One Year and Under Club Part 57
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Thanks so much everyone for the birthday wishes.
I was surprised to have some "Poor me, I can't drink on my birthday anymore" type thoughts yesterday. No thoughts about drinking, just a little self pity for a bit. I took a four mile hike along a nature trail by my house and felt better. I haven't had thoughts like that in quite a while. Goes to show that our AV is always looking for an opportunity to convince us to drink. It is important to have a plan and lots of tools in the sober toolbox to help deal with these random thoughts when they pop up.
Have a good night/morning everyone!
I was surprised to have some "Poor me, I can't drink on my birthday anymore" type thoughts yesterday. No thoughts about drinking, just a little self pity for a bit. I took a four mile hike along a nature trail by my house and felt better. I haven't had thoughts like that in quite a while. Goes to show that our AV is always looking for an opportunity to convince us to drink. It is important to have a plan and lots of tools in the sober toolbox to help deal with these random thoughts when they pop up.
Have a good night/morning everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 973
Happy Wednesday everyone!
Stargazer-you've just inspired me to update my recovery plan.....I've been rolling with my original once since last May/June. I've updated it & made some adjustments along the way but it may be time to take a fresh look through a sober lens. SR has been the main tool in my toolbox throughout this journey but my relapse in Nov. was a painful eye opener that I need to dig a little deeper than just alcohol alone so I started counseling. One more tool in the box
Wishing everyone a great day!
Stargazer-you've just inspired me to update my recovery plan.....I've been rolling with my original once since last May/June. I've updated it & made some adjustments along the way but it may be time to take a fresh look through a sober lens. SR has been the main tool in my toolbox throughout this journey but my relapse in Nov. was a painful eye opener that I need to dig a little deeper than just alcohol alone so I started counseling. One more tool in the box
Wishing everyone a great day!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Simplicity, that sounds like a positive step. It took me a long time to learn that I needed to do more recovery work when I relapsed. I had enough trouble that eventually I caved and did an intensive outpatient program (next step would have been rehab). That saved my life. We are all different. Some can stop and that's the end of it but many need help. For me, it involved reworking my attitudes, exploring more about myself and, most important, having loads of support.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
I hear you Sass---I think every time we sober up we find something about ourselves that we didn't know before or would not admit. I still have cravings and I guess that will get lighter in time but, like I have said before ---I can remember all to clearly how bad it was to sober up this last time and how deathly sick I got. and doing it without going to the hospital probably made me realize just how sick I really was.
thanks for the reminder. I think that really adds to my sobriety.
hugs
Babs
thanks for the reminder. I think that really adds to my sobriety.
hugs
Babs
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
I think that is a great idea Simplicity. Our plans need to evolve as our sobriety does. In the beginning, it was simply figuring out how not to drink and mastering urge surfing. After six months or so, it is more about trying to heal the body and the mind after years of abuse. Once I hit a year sober, I really began to try understanding why I became an addict. I read lots of books and stories about addiction and brain chemistry. I think it is part of the overall healing process.
I get impatient with myself at times. I still struggle with motivation at times. I am still too hard on myself occasionally. I have had to learn how to like myself. This sounds strange, but I was filled with self loathing at my lack of control of drinking for so long. It was though I did not deserve to be happy because I was a bad person since I could not control myself.
Recovery for me has not been linear. It has been full of false starts and falling down once in a while. Some days, I make more progress than others. Some days, I am glad to just be holding my own, and not taking a step backward. At the end of each day, I am just thankful that I am still not drinking and that I have another chance at leading a meaningful life once again.
Have a great day all!
I get impatient with myself at times. I still struggle with motivation at times. I am still too hard on myself occasionally. I have had to learn how to like myself. This sounds strange, but I was filled with self loathing at my lack of control of drinking for so long. It was though I did not deserve to be happy because I was a bad person since I could not control myself.
Recovery for me has not been linear. It has been full of false starts and falling down once in a while. Some days, I make more progress than others. Some days, I am glad to just be holding my own, and not taking a step backward. At the end of each day, I am just thankful that I am still not drinking and that I have another chance at leading a meaningful life once again.
Have a great day all!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
Mundane is a blessing.
I learned early in my recovery this last time that average is actually okay. Starting something and not finishing it in a day is cool, too. Learning to take a step back and watch the world unfold without having a say was so anti-alkie - now, it just feels right.
Star, thanks for the post.
Babs, you are rockin' this sober thing - inspiring!
As for recovery work...as I look backwards, I'm pretty sure that keeping a focus on who I am and how fragile this sober thing can be has helped. Lots of tangible examples of this...here's just one:
Not a day goes by that I am not talking, texting or emailing another in recovery. These people (...smiling...) have injected themselves into my new world...and, many times our interactions have little to nothing to do with recovery. I'm currently doing like my fifth Whole 30 with this woman from SR and we talk and trade recipes. Glee and I have met a few times in different NE cities and for fun we do AA meetings and eat middle eastern cuisine - even when literally 10,000 drunk Santa's are crossing our paths. Etc...Yes, sharing with 'you people' (again smiling) keeps me sober.
Have a good one, all.
Carlos
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
SG, I don't think it's at all strange. I loathed myself when drinking because it seemed like I didn't have the guts to stop. I eventually discovered that I was not a bad person because I drank - I was a sick one. I relate to your post so completely.
Living the life
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,211
Good morning folks.
I had a visit with a good friend and former drinking buddy yesterday. This friend is also in recovery, although she made a few comments that made me think she is occasionally drinking again. That is fine, it has nothing to do with me. But later I found myself (or more correctly my AV) thinking "if she can have the occasional drink again, why can't I?" My logical side chimed in right away with "because your sobriety is about you, not her; you've played the tape ahead enough times to know it won't end well; look how good you feel now; look how good you look now; look how good your bank account looks now; ..."
I have 10,000 reasons to continue being sober. But sometimes there is that little tiny voice in the back of my head.
I have read so many accounts of those who thought they could drink again and it never ends well. I don't want to ever have to go through withdrawal, which I will most likely face if I start drinking again and then try to quit again. I CANNOT let my guard down. I WON'T let my guard down.
Have a good one everyone.
I had a visit with a good friend and former drinking buddy yesterday. This friend is also in recovery, although she made a few comments that made me think she is occasionally drinking again. That is fine, it has nothing to do with me. But later I found myself (or more correctly my AV) thinking "if she can have the occasional drink again, why can't I?" My logical side chimed in right away with "because your sobriety is about you, not her; you've played the tape ahead enough times to know it won't end well; look how good you feel now; look how good you look now; look how good your bank account looks now; ..."
I have 10,000 reasons to continue being sober. But sometimes there is that little tiny voice in the back of my head.
I have read so many accounts of those who thought they could drink again and it never ends well. I don't want to ever have to go through withdrawal, which I will most likely face if I start drinking again and then try to quit again. I CANNOT let my guard down. I WON'T let my guard down.
Have a good one everyone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 134
I love the posts about how things used to seem "good" and "bad" - now, they simply "are." Of course you still try to succeed, do good, etc. But life isn't a big giant scorecard anymore, if that makes any sense !!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 973
Thursday check in. Life is fairly status quo. I still think about alcohol everyday, would still like to be a "normal" drinker, but I simply just know that isn't possible for me.....so like you Helen, I play the tape forward....or remember my horrible physical reaction to alcohol following my Nov. relapse and just don't drink. I assume with time these thoughts will lessen. Until then, just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other sober. Wishing everyone a peaceful evening 
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Originally Posted by HelenofTroy
Good morning folks.
I had a visit with a good friend and former drinking buddy yesterday. This friend is also in recovery, although she made a few comments that made me think she is occasionally drinking again. That is fine, it has nothing to do with me. But later I found myself (or more correctly my AV) thinking "if she can have the occasional drink again, why can't I?" My logical side chimed in right away with "because your sobriety is about you, not her; you've played the tape ahead enough times to know it won't end well; look how good you feel now; look how good you look now; look how good your bank account looks now; ..."
I have 10,000 reasons to continue being sober. But sometimes there is that little tiny voice in the back of my head.
I have read so many accounts of those who thought they could drink again and it never ends well. I don't want to ever have to go through withdrawal, which I will most likely face if I start drinking again and then try to quit again. I CANNOT let my guard down. I WON'T let my guard down.
Have a good one everyone.
I had a visit with a good friend and former drinking buddy yesterday. This friend is also in recovery, although she made a few comments that made me think she is occasionally drinking again. That is fine, it has nothing to do with me. But later I found myself (or more correctly my AV) thinking "if she can have the occasional drink again, why can't I?" My logical side chimed in right away with "because your sobriety is about you, not her; you've played the tape ahead enough times to know it won't end well; look how good you feel now; look how good you look now; look how good your bank account looks now; ..."
I have 10,000 reasons to continue being sober. But sometimes there is that little tiny voice in the back of my head.
I have read so many accounts of those who thought they could drink again and it never ends well. I don't want to ever have to go through withdrawal, which I will most likely face if I start drinking again and then try to quit again. I CANNOT let my guard down. I WON'T let my guard down.
Have a good one everyone.
The great thing about not drinking is that the lack of booze in our body starves and weakens the AV, at least in my thinking. It never seems to go away however, and I believe that our brains have been permanently rewired, so that if we drink again, we will be right back to where we were in our addiction.
We have to remember that we are all addicts. Why else would we crave a drug that has done so much to destroy us?
Have a great day all!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
For me it was actually a relief to finally admit I could never conceive of drinking again if I wanted the life I did. If I choose to drink again, I choose self destruction. It is that simple. I would never have known this, or known haw many others are so like me in their thoughts if I hadn't discovered SR.
Just being part of a huge collection of folk from all walks of life all over the globe, who; time and time again showed me that there was a way forward made my sobriety a fact rather than a vague hope.
Just being part of a huge collection of folk from all walks of life all over the globe, who; time and time again showed me that there was a way forward made my sobriety a fact rather than a vague hope.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Like probably everyone else on this site, I have attempted and failed at controlled drinking. In my case - many, many times. At times, I think I did so because I felt that I was missing out - my life would be a net-negative without booze. In the end, however, even I knew I was drinking for sheer need - no joy.
What became interesting to me as I've looked back while in recovery...at any point that I would let the monster drink back in, it immediately controled my life again. I might only actually drink a few times a week, but, I would be thinking about my next drink...ALWAYS. No matter what was going on, I had drink back in my life, and I was just passing time with other things until I would be hangin' out with my bestie, alcohol.
I could go a couple months and not get physically drunk - Yet, the whole time spent not drinking was spent thinking about the relief that would soon come my way. That's crazy.
For me, the first step was to stop drinking - to heal, I needed to start to fix my alcoholic thinking.
Today, the thought of not drinking is far from a net loss. Somehow, someway, I found a much deeper happiness and joy in life without drink...so, simply put. I don't want to mess that up.
What became interesting to me as I've looked back while in recovery...at any point that I would let the monster drink back in, it immediately controled my life again. I might only actually drink a few times a week, but, I would be thinking about my next drink...ALWAYS. No matter what was going on, I had drink back in my life, and I was just passing time with other things until I would be hangin' out with my bestie, alcohol.
I could go a couple months and not get physically drunk - Yet, the whole time spent not drinking was spent thinking about the relief that would soon come my way. That's crazy.
For me, the first step was to stop drinking - to heal, I needed to start to fix my alcoholic thinking.
Today, the thought of not drinking is far from a net loss. Somehow, someway, I found a much deeper happiness and joy in life without drink...so, simply put. I don't want to mess that up.
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Originally Posted by stargazer016
I think that is a great idea Simplicity. Our plans need to evolve as our sobriety does. In the beginning, it was simply figuring out how not to drink and mastering urge surfing. After six months or so, it is more about trying to heal the body and the mind after years of abuse. Once I hit a year sober, I really began to try understanding why I became an addict. I read lots of books and stories about addiction and brain chemistry. I think it is part of the overall healing process.
I get impatient with myself at times. I still struggle with motivation at times. I am still too hard on myself occasionally. I have had to learn how to like myself. This sounds strange, but I was filled with self loathing at my lack of control of drinking for so long. It was though I did not deserve to be happy because I was a bad person since I could not control myself.
Recovery for me has not been linear. It has been full of false starts and falling down once in a while. Some days, I make more progress than others. Some days, I am glad to just be holding my own, and not taking a step backward. At the end of each day, I am just thankful that I am still not drinking and that I have another chance at leading a meaningful life once again.
Have a great day all!
I get impatient with myself at times. I still struggle with motivation at times. I am still too hard on myself occasionally. I have had to learn how to like myself. This sounds strange, but I was filled with self loathing at my lack of control of drinking for so long. It was though I did not deserve to be happy because I was a bad person since I could not control myself.
Recovery for me has not been linear. It has been full of false starts and falling down once in a while. Some days, I make more progress than others. Some days, I am glad to just be holding my own, and not taking a step backward. At the end of each day, I am just thankful that I am still not drinking and that I have another chance at leading a meaningful life once again.
Have a great day all!
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