Class of March 2016 part 33
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Applekat 
Hi all. Evening here = beginnings of crazy bedtime routine. It's a good thing Friday is a mini milestone day bc Hubs will be gone and that makes me want to indulge even more. So quiet. What's everyone up to tonight. If I successfully get monkeys to sleep, I will be maybe watching Survivor (millennials vs Gen X) - not sure where I fall!! Then I wanted to watch episode 2 of This Is Us to see how that show progresses. Yup I am BORING. Just finished my book (After You) last night so I'm in between books.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by clearlyheaded
Dang my shoulder hurts tonight! It feels like a toothache in my shoulder. Probably because of the cold weather moving in. AV suggested booze would help. I opted for hot compress, cold compress, advil, hot shower and stretching...it's starting to feel better. Closing day 4 with a big mug of peppermint tea; perfect for a cold rainy night. Hope everyone is well. It sure has been quiet today. 
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Hi all. Yes the weather here in sunny Adelaide crapped itself yesterday. Whole state without power. Watching people running around like chicken little. The big D stuff meant to start 2day, but because of the weather- have to cancel. Trying not to crap myself. Oh well, sober, safe, sane. KK- sucks about your friend. I am a self confessed expert on alcohol, trauma, NDE (X4, have I mentioned that in the last 5 minutes) and disfigurement. Sucks. Sucks big time. Look after yourself. I pray your friend pulls through. Hopefully they have support, I know 'cos I did not. Extra prayers and then some more. Damn, getting teary now. PJ
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Pelagic263
No sleep tonight so I've been reading. It's 3AM and I guess I might as well get up. I might have mentioned that I have a psych problem that underlies the drinking. Looking back, it's pretty clear alcohol was my way of treating symptoms, and I found results from one study that found 45% of those like me "met the criteria for alcohol abuse or dependency." I'm not surprised. Not sure how to address that because rates of successful treatment for the problem are pretty abysmal. Well, I made it pretty far, even with that anchor weighing me down so I'll just stay sober, work on recovery, and try some forgiveness. You know, I've had some rather spectacular lapses since I joined SR in March, but I can't give up. I simply won't. I only seriously tried to stop once before. I won't forget that because after 20 something days sober I realized I was right up against the psych problem again. So I ran for the alcohol to cover it up. I'll have to face it this time. Sorry if that all sounds vague. It helps to write it down anyway. I'm proud of all of you, you know. We're all making progress and we've had some fantastic success. Keep up the good work my fellow Marchers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Morning folks. Rainy and stormy here today - kind of what I feel like. The darkness seems to be creeping back into my life and I'm not sure how to handle it. It seems I can only go so long at the pace my life is travelling before this happens. Sending love to you all.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,224
Morning everyone!
Hi Kiki - Hope you have a great day!
Sam - hold on in those dark times. I know them well. Riding out the storm is all we can do sometimes. But we always come out the other side. Hugs.
Cold and rainy again here today. But I am feeling better. I've seemed to shake off the dark cloud that was following me around all week. In part--no doubt--early sobriety, but also a change in the weather. I've always been sensitive to weather: biggest headache trigger, mood changes--and not just everyday good mood/bad mood; a change in my whole essence of being. Happy that I feel like me today.
Hope everyone has a good day.
Hi Kiki - Hope you have a great day!
Sam - hold on in those dark times. I know them well. Riding out the storm is all we can do sometimes. But we always come out the other side. Hugs.
Cold and rainy again here today. But I am feeling better. I've seemed to shake off the dark cloud that was following me around all week. In part--no doubt--early sobriety, but also a change in the weather. I've always been sensitive to weather: biggest headache trigger, mood changes--and not just everyday good mood/bad mood; a change in my whole essence of being. Happy that I feel like me today.
Hope everyone has a good day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
KK- probably seemed insensitive (my last post)- just read your latest post. Cannot say much, but I truly empathise and send my prayers to you and your friend.
SAM- your words are ominous. I feel concerned for you not being happy. The control you have over your stuff is to identify those vulnerabilities, as we all have- recognise stress as a potential source of escalating stress and act. You are- you shared. Keep it up, hay? Strength in unity.
SAM- your words are ominous. I feel concerned for you not being happy. The control you have over your stuff is to identify those vulnerabilities, as we all have- recognise stress as a potential source of escalating stress and act. You are- you shared. Keep it up, hay? Strength in unity.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
Hang in there Sam, the whole east coast is socked in today.
Last night I reread a 40 page paper on my little condition, written by the guy who wrote the book on these things. He concludes that the therapeutic prognosis is "remarkably poor." Gee, thanks, lol. I'll show you!!
PhoenixJ you are right. Getting sober is one thing, but recovery will require me to tackle this other thing as well. The alcohol had clearly taken on a life of its own, but the other is lurking, waiting.
Sorry for being so vague about this. Guess I'm still not ready to discuss it here. Don't worry, it's nothing creepy or anything. Haha.
Kiki, you continue to sound strong!! Applekat, you do as well!! CH, I hope you feel better soon. You are strong. I remember reading, years ago, in The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People that successful people do not allow the weather to affect them. I thought at the time that was a little callous, but then I love nature and it affects me deeply, as I think it should.
Continued Sobriety and Recovery to all!
Last night I reread a 40 page paper on my little condition, written by the guy who wrote the book on these things. He concludes that the therapeutic prognosis is "remarkably poor." Gee, thanks, lol. I'll show you!!
PhoenixJ you are right. Getting sober is one thing, but recovery will require me to tackle this other thing as well. The alcohol had clearly taken on a life of its own, but the other is lurking, waiting.
Sorry for being so vague about this. Guess I'm still not ready to discuss it here. Don't worry, it's nothing creepy or anything. Haha.
Kiki, you continue to sound strong!! Applekat, you do as well!! CH, I hope you feel better soon. You are strong. I remember reading, years ago, in The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People that successful people do not allow the weather to affect them. I thought at the time that was a little callous, but then I love nature and it affects me deeply, as I think it should.
Continued Sobriety and Recovery to all!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
Good morning fellow misfits.
Congrats on 201 Casey. Enjoy your time with the family and the beach.
Thank you for all support and cheerleading Bobbie. You have to be around 110-115 by now. Awesome.
Almost forty Applekat. Tremendous work.
Kiki, I’m so sorry to hear of the tragedies. With any luck your friend will fully recover to a life sober. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Sam, please stay close. Do you have a counselor or someone you can talk to in order to work out the dark feeling? I’m not one to talk as I always try to “suck it up” and keep going. On the rare occasions that I do talk to someone and unburden myself it’s surprisingly effective.
I’d say the same to you Pelagic. I don’t know what your “condition” is but talking about it can really help. It can also suck big time in the short term dredging things up but is the first step in letting those things go even just a little bit. At least that’s been my experience especially with the childhood abuse.
Glad you’re feeling better CH. Both physically and emotionally. Can you bottle that feeling and send it to all (no pun intended)?
PJ, I got nothing except have a good day. You deserve it as do we all.
Sorry to those I’ve missed but working from home while on medical leave is more taxing than I’d expected.
That and the fact that I caved late on day two, which is probably a more relevant factor, have me a little off. I’ll probably have a lengthier post about my lapse later. For now, just wanted to let you all it is not day four but day one.
Congrats on 201 Casey. Enjoy your time with the family and the beach.
Thank you for all support and cheerleading Bobbie. You have to be around 110-115 by now. Awesome.
Almost forty Applekat. Tremendous work.
Kiki, I’m so sorry to hear of the tragedies. With any luck your friend will fully recover to a life sober. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Sam, please stay close. Do you have a counselor or someone you can talk to in order to work out the dark feeling? I’m not one to talk as I always try to “suck it up” and keep going. On the rare occasions that I do talk to someone and unburden myself it’s surprisingly effective.
I’d say the same to you Pelagic. I don’t know what your “condition” is but talking about it can really help. It can also suck big time in the short term dredging things up but is the first step in letting those things go even just a little bit. At least that’s been my experience especially with the childhood abuse.
Glad you’re feeling better CH. Both physically and emotionally. Can you bottle that feeling and send it to all (no pun intended)?
PJ, I got nothing except have a good day. You deserve it as do we all.
Sorry to those I’ve missed but working from home while on medical leave is more taxing than I’d expected.
That and the fact that I caved late on day two, which is probably a more relevant factor, have me a little off. I’ll probably have a lengthier post about my lapse later. For now, just wanted to let you all it is not day four but day one.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
Stupid weather, P63- lightning outside- then posted by itself- it is all true, I swear. I do not think anyone really reaches a point where the have Buddha like serenity. And even he chose a way of life he thought best- planned, but was unsure of himself. Same with Jesus, Ghandi, us.... The fact is you are reaching out, thinking, sharing, trying, re evaluating- ergo changing. Sometimes going with the flow is hard.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Okay. Starting day 116. Deep breathe. Yesterday I had thoughts of drinking. Absolutely no reason. I wasn't hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I spent the afternoon with my granddaughter and it was awesome. On my way home I needed to stop at the grocery store. The thought came in and didn't want to leave. I didn't drink and truly didn't want to. It was like my head was saying, "you know, you could drink and get away with it." Just wanted to get that out there. It's not all cupcakes and roses.
Pelagic - good morning. Yes. You will show them. I'm the same. Telling me I can't do something is the fastest way to get me to do it. Prayers that you can find peace while working through your issues.
Phoenix - Glad you got power back. Your absence was definitely noticed. We missed you! I'm sorry your D word stuff got delayed. Your emotions must be taking quite the ride. Hugs being sent your way.
CH - Good morning. Hope you have a great day! Hope the weather stops playing havoc with you.
Applekat - Good morning! 39 - Woohoo! There doesn't have to be another go round. Stop the madness. I know you can do it.
Kiki-I'm so sorry about your cousin. That phone call is my biggest fear. Hugs for you.
Samantha- Hugs. Prayers for you. Good luck riding out the darkness. Your phone has a flashlight. Oh, and my number. Love you.
Purple - Have a great day!
Caramel - Hi!
Kayak - I think it's cute you think you got shotgun. NOPE. This girl did.
Have a great day, March People. Love you all! Thanks for being in my life.
Pelagic - good morning. Yes. You will show them. I'm the same. Telling me I can't do something is the fastest way to get me to do it. Prayers that you can find peace while working through your issues.
Phoenix - Glad you got power back. Your absence was definitely noticed. We missed you! I'm sorry your D word stuff got delayed. Your emotions must be taking quite the ride. Hugs being sent your way.
CH - Good morning. Hope you have a great day! Hope the weather stops playing havoc with you.
Applekat - Good morning! 39 - Woohoo! There doesn't have to be another go round. Stop the madness. I know you can do it.
Kiki-I'm so sorry about your cousin. That phone call is my biggest fear. Hugs for you.
Samantha- Hugs. Prayers for you. Good luck riding out the darkness. Your phone has a flashlight. Oh, and my number. Love you.
Purple - Have a great day!
Caramel - Hi!
Kayak - I think it's cute you think you got shotgun. NOPE. This girl did.
Have a great day, March People. Love you all! Thanks for being in my life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
B- D is part of the flow. Bend like a reed, not break. Weather goes, here from calm to violent in micro seconds. God is having a hissy fit. Perhaps he's been drinking.(not really, if he did- it would not be raining, it would be wining.).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
ha! Me again- me. Me. MEMEME. Got call from the Burns unit- want me to go in for a photo shoot 'cos I've healed so well. Going to be plastered all over the net (again), at conferences etc. If it helps someone go thru hell, I'll help any way I can.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
Thank you Bobbie. You are simply magnificent. There’s no other way to put it. It’s a starting point. One that’s been a long time coming. I’ve shown myself that I can do it short term, more below.
PJ, you are incredible in your recovery. I was asked if a student could watch my surgery: My response was “sure, what do I care, maybe it’ll help somebody later.” You’re showing so much more of what is possible given the trauma you experienced. Your resiliency and recovery give hope. I think that’s extremely important and a credit to you.
Now, onto the lapse. I wanted to drink more than be sober. That’s what it comes down to. I wanted to escape for a while as medical leave is even further isolating than what I usually do (if this was a vacation I wouldn’t give a toss about being alone). Despite the foolishness of doing so from a recovery view, I didn’t care. I wanted to and did so. Almost two days is a start, but no more than that. I need three and four and more to make this snowball roll.
I understand now more about restarting where you left off. I was sober for almost 48 hours for the first time in longer than I can be sure. Has it been ten years, fifteen? I’ll call it fifteen. I wasn’t awful when I restarted, but I still drank. The next day took me right back to where I’ve been before. Exacerbated by not having to physically go to work? Yes. Any different from my pattern if I didn’t have surgery? No. I’m right where I was. The cycle doesn’t care that we have setbacks, it only wants us to drink. And in doing so we destroy ourselves.
Surgical recovery has otherwise gone well. I’m avoiding the opioids as I don’t want another addiction. The pain has been manageable and well, let’s be real, drinking on those could be disastrous. I also worried that if I took a pill that it could end up replacing the drinking and lead to a new issue. I guess I stuck with what I know. When I tore the labrum in my shoulder I was in agony for weeks (CH can back that up) so this has been a relative cakewalk despite the drinking.
My thoughts remain jumbled so my apologies if this ramble isn’t as coherent as I’d prefer. What I’ve learned is this:
- Isolation is a problem, I need structure whether that’s a plan or just going to work doesn’t matter right now
- You DO pick up just where you left off
- White knuckling is a start, but only a start, I F’d it on day two
- A plan for after white knuckle is essential
- It can be done alone, but it doesn’t have to be, support is another layer that cannot be overstated
- I may feel like a failure and that’s OK temporarily, only temporarily
- Feeling that failure is only truly useful as a push to action
- I can do it
PJ, you are incredible in your recovery. I was asked if a student could watch my surgery: My response was “sure, what do I care, maybe it’ll help somebody later.” You’re showing so much more of what is possible given the trauma you experienced. Your resiliency and recovery give hope. I think that’s extremely important and a credit to you.
Now, onto the lapse. I wanted to drink more than be sober. That’s what it comes down to. I wanted to escape for a while as medical leave is even further isolating than what I usually do (if this was a vacation I wouldn’t give a toss about being alone). Despite the foolishness of doing so from a recovery view, I didn’t care. I wanted to and did so. Almost two days is a start, but no more than that. I need three and four and more to make this snowball roll.
I understand now more about restarting where you left off. I was sober for almost 48 hours for the first time in longer than I can be sure. Has it been ten years, fifteen? I’ll call it fifteen. I wasn’t awful when I restarted, but I still drank. The next day took me right back to where I’ve been before. Exacerbated by not having to physically go to work? Yes. Any different from my pattern if I didn’t have surgery? No. I’m right where I was. The cycle doesn’t care that we have setbacks, it only wants us to drink. And in doing so we destroy ourselves.
Surgical recovery has otherwise gone well. I’m avoiding the opioids as I don’t want another addiction. The pain has been manageable and well, let’s be real, drinking on those could be disastrous. I also worried that if I took a pill that it could end up replacing the drinking and lead to a new issue. I guess I stuck with what I know. When I tore the labrum in my shoulder I was in agony for weeks (CH can back that up) so this has been a relative cakewalk despite the drinking.
My thoughts remain jumbled so my apologies if this ramble isn’t as coherent as I’d prefer. What I’ve learned is this:
- Isolation is a problem, I need structure whether that’s a plan or just going to work doesn’t matter right now
- You DO pick up just where you left off
- White knuckling is a start, but only a start, I F’d it on day two
- A plan for after white knuckle is essential
- It can be done alone, but it doesn’t have to be, support is another layer that cannot be overstated
- I may feel like a failure and that’s OK temporarily, only temporarily
- Feeling that failure is only truly useful as a push to action
- I can do it
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