One Year & Over Part 43
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Hubby says this is the oneng hit a year I don't have to worry about scaring small children!
Talking of (hubby, not small children) it's been the nature of his work for the last 15 or so years to go into companies and streamline them for greater efficiency, better productivity, lower costs. Very, very rarely does this include reduction of staff, but everywhere he goes, people are suspicious. They also reject change out of hand and need to be coerced into considering the benefits.
Because of the length of his contracts he moves around a lot. This leads to many leaving cards. I am always proud to read the messages, telling him how he has changed thinking, helped confidence, shown a light etc. Lots of these people still email him years down the line to ask advice. I am proud to believe my hubby is a leader and not a manager.
And glee, he was disgusted at the way you heard about not getting the promotion. I didn't tell him about your manager.
WTG, if I waited until I had something of value to say before I posted a response I'd have A 750 post count instead of a 7500 one. ( there are more than a few folk here who would wish that.......)
Have a munificent Monday all xx
Talking of (hubby, not small children) it's been the nature of his work for the last 15 or so years to go into companies and streamline them for greater efficiency, better productivity, lower costs. Very, very rarely does this include reduction of staff, but everywhere he goes, people are suspicious. They also reject change out of hand and need to be coerced into considering the benefits.
Because of the length of his contracts he moves around a lot. This leads to many leaving cards. I am always proud to read the messages, telling him how he has changed thinking, helped confidence, shown a light etc. Lots of these people still email him years down the line to ask advice. I am proud to believe my hubby is a leader and not a manager.
And glee, he was disgusted at the way you heard about not getting the promotion. I didn't tell him about your manager.
WTG, if I waited until I had something of value to say before I posted a response I'd have A 750 post count instead of a 7500 one. ( there are more than a few folk here who would wish that.......)
Have a munificent Monday all xx
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
RZ,
I wish! We had our kids at age 19 and 22, and my son had his that young too, so even my grandkids are too old at 17-23 now. No great grandkids yet. We used to be very big into Halloween and since we owned Boas and Great Danes at that time our haunted house entrance was truly approached with care. We also had our own costumes with my Nuclear death using a real yellow nuke suit, and her Death with scythe we worked the haunted houses on base as the kids grew too old to take out. I would set up my DJ system with haunted house and scary sound effects when we set up our house.
Now, our semi rural drive is 300 feet long and with no sidewalks out here there are no children out trick or treating at all here. All of us have at least 5 acres and not a lot of young kids in the neighborhood. Mostly seniors and 40 ups here. Even in summer I've never seen more than 5 or 6 teens on foot in the neighborhood. So no, we don't work the haunted houses and don't even get to hand out candy anymore.
For those who have had a military career, we are or have encountered leaders that were respected and loved. We are truly a family bit there is a step above the ideal of teams and family between those in military units. Loyalty is unquestioned and honor expected. Service before self is second nature.
My people propelled me to great success in my career. And despite some folks thinking otherwise my people did it not me. My only secret was the simple acknowledgement that people will live up to, or down to, my expectations. My high expectations came with my willingness to train and assist my folks in achieving and maintaining skills and currency in weapons, tactics, and instructional methodology.
Yes I studied Piaget and Hezberg, Maslow and Skinner, as well as Blanchard, Peters, Covey, and Drucker foundation books and leadership series. All the mentioned teach tools. I used to tell my folks that competent means mediocre, and that the average worker or troop without a leader will always tend to the mean. My example was a guy who claimed to be able to fix my car's engine with just one tool, say a Philips screwdriver. He might but it would take a lot longer than it would a great mechanic with a full box of diverse tools for every mechanical variable.
I would evaluate any new troop of any rank and find out what they did not know and then train them on what they needed. We learned that to do our jobs well, we had to know everybody's jobs. As well be familiar with the duties and some particulars of every other organization on base that we supported or supported us.
There are formal leaders, and informal leaders in any organization and they must be of a mind. And loyalty was expected, given, then demanded if needed.
My job I explained was to create a safe space for my people to work in where every day is not "You bet your career day." That does not mean lassaiz faire nor any kind of easy. That means we all help each other within the respect and discipline of the service, squadron, unit, and team mission/s. I taught my folks that if we don't treat each other like VIPs, who will. We learned to cheer mistakes and discuss them so no one could stumble into it again from ignorance. I would take a stupid plastic 5 inch child's football and paint it gold with spray paint, and write "Saved The Game Ball" on it. I gave them out regularly but not often. I found out folks kept theirs long past leaving the military. We loved each other enough to respect each other. If one of us succeeded we all were lifted up. And I discussed the games people played like the insults half meant and the jokes used to make another look stupid. If we were a team we would never tear one or our family down to feel above them. And if they felt beneath us we gave them our hand up. I would get them to imagine what am elite troop looked like and then we would look like that, and help each other with that polished look.
In short, we had fun. The few that had agendas and did not respond to training I did get rid of. See, if I let someone in our unit "get by" or get away with goldbricking and not pulling their weight I would counsel them in private the first time, and tell them the second time of the same error would be intent not accidental. The second time there was punishment and a warning that if they repeat the same mistake a third time I would have them out of my Air Force in 72 hours. I had to do that twice of the hundred or so direct subordinates I led, in training hundreds of thousands over a career. Both times I told them in their final counseling that I blame myself for not having the skills to get their attention. See, some folks are spoiled, or abused by their daddys, and they look to authority figures to fall into the role of enabler or threat. I would always tell them that I am NOT your daddy. I told them that kicking them out was my final attempt to get their attention. One of the two called me back after six months out and told me that kicking him out finally got his attention and he thanked me for getting him to see a life for himself finally.
I never bullied, never was a victim. My orders were mine. In civilian life the thing I could never get used to was the politics and the back stabbing. I have seen many times people ganging up behind a bully who could never fight his own battles. In the military I would see some folks in charge of a unit tell their subordinates that despite not wanting to do something, they had to because the idiot boss said so. It is a stupid attempt to instill in your people a feeling that despite all above him/her in the chain of command being idiots, if they stuck together they would make it. Despite not being able to articulate it, that person in charge has just created an unsafe place where they promise to get them out of trouble deserved and is corruption at its most basic.
If I take orders from an idiot what does that make me? If I can't change dumb orders then how could I protect them. In reality, that kind of boss requires face jobs, insincerity, and fear. And glee for those who can't make it honestly.
Allowing a boss to continue like that destroys entire organizations. And it is not the fault of the unit with the bad boss. I'm sure all of you have had someone in your life patronize you or face job you. We all know the signs.
Does anyone really believe that the people above the sorry boss don't see the face jobbing happening daily? I can see a suck up the first time or the second at least. These people only survive in organizations with a leader who expects little, and is rewarded with being right as his organization lives down to his or her expectations.
Job descriptions psychologically have to be written to be attainable. No one is stupid enough to take a job that expects as part of the duties to leap over tall buildings with a single bound. By the same token I have seen incompetent bosses have assistants that did all their writing and explained all the difficult things to them, and did most of the leader's work for him/her. Then the leader goes in and takes credit as if he did the work at staff meetings and planning staff.
I would get orders that were not going to achieve what the colonel or general wants to achieve. I would wait until after staff meeting and ask to speak to him in private. I would than explain where the order looks to not get him what he wants, or worse, could get HIM/HER in hot water. Every new commander would react differently but even the bad ones who would all but kick me out feeling their authority questioned would eventually realize that I never would have advised they back up and regroup on any order, unless I was so right that they could take it to the bank and draw interest on it. I even had senior folks ask me how I always got the commanders to listen to me. They were afraid of them! How can they lead if the could not be good enough followers to keep their leaders axes out of a crack.
A good follower/leader manages both down and up the chain of command.
I would always be backed by experience and regulations/facts. I would go in and advise even when they acted out with anger thinking I would go away. Go away? And fail in my mission because he had no clue about my position and requirements? But worse, I had to go back to my unit and follow those orders, stupid or not, if I did not advise my commander as if they were mine. See, I knew if I made out that I was incompetent in managing up, and we indeed had an idiot as my boss, then morale would drop to zero and we would live down to his expectations if they lost faith in folks who could order them into battle. A trusted subordinate as I always became did not get that way by kissing axe. It IS tough to go in and advise the superior to change a part of the course to avoid a collision.
I taught my folks that any leader who told his folks the leaders above him are idiots had an idiot in his/her mirror. It id hard to go in and advise when needed, but tougher for a leader to go back and follow orders he might have gotten modified enough to work.
The idiot that tells his people that the idiot above is making him/her enforce stupidity is actually just a coward. Afraid to lead, afraid to follow on his/her own.
Far better to suffer following some orders as our own than cause an irrecoverable loss of Morale and discipline.
Lastly. When I ask folks that are new what is discipline they usually describe punishment. Discipline is finding, learning, and adhering to a set of rules and standards, and instilling them in your people. Self discipline always starts with external discipline. Parents, teachers, and authority figures. Discipline is not punishment. Is self-discipline beating ones self with a cat o nine tails as some flagellant aberrational personalities do? Of course not.
Punishment is only used when discipline fails.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Now get out there and start creating safe spaces, and demanding them for yourself. (Demanding in assertive mode, not aggressive or passive.) My watch is over.
I wish! We had our kids at age 19 and 22, and my son had his that young too, so even my grandkids are too old at 17-23 now. No great grandkids yet. We used to be very big into Halloween and since we owned Boas and Great Danes at that time our haunted house entrance was truly approached with care. We also had our own costumes with my Nuclear death using a real yellow nuke suit, and her Death with scythe we worked the haunted houses on base as the kids grew too old to take out. I would set up my DJ system with haunted house and scary sound effects when we set up our house.
Now, our semi rural drive is 300 feet long and with no sidewalks out here there are no children out trick or treating at all here. All of us have at least 5 acres and not a lot of young kids in the neighborhood. Mostly seniors and 40 ups here. Even in summer I've never seen more than 5 or 6 teens on foot in the neighborhood. So no, we don't work the haunted houses and don't even get to hand out candy anymore.
For those who have had a military career, we are or have encountered leaders that were respected and loved. We are truly a family bit there is a step above the ideal of teams and family between those in military units. Loyalty is unquestioned and honor expected. Service before self is second nature.
My people propelled me to great success in my career. And despite some folks thinking otherwise my people did it not me. My only secret was the simple acknowledgement that people will live up to, or down to, my expectations. My high expectations came with my willingness to train and assist my folks in achieving and maintaining skills and currency in weapons, tactics, and instructional methodology.
Yes I studied Piaget and Hezberg, Maslow and Skinner, as well as Blanchard, Peters, Covey, and Drucker foundation books and leadership series. All the mentioned teach tools. I used to tell my folks that competent means mediocre, and that the average worker or troop without a leader will always tend to the mean. My example was a guy who claimed to be able to fix my car's engine with just one tool, say a Philips screwdriver. He might but it would take a lot longer than it would a great mechanic with a full box of diverse tools for every mechanical variable.
I would evaluate any new troop of any rank and find out what they did not know and then train them on what they needed. We learned that to do our jobs well, we had to know everybody's jobs. As well be familiar with the duties and some particulars of every other organization on base that we supported or supported us.
There are formal leaders, and informal leaders in any organization and they must be of a mind. And loyalty was expected, given, then demanded if needed.
My job I explained was to create a safe space for my people to work in where every day is not "You bet your career day." That does not mean lassaiz faire nor any kind of easy. That means we all help each other within the respect and discipline of the service, squadron, unit, and team mission/s. I taught my folks that if we don't treat each other like VIPs, who will. We learned to cheer mistakes and discuss them so no one could stumble into it again from ignorance. I would take a stupid plastic 5 inch child's football and paint it gold with spray paint, and write "Saved The Game Ball" on it. I gave them out regularly but not often. I found out folks kept theirs long past leaving the military. We loved each other enough to respect each other. If one of us succeeded we all were lifted up. And I discussed the games people played like the insults half meant and the jokes used to make another look stupid. If we were a team we would never tear one or our family down to feel above them. And if they felt beneath us we gave them our hand up. I would get them to imagine what am elite troop looked like and then we would look like that, and help each other with that polished look.
In short, we had fun. The few that had agendas and did not respond to training I did get rid of. See, if I let someone in our unit "get by" or get away with goldbricking and not pulling their weight I would counsel them in private the first time, and tell them the second time of the same error would be intent not accidental. The second time there was punishment and a warning that if they repeat the same mistake a third time I would have them out of my Air Force in 72 hours. I had to do that twice of the hundred or so direct subordinates I led, in training hundreds of thousands over a career. Both times I told them in their final counseling that I blame myself for not having the skills to get their attention. See, some folks are spoiled, or abused by their daddys, and they look to authority figures to fall into the role of enabler or threat. I would always tell them that I am NOT your daddy. I told them that kicking them out was my final attempt to get their attention. One of the two called me back after six months out and told me that kicking him out finally got his attention and he thanked me for getting him to see a life for himself finally.
I never bullied, never was a victim. My orders were mine. In civilian life the thing I could never get used to was the politics and the back stabbing. I have seen many times people ganging up behind a bully who could never fight his own battles. In the military I would see some folks in charge of a unit tell their subordinates that despite not wanting to do something, they had to because the idiot boss said so. It is a stupid attempt to instill in your people a feeling that despite all above him/her in the chain of command being idiots, if they stuck together they would make it. Despite not being able to articulate it, that person in charge has just created an unsafe place where they promise to get them out of trouble deserved and is corruption at its most basic.
If I take orders from an idiot what does that make me? If I can't change dumb orders then how could I protect them. In reality, that kind of boss requires face jobs, insincerity, and fear. And glee for those who can't make it honestly.
Allowing a boss to continue like that destroys entire organizations. And it is not the fault of the unit with the bad boss. I'm sure all of you have had someone in your life patronize you or face job you. We all know the signs.
Does anyone really believe that the people above the sorry boss don't see the face jobbing happening daily? I can see a suck up the first time or the second at least. These people only survive in organizations with a leader who expects little, and is rewarded with being right as his organization lives down to his or her expectations.
Job descriptions psychologically have to be written to be attainable. No one is stupid enough to take a job that expects as part of the duties to leap over tall buildings with a single bound. By the same token I have seen incompetent bosses have assistants that did all their writing and explained all the difficult things to them, and did most of the leader's work for him/her. Then the leader goes in and takes credit as if he did the work at staff meetings and planning staff.
I would get orders that were not going to achieve what the colonel or general wants to achieve. I would wait until after staff meeting and ask to speak to him in private. I would than explain where the order looks to not get him what he wants, or worse, could get HIM/HER in hot water. Every new commander would react differently but even the bad ones who would all but kick me out feeling their authority questioned would eventually realize that I never would have advised they back up and regroup on any order, unless I was so right that they could take it to the bank and draw interest on it. I even had senior folks ask me how I always got the commanders to listen to me. They were afraid of them! How can they lead if the could not be good enough followers to keep their leaders axes out of a crack.
A good follower/leader manages both down and up the chain of command.
I would always be backed by experience and regulations/facts. I would go in and advise even when they acted out with anger thinking I would go away. Go away? And fail in my mission because he had no clue about my position and requirements? But worse, I had to go back to my unit and follow those orders, stupid or not, if I did not advise my commander as if they were mine. See, I knew if I made out that I was incompetent in managing up, and we indeed had an idiot as my boss, then morale would drop to zero and we would live down to his expectations if they lost faith in folks who could order them into battle. A trusted subordinate as I always became did not get that way by kissing axe. It IS tough to go in and advise the superior to change a part of the course to avoid a collision.
I taught my folks that any leader who told his folks the leaders above him are idiots had an idiot in his/her mirror. It id hard to go in and advise when needed, but tougher for a leader to go back and follow orders he might have gotten modified enough to work.
The idiot that tells his people that the idiot above is making him/her enforce stupidity is actually just a coward. Afraid to lead, afraid to follow on his/her own.
Far better to suffer following some orders as our own than cause an irrecoverable loss of Morale and discipline.
Lastly. When I ask folks that are new what is discipline they usually describe punishment. Discipline is finding, learning, and adhering to a set of rules and standards, and instilling them in your people. Self discipline always starts with external discipline. Parents, teachers, and authority figures. Discipline is not punishment. Is self-discipline beating ones self with a cat o nine tails as some flagellant aberrational personalities do? Of course not.
Punishment is only used when discipline fails.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Now get out there and start creating safe spaces, and demanding them for yourself. (Demanding in assertive mode, not aggressive or passive.) My watch is over.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Thanks Gil!
Toots amen!
I had a video from Joel Barker that proved that people will see what they expect. Change resistors are both positive and negative. Positive resistors will read and participate in change planning from outside consultants, ignore the things they don't do and pay attention to the things they do do. Then they say thanks we already do all that, and file the consult away making no changes. Negative resistors as you said do refuse like a dog being pulled on a leash and trying to sit down. You have to change to a choke collar. Then their resistance is the only thing that results in pain.
Coercion is one tool, and is a good one. Another is telling them we only have to do the new thing/s for a month to try them as long as we are proficient enough to be able to evaluate it. If a group does a change for 30 days they will then argue just as strongly against changing back. With someone like your husband, based on the response, he understood positive and negative reinforcement.
Positive reinforcement is understood, the carrot as opposed to the stick. Negative reinforcement is not the stick.
Negative reinforcement is the removal of an obstacle or impediment to success and efficiency in work task and life. When people live on lower than subsistence wages they are not happy because you cannot live on that and things stay sour at home and at work. Giving a raise may seem a carrot, but in this example removes a negative and the employee can rest and buy decent clothes and shoes for work and for his family. Money is not a motivator, it is a hygiene factor. (Herzberg: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/arti...ne-factors.htm )
Example of negative motivation: Moving an informal bully leader to another group or career. Retraining an employee who was not trained by his/her last stupidvisor. See the Herzberg link for more.
Toots, your hubby sounds great. Sorry I was in the editing screen when you posted so some duplication.
One last thought that just occurred. We cannot really motivate people. We can only create conditions where they may be more inclined to motivate themselves. These conditions may be positive or negative. Anyone in any organization that in a leadership role says another has a bad attitude ois obviously shooting in the dark and cannot function effectively. See we cannot read another's mind not even during the most intimate of human encounters. We can see external behaviors that indicate pleasure or pain.
In the workplace we can see face making, gestures, refusal to participate, and throwing things around or stamping to show anger. Yelling or screaming is cause for dismissal towards a decent supervisor. But another major behavior change good leaders practice is to when correcting in private, name the behaviors they need to change, and outline the alternative behaviors you want to see. There will always be folks who cannot adapt or grow with a fast moving organization today. I tell my folks that having their best interests at heart it behooves me to assist them in finding a career that suits them. Outside of my military. My folks usually say later that they resented my use of my Air Force or my military. But then they realized it was their Air Force too and they started to refer to it as such. See, we all are all the way in, or all the way out. You can't ride a fence for a career. Our feet can't ground us.
The biggest mistake I see is a lack of follow up. Managers that can't be bothered with setting up interim appointments to see how they are doing because we care if our people need help, or tools, and afterwards an evaluation of goals achieved or not. If not a new plan. Some folks criticize, then never follow up to see if the new change is indeed being done. Good folks appreciate the support. Bad folks that need retraining or sent off to another career bristle at being caught out.
I apologize for the long management treatise according to Itchy. You can take the retired leader out of the leadership position, but you cant take the leader out of the retiree.
Toots amen!
I had a video from Joel Barker that proved that people will see what they expect. Change resistors are both positive and negative. Positive resistors will read and participate in change planning from outside consultants, ignore the things they don't do and pay attention to the things they do do. Then they say thanks we already do all that, and file the consult away making no changes. Negative resistors as you said do refuse like a dog being pulled on a leash and trying to sit down. You have to change to a choke collar. Then their resistance is the only thing that results in pain.
Coercion is one tool, and is a good one. Another is telling them we only have to do the new thing/s for a month to try them as long as we are proficient enough to be able to evaluate it. If a group does a change for 30 days they will then argue just as strongly against changing back. With someone like your husband, based on the response, he understood positive and negative reinforcement.
Positive reinforcement is understood, the carrot as opposed to the stick. Negative reinforcement is not the stick.
Negative reinforcement is the removal of an obstacle or impediment to success and efficiency in work task and life. When people live on lower than subsistence wages they are not happy because you cannot live on that and things stay sour at home and at work. Giving a raise may seem a carrot, but in this example removes a negative and the employee can rest and buy decent clothes and shoes for work and for his family. Money is not a motivator, it is a hygiene factor. (Herzberg: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/arti...ne-factors.htm )
Example of negative motivation: Moving an informal bully leader to another group or career. Retraining an employee who was not trained by his/her last stupidvisor. See the Herzberg link for more.
Toots, your hubby sounds great. Sorry I was in the editing screen when you posted so some duplication.
One last thought that just occurred. We cannot really motivate people. We can only create conditions where they may be more inclined to motivate themselves. These conditions may be positive or negative. Anyone in any organization that in a leadership role says another has a bad attitude ois obviously shooting in the dark and cannot function effectively. See we cannot read another's mind not even during the most intimate of human encounters. We can see external behaviors that indicate pleasure or pain.
In the workplace we can see face making, gestures, refusal to participate, and throwing things around or stamping to show anger. Yelling or screaming is cause for dismissal towards a decent supervisor. But another major behavior change good leaders practice is to when correcting in private, name the behaviors they need to change, and outline the alternative behaviors you want to see. There will always be folks who cannot adapt or grow with a fast moving organization today. I tell my folks that having their best interests at heart it behooves me to assist them in finding a career that suits them. Outside of my military. My folks usually say later that they resented my use of my Air Force or my military. But then they realized it was their Air Force too and they started to refer to it as such. See, we all are all the way in, or all the way out. You can't ride a fence for a career. Our feet can't ground us.
The biggest mistake I see is a lack of follow up. Managers that can't be bothered with setting up interim appointments to see how they are doing because we care if our people need help, or tools, and afterwards an evaluation of goals achieved or not. If not a new plan. Some folks criticize, then never follow up to see if the new change is indeed being done. Good folks appreciate the support. Bad folks that need retraining or sent off to another career bristle at being caught out.
I apologize for the long management treatise according to Itchy. You can take the retired leader out of the leadership position, but you cant take the leader out of the retiree.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Thinking about leadership.
I haven't been a good leader in my business for most of the time it has been open. Because I have been more interested in alcohol perhaps. I have neglected situations and been unaware of mistakes and even bullying within my group. My business has grown from a one-man-band to employ 20 people but there have been more luck and jazzy logos and catchy campaigns than judgement. I am good at what I do but I haven't managed my team coherently.
Since I got sober I have made a concerted effort to become a great leader and turn my company into a place where people will love to come to work. That is much harder than you'd think and I am meeting plenty of resistance on my way. I am reevaluating the people around me and seeing through a few facades. I am reading, studying, reevaluating systems and protocols. We are a small business and it's pretty easy to see who is on side and who isn't, but sometimes it can all seem a bit hopeless. I am reconciled to the idea that this is not going to happen overnight but I'm equally determined to turn my place of work into a pleasant and creative environment.
Alcoholism has lead to neglect and that neglect has lead to indifference. A lot of people have different expectations of me and I am calling people to account on stuff that has been allowed to slip. I am trying not to blame, just to clarify job descriptions and explain my expectations.
I foresee a long road ahead, but I also feel very fortunate that the business is still working at all and that there is plenty to salvage. I also have a host of very good loyal professionals on the team who, I think, are beginning to take me seriously again and get on board.
It is a tough balance to try to keep my work life and home life separate and my wife frequently complains that I am unable to switch off, but I think that this is going to take a lot of my energy for a time. Good leadership is going to be crucial at this time and I definitely need to find the best version of myself if we are to succeed here.
Whatever happens, it would not have been possible if I weren't sober and I am very thankful for the opportunity to have a try at this with unclouded judgement
I haven't been a good leader in my business for most of the time it has been open. Because I have been more interested in alcohol perhaps. I have neglected situations and been unaware of mistakes and even bullying within my group. My business has grown from a one-man-band to employ 20 people but there have been more luck and jazzy logos and catchy campaigns than judgement. I am good at what I do but I haven't managed my team coherently.
Since I got sober I have made a concerted effort to become a great leader and turn my company into a place where people will love to come to work. That is much harder than you'd think and I am meeting plenty of resistance on my way. I am reevaluating the people around me and seeing through a few facades. I am reading, studying, reevaluating systems and protocols. We are a small business and it's pretty easy to see who is on side and who isn't, but sometimes it can all seem a bit hopeless. I am reconciled to the idea that this is not going to happen overnight but I'm equally determined to turn my place of work into a pleasant and creative environment.
Alcoholism has lead to neglect and that neglect has lead to indifference. A lot of people have different expectations of me and I am calling people to account on stuff that has been allowed to slip. I am trying not to blame, just to clarify job descriptions and explain my expectations.
I foresee a long road ahead, but I also feel very fortunate that the business is still working at all and that there is plenty to salvage. I also have a host of very good loyal professionals on the team who, I think, are beginning to take me seriously again and get on board.
It is a tough balance to try to keep my work life and home life separate and my wife frequently complains that I am unable to switch off, but I think that this is going to take a lot of my energy for a time. Good leadership is going to be crucial at this time and I definitely need to find the best version of myself if we are to succeed here.
Whatever happens, it would not have been possible if I weren't sober and I am very thankful for the opportunity to have a try at this with unclouded judgement
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Amp,
It sounds like you are well on your way. The best manager's primer for a situation like you are initiating is "Leadership and the One Minute Manager," by Ken Blanchard. It came out in the 80s but is all anyone would ever need to keep n organization heading in the right direction. One of the tools is situational leadership, which is a good tool to have and use daily. Unlike situational ethics, which is very bad. THe video is unreal. Also your countryman John Cleese has scads of good stuff on you tube like these:
https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...+on+management
love the guy.
It sounds like you are well on your way. The best manager's primer for a situation like you are initiating is "Leadership and the One Minute Manager," by Ken Blanchard. It came out in the 80s but is all anyone would ever need to keep n organization heading in the right direction. One of the tools is situational leadership, which is a good tool to have and use daily. Unlike situational ethics, which is very bad. THe video is unreal. Also your countryman John Cleese has scads of good stuff on you tube like these:
https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...+on+management
love the guy.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Itchy, great reminders - thanks! Much of that applies to life relationships. I especially remember the principle of managing up! It changed my mindset of feeling totally helpless with a lousy boss. I could then make up my mind to leave or to figure out ways to live with it. It helped! So much goes right back to the Golden Rule.
Amp, terrific changes and insights - it takes time to change an organization and it sounds like you are well on your way.
Toots, Mr T sounds like a gem (as are you) :-)
Amp, terrific changes and insights - it takes time to change an organization and it sounds like you are well on your way.
Toots, Mr T sounds like a gem (as are you) :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Good morning everybody! Halloween was slow yesterday. I'm not sure why but it fluctuates a lot where I live The last two years were very busy so I guess a slow year was due.
FBL it has been very warm here too! Highs in the upper 80's for the whole month of October where I live. The high today is expected to be 86F (30 degrees C)!
FBL it has been very warm here too! Highs in the upper 80's for the whole month of October where I live. The high today is expected to be 86F (30 degrees C)!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Originally Posted by Itchy 
Amp,
It sounds like you are well on your way. The best manager's primer for a situation like you are initiating is "Leadership and the One Minute Manager," by Ken Blanchard. It came out in the 80s but is all anyone would ever need to keep n organization heading in the right direction. One of the tools is situational leadership, which is a good tool to have and use daily. Unlike situational ethics, which is very bad. THe video is unreal. Also your countryman John Cleese has scads of good stuff on you tube like these:
https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...+on+management
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF39VQXEpjk">YouTube Link</a>
love the guy.
It sounds like you are well on your way. The best manager's primer for a situation like you are initiating is "Leadership and the One Minute Manager," by Ken Blanchard. It came out in the 80s but is all anyone would ever need to keep n organization heading in the right direction. One of the tools is situational leadership, which is a good tool to have and use daily. Unlike situational ethics, which is very bad. THe video is unreal. Also your countryman John Cleese has scads of good stuff on you tube like these:
https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...+on+management
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF39VQXEpjk">YouTube Link</a>
love the guy.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi Overs,
I'm so, so touched by everyone's support and suggestions. I was reading it last night when I fell into bed after a long night of trick or treating. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Itchy - I'm really inspired by this discussion about leadership that you spearheaded. Honestly I find the conversation fascinating because I am beginning to learn about leadership theories as I take company sponsored classes on it. At this stage, I don't have the money or time to get an MBA, so I'm going to learn by doing. I think now is the time to put these techniques to practice and really learn how to lead effectively.
So today I made a decision to act fearlessly, rather than be afraid of making mistakes. I successfully handled a couple of large challenges today!
Saskia - I liked your thoughts on managing up. There is one Director who's very brusque with me. Usually it just makes me annoyed. Today, though, I figured out how to align with her. I even got her to smile.
Toots - Thank you.
For me, the bottom line is that I didn't drink over my disappointments. I didn't react impulsively - either by lashing out at the people who didn't treat me properly, or giving them the passive aggressive silent treatment. Keeping calm and carrying on is something that's always eluded me. To be able to do so, and to still allow myself to shine, is definitely a gift I've learned from recovery!!
I'm so, so touched by everyone's support and suggestions. I was reading it last night when I fell into bed after a long night of trick or treating. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Itchy - I'm really inspired by this discussion about leadership that you spearheaded. Honestly I find the conversation fascinating because I am beginning to learn about leadership theories as I take company sponsored classes on it. At this stage, I don't have the money or time to get an MBA, so I'm going to learn by doing. I think now is the time to put these techniques to practice and really learn how to lead effectively.
So today I made a decision to act fearlessly, rather than be afraid of making mistakes. I successfully handled a couple of large challenges today!
Saskia - I liked your thoughts on managing up. There is one Director who's very brusque with me. Usually it just makes me annoyed. Today, though, I figured out how to align with her. I even got her to smile.
Toots - Thank you.
For me, the bottom line is that I didn't drink over my disappointments. I didn't react impulsively - either by lashing out at the people who didn't treat me properly, or giving them the passive aggressive silent treatment. Keeping calm and carrying on is something that's always eluded me. To be able to do so, and to still allow myself to shine, is definitely a gift I've learned from recovery!!
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