tootsl1

I totally dreaded my first sober Christmas, I thought I would really struggle, but I spent a lot of time here, just reading, occasionally posting, just feeling like I wasn't having to cope alone. Actually it wasn't as bad as I dreaded, and I certainly had fun at times.

Yesterday I was one of three sober, daughter was on call and sil's mom was driving. Hubby's ex has been banned by son from drinking as she embarrasses him, but I think she sneaked a glass! ( don't think she's alkie, just a total ditz! )
We had so much fun loads of laughs and although alcohol was very much in evidence ( had to pour hubby into the car - threatened to take him home in the trunk!) it wasn't remotely an issue.

Drake well done sweetie, keep that focus and step away from the eggnog!

Bandi, good to see you doing well

All Undies, us Overs are always here for you, grateful for the support we once recieved from those who had 'been there done that' ( or just gone thru similar) It's nice to pay it back. As I know you all will when your time comes.
Happy holidays all

kopfan

Well that was nowhere near as bad as the lead up suggested it would be.

The hype and TV advertising frenzy makes you think like you're really missing out on something but it couldn't be further from the truth. You have to experience it and then like Stargazer says it gets easier.

I don't know what all the fuss was about. I'm so fixated on why I don't drink and ready to come up with witty one liners and no one asked me the question. No one is bothered whether I drink or not.

The most I got was everyone saying how difficult it was to buy a present for me this year because normally they'd just pick up a bottle of something.

The only person it really matters to is me. In my own mind I make such a big deal out of it because everything is new to me with sober eyes.

They're all sleeping off a hangover. I don't miss that at all.

Now I'm beginning to think that I may choose to remain sober and it's not such a big deal. That's the best Christmas present ever.

Have a great day everyone!

nmd

Hey undies, had a good Christmas with the family. The kids all woke up at my place this year, opened gifts then we went to my parents house for dinner. My wife is still drinking and it's hard because I know she struggles with it. She never really gets drunk but gets stuck in the "one more beer" cycle. She's tried alternating beverages, and all the other usual tricks. Just difficult to see a loved one discover on their own the truth about their drinking habits. She's come a long way in talking about it though.

The kids are all sucked into their new stuff this morning. Back to work tomorrow and the kids are back with their mother for the week. :-( I might fiddle with the guitar or play some games with the kids on my day off.

nmd

Pretty sure this was my first sober Christmas in my adult life since I was in my early 20s and didn't drink yet.

Babs1234

way to go nmd ! very proud of you.
Christmas was quiet for us and we are in a snow storm today so, traffic is hardly moving. I spent Christmas day eve in the ER with my mil she is 91 and had stomach problems but, is home today. we were there for over 5 hours. so, I'm a little on the tired side.
well, I do hope everyone had a nice Christmas. I liked being sober. especially last night when we took my mil to the ER. I thank you guys again for keeping me straight over the Holidays. and Toots ! ! ! ! Don't leave us. ! luv your in puts---I don't know about the rest of the undies but, you sure have helped me.
Babs

Saskia

Babs, sorry you spent Christmas at the ER but so nice that you could be there for her. I heard about the storms over your way!

Kopfan, I think you're discovering one of the big differences between us (aware) alkies and normies - they apparently can take or leave the booze and don't think about it. We, on the other hand, sometimes dream about drinking - when awake or asleep. Normies think we are odd if we express concern about drinking. They are fortunate that they don't know what it's like.

Reaching your first holiday sober is a wonderful milestone. Congrats to all!

Babs1234

thanks Sass
Babs

Dee74

I'm glad your MIL is ok and back home Babs.

D

nmd

Thank you babs, glad your mil is ok. My last visit to the er they held me there for several hours, because I reeked of booze and they knew I shouldn't drive. That's one of those little gifts of being sober, being there to help out when someone is sick or in an emergency

Saskia

PJ, how are you doing?

gleefan

Hello everyone,

Not a whole lot of drinking at my family's Christmas gatherings this year. When I drank I was the life of the party - or so I thought - and it took me a while to adjust to being more of an observer as a sober person than a catalyst for fun and laughs. Some people remain outgoing and the life of the party, even after they quit drinking.

Nmd & Kopfan - There are many sober alcoholics who live with partners who drink. I found that the friends and family side of the boards helped me get focused on my recovery.

Babs - How nice that you could be there for your MIL. It feels good to me to be able to do the right thing.

Keep up the good work, everyone!

Babs1234

yes, I was so thankful I was sober during this ordeal. My next door neighbor also came over with a plate of cookies accompanied by her little Grand Daughter and I was so glad not to smell of booze. I was able to give her a hug and remember it. This isn't my first X-mas sober but, like I have said before it's different this time and trust me when I say that I still struggle at times but, I really want to be in control. if that makes sense.
Anyway---Have a great day Undies.
Babs.

stargazer016

Just a quick wave to everyone. Exhausted after two grueling days of work post Christmas.

I am thrilled everyone made it through o.k.

You made me laugh, Glee. I thought I was the life of the party too when drinking. I am definitely more of an observer too, instead of a bad actor.

Glad your MIL is ok Babs!

Good night everyone!

PhoenixJ

Sas- I am fine thankyou. Wass passing...quiet one for Xmas. Crazy weird acting people in this recovery place. Do 1 thing, say another. A little frustrated- studying online and despite 5 emails now a software issue is still unresolved- leaving me behind in assignment work. Oh well- if I have learnt anything in this last 11 months is patience... i:-)>

Saskia

Babs, yes that does make sense!

Ah yes, PJ - patience is difficult for me, too.

tootsl1

Babs I'm not going anywhere. I tend to post more when it's quiet here because I hate the thought of this thread disappearing. It had an important place here on SR. Other times I read daily but only post if I think someone will benefit from my dubious wisdom.
I'm so glad you were able to be totally present for your mil when she was ill, and that you found yourself appreciating your sobriety rather than potentially resenting it over the holidays! Huge move forward in your sober living there sweetie. X

Kopfan, funny how alcohol was the be all and end all for us. I totally expected everyone to notice and comment on my sobriety. Most never said a word. Bit of an anti climax at times! But hey,myou have your first Christmas sober under your belt.

You too NMD, and I hope your wife progresses to getting help. Dealing with our drinking, Seeking sobriety, is a very personal thing. It took me 10 years of growing awareness to acknowledge that my consumption was not greed or boredom, it was a problem I needed to stop avoiding and confront. It was the scariest time in my life, as I'm sure it was for many here. A lot just can't deal with that.
I agree with Glee, there is a lot of wisdom to be found in the Friends and Family threads here. Even for us as drinkers, it is important to see the other side and truly understand the hurt and confusion suffered by those around us. It can help us to understand why they might resent us even in our sobriety. Why our milestones only seem to rub it in, and why sometimes we might have done too little too late.
It also reminds us that it's not just us that we are fighting to maintain our sobriety for.

kopfan

I wasn't THAT bad was I?

Surely I can have another drink now I'm recovered. I'll just have a couple and then stop. I'll keep it to once a week or special occasions. If I overdo it I'll just stop again. Easy.

My AV has been acting up real bad over the past couple of days. A combination of holidays, a bit of time on my hands and seeing everyone endlessly drinking makes me wonder what I'm missing out on.

The thing is, I know I've drained every last drop of joy from the drinking cup. There's none left to be had. I've used up every ounce of fun from drink. I'm not going to find any happiness there. Not even for a few hours.

I'll go back to the well and it will be dry of fun. Only the misery bit is left for me.

My AV romanticises a single malt. Sitting by the fire. All toasty and warm.

But the only thing single about it was the malt. I never had a single drink of whatever it was I was drinking. Am I really never going to drink again for the rest of my life? At the back of my mind I always had "some day" but now I've gone through Xmas sober it's looking like never.

It seems like I'm reaffirming my sobriety. I don't want to go back to my old life that's for sure. It feels like a landmark moment in time.

Have a great day everyone!

Dee74

S

Dee74

Sounds like you have your AV's measure now Kopfan

D

stargazer016

There must be an AV school where everyone's AV attended together. Mine said exactly the same words over and over. At one month sober, two months, six months, one year, every holiday and so on.

Why we suddenly can control our drinking now after, in my case, three decades of drinking, is lunacy. Yet the AV keeps trying to con us. It can be very persuasive.

Thank goodness, I found people here on SR that told me otherwise. Saskia went something like 13 years sober then had one glass of wine and struggled for years to regain her footing. There are many such stories here. I know for sure that I would have succumbed to the AV's "logic" and tried drinking "just one" once again if it wasn't for the wise advice given here.

Kopfan, you are correct. We all have drained every last ounce of joy from drinking a long time ago.

Have a great day all!