Class of March 2013 Part 48
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
Oh! I forgot to share that I made an appt with a therapist today! I'm meeting her Wed @ 8:30. She doesn't take insurance but I think this is a pretty necessary cost right now. She is my pastor's wife and she's worked with many of my friends so I am comfortable going to her. It's hard to just pick a therapist out of an approved insurance list so I feel good about this.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Duff far better to talk to someone you can trust and pay for it than to pick someone off a list that you cannot connect with. We have to allow ourselves to become vulnerable for therapy to help, and we can only do that with someone we trust.
I know like you I spend sleepless nights either going over something that got to me or with my mind worrying over a thought like a dog gnawing a bone ( even when my logical self tells my emotional self to let go) so then I am tired and I am emotionally destabilised.
At those times it may seem almost rational to jump back into the familiar rut, however unhappy we were in it. It is human nature, derived from a necessity for survival, to fear the unknown. These days though, the unknown is rarely a sabre toothed tiger outside the cave, so trust yourself.
You are a strong, independent woman who needs to remind herself of her capabilities. You will relearn that you like choosing to do your own thing. You will love having control over the remote. You will love being your own person. Yes there are certain things you will need to prepare for, but those things don't need to be scary.
If your concerns about the 50/50 relate to your stbexh's addition then I feel you may need to be more proactive in bringing it into the open.
Now is not the time to worry about embarrassment or shame, your boys safety is paramount. What can you do to ensure that?
As to the job sweetie, no one expects you to hit the ground running, ask if you need help,or advise, people like to feel useful and it helps cement work relationships.
You will do this Duff, you are immense.
Oh, and if all else fails - let your inner child out and go swing high this evening!
I know like you I spend sleepless nights either going over something that got to me or with my mind worrying over a thought like a dog gnawing a bone ( even when my logical self tells my emotional self to let go) so then I am tired and I am emotionally destabilised.
At those times it may seem almost rational to jump back into the familiar rut, however unhappy we were in it. It is human nature, derived from a necessity for survival, to fear the unknown. These days though, the unknown is rarely a sabre toothed tiger outside the cave, so trust yourself.
You are a strong, independent woman who needs to remind herself of her capabilities. You will relearn that you like choosing to do your own thing. You will love having control over the remote. You will love being your own person. Yes there are certain things you will need to prepare for, but those things don't need to be scary.
If your concerns about the 50/50 relate to your stbexh's addition then I feel you may need to be more proactive in bringing it into the open.
Now is not the time to worry about embarrassment or shame, your boys safety is paramount. What can you do to ensure that?
As to the job sweetie, no one expects you to hit the ground running, ask if you need help,or advise, people like to feel useful and it helps cement work relationships.
You will do this Duff, you are immense.
Oh, and if all else fails - let your inner child out and go swing high this evening!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Toots, I love that I follow you around - saves me a bunch of typing 
And your comments are spot on as usual.
Duff, ditto what Toots said. You can do this. I agree totally about the therapist - I made the same choice (someone I had to pay out-of-pocket) because it's so important. Life changes are difficult but with good help we can use them to make our lives better.
Things are quiet on the daughter front. All tests were normal (brain MRI, etc). She is more stubborn than I am (if such a thing is possible). I'm working on acceptance. Some days are bumpier than others. I have thrown myself into activities here at the OFH so that's a good distraction and a better focus. I remind myself that there will come a time when I won't be here to bail her out so it's best not to start down the road of slowing down her necessary transition to being more independent and making her own decisions. Physical distance does help as does living here and having all of you in my corner.
And your comments are spot on as usual.
Duff, ditto what Toots said. You can do this. I agree totally about the therapist - I made the same choice (someone I had to pay out-of-pocket) because it's so important. Life changes are difficult but with good help we can use them to make our lives better.
Things are quiet on the daughter front. All tests were normal (brain MRI, etc). She is more stubborn than I am (if such a thing is possible). I'm working on acceptance. Some days are bumpier than others. I have thrown myself into activities here at the OFH so that's a good distraction and a better focus. I remind myself that there will come a time when I won't be here to bail her out so it's best not to start down the road of slowing down her necessary transition to being more independent and making her own decisions. Physical distance does help as does living here and having all of you in my corner.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
What a week! I survived (w your support) my first week back to work and my first first: today is my birthday 
. So yeah, was secretly dreading it but it turned out ok. First of all, stbx handled it perfectly - he bought me 29 (let's just go w that ok?!?!) roses from him & the boys and a simple card. I had no idea if he would ignore it but I thought what he did was just right. I was emotional but the girls at the office were great and my boss said the most encouraging things about my work and how well I've fit into the office - it was a real shot at my confidence.
I left early to pick up the kids and came up to my parents. We went to dinner then took the boys to a magic show at the bookstore then home for cake. I could not have asked for a better way to spend this particular night - you see my mother in law and I share the same bday so staying home would have been awkward - I don't think we're at a place to share a bday dinner lol. But I did call her and feel good about that.
Being at the bookstore I realized I was smiling. Yup I felt happy. The boys were laughing hysterically at the magic show, I loved browsing the books which I never do thx to my iPad, and people just seemed to be in good moods. I was just.. happy.
So I survived. Thx again to all of you for getting me through a very tough week for me. xoxo
. So yeah, was secretly dreading it but it turned out ok. First of all, stbx handled it perfectly - he bought me 29 (let's just go w that ok?!?!) roses from him & the boys and a simple card. I had no idea if he would ignore it but I thought what he did was just right. I was emotional but the girls at the office were great and my boss said the most encouraging things about my work and how well I've fit into the office - it was a real shot at my confidence.I left early to pick up the kids and came up to my parents. We went to dinner then took the boys to a magic show at the bookstore then home for cake. I could not have asked for a better way to spend this particular night - you see my mother in law and I share the same bday so staying home would have been awkward - I don't think we're at a place to share a bday dinner lol. But I did call her and feel good about that.
Being at the bookstore I realized I was smiling. Yup I felt happy. The boys were laughing hysterically at the magic show, I loved browsing the books which I never do thx to my iPad, and people just seemed to be in good moods. I was just.. happy.
So I survived. Thx again to all of you for getting me through a very tough week for me. xoxo
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Sounds like you have bounced back up Duff. You will be on an emotional rollercoaster for a while, so enjoy those high points!
And....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Sass, good news on daughters health. Letting go the feelings of responsibility of an offspring is the hardest thing a parent has to do. But do it we must. In each life, we become at some stage, our own person, independent of our upbringing. At that point we are wholeheartedly responsible for our actions and our choices. It is not for others to bail us out or relieve us of our choices.
If we have any sense though, in times of hardship we turn to those who love us for a hug and a thank you for being there.
One day, as you say, you won't be able to be there for her. I truly hope she has no regrets for not leaning a little on your loving support when she could. X
And....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Sass, good news on daughters health. Letting go the feelings of responsibility of an offspring is the hardest thing a parent has to do. But do it we must. In each life, we become at some stage, our own person, independent of our upbringing. At that point we are wholeheartedly responsible for our actions and our choices. It is not for others to bail us out or relieve us of our choices.
If we have any sense though, in times of hardship we turn to those who love us for a hug and a thank you for being there.
One day, as you say, you won't be able to be there for her. I truly hope she has no regrets for not leaning a little on your loving support when she could. X
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Happy belated birthday, Duff!
Sounds like you were blessed with a wonderful day to balance out the stress you had at the beginning of this week.
I'm really impressed with your STBX's gesture. You said it well: it was just right.
Sounds like you were blessed with a wonderful day to balance out the stress you had at the beginning of this week.
I'm really impressed with your STBX's gesture. You said it well: it was just right.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
Thanks guys!! Well except Trach - haha - keep us laughing Trach
The celebration continues in Lego land today - ah good times, lol. I kid, just so happy to be with the boys & this is one of their fav places.
The celebration continues in Lego land today - ah good times, lol. I kid, just so happy to be with the boys & this is one of their fav places.
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