Simplicity4114

You got this toot! Glad you're here and posting! Stick around, we got you!

Simplicity4114

Sweet Jesus, I'm done! Papers all gathered and in order. Filing cabinet cleared out. Most likely hotdogs for dinner as I did not make it to the store yet and I'm not feeling particularly ambitious at the moment.
At least the taxes are ready to be filed.....the hubs will be please
Just occurred to me I'm processing death and taxes today....blah.

tootiesdad

👏🏻

Dee74

Simplicity

D

joandmelandhan

Goodnight lovely mayflies. Tonight when I picked my daughter up from netball it was light for the first time this year and I felt hope. Hope that I could truly live a spring/summer whilst present. How lovely that would be and as I lay my head on my pillow I really do pray for that and for us all. Free of the lies and the guilt and the pain. 2017 can be our year......in the smallest of ways to the outside world yet to us (who know what we've been through and what we are) in such a big and significant way. The journey, no matter how hard, is worth the pain because we are saving our lives......bottom line......I love reading your posts good or bad. Makes me feel like I'm not alone (even though I am in reality)......let's keep fighting the fight friends. I love you all.....Jojo xxx

joandmelandhan

Sim I sorry I missed your sons birthday yesterday. My heart goes out to you my sweetheart. Time will ease a little each day but never fully heal.....never forget Sim xxxxxx

Simplicity4114

I am 77 days sober today Yesterday had it ups and downs. I feeling good about what I accomplished yesterday and of course I feel good about managing through without drinking.
Thanks for all the love friends!

Simplicity4114

Yassss Jo! I love me some hope and it is worth it!!!

Simplicity4114

Toot-Nice wheels! How you feeling today?

tootiesdad

Not quite 100%, but solidly on 48 hours. Still kicking myself - for having all of those days sober, and now looking at only...two.
On a brighter note, congratulations on your days...well done!
Those wheels are a '72 Road Runner I'm slowly having restored. Nothing but pure power

Simplicity4114

Ah yes, I remember having that very same feeling after my relapse. I was pretty discouraged by it all, but the truth is that days are just numbers. Resetting the ticker, doesn't negate all the previous hard work you've put into you're sobriety prior to your relapse. I still count my days as a way of holding myself accountable but I don't dwell on them like I used to.
As far as not feeling 100%....I swear it took me a week to physically regroup....so hang in there, better days are coming!

P.S. I have a toy in my garage too 2005 Mustang GT. Black w/Hood Scoop/V8/5 Speed/Me Likey!

Simplicity4114

Morning Mayflies & Happy Wednesday! Sleep is becoming elusive for me....as soon as my eyes open the wheels start turning and forget it-I'm up. I'm feeling restless as of late......not the AV kind of restless....just the regular restless. I need a hobby. A long winter with gray day and my DVR isn't cutting it
The next few days will be super busy at work......that'll give the ole noggin something to do with itself
Wishing y'all a great day!

Dee74

congrats on 77 days Simplicity
Congrats to you too tootiesdad & you're always with us, Jo

D

tootiesdad

Thanks Dee! Morning everybody!

Simplicity4114

Good Morning Mayflies and a Happy Thursday to you!
Well our area is getting its first accumulation of snow for the year. Nothing big. 6 inches or so.....just enough to make the trip into work a pain in the a%#.
Another busy day at work followed by a counseling appt. this evening. I've decided to hold off on scheduling with the neurologist for a clip....just need to take a break from the worry.
Hope everyone is well

tootiesdad

Morning everybody
Quick question - does anyone else here use an app called nomo? I used it when I initially joined here and I'm using it again now. Kind of cool to get a visual count of chips you collect. Really helped me with accountability the first time and it's helping me almost as much as the site helps as well. Of course, you can't beat human interaction…

Simplicity4114

Can't say I've heard of it but I'll have to check it out. Thanks for the tip How you feeling?

tootiesdad

I'm feeling much better, thank you Sim. Definitely back on track...what happened last week was a valuable lesson for me that I don't care to repeat.
I had a good workout tonight - as I left the gym my body reminded me how much better it feels without alcohol. Physically and mentally...

Simplicity4114

Morning Mayflies! TGIF-I'm in desperate need of some downtime this weekend!

Glad to hear you're feeling better! I always feel so much better after a hard workout! I take my aggression to the pavement and do my dwelling while I run. It's a great outlet and having abs doesn't suck either

Simplicity4114

I feel like I've hijacked the May thread with the ongoing sagas of Sim. At this point this could literally be my diary. I hate feeling needy. I hate revealing my insecurities. No one, and I mean no one from my daily life would read these posts and associate them with me, beyond perhaps the striking similarity of circumstances.
My counselor tells me I'm "remarkably normal" for all that I've been through. I'm not, but I have the performance down to a T. I'm the girl that says she's "fan-freaking-tastic" and "living the dream" when asked. I'm the girl that says "ok, great" (my code words for f-u) while getting dumped on at work. I'm the chick that while everyone is freaking out looks calm and cool and collected. It's served me well in my profession but betrays me horribly on a personal level. My exterior is like a smooth body of water. No ripples, no movement. Flat, still, calm. That is deliberate and has taken much practice. That is what I want people to see, that is what I want them to think. But below that calm surface, there is an incredibly strong current rolling around. It's noticed sometimes. If someone's watching closely. Mainly a quick facial expression that is smoothed over in the blink of an eye or a flash of anger in my eyes.
My counselor seems to think I'm doing well and in many ways I am. At least far better than I was. One would think I'd be happy to hear that. But I don't feel well. I feel broken, incomplete, "other". The more she expresses how well I'm doing the more I feel like this is a lost cause. I don't even really recognize myself anymore. The person I used to be feels hopelessly gone. Like I've lived 2 lives. The before me and the after me. I know why I'm this way, I've needed to be to survive, to just get out of bed in the morning. I don't know how to stop being this way. It served me well at one point in my life.....not so much anymore. Now it's like being alone in a crowded room. Frankly, I don't know how to turn it off. Hell I don't even know how to dial it back.
I had a moment last night when I wondered why I even bother trying to stay sober. I don't want to appear calm, I want to be calm, I want to feel calm. My AV had a few suggestions that seemed reasonable. That scares me a little bit. I know that this disease is always waiting, it's patient, waiting for me to let down my guard.
Maybe I need to print out this post and hand it to my counselor....