Class of February 2017 Support Thread Part 4
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
Sober Day # 70 after being dependent on wine, daily, for years.
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Part of the dysfunction with my family member is because I have allowed her to be in the dominant position (even tho we are the same age)---I have always felt shame in my relationship with her, and have always deferred to her.
Part of this was because I was drinking and I was ashamed about that. Part of it is because I have had self-esteem & self-confidence issues for a long long time. Part of it is because she is a "know-it all" type.
I seem to be like this in many of my relationships.
I have been feeling so much calmer and clear-headed since I quit drinking, and yesterday for the first time I was authentic with her.
Was met with an emotionally violent reaction! She got really mean and ugly with me. I am 100% sure that I said nothing wrong, though, just the truth, and I said it in a gentle way, but I stood up for myself.
I have been noticing that this ^^^^kind of thing is happening more and more.
In the old days before I quit drinking, I would keep a lot of this in, continue on with the same old relationship patterns, and just go and get lost in the bottle.
It really seems that many of my relationships are changing now.
Anyone else finding that happening to them too?
************************************************** *****************
Part of the dysfunction with my family member is because I have allowed her to be in the dominant position (even tho we are the same age)---I have always felt shame in my relationship with her, and have always deferred to her.
Part of this was because I was drinking and I was ashamed about that. Part of it is because I have had self-esteem & self-confidence issues for a long long time. Part of it is because she is a "know-it all" type.
I seem to be like this in many of my relationships.
I have been feeling so much calmer and clear-headed since I quit drinking, and yesterday for the first time I was authentic with her.
Was met with an emotionally violent reaction! She got really mean and ugly with me. I am 100% sure that I said nothing wrong, though, just the truth, and I said it in a gentle way, but I stood up for myself.
I have been noticing that this ^^^^kind of thing is happening more and more.
In the old days before I quit drinking, I would keep a lot of this in, continue on with the same old relationship patterns, and just go and get lost in the bottle.
It really seems that many of my relationships are changing now.
Anyone else finding that happening to them too?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Hi kids,
I'm not going to pretend to be doing great with this right now.
However, taking this vitamin D and the added good weather has really beat down my chronic fatigue and depression. Seriously. Vitamin D was the answer 20 years ago. So stupid. When you go to Psychiatrist after Psychiatrist with depression and severe fatigue that becomes incapacitating in the winter, those idiots should check the damn vitamin D. It's responsible for hundreds of functions. My levels must have gone way up now.
I waxed my car yesterday. Something satisfying about detailing a car. I got the black colored wax because my car is so scratched and their are patches of clear coat coming off (typical of these hondas). No rust. It made a difference.
Today I shampooed the carpet and floor mats. I cleaned the whole interior with Armor All car cleaning wipes, which worked well, and leather wipes (not that there isn't a large tear in the drivers seat leather).
Anyway, so it goes back Tuesday for them to refix the steering. Then it's all set.
I hung out with my sister for a while today. I keep thinking of my friend, alone, in the dark, and daggers stab my heart.
I'm going to keep coming here no matter what.
Thank you.
I'm not going to pretend to be doing great with this right now.
However, taking this vitamin D and the added good weather has really beat down my chronic fatigue and depression. Seriously. Vitamin D was the answer 20 years ago. So stupid. When you go to Psychiatrist after Psychiatrist with depression and severe fatigue that becomes incapacitating in the winter, those idiots should check the damn vitamin D. It's responsible for hundreds of functions. My levels must have gone way up now.
I waxed my car yesterday. Something satisfying about detailing a car. I got the black colored wax because my car is so scratched and their are patches of clear coat coming off (typical of these hondas). No rust. It made a difference.
Today I shampooed the carpet and floor mats. I cleaned the whole interior with Armor All car cleaning wipes, which worked well, and leather wipes (not that there isn't a large tear in the drivers seat leather).
Anyway, so it goes back Tuesday for them to refix the steering. Then it's all set.
I hung out with my sister for a while today. I keep thinking of my friend, alone, in the dark, and daggers stab my heart.
I'm going to keep coming here no matter what.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
Dau -- I've experienced the esteem/sobriety thing too. Kind of a chicken and egg thing, in that it's hard to tell which causes which. Or, perhaps different ones for different folks. Either way, I'm more confident and calm these days. It has meant having to navigate some new dynamics between myself and people I know (especially the ones I'm not drinking with anymore).
Vipe -- Completely agree about detailing a car being satisfying. Hate to hear of all you've been through with it, but Acuras are pretty solid cars. I had a second-gen Integra that served me well for years. Also agree about vitamin D. When I saw the doc, he said my levels were low so I've been taking it daily. It was completely off my radar, and taking it has made a difference.
Just finished my taxes, and halfway through remembered the bourbon I was drinking last year when I was doing them. Not even an urge, really. More just like a bit of fluff that floated through my field of vision.
Vipe -- Completely agree about detailing a car being satisfying. Hate to hear of all you've been through with it, but Acuras are pretty solid cars. I had a second-gen Integra that served me well for years. Also agree about vitamin D. When I saw the doc, he said my levels were low so I've been taking it daily. It was completely off my radar, and taking it has made a difference.
Just finished my taxes, and halfway through remembered the bourbon I was drinking last year when I was doing them. Not even an urge, really. More just like a bit of fluff that floated through my field of vision.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
I've experienced the esteem/sobriety thing too. Kind of a chicken and egg thing, in that it's hard to tell which causes which. Or, perhaps different ones for different folks. Either way, I'm more confident and calm these days. It has meant having to navigate some new dynamics between myself and people I know (especially the ones I'm not drinking with anymore).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Night guys! I'm thinking of posibilities. My friend is calling from a local hospital 
I'm not picking up the phone.
My sister had a generous offer of letting my fix up sailboat of my own that she could find me, like the guy I mentioned before (my hero). She gave the guy a ride to the train station yesterday and they came up with the idea. She's got everything I would need, old boats, mechanic shops, a complex of warehouses and machines, access to everything. But, I've never sailed (crying laughing face!!). Also a live aboard boat would probably be out of my budget even after it was restored (unless I wrote a best seller, most likely). I said I'd like to start off with a motorcycle. We'll see. However, people restore desirable boats and send them overseas for big profits, so that might be a 'flip' I would want to learn. That's a lot to chew on. I'm all over the map.
But THE POINT is I have a sister that would help me do that.
Also, I'm always wondering what to do to make money, and buying and selling is something I've proved I have a talent for. I used to flip stuff all the time.
Ok, exhausted. Good night.
V
I'm not picking up the phone. My sister had a generous offer of letting my fix up sailboat of my own that she could find me, like the guy I mentioned before (my hero). She gave the guy a ride to the train station yesterday and they came up with the idea. She's got everything I would need, old boats, mechanic shops, a complex of warehouses and machines, access to everything. But, I've never sailed (crying laughing face!!). Also a live aboard boat would probably be out of my budget even after it was restored (unless I wrote a best seller, most likely). I said I'd like to start off with a motorcycle. We'll see. However, people restore desirable boats and send them overseas for big profits, so that might be a 'flip' I would want to learn. That's a lot to chew on. I'm all over the map.
But THE POINT is I have a sister that would help me do that.
Also, I'm always wondering what to do to make money, and buying and selling is something I've proved I have a talent for. I used to flip stuff all the time.
Ok, exhausted. Good night.
V
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Today was beautiful. Still is. Wow. Warm and sunny. I started the day with my oatmeal with a whole banana sliced up in it, and bacon from the hot bar at Whole Foods. Took a nap (achy and foggy from drinking mistakes). Got up, got my laundry together, and headed to my sister's place to do the laundry and take a heavy duty shower. The showers in my parent's just aren't the same.
I started getting calls from a major hospital last night. I know the number. It's my friend. She's 'Involuntarily' admitted to the psych ward. Fire/Rescue showed up at her apartment and said it's a health hazard. Uggghhh. It's so hard to abandon her or let go. This was a pretty normal person not long ago.
Tomorrow is my therapist. Then then the car steering issue Tuesday. Annnddd I'm looking for a place to go or something to do for the summer.
Check in later.
Viper.
I started getting calls from a major hospital last night. I know the number. It's my friend. She's 'Involuntarily' admitted to the psych ward. Fire/Rescue showed up at her apartment and said it's a health hazard. Uggghhh. It's so hard to abandon her or let go. This was a pretty normal person not long ago.
Tomorrow is my therapist
. Then then the car steering issue Tuesday. Annnddd I'm looking for a place to go or something to do for the summer. Check in later.
Viper.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
Think that is good news for both of you Viper. Your friend is in a place where she can be cared for, supervised and properly medicated. And it is not your responsibility for you have different priorities right now. Get the car sorted out and take care of yourself.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
Viper - I feel your pain on the car stuff. DH dropped mine off to get the brakes done and it turns out there's a whole bunch of other stuff that needs to be done. Fortunately, most of it is covered under warranty but I probably won't get it back until Wednesday because they had to order parts. Have to go pick up a rental tomorrow before work (that the dealership provides because its warranty work). An inconvenience, but at least I won't be hungover going there early before work!!
Canguy, the weekend go ok? Looks like it was gearing up to be a hard one for you.
Hope our lurkers/absent posters are doing well.
Canguy, the weekend go ok? Looks like it was gearing up to be a hard one for you.
Hope our lurkers/absent posters are doing well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Axeman, you just reminded me to start my guided meditations the doctor wants me to do. There is a free app. I need to get the name of it again. Also I started sleeping with an awesome 'celestial white noise' YouTube thing playing on my phone. I swear my sleep is better. A lot of the sleep stuff isn't great on there. This is the best one Ive found.
I started 'Spontaneous Happyness' by Andrew Weil this morning. This book is excellent. The title isn't accurate. It explains a lot of what's going on with me. He calls it Nature Deficit Disorder. No wonder my illnesses start to vanish at a remote Vermont cabin or in Florida on the beach. I'm probably going to finish this 300 page book by end of day tomorrow. I'm taking notes. Fascinating.
Ok, wishing everyone a good day.
Viper
I started 'Spontaneous Happyness' by Andrew Weil this morning. This book is excellent. The title isn't accurate. It explains a lot of what's going on with me. He calls it Nature Deficit Disorder. No wonder my illnesses start to vanish at a remote Vermont cabin or in Florida on the beach. I'm probably going to finish this 300 page book by end of day tomorrow. I'm taking notes. Fascinating.
Ok, wishing everyone a good day.
Viper
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
Originally Posted by Viperidae 
Axeman, you just reminded me to start my guided meditations the doctor wants me to do. There is a free app. I need to get the name of it again. Also I started sleeping with an awesome 'celestial white noise' YouTube thing playing on my phone. I swear my sleep is better. A lot of the sleep stuff isn't great on there. This is the best one Ive found.
I started 'Spontaneous Happyness' by Andrew Weil this morning. This book is excellent. The title isn't accurate. It explains a lot of what's going on with me. He calls it Nature Deficit Disorder. No wonder my illnesses start to vanish at a remote Vermont cabin or in Florida on the beach. I'm probably going to finish this 300 page book by end of day tomorrow. I'm taking notes. Fascinating.
Ok, wishing everyone a good day.
Viper
I started 'Spontaneous Happyness' by Andrew Weil this morning. This book is excellent. The title isn't accurate. It explains a lot of what's going on with me. He calls it Nature Deficit Disorder. No wonder my illnesses start to vanish at a remote Vermont cabin or in Florida on the beach. I'm probably going to finish this 300 page book by end of day tomorrow. I'm taking notes. Fascinating.
Ok, wishing everyone a good day.
Viper
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 118
Day 55
Hello everyone, I'm still hanging in there. Had a good weekend, got alot of work done around the house. Brother came and visited me on easter and we grilled some steaks. Rested sunday night with no worries because I did all my chores that I intended to do. Been a long time since that's happened.
Had a few thoughts about drinking over the weekend. But everytime it just never appealed to me. Then what? Nothing will be different. But the thoughts still come. Haven't been going to aa meetings like I've wanted, but I went to one saturday. The only one I've been to in the last 2 weeks. Although, I feel like I'm on solid ground mentally and emotionally.
Hope everyone's doing well, (haha wierd poops, don't miss those hahaha) talk to you tomorrow.
Had a few thoughts about drinking over the weekend. But everytime it just never appealed to me. Then what? Nothing will be different. But the thoughts still come. Haven't been going to aa meetings like I've wanted, but I went to one saturday. The only one I've been to in the last 2 weeks. Although, I feel like I'm on solid ground mentally and emotionally.
Hope everyone's doing well, (haha wierd poops, don't miss those hahaha) talk to you tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 793
Hello Everyone! I don't check in for two days and I feel like I missed so much of what is going on with everyone. Sounds as if everyone is doing great, and slooooowly but surely we are figuring out this sobriety thing. Just a quick stop by, but I will catch up on the rest tonight!
Easter was crazy busy, but I was able to spend time with my family a few hours away that I haven't seen in a few years, and I was really nice being sober and present to visit with them and do some fun things with their kids.
Keep up the success everyone!!! (and if there are any of our classmates that are struggling, or haven't posted in a while, we would love to hear from you! Good, bad, or indifferent.)
Easter was crazy busy, but I was able to spend time with my family a few hours away that I haven't seen in a few years, and I was really nice being sober and present to visit with them and do some fun things with their kids.
Keep up the success everyone!!! (and if there are any of our classmates that are struggling, or haven't posted in a while, we would love to hear from you! Good, bad, or indifferent.)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Ok I had my therapist visit today. So, I don't need to beat myself up all day every day? I don't have to walk around feeling like a depraved murderer and that any second every is going to find out (even though there's no reason to feel that way)???
That's big. And we identified the reasons for thinking that way too, having nothing to do with MY actions. But the actions of others.
We made a huge breakthrough today. I mean.. I know this stuff, but I really got it today. No wonder I've been drinking my face off.
V
That's big. And we identified the reasons for thinking that way too, having nothing to do with MY actions. But the actions of others.
We made a huge breakthrough today. I mean.. I know this stuff, but I really got it today. No wonder I've been drinking my face off.
V
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Axeman, take a listen to this one. I like it. It's subtle.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wzjWIxXBs_s
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wzjWIxXBs_s
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