as I was reading I saw me before. Awesome post!
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Old 04-09-2017, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Midwest1981 View Post
I made Thai peanut chicken and used apple juice instead of wine and it turned out great.
Yes! So many recipes suggest chicken stock instead of white wine but I think apple juice has a closer taste to white wine which gives the dish a more authentic flavour.
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Old 04-10-2017, 02:06 AM
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I totally gave up cooking with alcohol. There are so many alternatives and I have found that the overall taste rarely suffers if you choose wisely.

Have a great Monday all!
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Old 04-10-2017, 07:05 AM
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Good Morning,

Day 60 for me today. The wife and I spent the weekend at the Tampa Bay Blues Festival. In the past this would have been a pretty big drinking event for me, the whole blues and booze thing. I was really pleased that I could enjoy it without the booze part. Thanks to these forums for all the support.
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Old 04-10-2017, 10:25 AM
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Congrats on Day 60 RG! I'm glad you were able to enjoy the blues festival.

Spring had arrived in my part of the world and I am feeling motivated to get outdoor jobs done. I also have a new healthier reward system in place that will hopefully bode me well over the coming months. Ok, some of it may not be so healthy but a little chocolate never hurt anyone, right? lol
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Old 04-10-2017, 11:44 AM
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Congrats on 60 days RetiredGuy!!

Helen- no chocolate never hurt anyone!!! Absolutely not.
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Old 04-10-2017, 03:59 PM
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way to go Retired guy - congrats

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