One Year and Under Club Part 57
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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One Year and Under Club Part 57
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Hi everybody. I haven't posted here for a while but all of you and this thread have been so important to my own recovery I just wanted to stop by and say thank you to everybody!
You let me in and let me vent when I needed it and it has been a bigger part of my ongoing success in staying sober to this point that even I realized. Thank you.
I would also **** to wish everyone a merry Christmas or a great holiday season however you celebrate it. We all know how tough it can be to stay sober over the holiday season but we can all do it!
You let me in and let me vent when I needed it and it has been a bigger part of my ongoing success in staying sober to this point that even I realized. Thank you.
I would also **** to wish everyone a merry Christmas or a great holiday season however you celebrate it. We all know how tough it can be to stay sober over the holiday season but we can all do it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,445
Did a bit of pre Christmas house cleaning, gathering stuff up for donation to goodwill/charity. Got rid of my collection of homebrewing books. I didn't want to deal with ebay, most of these books are only worth $1+shipping used anyways. I have a bunch of equipment that will go onto Craigs list. Too big to ship really, to expensive to just toss out. Carboys, a stainless steel conical fermenter, kegs, stuff like that.
Of course there was also bags of old clothes too and board games the kids don't play anymore. Too much stuff.
Of course there was also bags of old clothes too and board games the kids don't play anymore. Too much stuff.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 473
The Wife Situation.
It's a tricky one isn't it. I don't want to spoil her "fun" by saying she can't drink whilst on the other hand I've made it clear I won't put up with the drunken abuse anymore.
Since the last episode she's only drunk once and that was to go to the office Xmas party. Everything was OK.
In social situations with other people she can be the life and soul of the party after a few drinks and she usually stops before getting out of control. It's when she drinks at home on her own that the problems start and she becomes morose and self pitying. Totally opposite to her outdoor drinking persona. That's when she starts with the "do you love me, do you really love me" repeating herself over and over and you know exactly what is coming. If I go to bed early she starts slamming doors and calling me "Grandad" and it gets much worse from there.
It's very difficult to maintain or improve a relationship when one person has stopped drinking and the other wants to carry on. You become distant to each other even though most of what you used to talk about when drunk was complete rubbish anyway.
For the one who's now sober it's difficult to try and get close again because if she's drunk every other night how you can you create any meaningful conversation or do anything together? So you drift ever further apart.
The good thing is she's stopped drinking when she's on her own and not working the next day. The key thing to do is to make sure you keep springing surprises to keep away the "I'm bored; I'll have a drink" excuse.
It's not easy. BUT.
It's much easier to start repairing and improving a relationship when you are both sober. I've rearranged my weekly calendar so that I do my contract job during the day and work on my own stuff Monday, Wednesday, Friday. The other four nights we go out or do something together.
A couple of nights ago I took her 20 mins down the road to the river and we walked along the riverbank and hugged on the bridge. That's something we never did in the last 20 years. We just drank our way through life and bringing up kids. She looked at me as if I was crazy and that's good. Crazy Good is a good thing.
In some ways I feel I'm responsible for her drinking because it was always me insisting we go to the pub or have a drink and I was always the lead where drink was concerned. So I feel like I have some responsibility towards helping her get to a place where she is comfortable without it.
I've bought some games to play on Christmas day so I can entertain the kids and have a laugh with them. If she wants to drink I won't say anything about it. I think she respects my decision not to drink enough not to start goading me but who knows? When she gets together drinking with her daughter anything can happen.
I really want Christmas to be over with. Which is sad really. I'm being bombarded with advertising, facebook memes, Xmas parties etc all worshipping drink as we all are and I just want it all to go away.
Anyway thanks for asking Toots and I hope this helps someone.
I'm looking forward to watching Christmas Carol. I'm not really a Grinch!
Have a great day everyone!
It's a tricky one isn't it. I don't want to spoil her "fun" by saying she can't drink whilst on the other hand I've made it clear I won't put up with the drunken abuse anymore.
Since the last episode she's only drunk once and that was to go to the office Xmas party. Everything was OK.
In social situations with other people she can be the life and soul of the party after a few drinks and she usually stops before getting out of control. It's when she drinks at home on her own that the problems start and she becomes morose and self pitying. Totally opposite to her outdoor drinking persona. That's when she starts with the "do you love me, do you really love me" repeating herself over and over and you know exactly what is coming. If I go to bed early she starts slamming doors and calling me "Grandad" and it gets much worse from there.
It's very difficult to maintain or improve a relationship when one person has stopped drinking and the other wants to carry on. You become distant to each other even though most of what you used to talk about when drunk was complete rubbish anyway.
For the one who's now sober it's difficult to try and get close again because if she's drunk every other night how you can you create any meaningful conversation or do anything together? So you drift ever further apart.
The good thing is she's stopped drinking when she's on her own and not working the next day. The key thing to do is to make sure you keep springing surprises to keep away the "I'm bored; I'll have a drink" excuse.
It's not easy. BUT.
It's much easier to start repairing and improving a relationship when you are both sober. I've rearranged my weekly calendar so that I do my contract job during the day and work on my own stuff Monday, Wednesday, Friday. The other four nights we go out or do something together.
A couple of nights ago I took her 20 mins down the road to the river and we walked along the riverbank and hugged on the bridge. That's something we never did in the last 20 years. We just drank our way through life and bringing up kids. She looked at me as if I was crazy and that's good. Crazy Good is a good thing.
In some ways I feel I'm responsible for her drinking because it was always me insisting we go to the pub or have a drink and I was always the lead where drink was concerned. So I feel like I have some responsibility towards helping her get to a place where she is comfortable without it.
I've bought some games to play on Christmas day so I can entertain the kids and have a laugh with them. If she wants to drink I won't say anything about it. I think she respects my decision not to drink enough not to start goading me but who knows? When she gets together drinking with her daughter anything can happen.
I really want Christmas to be over with. Which is sad really. I'm being bombarded with advertising, facebook memes, Xmas parties etc all worshipping drink as we all are and I just want it all to go away.
Anyway thanks for asking Toots and I hope this helps someone.
I'm looking forward to watching Christmas Carol. I'm not really a Grinch!
Have a great day everyone!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,165
I hope things work out well with your wife over the holidays kopfan. It is quite a difficult position to be in, but you seem very self aware. I am glad you put a line in the sand, so to speak. No one should have to take a bunch of rubbish from a drunk, even one we are married to.
Good night all!
Good night all!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Koran, I agree with SG, you are very self aware and it will stand you in good stead over the coming festivities.
I too felt an amount of responsibility towards my first husbands drinking. I was very codependent, and completely enabled him. I felt huge guilt initially when I ended things, but I felt I had given him every opportunity to make things right. And as you say, when one person is working at putting things right, the other not so much? A relationship is really up against it. My 1st hubby was a bit like you, initiating the drinking. After time it became "well if you can't beat them join them" but after 12 years that got old. I wanted to 'grow up' do things with what was left of my life. He didn't. I had helped absolve him of all responsibilities for so long that when I told him enough was enough he was a little boy lost. I couldn't go back to him though, it would certainly have killed me. In the end, it did kill him. It was later and into my second marriage when drink really took over my life. Fortunately for me, I have a wonderful man who had stood by my full disclosure, and supported my sobriety. He is proud of my achievements.
At the time of ending my first marriage I wondered at a future. Now I have a bright shiny present that suits me just fine.
I too felt an amount of responsibility towards my first husbands drinking. I was very codependent, and completely enabled him. I felt huge guilt initially when I ended things, but I felt I had given him every opportunity to make things right. And as you say, when one person is working at putting things right, the other not so much? A relationship is really up against it. My 1st hubby was a bit like you, initiating the drinking. After time it became "well if you can't beat them join them" but after 12 years that got old. I wanted to 'grow up' do things with what was left of my life. He didn't. I had helped absolve him of all responsibilities for so long that when I told him enough was enough he was a little boy lost. I couldn't go back to him though, it would certainly have killed me. In the end, it did kill him. It was later and into my second marriage when drink really took over my life. Fortunately for me, I have a wonderful man who had stood by my full disclosure, and supported my sobriety. He is proud of my achievements.
At the time of ending my first marriage I wondered at a future. Now I have a bright shiny present that suits me just fine.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,165
Great post Toots!
This time of year can be so stressful for folks trying to avoid drinking. The family obligations, time pressures, money woes, and the general feeling that everyone is having a festive time all the time, encourages all to drink, even the normies. I have been in a far better state of mind approaching this holiday than I can ever remember, probably back to earlier childhood. However, by this point in time, I am ready to exchange gifts and move on. This is a time of excess, and that is something that I do not need more of in my life!
Have a great day all!
This time of year can be so stressful for folks trying to avoid drinking. The family obligations, time pressures, money woes, and the general feeling that everyone is having a festive time all the time, encourages all to drink, even the normies. I have been in a far better state of mind approaching this holiday than I can ever remember, probably back to earlier childhood. However, by this point in time, I am ready to exchange gifts and move on. This is a time of excess, and that is something that I do not need more of in my life!
Have a great day all!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,165
One more day of work until 7:00pm, then off tomorrow. Such is life in retail!
I hope that everyone here remembers while opening gifts tomorrow that the best gift of all does not come wrapped with a bow. Of course, I am talking about our sobriety. Take a moment to reflect, no matter how far along you are, just how much better each of our lives have become not drinking.
For those experiencing their first Christmas sober, don't worry if things feel a little flat. It will be a different experience not drinking with friends and family, but you will feel great waking up the next day. It can be difficult not drinking when everyone around you is, but we are with you in spirit. And I will tell you, the second Christmas sober is one of the best I have had since being a kid.
Spending quality time with your children and family, having conversations that you will remember, and not driving home intoxicated are amazing things. Memories will be created tomorrow that will last a lifetime!
It has been amazing watching all of the Undies make such amazing progress this year. I am glad to be able to throw my two cents in here, as well as some of the other veterans that post here. Be proud of the journey that began for you this year.
Happy Holidays to all!
I hope that everyone here remembers while opening gifts tomorrow that the best gift of all does not come wrapped with a bow. Of course, I am talking about our sobriety. Take a moment to reflect, no matter how far along you are, just how much better each of our lives have become not drinking.
For those experiencing their first Christmas sober, don't worry if things feel a little flat. It will be a different experience not drinking with friends and family, but you will feel great waking up the next day. It can be difficult not drinking when everyone around you is, but we are with you in spirit. And I will tell you, the second Christmas sober is one of the best I have had since being a kid.
Spending quality time with your children and family, having conversations that you will remember, and not driving home intoxicated are amazing things. Memories will be created tomorrow that will last a lifetime!
It has been amazing watching all of the Undies make such amazing progress this year. I am glad to be able to throw my two cents in here, as well as some of the other veterans that post here. Be proud of the journey that began for you this year.
Happy Holidays to all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
H1 Undies! 
Singing my you-know-what off as usual this time of year. Dress rehearsal this AM for the big show and a smaller gig (a trio) earlier in evening. Plus cooking for Christmas dinner in between. No time to drink!
Despite the temptation of spiked eggnog, still sober since 11/1.
Merry Christmas and 
Happy Hanukkah to all!
Singing my you-know-what off as usual this time of year. Dress rehearsal this AM for the big show and a smaller gig (a trio) earlier in evening. Plus cooking for Christmas dinner in between. No time to drink!
Despite the temptation of spiked eggnog, still sober since 11/1.
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Happy holidays Undies!
I didn't look forward to my first holidays sober. I didn't know what to expect. What I found was that it felt great to be clear headed on Christmas morning with my kids. It gets better and better every year.
Kopfan - I know how hard it can be in sobriety to connect to a parter who's drinking. Keep working at it.
Have a safe, sober and jolly Holiday, all!
I didn't look forward to my first holidays sober. I didn't know what to expect. What I found was that it felt great to be clear headed on Christmas morning with my kids. It gets better and better every year.
Kopfan - I know how hard it can be in sobriety to connect to a parter who's drinking. Keep working at it.
Have a safe, sober and jolly Holiday, all!
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