Disonant

Although, I dont believe my thinking this way is the truth. It's my brains first reaction to hearing it and it sounds alarms in myself.

There is an AA saying: think, think, think. And it was explained to me this way. Your first thought is an alcoholic thought, your previous way of thinking. (Which hasnt gotten me anywhere where I wanted to be in life.)
The next thought is the realization that your first thought is an alcoholic thought. (What we are all trying to change, to improve, better our feeling of satisfaction with our lives and selves.)
And finally, the third thought is what is it that we really should be doing or thinking? Which is the next right thing.

So, even though I get bad feelings from dreaming of drinking, or hearing that other people of dreaming of it. I know my thoughts are not necessarily what the reality is. It's just my (hopefully) old way of thinking creeping up on me, and I need to be on guard against.

Disonant

I need to change all of the "they"s to "I"s.

Disonant

Well, still sober and keeping on. It's a nice sunny sunday afternoon, and I'm at work until 10pm..... then working 12's all next week, and probably next weekend. This is going to be a rough patch.

axeman5971

My wife's side of the family came over yesterday. Everyone chipped in and helped us clean our house. It was amazing. Going to use that as motivation to stay clean in terms of house and habit. Sober tonight!

canguy

Good to hear from ya, Mister Axe

Dee74

I never put too much store into dream analysis myself, Dis.

I dreamt a lot about high school until I was into my 40s...but I never wanted to go back there.

I hope you're not letting it rattle you too much, or letting your AV feed on it..

Maybe sometimes the subconscious burps up some memories and we assemble them into a more or less coherent narrative, and it need be no more portentous than that?

D

axeman5971

Thanks canguy. Happy to report I kept my promise. I am in bed, sober. It's likely to be a hellish night of little to no sleep, but when I get to tomorrow, I know I will be glad I did it. Going to start using the treadmill tomorrow or Tuesday too.

I'm still here and I am not done trying.

canguy

....onya Axe

('onya' is OZ for 'good on you'....congrats sort of thing)

Nurse yourself through the first bit.....the sleep will get better.

PurpleCat

Good to see you plugging away at it, axe.

DH got drunk at bowling. This is getting really, really annoying. The farther I move away from behaving like that, the less tolerant I am becoming of his behavior. I knew this was going to become a problem - I'm fairly sure a lot of my own drinking was to avoid conflict over his drinking. I don't deal really well with conflict.

I'm not going to start drinking again over this, or anything like that, but it is very frustrating.

Oh, and Canguy and Dee - the Aussie skaters gave me a little Koala bear with I <3 Australia on its shirt. So cool!!

Hope everyone else is doing well.

axeman5971

I was right about the sleep, but I am also happy to have a clearer head. I did get sick when I got out of bed, but I suppose I did that to myself. I will have a more ideal morning tomorrow if I stay sober tonight. I think I do need to approach things a day at a time and think every day about the short and long term cost/benefit of my choices.

I am still here. Still not giving up.

nexttime

Got the bathroom gutted and started the rebuild. The usual amount of unknown problems are present but they no longer surprise me I've done enough remodeling now that nothing gets me too down. If I think it will take 40 man hours to do a project in my house it will take 120.
I had a drinking dream last night. Woke up pissed then realized it was a dream. I remember so few dreams that it always takes me a minute to realize what is happening.
PC I have such a low tolerance for the behavior I used to celebrate I almost feel like a hypocrite; almost. I understand perfectly what you mean although for me its friends not family which makes it more difficult for you I'm sure.
Vipe my heart truly breaks for you and what you are going through with your friend. What ever you decide to do make sure its what you want to do.
Loved reading the posts about the habits rewards etc. lots of good information thank you guys and gals.
I hope everyone has a great week.

Viperidae

Yesterday I 'WAS' good. The vitamin D kicked in, the day was sunny and I was ok. My sister has a Marina with a lot of stuff going on all the time. She wanted me to stop down there before we for a drive. I ended up *working*. There were things that needed to be done and I helped out and just did them. It was easy. 'We need this moved from warehouse A to warehouse B,' or whatever. The soda machine has been a matenance nightmare so they got rid of it and everyone was walking into the store looking for drinks. A customer donated a large glass door beverage cooler and we got it moved and tried to get it fired up. I tinkered with it for a while and we decided to trash it. My sister said we'd grab one at The Big Box Club (Sams or such for $700). I said what about Craigslist? She said there was nothing on their but new ones. I looked and there was a super nice commercial grade one 20 minutes away for $150. I texted the guy and got it. We picked in my sister's SUV. It was taken from a restaurant. Smaller than the other which is good and works excellent. I did a super good job with that and my sister was very happy. She also paid me cash money.

Now I'm begging to realize I can do something. If I don't drink and take care of myself I'm more useful than half her employees. I'm smart. This has been a terrifying notion to me for a long time. Yesterday I proved it by mistake. *I Drank*

The huge realization of that and the pressure of taking my friend to the out-of-state Clinic 1500 miles away was a lot. I felt very good. Not anymore.

I really really do not want to go to this clinic, but it's me or no one. I think I kind of blasted her last night about it. I haven't heard a peep from her today.

Ok. Thanks for listening guys. I don't want to leave this group

PurpleCat

Stay with us Viper!

Viperidae

Can I get a purple viper drawing like that cat?

Disonant

Still sober and keeping on. Tired as all get out. Had to do alot of yardwork today, because it's my only chance to get it done for a while because of work. So got to work and I'm already ready for bed....haha. Better than being drunk, sick, ready to keel over. More likely I wouldn't have gone to work at all, haha.

Thanks for your comment Dee, I agree with you, but I did let it get to me more than I should have. But I was aware of it, did some meditation walking, and some good reading to ground myself and it wasn't long before I felt better again.

Talk to you guys tomorrow.

rascalwhiteoak

Hi class. Checking in, all's good.

Good luck with the bathroom, Nexttime. I have one I've been putting off because it's my only bathroom. It sounds like you know what you're doing though!

PurpleCat

Absolutely! It sure makes posts easy to find.

This morning my manager asked me to look at something on her computer screen. In the past I'd have been trying to make sure I didn't breathe too much in case I had wine breath from the previous night. No worries on that now!

I wish somebody would come and remodel my bathroom (and kitchen and heck, entire house). Living in a 123 year old house is challenging at times.

PurpleCat

About the best I could find. Kinda mean looking.

axeman5971

Ooh, I know the breath fear too well! I love being sober so that's not a concern.

Viperidae

Sweet. I like that thing! maybe I'll change my pic. I'll do some viper searches too.

Thanks for being here folks. I'm really scared to get on with my life. I've been conditioned that' I can't work,' or be a productive person. I did a lot of the conditioning to myself. I built though mechanisms that just keep me in a loop.

I'll check in later today.

V