Class of March 2013 Part 48
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Yes, a bit like tho old one.... But shinier??? Hmmm
Congrats on the confirmation of A-OK Gilmer.
Getting back to some semblance of normality now that I'm home ( off again Thursday to Spain though!)
I am pretty adamant at the moment that I don't want another 'family' holiday. It just exposes me to my stepdaughters insecurities for longer. She gets possessive of her dad and ignores me. I try hard not to let it get to me but after a while I get upset. I see no need for it, it's not as if love is limited, loving one person doesn't make you love another any less. But much harder to take is that I feel she does not consider the 15 years that I have loved her, been there for her at a single word, spoken up for her when her dad has fallen out with her, bailed her out financially, and have been a consistent strength in her life in the way her own mother isn't. It seems I'm cataloging all the things I do for her and expect reward. I don't. I just wonder whether she will ever grow up enough to stop seeing me as competition, and stop being so harshly judgmental of everything I do or don't do.
I guess some of you will say, well that's what being a parent is all about, and you may well be right.
But if that's the case, why should I spend the limited quality time that hubby and I have, with someone so hostile? Even he noticed this time and was mad, but he won't say anything to her or change his behaviour, which signals to her that he approves.
Sorry for the me,me,me post. Just
Congrats on the confirmation of A-OK Gilmer.
Getting back to some semblance of normality now that I'm home ( off again Thursday to Spain though!)
I am pretty adamant at the moment that I don't want another 'family' holiday. It just exposes me to my stepdaughters insecurities for longer. She gets possessive of her dad and ignores me. I try hard not to let it get to me but after a while I get upset. I see no need for it, it's not as if love is limited, loving one person doesn't make you love another any less. But much harder to take is that I feel she does not consider the 15 years that I have loved her, been there for her at a single word, spoken up for her when her dad has fallen out with her, bailed her out financially, and have been a consistent strength in her life in the way her own mother isn't. It seems I'm cataloging all the things I do for her and expect reward. I don't. I just wonder whether she will ever grow up enough to stop seeing me as competition, and stop being so harshly judgmental of everything I do or don't do.
I guess some of you will say, well that's what being a parent is all about, and you may well be right.
But if that's the case, why should I spend the limited quality time that hubby and I have, with someone so hostile? Even he noticed this time and was mad, but he won't say anything to her or change his behaviour, which signals to her that he approves.
Sorry for the me,me,me post. Just
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
Good news, Gilmer! Such a relief and so happy for you!!!!!!!!
(((Toots))) It is very painful to be treated that way by anyone, especially so by someone who you have done so much for. The daddy/daughter relationship is such a tricky one. Deep down every girl wants the attention of her daddy all to herself. Of course she is old enough that she should have outgrown this by now but not everyone is that mature and self actualized. In the meantime, you have the choice not to put yourself in that situation again and I don't blame you one bit.
It's definitely not too much to ask for a little respect and kindness.
(((Toots))) It is very painful to be treated that way by anyone, especially so by someone who you have done so much for. The daddy/daughter relationship is such a tricky one. Deep down every girl wants the attention of her daddy all to herself. Of course she is old enough that she should have outgrown this by now but not everyone is that mature and self actualized. In the meantime, you have the choice not to put yourself in that situation again and I don't blame you one bit.
It's definitely not too much to ask for a little respect and kindness.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Gilmer, so happy to hear the good news!
Toots, I agree with what the others of our merry little band have said. You have made a Herculean effort and there comes a point where we need to tend to ourselves. She may or may not ever change and the hardest thing for some of us is to sit back and accept that we can't.
Toots, I agree with what the others of our merry little band have said. You have made a Herculean effort and there comes a point where we need to tend to ourselves. She may or may not ever change and the hardest thing for some of us is to sit back and accept that we can't.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
hi everyone !
Toots, I can relate to your post very much. I too have a step daughter who I even raised from the age of 3 and she left to live with her mother at 14. Her mother passed away last year of cancer and was a nice lady to me. but, my step daughter is all about herself. long story here too---but, I do understand Toots. and I agree with the others that you should put yourself first .
Have a great day everyone.
Babs
Toots, I can relate to your post very much. I too have a step daughter who I even raised from the age of 3 and she left to live with her mother at 14. Her mother passed away last year of cancer and was a nice lady to me. but, my step daughter is all about herself. long story here too---but, I do understand Toots. and I agree with the others that you should put yourself first .
Have a great day everyone.
Babs
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
I'm fine. Airbag didn't even twitch it was such a minor bump. It's the aggravation factor. The "I can't have anything nice" factor. I've never had a car that made it three months without damage.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Good morning, Marchers!
I'm off to northern Virginia for a family reunion in a couple of hours.
Had a bit of a rough day with daughter yesterday. Behavior of a rebellious teen (and she is forty-something!) seems to be getting worse. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but it is becoming increasingly difficult. I don't know where this will end up. I think it's the disease messing up her behavior but that doesn't make it any easier.
I'm off to northern Virginia for a family reunion in a couple of hours.
Had a bit of a rough day with daughter yesterday. Behavior of a rebellious teen (and she is forty-something!) seems to be getting worse. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but it is becoming increasingly difficult. I don't know where this will end up. I think it's the disease messing up her behavior but that doesn't make it any easier.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
(((Sass))) Her illness, perhaps, and the stress of her divorce? I guess you take it out on those closest to you? I know you've been through it and the emotional roller coaster is intense. I'm over 2 months into the process now and the last 2 weeks (since the storm) I've really evened out a lot and come to peace with it all. Your daughter is a few weeks behind me in the process, no? Keep trying to be patient and I hope she snaps out of it soon.
Have fun at the reunion, Sass! Nice time of year to be in No. Va.
Sorry about the car, Trach. I always cringe at that first dent, ding, scratch.
Have fun at the reunion, Sass! Nice time of year to be in No. Va.
Sorry about the car, Trach. I always cringe at that first dent, ding, scratch.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Sass, I hope both you and your daughter are distracted from each other by lots of fun and interesting relatives.
Hope you are able to get an emotional break!
Have a good trip--for the next couple days the weather's going to be like summer again!
Hope you are able to get an emotional break!
Have a good trip--for the next couple days the weather's going to be like summer again!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
