Class of February 2017 Support Thread Part 4
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Axe, I've been sick since I was 19. A lot of auto immune stuff. But I'm largely recovered, I just need to avoid a lot of things. Alcohol can give me allergies for 5 days or so. I mean 4 benedryl a day and 2 12 hour psuedopheds. So it's brilliant that I'd risk that. The first thing I became really sensitive too was booze, now I have 20 allergies or intolerances. I bet with 6 months clean and tons of sunshine, most of my issues would go away. I'm just putting that together even though I've known this for a while.
Doctors are telling me my food issues and depression on based on an unhealthy digestive tract. Microbiome imbalance. So pouring poison in there is stupid. Stick to my diet (no junk and pretty strict), exercise, meditate, don't drink, and it corrects itself.
Ok last check in. Time for sleep
V
Doctors are telling me my food issues and depression on based on an unhealthy digestive tract. Microbiome imbalance. So pouring poison in there is stupid. Stick to my diet (no junk and pretty strict), exercise, meditate, don't drink, and it corrects itself.
Ok last check in. Time for sleep
V
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Another Saturday in the books. Went to the Symphony tonight. IIRC, I went to the Symphony my first weekend of not drinking. This time not drinking was no big deal. Nothing like last night!
Good night all.
Good night all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Hi. I'm just checking in for the day. I'm a bit flustered and I definately feel that night of drinking on day 4. My head feels like a brick, muscles are very tight, etc. I napped an hour today and yesterday afternoons and slept a long time. I'm frustrated. But things always get better pretty fast. I just nee to use my methods and not get hopeless.
I talked to my sister about helping me with a plan to get of here for a while. I mentioned a trip on here before. Break the cycle and distance myself from my friend (a VERY VERY long distance, like where you can't call me). She said good idea.
I'm debating on my car issues. I just don't want to spend the money and thought I might have some help.
I've got appointments with 2 Integrative Medicine Specialists this week and my therapist. Last week my therapist really hammered home that because of my past traumas I feel like I'm not good enough to have a real life. My father did an absolute number on me. A mean drunk. Or totality unpredictable drunk and sometimes volatile. He set me up for a life of zero self esteem.
My brother started with a therapist 6 months ago and we started talking about it today. He feels the same way I do. He would always say things were fine at home when we grew up. Now with the therapist, he's uncovered a lot. She's calling it straight-up abuse. Him and my sister didn't have it anywhere near as bad as I did. They were a lot older. It's very cool that he finally opened up about it and we were able to bond over it.
Anyway, it is what it is. Time to move forward.
Thanks
V
I talked to my sister about helping me with a plan to get of here for a while. I mentioned a trip on here before. Break the cycle and distance myself from my friend (a VERY VERY long distance, like where you can't call me). She said good idea.
I'm debating on my car issues. I just don't want to spend the money and thought I might have some help.
I've got appointments with 2 Integrative Medicine Specialists this week and my therapist. Last week my therapist really hammered home that because of my past traumas I feel like I'm not good enough to have a real life. My father did an absolute number on me. A mean drunk. Or totality unpredictable drunk and sometimes volatile. He set me up for a life of zero self esteem.
My brother started with a therapist 6 months ago and we started talking about it today. He feels the same way I do. He would always say things were fine at home when we grew up. Now with the therapist, he's uncovered a lot. She's calling it straight-up abuse. Him and my sister didn't have it anywhere near as bad as I did. They were a lot older. It's very cool that he finally opened up about it and we were able to bond over it.
Anyway, it is what it is. Time to move forward.
Thanks
V
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 780
Wow, lots going on. Sorry I havent checked in. I have been reading and trying to catch up. I think I finally have. Been super busy. Car probs must be a running theme in this thread. I had to go buy a new (well used) car this week. I was at the dealer all nite and missed my SMART meeting. Hated to do it but I did.
Stay strong and sober on...
*Day 36
Stay strong and sober on...
*Day 36
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 144
Last 7 days have been full of ups and downs for me. Went to the mountains for the weekend (one of the ups) and now back to the working grind. Still catching up here and still sober (thankfully the downs were easily handled without thoughts of medicating with alcohol)
Keep on trucking everyone.
Keep on trucking everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
Hi All - Despite all of my optimism and positivity last week. Despite my plan to visit my parents on Saturday (I did - cooked amazing Chinese food). Despite all of that, I did it again. I had less than my usual, but I had something to drink Friday, Saturday, and even last night.
I think I need to go back and start seeing my therapist. Many of you were right, I do feel like I am just destined for disappointment. I need to work on that self-esteem issue.
I'm back here, though. I'm not going to give up trying to give it up.
I'd like to stay in this group, if you'll have me.
I think I need to go back and start seeing my therapist. Many of you were right, I do feel like I am just destined for disappointment. I need to work on that self-esteem issue.
I'm back here, though. I'm not going to give up trying to give it up.
I'd like to stay in this group, if you'll have me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
This disease is so frustrating. During my clean streaks, I feel so neutral towards alcohol. I can walk through the beer aisle in the grocery store and have no desire, curiosity, or anything. I even do it sometimes to feel good about myself - "Hey, I don't need you."
Dee - is this why I need a plan? I would imagine it's to deal with the times when I don't feel so ambivalent, right?
Sorry if I come across as bi-polar here. I feel so strong when I am doing the right thing, and so weak and pathetic when I don't.
Dee - is this why I need a plan? I would imagine it's to deal with the times when I don't feel so ambivalent, right?
Sorry if I come across as bi-polar here. I feel so strong when I am doing the right thing, and so weak and pathetic when I don't.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Ax- for me planning means changing everything I do. The brain takes a while to retrain itself with thinking. Thinking can then through change help with those moments when we weaken and want to booze- or more so, when we do not even think about it- and drink. That is where re training the brain through action and having a plan can help. Not willpower or luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 7
Just checking in class. Day 51 here and I've been reading through as many posts as possible during a hectic month at work. Great to see so many of us still here.
Viper, Axeman: stay strong, you are both doing amazing. Sending positive thoughts your way!
Stay happy and healthy all.
GB
Viper, Axeman: stay strong, you are both doing amazing. Sending positive thoughts your way!
Stay happy and healthy all.
GB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
Sober Day # 51 after being dependent on wine, daily, for years.
************************************************** ******************
Axeman, what goes on in your mind when you make the choice to drink?
Do you tell yourself " I didn't really mean it, I don't really want to quit" or "I can just have one"
or "aww---f*ck it!----I don't care..."
or "I've been good, I deserve it"
or something else?
Those were all things I used to tell myself when dinnertime was approaching, even if I had vowed to quit that morning.
Is it that you are hanging out with drinking buddies?
I had to part ways with mine, because I knew that I would not be able to NOT let them influence me.
Every time I would tell my closest friend, and most long term drinking buddy, that I thought I had a problem and that I needed to quit completely, she would tell me that we didn't really have a problem and that we could moderate, and I would let her convince me. So I had to take a break from her. I told her that I needed some space.
Did you spend time this past weekend in the company of others who were drinking? If so, I advise you to avoid drinkers like the plague right now. Eventually, once we are sober for awhile, we will be able to be in their company again without being tempted.
Have you read the Rational Recovery/AVRT site? It shows you how all of those thoughts above ^^^^^ are your AV talking. You can learn to separate yourself from your AV, and tell it to get lost.
Why DO you want to quit?
I want to quit because of how bad I was feeling while I was still drinking-----I couldn't tolerate the constant shame and anxiety, let alone being hung over in the morning, let alone worrying about my liver. I realized that I have zero control over it, so I can never have *just one* again. I have a lot of plans for the rest of my life and I want to be healthy so I can do them all. I could feel how the drinking was out of control and getting worse. I was hiding it from my family, but
I want my kids to respect me, and I want to be proud of myself.
It is good that you came back right away after relapsing, but if you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results. So you have to try something new if you really want to quit.
Another thing, besides RR/AVRT and this site /you guys
which has helped me, is to substitute. Instead of drinking wine all eve/every eve I have really gotten interested in politics/the news. I never was a TV watcher, but now every eve instead of looking forward to wine, I am looking forward to watching a couple of news/political discussion shows on TV-----it helps to have something else, instead of drinking , to look forward to in the eve.
Wishing you the best of luck.
************************************************** ******************
Axeman, what goes on in your mind when you make the choice to drink?
Do you tell yourself " I didn't really mean it, I don't really want to quit" or "I can just have one"
or "aww---f*ck it!----I don't care..."
or "I've been good, I deserve it"
or something else?
Those were all things I used to tell myself when dinnertime was approaching, even if I had vowed to quit that morning.
Is it that you are hanging out with drinking buddies?
I had to part ways with mine, because I knew that I would not be able to NOT let them influence me.
Every time I would tell my closest friend, and most long term drinking buddy, that I thought I had a problem and that I needed to quit completely, she would tell me that we didn't really have a problem and that we could moderate, and I would let her convince me. So I had to take a break from her. I told her that I needed some space.
Did you spend time this past weekend in the company of others who were drinking? If so, I advise you to avoid drinkers like the plague right now. Eventually, once we are sober for awhile, we will be able to be in their company again without being tempted.
Have you read the Rational Recovery/AVRT site? It shows you how all of those thoughts above ^^^^^ are your AV talking. You can learn to separate yourself from your AV, and tell it to get lost.
Why DO you want to quit?
I want to quit because of how bad I was feeling while I was still drinking-----I couldn't tolerate the constant shame and anxiety, let alone being hung over in the morning, let alone worrying about my liver. I realized that I have zero control over it, so I can never have *just one* again. I have a lot of plans for the rest of my life and I want to be healthy so I can do them all. I could feel how the drinking was out of control and getting worse. I was hiding it from my family, but
I want my kids to respect me, and I want to be proud of myself.
It is good that you came back right away after relapsing, but if you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results. So you have to try something new if you really want to quit.
Another thing, besides RR/AVRT and this site /you guys
which has helped me, is to substitute. Instead of drinking wine all eve/every eve I have really gotten interested in politics/the news. I never was a TV watcher, but now every eve instead of looking forward to wine, I am looking forward to watching a couple of news/political discussion shows on TV-----it helps to have something else, instead of drinking , to look forward to in the eve.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
I don't have a regular thought process. I feel like if anything it is like "Aw f it". Last night I blamed it on worrying about sleep, which is a classic. That's definitely AV type tricks.
I didn't end up starting exercise last week like I stated. I feel like that could've helped. I need to change that this week.
I can do this. I just need to keep at it. I have made progress, so it's not all lost.
I didn't end up starting exercise last week like I stated. I feel like that could've helped. I need to change that this week.
I can do this. I just need to keep at it. I have made progress, so it's not all lost.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
Worrying about sleep was just another reason for me to drink---my AV talking. You have to have a substitute solution at hand when that comes up. I take an herbal sleep supplement if I am worried that I will have trouble falling asleep.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 118
Day 34
Feeling very irritable the last 4-5 days. The smallest things get on my nerves. Which I'm usually able to not let anything bother me. I think it may be because I'm feeling guilty that I'm not doing the things I need to stay sober. My days are full of activities, cleaning, exercising, chores, playing with my dogs. Time feels limited. But I'm not meditating, I'm not... Making friends/talking to people at aa meetings. I'm not trying to improve my mental make-up, the only thing I'm doing is not drinking. Not trying to make the real changes in my life that I need to make. Like always, I'm thinking about doing it, but I'm not actually doing the work.
Ugh...
Ugh...
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Morning people.
Day 50 here. Feeling a bit flat, but its not a big deal. Think about drinking, but don't think I need it.
What Dau says about changing things is very true Axe....just meandering along in the old patterns without alcohol isn't really a viable option for getting off alcohol. I've done things in the last 50 days that I've wanted to do for a long time, things that would have been beyond my capacity to organise if I'd been drinking. It makes your sober life a new, different place to be, its not just the old life without the pleasures of drinking. I've got many hurdles in front of me yet...sure, but got a small foundation in place now to tackle them from.
So.....on we go
Later
Day 50 here. Feeling a bit flat, but its not a big deal. Think about drinking, but don't think I need it.
What Dau says about changing things is very true Axe....just meandering along in the old patterns without alcohol isn't really a viable option for getting off alcohol. I've done things in the last 50 days that I've wanted to do for a long time, things that would have been beyond my capacity to organise if I'd been drinking. It makes your sober life a new, different place to be, its not just the old life without the pleasures of drinking. I've got many hurdles in front of me yet...sure, but got a small foundation in place now to tackle them from.
So.....on we go
Later
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
make your sober life a new, different place to be, ...not just the old life without the pleasures of drinking.
This ^^^^^is what I am doing differently this time, besides coming here and following a Big Plan as per RR/AVRT.
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