F.I.S.T. (The First Insanity Survivors Thread)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
Am I addicted to feeling frustrated, angry,intolerant or impatient when people don't do what I want or things don't go my way? Am I an addict? Yes and that is exactly why I can not drink/use today!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
^^^ I like that. I'm not addicted to that mindset anymore -- though I'm still an alcoholic -- but it does feed on itself the way the pull of alcohol and drugs feeds on each previous use.
For today, I'm not doing addict-thinking or using.
For today, I'm not doing addict-thinking or using.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Minor worry-er today. As I posted, former sponsor got in touch w/me yesterday (several times in a rush). Besides wanting to meet up -- we're scheduled this weekend unless we exacerbate one another's resentments in the next 48 hours, which isn't unlikely, read on -- she wants me to do something for her:
She ran into someone who lives in my building by chance and has decided he needs her help. He's old & blind. I see him around but don't know him, but I have no reason to think he needs help. She wants me to snoop out his full name so she can get a friend of hers at the VA to look him up and see if he qualifies for any benefits. Then she'll come by and see if she can get him to talk to her, and give him the info she's acquired.
Even as I put that in writing, I'm appalled. It breaks confidentiality laws and norms, I'm sure. It's intrusive and assuming. It's like thrusting leaflets onto someone, but it's worse, because it's personal information she has no right to. If I were him, and some broad on the street made me her "case", I'd be livid. Even if does have unmet needs, I'm pretty sure he has his full mental faculties, and can find out about his own benefits.
So... first -- am I wrong in my interpretation of her scheme? I'm often a really bad judge of things. Maybe this is normal and I'm too paranoid about privacy and independence.
Second -- -- anyone have any suggestions for how I bring this whole bit of moral/social whiffiness to graceful closure before the end of the weekend?
Sober!
She ran into someone who lives in my building by chance and has decided he needs her help. He's old & blind. I see him around but don't know him, but I have no reason to think he needs help. She wants me to snoop out his full name so she can get a friend of hers at the VA to look him up and see if he qualifies for any benefits. Then she'll come by and see if she can get him to talk to her, and give him the info she's acquired.
Even as I put that in writing, I'm appalled. It breaks confidentiality laws and norms, I'm sure. It's intrusive and assuming. It's like thrusting leaflets onto someone, but it's worse, because it's personal information she has no right to. If I were him, and some broad on the street made me her "case", I'd be livid. Even if does have unmet needs, I'm pretty sure he has his full mental faculties, and can find out about his own benefits.
So... first -- am I wrong in my interpretation of her scheme? I'm often a really bad judge of things. Maybe this is normal and I'm too paranoid about privacy and independence.
Second -- -- anyone have any suggestions for how I bring this whole bit of moral/social whiffiness to graceful closure before the end of the weekend?
Sober!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,375
Some thoughts, courage2:
that sounds very snoopy and instrusive;
if you gave her the information she wants it would get back to him that you were involved (things always get back!)
if she's going to talk to him at some stage she could do it now without your involvement?
if you had any concerns about him you could pass the facts on to a relevant agency or person yourself , if necessary.
I think your first instincts were correct
that sounds very snoopy and instrusive;
if you gave her the information she wants it would get back to him that you were involved (things always get back!)
if she's going to talk to him at some stage she could do it now without your involvement?
if you had any concerns about him you could pass the facts on to a relevant agency or person yourself , if necessary.
I think your first instincts were correct
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
First of all, hi Caramel!
I have to agree. This really isn't her business, and it certainly isn't yours.
In the back of her mind she obviously knows there's something not quite legit about it, because she feels the need to sneak around cloak and dagger.
I'm certain her heart is in the right place, but if she is really convinced that it's the right thing to get involved, she should be unashamed to approach him herself.
I have to agree. This really isn't her business, and it certainly isn't yours.
In the back of her mind she obviously knows there's something not quite legit about it, because she feels the need to sneak around cloak and dagger.
I'm certain her heart is in the right place, but if she is really convinced that it's the right thing to get involved, she should be unashamed to approach him herself.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
It's not shame -- she literally can't approach him because she doesn't know his name or apartment number! Unless she lay in wait around the corner, hoping he'd emerge to buy milk and eggs LOL.
'm glad you all agree with my thoughts -- Caramel (nice to see you btw) I confess my first instincts were to say, sure whatever, but at least I did think twice. But if anyone sees the good, other than her intentions, of her idea, please let me know.
Now for my second question -- how do I talk to her about this? I have a tendency to be very blunt. Should I tell her she's about to fall off the Insanity Survivors wagon?
'm glad you all agree with my thoughts -- Caramel (nice to see you btw) I confess my first instincts were to say, sure whatever, but at least I did think twice. But if anyone sees the good, other than her intentions, of her idea, please let me know.
Now for my second question -- how do I talk to her about this? I have a tendency to be very blunt. Should I tell her she's about to fall off the Insanity Survivors wagon?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
Be honest- just say you are not happy invading this person's private space and there are legal implications. You are not a player in a game. If you feel uncomfortable saying how you feel honestly- how much worse would excuses or white lies make you react? As to how others react- that is their concern.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Say calmly and politely that you've thought about the idea, and you just don't feel comfortable approaching him. "I'm sorry I can't be of help."
That should be all you need to say. After all, you don't know anything more about him than she does; you yourself would have to lurk in the bushes for him!
If she presses you, look her kindly in the eye and say, "Can we please not discuss it anymore?"
That should be all you need to say. After all, you don't know anything more about him than she does; you yourself would have to lurk in the bushes for him!
If she presses you, look her kindly in the eye and say, "Can we please not discuss it anymore?"
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Ah you all are such idealists. I hope it's that easy. I sense a trap.
3 years of being my sponsor -- not an idle one either. Then more than a year we didn't speak at all, and I stopped going to AA meetings. Now suddenly contact from her, this urgency and attempt to manipulate both me and a total stranger.
Something is bugging her. Is it as simple as she wants to see me, is looking for an excuse, found this guy, and the excuse is so transparent she's making an extra-big deal?
Or she just doing her "fixing" things fixation: fixing him and fixing me by making me get involved with people -- her type of fixing, not mine.
Should I avoid this woman like the plague, or can I manage one coffee? As you see, I'm riled up already. Serenity, where art thou?
Sobriety, thank you for not deserting me!
3 years of being my sponsor -- not an idle one either. Then more than a year we didn't speak at all, and I stopped going to AA meetings. Now suddenly contact from her, this urgency and attempt to manipulate both me and a total stranger.
Something is bugging her. Is it as simple as she wants to see me, is looking for an excuse, found this guy, and the excuse is so transparent she's making an extra-big deal?
Or she just doing her "fixing" things fixation: fixing him and fixing me by making me get involved with people -- her type of fixing, not mine.
Should I avoid this woman like the plague, or can I manage one coffee? As you see, I'm riled up already. Serenity, where art thou?
Sobriety, thank you for not deserting me!
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