Class of March 2016 part 42
Checking in on my way to work. Will be spending the night there since I work first thing tomorrow morning...blah. Silver lining is that once I make it through tomorrow's shift I am off for three days. Woot!!
Hope you're all having a very happy Tuesday!! ❤❤
Hope you're all having a very happy Tuesday!! ❤❤
Hola class! They opened a latino market across the street from my office. Kind of neat little store. I bought some canned tuna & jalapenos. Both in the same can. Never seen that before so I bought cuatro! I get the feeling I may be going there once a week for a while.
Sam - you're still upside down!
Upstairs - my old neighbor brewed a hot drink with lots of Mexican spices and other ingredients from the Mexican market... like a spiced tea. It's so good. I've asked for the recipe. She says she can't translate it into English. Maybe she doesn't want to give up her recipe, lol.
On a quick break from work. Had to step outside for some fresh air to clear my head. I work with data all day and it get crowded in my brain!
Upstairs - my old neighbor brewed a hot drink with lots of Mexican spices and other ingredients from the Mexican market... like a spiced tea. It's so good. I've asked for the recipe. She says she can't translate it into English. Maybe she doesn't want to give up her recipe, lol.
On a quick break from work. Had to step outside for some fresh air to clear my head. I work with data all day and it get crowded in my brain!
Something funny from today's morning radio show ~ one of my favorite guys is Galvin.....very no-nonsense, doesn't sugar coat anything, and absolutely loves dogs more than people. He's awesome! Anyway, he became super healthy the past couple years, trains for marathons and has lost a bunch of weight. A listener called in asking if he was planning on participating in one coming up, saying "I've been running that marathon since 1976" Galvin said "And you're still not done???" :
Well sleepies- no sleep, headache still there- BUT I went to donate blood. BP-, Pulse and haem'n- text book perfect. The lady inserted a hollow nail into my arm and went ploughing. Saying 'I will do this only once- so it does not leave bruises.' BUT the vein was prominent- and she could not 'nail '
it. So she stuck it through the vein 3 times. No luck.
I am going back monday to try one last time (tried a month or so ago- same prob) and hopefully ithe vein would have healed enough.
She was nice- and kept (annoyingly so- x6) asking me if it hurt. Course it hurt- it was a nail. I said I did not care and to keep going- but she only stopped when I told her graphic stuff about needles and burns.
On interviewing- the nurse asked how I got burnt. Easier and with no anxiety I explained- booze, ciggie, splint, blackout- ouch time. Progess I guess.
it. So she stuck it through the vein 3 times. No luck.
I am going back monday to try one last time (tried a month or so ago- same prob) and hopefully ithe vein would have healed enough.
She was nice- and kept (annoyingly so- x6) asking me if it hurt. Course it hurt- it was a nail. I said I did not care and to keep going- but she only stopped when I told her graphic stuff about needles and burns.
On interviewing- the nurse asked how I got burnt. Easier and with no anxiety I explained- booze, ciggie, splint, blackout- ouch time. Progess I guess.
I started a book last night. I'm not too far into it, but so far it's raised some pretty good stuff. It's geared toward women in recovery, "A Place Called Self: Women, Sobriety, and Radical Transformation."
As I said, I'm just starting, but I'm connecting with it right off the bat. Thought I'd share a couple of things that struck me.
The book begins with talking about sobriety as a developmental process, a journey into our authentic selves, just as addiction is a developmental process into a false self. We develop a false sense of self through various ways of coping with things like trauma and stress that shut us off from growth and development (behavioral, cognitive, emotional, etc). Those various ways of coping include substance abuse/addiction as well as other ways. I know I was engaged in maladaptive ways of coping with my childhood trauma and family stress through avoidance and numbing any way I could. That was years before turning to alcohol - but alcohol was much more effective in that regard.
The following struck me in particular: "The addicted woman is most often working to do her best, trying to be a good person, a good wife, mother, friend, and worker. Yet she feels bad. She believes herself to be a bad person. If she thinks she was bad because she was an active addict, then somehow she believes that recovery should make her good... She believes that recovery will make her a good person, but she still doesn't feel like she is a good person.... Recovery is not a move from bad to good, but from false to real."
This is all within the first 25 pages. Seriously eerie connections for me.
As I said, I'm just starting, but I'm connecting with it right off the bat. Thought I'd share a couple of things that struck me.
The book begins with talking about sobriety as a developmental process, a journey into our authentic selves, just as addiction is a developmental process into a false self. We develop a false sense of self through various ways of coping with things like trauma and stress that shut us off from growth and development (behavioral, cognitive, emotional, etc). Those various ways of coping include substance abuse/addiction as well as other ways. I know I was engaged in maladaptive ways of coping with my childhood trauma and family stress through avoidance and numbing any way I could. That was years before turning to alcohol - but alcohol was much more effective in that regard.
The following struck me in particular: "The addicted woman is most often working to do her best, trying to be a good person, a good wife, mother, friend, and worker. Yet she feels bad. She believes herself to be a bad person. If she thinks she was bad because she was an active addict, then somehow she believes that recovery should make her good... She believes that recovery will make her a good person, but she still doesn't feel like she is a good person.... Recovery is not a move from bad to good, but from false to real."
This is all within the first 25 pages. Seriously eerie connections for me.
A good day today. I'm now back up to 9 days, so double digits tomorrow - I wish it was double digit months, but I can't change the fact that I drank on Feb. 12th. I've been re-reading "This Naked Mind" - I like Annie Grace's approach, I guess that is the important thing.
I think my wife is a little disappointed that I've gone back to sobriety so quickly - I think maybe she was hoping I'd go back to being her drinking buddy. I'm not sure - sometimes I read too much into her behavior. Also, I can't say I'm always real nice and friendly when I'm sober and she's drinking. I'm not mean to her, but I sometimes I just don't talk to her much - mainly because I have hard time having a real conversation with her after she's had a few.
Still, I feel I'm doing well and keeping my head in the right place.
Have a great night all!! The only thing better than Hump Day is Hangover Free Hump Day
I think my wife is a little disappointed that I've gone back to sobriety so quickly - I think maybe she was hoping I'd go back to being her drinking buddy. I'm not sure - sometimes I read too much into her behavior. Also, I can't say I'm always real nice and friendly when I'm sober and she's drinking. I'm not mean to her, but I sometimes I just don't talk to her much - mainly because I have hard time having a real conversation with her after she's had a few.
Still, I feel I'm doing well and keeping my head in the right place.
Have a great night all!! The only thing better than Hump Day is Hangover Free Hump Day
The following struck me in particular: "The addicted woman is most often working to do her best, trying to be a good person, a good wife, mother, friend, and worker. Yet she feels bad. She believes herself to be a bad person. If she thinks she was bad because she was an active addict, then somehow she believes that recovery should make her good... She believes that recovery will make her a good person, but she still doesn't feel like she is a good person.... Recovery is not a move from bad to good, but from false to real."
Thanks for sharing!
....The following struck me in particular: "The addicted woman is most often working to do her best, trying to be a good person, a good wife, mother, friend, and worker. Yet she feels bad. She believes herself to be a bad person. If she thinks she was bad because she was an active addict, then somehow she believes that recovery should make her good... She believes that recovery will make her a good person, but she still doesn't feel like she is a good person.... Recovery is not a move from bad to good, but from false to real."
A good time to put up a quote from one of my favorite childhood books:
“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'
'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.
'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'
'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.
'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'
'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'
'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
A good day today. I'm now back up to 9 days, so double digits tomorrow - I wish it was double digit months, but I can't change the fact that I drank on Feb. 12th. I've been re-reading "This Naked Mind" - I like Annie Grace's approach, I guess that is the important thing.
I think my wife is a little disappointed that I've gone back to sobriety so quickly - I think maybe she was hoping I'd go back to being her drinking buddy. I'm not sure - sometimes I read too much into her behavior. Also, I can't say I'm always real nice and friendly when I'm sober and she's drinking. I'm not mean to her, but I sometimes I just don't talk to her much - mainly because I have hard time having a real conversation with her after she's had a few.
Still, I feel I'm doing well and keeping my head in the right place.
Have a great night all!! The only thing better than Hump Day is Hangover Free Hump Day
I think my wife is a little disappointed that I've gone back to sobriety so quickly - I think maybe she was hoping I'd go back to being her drinking buddy. I'm not sure - sometimes I read too much into her behavior. Also, I can't say I'm always real nice and friendly when I'm sober and she's drinking. I'm not mean to her, but I sometimes I just don't talk to her much - mainly because I have hard time having a real conversation with her after she's had a few.
Still, I feel I'm doing well and keeping my head in the right place.
Have a great night all!! The only thing better than Hump Day is Hangover Free Hump Day
Hang in there ~ I believe in my heart it will get better over time. Hope the same for you and Mrs. MITA.
Morning!!
Just a very quick check in. Busy day so far....just have to make it to 4pm and I should be home free....the upside down schedule will be over and I will be back to some normalcy.
PJ - I seem to have woken up with an annoying, and nagging headache...maybe it's yours and you are feeling better?
Well back at it - 8 hours to go
Just a very quick check in. Busy day so far....just have to make it to 4pm and I should be home free....the upside down schedule will be over and I will be back to some normalcy.
PJ - I seem to have woken up with an annoying, and nagging headache...maybe it's yours and you are feeling better?
Well back at it - 8 hours to go
Morning Marchers! Getting ready for work. My almost 10 year old is fully embracing tweendom. Yesterday she wore sunglasses to school. Today she's got music blaring in her room and requested that she has a dresser with a mirror so she can get ready properly. Oy.
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