Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 2
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 131
Hi
So I know I'm here a lot but it's helping me so I've gotta keep doing it. I have never been successful with journal writing but writing here is kind of easier. I suppose because I am writing to others so in a way I am releasing this stuff more than I would if I were writing to myself. Feel free to skip over it if you've had enough. It's very self indulgent but I've tried so many ways to get and stay sober and this is a brand new one and I'm through day four so I'm gonna stick with it.
I look in the mirror today and although my skin is slightly better and my eyes are whiter I have HUGE grey circles under my eyes. Despite having slept very solidly for the last three nights (I'm sure that won't last but my body is soaking it up right now) I look like I haven't slept in a year. It's a real eye opener as to what I have been doing to my self and my poor innocent body.
I am soooooooo tired and a bit emotional. I feel like crying but the tears dont come. Maybe because I know I am making a positive step.
This afternoon I have been having flash backs of my life. Something I think my drinking mind does not allow lest it make me realise the insanity of it.
First flash back: 14 years old in a park close to the city. Myself and one other girl downing a full bottle of scotch. Neat! Back to her house, parents away, full bottle of contreau!
NOT NORMAL! I'm sure we we're having or pretending to have a great time but I feel so sad for that young me. If only she knew!
Second: 20 years old skulling competitions with grown men in the pub. I could beat a grown man in skulling a jug of beer.
NOT NORMAL. NOT FUNNY. NOT COOL. I feel sad and embarrassed. If only she knew!
Final flashback: Four days ago. Alone on my deck. My son watching a movie. 12 beers in three hours. Tears, desperation, despair.
NO CONTROL! Hope it's not too late to actually live a life. Hope I haven't ruined my sons by showing him the wrong way to live.
So I know I'm here a lot but it's helping me so I've gotta keep doing it. I have never been successful with journal writing but writing here is kind of easier. I suppose because I am writing to others so in a way I am releasing this stuff more than I would if I were writing to myself. Feel free to skip over it if you've had enough. It's very self indulgent but I've tried so many ways to get and stay sober and this is a brand new one and I'm through day four so I'm gonna stick with it.
I look in the mirror today and although my skin is slightly better and my eyes are whiter I have HUGE grey circles under my eyes. Despite having slept very solidly for the last three nights (I'm sure that won't last but my body is soaking it up right now) I look like I haven't slept in a year. It's a real eye opener as to what I have been doing to my self and my poor innocent body.
I am soooooooo tired and a bit emotional. I feel like crying but the tears dont come. Maybe because I know I am making a positive step.
This afternoon I have been having flash backs of my life. Something I think my drinking mind does not allow lest it make me realise the insanity of it.
First flash back: 14 years old in a park close to the city. Myself and one other girl downing a full bottle of scotch. Neat! Back to her house, parents away, full bottle of contreau!
NOT NORMAL! I'm sure we we're having or pretending to have a great time but I feel so sad for that young me. If only she knew!
Second: 20 years old skulling competitions with grown men in the pub. I could beat a grown man in skulling a jug of beer.
NOT NORMAL. NOT FUNNY. NOT COOL. I feel sad and embarrassed. If only she knew!
Final flashback: Four days ago. Alone on my deck. My son watching a movie. 12 beers in three hours. Tears, desperation, despair.
NO CONTROL! Hope it's not too late to actually live a life. Hope I haven't ruined my sons by showing him the wrong way to live.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
It's never too late to become the person you really are miramira 
I was 40 when I quit - that last ten years I've done more than I did in the previous twenty...
I'm not a parent, but I know that reputations can absolutely be rehabilitated. I used to be that guy at the bus stop - sick smelly, red eyed and muttering to himself...noone remembers me that way anymore.
I'm sure your son loves you and wants the best for you - it will be the sober miramira that he comes to for advice help and support through his life
I know it's hard to see right now but it's gonna be ok
D
I was 40 when I quit - that last ten years I've done more than I did in the previous twenty...
I'm not a parent, but I know that reputations can absolutely be rehabilitated. I used to be that guy at the bus stop - sick smelly, red eyed and muttering to himself...noone remembers me that way anymore.
I'm sure your son loves you and wants the best for you - it will be the sober miramira that he comes to for advice help and support through his life
I know it's hard to see right now but it's gonna be ok
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 131
We havent talked about it this time around and he hasn't said anything but I can see by the way he looks at me and smiles at me that he has noticed that I am not drinking and I can also tell he is happy about that.
He is the sweetest boy anyone could ask for. I want to be deserving of that.
Thanks for your kind words Dee I hope you are right.
He is the sweetest boy anyone could ask for. I want to be deserving of that.
Thanks for your kind words Dee I hope you are right.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Good morning!
Thanks for your shares Mira. Glad you're here.
Good luck at the wedding BBF, fill us in on your sober night!
Up much too early on a Saturday, which is par for course as a parent of the young. Lol. I hear it will change when they're teens haha!
Thanks for your shares Mira. Glad you're here.
Good luck at the wedding BBF, fill us in on your sober night!
Up much too early on a Saturday, which is par for course as a parent of the young. Lol. I hear it will change when they're teens haha!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
Mira- I have 2 adult sons who I adore. They do not talk to me (1year at least) because of my drinking and a final traumatic incident 1 year ago. I have regret and sadness. If you want to stop drinking- it has to be for you. I have seen so many people stop 'for their wife, for their daughter, for their job'. Then once the heat dies down and they relax- so does the vigilance. The logic goes like this.
You have to stop drinking for you. If you do not, your will loose your son and end up with nothing. You have to want to stop- so you have to work out ways to stop drinking for you. Your health, esteem- otherwise that booze will sneak right back in. Keep posting- get other help- AA/sponsor, church, your doctor- don't try and do it alone. With help you do not have to be.
You have to stop drinking for you. If you do not, your will loose your son and end up with nothing. You have to want to stop- so you have to work out ways to stop drinking for you. Your health, esteem- otherwise that booze will sneak right back in. Keep posting- get other help- AA/sponsor, church, your doctor- don't try and do it alone. With help you do not have to be.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Good morning class! A cold and frosty start to the day here....I guess winter has to start at some point.....
Mira - thanks for sharing. What I have learned on this journey so far is that as hard as it is - the past is the past...we can't change it, or fix it or make it disappear. But what we do have control of is today...and we can take our past mistakes and shape today (and the future) into something better...something we can be proud of
Morning Apple....I'm up early too but no little ones....must work on that...lol
PJ - You're right about doing this for yourself....I think we try to do it for others because we value their opinions and their love and their worth more than our own....once we find value in ourselves it gets easier....at least that is what I am learning
Well off I go to start the day - we are going to some holiday craft shows today.....DH is soooo excited....lol
I will not drink today
Mira - thanks for sharing. What I have learned on this journey so far is that as hard as it is - the past is the past...we can't change it, or fix it or make it disappear. But what we do have control of is today...and we can take our past mistakes and shape today (and the future) into something better...something we can be proud of
Morning Apple....I'm up early too but no little ones....must work on that...lol
PJ - You're right about doing this for yourself....I think we try to do it for others because we value their opinions and their love and their worth more than our own....once we find value in ourselves it gets easier....at least that is what I am learning
Well off I go to start the day - we are going to some holiday craft shows today.....DH is soooo excited....lol
I will not drink today
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I'm joining this class. I've lost the plot again. I have an appointment with a therapist this coming week, which I hope helps. However, it's always so difficult to regain traction. Feeling frustrated.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Good day all..
Weekend here... Wife is out of town.
I thought about drinking already and haven't even had breakfast yet.
Crap...... This is how it starts.
Just putting it into words......will stay close to SR today.
Weekend here... Wife is out of town.
I thought about drinking already and haven't even had breakfast yet.
Crap...... This is how it starts.
Just putting it into words......will stay close to SR today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Manchester England
Posts: 30
hey everyone, checking in sober day 6. I do want to drink today because I'm on my own, but I won't, Ive given husband my bankcard so I can't get any money, and got lots I can be getting on with.
Mira - I identify with so much of what you say, that horrible sweaty anxiety and bottoms dropped out of the world feeling. We just have to keep going. I know how much you must love your son and want to do this for him. my children are still little and its my hope if I stop drinking now they will be too young to remember I have a problem.
CaseyW - You can call me whatever you like, I actually didnt mean the caps on my username it was just on, so maybe I will change it if I can, you can call me micah, mike, mick, or michaela :-)
Jazzfish - I know how you are feeling right now, hang on and get through these first few days you will feel better
Emzeh - glad you are back
Steely - I've fell down at a wedding too!
Everyone else - I am reading all your posts! I read someone is going to a wedding how did you get on? I think you suggested a soda and lime another one I like is a soda water, cranberry juice and a slice of lemon instead of wine.
good luck x
Mira - I identify with so much of what you say, that horrible sweaty anxiety and bottoms dropped out of the world feeling. We just have to keep going. I know how much you must love your son and want to do this for him. my children are still little and its my hope if I stop drinking now they will be too young to remember I have a problem.
CaseyW - You can call me whatever you like, I actually didnt mean the caps on my username it was just on, so maybe I will change it if I can, you can call me micah, mike, mick, or michaela :-)
Jazzfish - I know how you are feeling right now, hang on and get through these first few days you will feel better
Emzeh - glad you are back
Steely - I've fell down at a wedding too!
Everyone else - I am reading all your posts! I read someone is going to a wedding how did you get on? I think you suggested a soda and lime another one I like is a soda water, cranberry juice and a slice of lemon instead of wine.
good luck x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Checking in day 6 here! Operation sober weekend is in full effect and is going well so far!! Had a rough week emotionally, mentally and physically. I am trying to be patient and kind with myself. Hope you all are doing well. I have been trying to luck this for so long and have failed continuously. I need to be more aware when I get those thoughts that say "you can have 1", "everybody drinks, you can too", etc. I'm still not feeling great inside but am hoping things will turn.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
I think we only need to be accountable to ourselves Pelagic, and that many of us are familiar with "slipping out the back door." Very familiar.
I've done the "at least it's only 2.5 litres" ramble too. The thought of my having a drink makes me feel sick, and fills me with fear and trepidation. I'm hoping that this will level out with time.
Just keep posting Pelagic, and get it out there. Writing and posting the words helps to make it more clear in my head, has me think.
I'm going to bed, big day tomorrow, Sunday.
Hi to everyone.
I've done the "at least it's only 2.5 litres" ramble too. The thought of my having a drink makes me feel sick, and fills me with fear and trepidation. I'm hoping that this will level out with time.
Just keep posting Pelagic, and get it out there. Writing and posting the words helps to make it more clear in my head, has me think.
I'm going to bed, big day tomorrow, Sunday.
Hi to everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
I have arrived at day 5! I really can't wait for that number to be so much larger than it is. Seems like it takes forever to get bigger. Weekends can be easy or difficult, depending on how busy I am and my level of anxiety. Right now my anxiety level is low, and I have plenty of stuff to keep me busy, even if that's just doing chores around my house.
I have a get-together with some of my friends tonight. There will surely be alcohol there, but they aren't people who pressure me to drink. And I would like to see what it is like to go to a social occasion where people are drinking and decline to do so myself. This is something I'm going to encounter someday, and I'd like to build my confidence in doing so. And I really love these friends and haven't seen them in years, actually! But if anyone thinks this is an extraordinarily bad idea, please let me know...
I have a get-together with some of my friends tonight. There will surely be alcohol there, but they aren't people who pressure me to drink. And I would like to see what it is like to go to a social occasion where people are drinking and decline to do so myself. This is something I'm going to encounter someday, and I'd like to build my confidence in doing so. And I really love these friends and haven't seen them in years, actually! But if anyone thinks this is an extraordinarily bad idea, please let me know...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 110
Good Saturday morning...or wherever you are
Day 13. No plans but walking and reading today. Trying to not focus on the fact that yesterday my BF and I were to be on a plane for 2 weeks in Ecuador and Costa Rica...a trip my last binge ruined entirely...trying to NOT wallow in guilt and sadness and disappoitment...and stay focussed on today. That it was the RIGHT decision to make...even though we both lost a small fortune on flights...this is for the best. I know without a doubt, I would have drank too much one night and caused a scene, ruining the trip anyways.
Hope everyone has a great sober day!
Day 13. No plans but walking and reading today. Trying to not focus on the fact that yesterday my BF and I were to be on a plane for 2 weeks in Ecuador and Costa Rica...a trip my last binge ruined entirely...trying to NOT wallow in guilt and sadness and disappoitment...and stay focussed on today. That it was the RIGHT decision to make...even though we both lost a small fortune on flights...this is for the best. I know without a doubt, I would have drank too much one night and caused a scene, ruining the trip anyways.
Hope everyone has a great sober day!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Manchester England
Posts: 30
Aw Truthbetold76 You must be really feeling that today, but you are right to be positive. I always think things happen for a reason, and maybe you were just never meant to go. Its in the past now focus on whats next. Enjoy the walk
Midnight Rider - Keep busy you dont need that first drink! have a good breakfast instead
Midnight Rider - Keep busy you dont need that first drink! have a good breakfast instead
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 110
it's a tough pill to swallow for sure. should be on a beach. Instead, we broke up and I'm cold in Canada. but yes - this is where I am supposed to be right now so I hang onto that when my mind starts drifting off....no doubt in my mind that there would have been a bad one or 2 nights...I would have ruined the trip anyways. I really think that.
Thanks
Thanks
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