Class of September 2016 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 839
Originally Posted by Dunsuppin 
Another sunny sober morning. Reading your posts I see something of myself scattered all over. So grateful for your help and wishing you all strength. I have failed so many times, I wish I could have just overcome my embarrassment and posted again the next day. I think about this thread when I feel tempted, I so want to stay with it. Good luck everybody, wishing you all a great day.
☺
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 248
Hi all,
Hope everyone's doing OK.
I'm on three weeks today and things are still very up and down. I came incredibly close to drinking on Saturday night. I was at home feeling anxious and depressed and I wanted to push the self destruct button. That's my big problem - when I'm in a certain state of mind, I want to drink not in spite of my good work getting sober, but BECAUSE OF IT. I have this impulse to press the big red button and destroy my life - so I say awful things to my partner, I break things that matter to me because I feel I don't deserve them, and I want to wreck my sobriety.
I find that when I'm in a neutral or reasonably positive mood, I can be strong - I've managed to get through a wedding and several trips to the pub without alcohol this month. But when I'm anxious and frightened (usually about my work), I become so angry with myself and this is when I'm most vulnerable to drinking.
I suppose this is where the plan comes in - I need to think in advance about what I will do next time I feel like this. But the Catch 22 is that when I'm in that mood, I don't want to be helped, so I'm not sure I'd stick to the plan. It's a miracle I didn't drink on Saturday - fortunately, the little survival voice in the back of my head that knows that I can never drink again was strong enough to stop me. But I'm worried that there might come a time when the "self-destruct" voice wins.
Sorry to be downbeat - I should be celebrating three weeks, but I know how close I came to losing it!
x
Hope everyone's doing OK.
I'm on three weeks today and things are still very up and down. I came incredibly close to drinking on Saturday night. I was at home feeling anxious and depressed and I wanted to push the self destruct button. That's my big problem - when I'm in a certain state of mind, I want to drink not in spite of my good work getting sober, but BECAUSE OF IT. I have this impulse to press the big red button and destroy my life - so I say awful things to my partner, I break things that matter to me because I feel I don't deserve them, and I want to wreck my sobriety.
I find that when I'm in a neutral or reasonably positive mood, I can be strong - I've managed to get through a wedding and several trips to the pub without alcohol this month. But when I'm anxious and frightened (usually about my work), I become so angry with myself and this is when I'm most vulnerable to drinking.
I suppose this is where the plan comes in - I need to think in advance about what I will do next time I feel like this. But the Catch 22 is that when I'm in that mood, I don't want to be helped, so I'm not sure I'd stick to the plan. It's a miracle I didn't drink on Saturday - fortunately, the little survival voice in the back of my head that knows that I can never drink again was strong enough to stop me. But I'm worried that there might come a time when the "self-destruct" voice wins.
Sorry to be downbeat - I should be celebrating three weeks, but I know how close I came to losing it!
x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
I love your story EH- I am sure that didn't feel good at all! I use magnesium and oil and cream but not the kind you find in a lab! Lol! I can recommend a few good brands if you'd like- just PM me 
And you are right about that-alcohol never solves or helps anything. Wish we had all realized that years ago.
And you are right about that-alcohol never solves or helps anything. Wish we had all realized that years ago.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 47
Good morning classmates !!! Congrats Pinky1 and Elle126 on day 2. Waking up without a hangover and without being riddled with guilt and self loathing is an awesome feeling. And congrats to you SomeSortOfHuman on the 3 week mark despite your struggles over the weekend.
Today I start day 11. I can't believe I am actually saying that. 11 days without a drink. I still fight the cravings. I still have particular times of the day where all I want to do is drive to the store for some beer. I still have normal daily activities that I used to do while drinking (cooking, playing my guitar, sitting on the patio, etc) that I'm still trying to figure out how to do sober. But generally, for the most part, I feel much, much better. I am alert at work now and able to focus on the task at hand. I don't get angry as quickly. And I don't sit around thinking how pathetic I am for wanting to do nothing but drink. I guess my point is that this hasn't been easy. I've had moments where I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. I just wanted to say "screw it" and go buy a case of cold beer and start slamming them. BUT....now that I am 11 days into this, I'm starting to feel the physical, emotional and mental benefits of not drinking. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've felt this way. The problems in my life that I used to drink away are still there, but I am finding other ways to cope with them. I started journaling and writing down whatever it was that I am feeling (good, bad or whatever). It is helpful to write it down.
My best friend is a heavy drinker. Everything we ever did together always involved drinking. He is still my best friend and we communicate electronically often, but I've kind of stayed away these past 11 days because I don't want to drink again. I don't know how hard it will be when we get together next to not drink while he is. I'm planning to sit down and explain to him about my sobriety and ask for his help to keep me from drinking. I would love for him to make the commitment to not drink so we could support each other in drying out, but I've talked to him about it before and he said he just loves drinking too much and could never give it up. I can't push him to get sober. He has to want to get sober.
Anyway....Just wanted to say how thrilled I am to have made it to day 11. This afternoon will be tough for me again like all afternoons are, but I have a plan to avoid the triggers that always ignited my desire to drink. Hopefully one day, the afternoons won't be so tough for me anymore. And I hope that one day I will be able to enjoy the activities I used to always do while drinking, but do them while sober.
Stay safe and sober my September classmates !!! PEACE !!!
Today I start day 11. I can't believe I am actually saying that. 11 days without a drink. I still fight the cravings. I still have particular times of the day where all I want to do is drive to the store for some beer. I still have normal daily activities that I used to do while drinking (cooking, playing my guitar, sitting on the patio, etc) that I'm still trying to figure out how to do sober. But generally, for the most part, I feel much, much better. I am alert at work now and able to focus on the task at hand. I don't get angry as quickly. And I don't sit around thinking how pathetic I am for wanting to do nothing but drink. I guess my point is that this hasn't been easy. I've had moments where I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. I just wanted to say "screw it" and go buy a case of cold beer and start slamming them. BUT....now that I am 11 days into this, I'm starting to feel the physical, emotional and mental benefits of not drinking. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've felt this way. The problems in my life that I used to drink away are still there, but I am finding other ways to cope with them. I started journaling and writing down whatever it was that I am feeling (good, bad or whatever). It is helpful to write it down.
My best friend is a heavy drinker. Everything we ever did together always involved drinking. He is still my best friend and we communicate electronically often, but I've kind of stayed away these past 11 days because I don't want to drink again. I don't know how hard it will be when we get together next to not drink while he is. I'm planning to sit down and explain to him about my sobriety and ask for his help to keep me from drinking. I would love for him to make the commitment to not drink so we could support each other in drying out, but I've talked to him about it before and he said he just loves drinking too much and could never give it up. I can't push him to get sober. He has to want to get sober.
Anyway....Just wanted to say how thrilled I am to have made it to day 11. This afternoon will be tough for me again like all afternoons are, but I have a plan to avoid the triggers that always ignited my desire to drink. Hopefully one day, the afternoons won't be so tough for me anymore. And I hope that one day I will be able to enjoy the activities I used to always do while drinking, but do them while sober.
Stay safe and sober my September classmates !!! PEACE !!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi somesortofhuman 
I think a lot of us are scared of things going well...I always feared that would be the precursor to people finding out I was a fraud, or somehow underirble or whatever. .
I understood things not going well - there was a kind of perverse comfort there.
Self destruction too was its own control mechanism. If I blew up my own life noone could.
And lastly - a little drama and chaos were simply more excuses to dink, yeah?
You don;t need to be Einstein to see how dysfunctional that all is...but in time I believe you've change and grow just like I did and you'll start to want to protect the good life you're building and the new you emerging.
It's great that you didn't give in - maybe the change is happening already?
D
I think a lot of us are scared of things going well...I always feared that would be the precursor to people finding out I was a fraud, or somehow underirble or whatever. .
I understood things not going well - there was a kind of perverse comfort there.
Self destruction too was its own control mechanism. If I blew up my own life noone could.
And lastly - a little drama and chaos were simply more excuses to dink, yeah?
You don;t need to be Einstein to see how dysfunctional that all is...but in time I believe you've change and grow just like I did and you'll start to want to protect the good life you're building and the new you emerging.
It's great that you didn't give in - maybe the change is happening already?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Good morning everyone. Finishing up my workout again- it seems I have yet another cold. I can't believe how often I have been sick this year. Really makes me wonder if there is something wrong with my immune system or if it's because I have two kids in full time preschool. My phone is acting up so please excuse the lack of paragraphs. I am really annoyed with my husband. We have had a rocky marriage for several years now but he just showed me again how little regard he has for me and our family. He told me last night that this guy who used to work for him up north (we moved down south a year ago) just booked a flight to come visit us in a couple of weeks. For starters, he's an alcoholic. An active,daily drinking and used-to-go-to-work smelling -like-booze kind of guy. DH was his boss and didn't see a problem with it since he was so good at his job. I don't want to hang out with him nor do I want my husband to be tempted since he had also quit drinking as of Sunday. The worst part is he lied to me. I went through his phone and this guy has been telling him about this visit for a week and a half and even asked him to confirm that the dates he is coming are ok. DH was drunk that day and ignored his texts so the friend booked the flight. When he told me about it yesterday he made it sound like it was unexpected when in fact he had known for over a week. It is absolutely wrong of me to snoop but I know when he is hiding something or lying to me and I was right. I don't want this guy here. What can I do? He's a nice guy, don't get me wrong but we used to all hang out and drink together and that just won't be the case anymore. Any advice? I am going to tell my husband my concerns again today and see what he says. I am so over this type of bs. If I had a friend asking to come visit I would have a conversation with my husband about it immediately. We see a marriage counselor next week. Still sober and still feeling great about it. I will not drink today. Peace my friends and hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Rob65
Good morning classmates !!! Congrats Pinky1 and Elle126 on day 2. Waking up without a hangover and without being riddled with guilt and self loathing is an awesome feeling. And congrats to you SomeSortOfHuman on the 3 week mark despite your struggles over the weekend. Today I start day 11. I can't believe I am actually saying that. 11 days without a drink. I still fight the cravings. I still have particular times of the day where all I want to do is drive to the store for some beer. I still have normal daily activities that I used to do while drinking (cooking, playing my guitar, sitting on the patio, etc) that I'm still trying to figure out how to do sober. But generally, for the most part, I feel much, much better. I am alert at work now and able to focus on the task at hand. I don't get angry as quickly. And I don't sit around thinking how pathetic I am for wanting to do nothing but drink. I guess my point is that this hasn't been easy. I've had moments where I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. I just wanted to say "screw it" and go buy a case of cold beer and start slamming them. BUT....now that I am 11 days into this, I'm starting to feel the physical, emotional and mental benefits of not drinking. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've felt this way. The problems in my life that I used to drink away are still there, but I am finding other ways to cope with them. I started journaling and writing down whatever it was that I am feeling (good, bad or whatever). It is helpful to write it down. My best friend is a heavy drinker. Everything we ever did together always involved drinking. He is still my best friend and we communicate electronically often, but I've kind of stayed away these past 11 days because I don't want to drink again. I don't know how hard it will be when we get together next to not drink while he is. I'm planning to sit down and explain to him about my sobriety and ask for his help to keep me from drinking. I would love for him to make the commitment to not drink so we could support each other in drying out, but I've talked to him about it before and he said he just loves drinking too much and could never give it up. I can't push him to get sober. He has to want to get sober. Anyway....Just wanted to say how thrilled I am to have made it to day 11. This afternoon will be tough for me again like all afternoons are, but I have a plan to avoid the triggers that always ignited my desire to drink. Hopefully one day, the afternoons won't be so tough for me anymore. And I hope that one day I will be able to enjoy the activities I used to always do while drinking, but do them while sober. Stay safe and sober my September classmates !!! PEACE !!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 68
Sunflower, I'm really sorry about your situation! I'd do all those crazy emojiis gif things but it's not so simple on a phone ( or else I'very gotten too old to figure it out) Where is my 5 year old niece when I need her? :-)
Speaking of getting sick, when my niece and nephew were in daycare, I got some of the absolute worst colds I've had in the last 10 years! Those little germ monsters were unstoppable! And I only see then every 2 or 3 weeks! BTW they are a huge inspiration for me, as their lives have been sadly affected by alcohol as well. I want them to have one rock solid relative one day. Well, besides my dad, their grandfather. Not the most effusive man, but in his own stoic way would give you the shirt off his back. (Sheesh! How did I get so off track!?!?)
I'm sorry sunflower, back to you! So, I'm sorry about your situation. I'm not sure I would be as bummed about the visitor as I would about being lied to. I hate being lied to by anyone that I consider more than a passerby in the streets. So often I find it totally unnecessary. I really feel like if the truth were out front in the open, at least we can deal with it, and maybe come up with a plan that works ahead of time. (Unfortunately I deal with the same thing sometimes in my relationship. It used to be really bad, but I think time has helped us. Sadly the doubt will always be there in the back of my mind)
I think it's a really tough situation to be the sober one now. I don't have the experience or wisdom yet to know how to navigate trying to be sober when the other is still drinking. People i care about lying to me, and my gf drinking are 2 of my biggest triggers, so I definitely feel for you. Maybe people like Dee and Gottalife can help come up with a plan to help you through.
In the meantime, I can wish you well, and offer to listen if you need to vent. I'll keep posting stories of the dumb things I do throughout this process. I have no problem with humorous self depreciation!
And seriously sunflower, you gotta get some paragraphs... what was that??? :o)
J/K!!! Have a great day, and everyone else too!
EH
Speaking of getting sick, when my niece and nephew were in daycare, I got some of the absolute worst colds I've had in the last 10 years! Those little germ monsters were unstoppable! And I only see then every 2 or 3 weeks! BTW they are a huge inspiration for me, as their lives have been sadly affected by alcohol as well. I want them to have one rock solid relative one day. Well, besides my dad, their grandfather. Not the most effusive man, but in his own stoic way would give you the shirt off his back. (Sheesh! How did I get so off track!?!?)
I'm sorry sunflower, back to you! So, I'm sorry about your situation. I'm not sure I would be as bummed about the visitor as I would about being lied to. I hate being lied to by anyone that I consider more than a passerby in the streets. So often I find it totally unnecessary. I really feel like if the truth were out front in the open, at least we can deal with it, and maybe come up with a plan that works ahead of time. (Unfortunately I deal with the same thing sometimes in my relationship. It used to be really bad, but I think time has helped us. Sadly the doubt will always be there in the back of my mind)
I think it's a really tough situation to be the sober one now. I don't have the experience or wisdom yet to know how to navigate trying to be sober when the other is still drinking. People i care about lying to me, and my gf drinking are 2 of my biggest triggers, so I definitely feel for you. Maybe people like Dee and Gottalife can help come up with a plan to help you through.
In the meantime, I can wish you well, and offer to listen if you need to vent. I'll keep posting stories of the dumb things I do throughout this process. I have no problem with humorous self depreciation!
And seriously sunflower, you gotta get some paragraphs... what was that??? :o)
J/K!!! Have a great day, and everyone else too!
EH
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Hello Septembers!
It's morning here and I've been up for awhile.
I hope to tackle some challenging obstacles today, and get some important things figured out.
Hoping to remain positive and sober today.
It's morning here and I've been up for awhile.
I hope to tackle some challenging obstacles today, and get some important things figured out.
Hoping to remain positive and sober today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Well I confronted him this morning and it ended in a full blown fight in front of the kids - it was awful and I should have waited to talk about it. He takes zero responsibility and still insists that his friend just randomly bought A plane ticket even though the texts (which he knows I read) clearly say the opposite. He makes me feel like I am crazy sometimes and even called me delusional this morning. This is a living hell and I can't wait for it to be over whether that means we get better or we get divorced. I am giving it a year before making a decision. Add a cold to all of this plus day three of detoxing and I am an absolute mess. Plus my toddler won't nap so that two hour break is nothing but a dream.
Trying to work from home with a sick two year old today is not making matters any better. I have so much to do and he won't let me do any of it. I have been crying all day.
I just need some relief and if I don't drink I overeat and I'm trying so hard not to give into the binge AV today. Why is this all so hard?
Trying to work from home with a sick two year old today is not making matters any better. I have so much to do and he won't let me do any of it. I have been crying all day.
I just need some relief and if I don't drink I overeat and I'm trying so hard not to give into the binge AV today. Why is this all so hard?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 68
I'm really sorry sunflower. I wish I knew how to help.
Don't give in to the alcohol though, please! You'll feel better, maybe, for a couple of hours, but then you'll come back down, but still have the same issues with your husband, your kid will still be sick, and you will be sick still too, but with an extra headache.
Sometimes, life is a little bit about luck... good and bad. Good opportunities pass by us all the time, but you have to be mentally alert and sharp to be able to reach out and grab those opportunities. You also have to put yourself in a position to be ready to "catch" that break. The guy who caught the fly ball to win the world series wasn't sitting in the dugout. He was out on the field, watching, waiting, glove ready to go.
Give yourself that chance too! Maybe your son will tire himself out and you'll have a break and get some work done. It may not happen, but maybe you'll see an opportunity or get an inspiration how to chat with your husband about certain things. But being sober will put you in a position to take back a little control when the opportunity presents itself.
I hope things get better!
EH
Don't give in to the alcohol though, please! You'll feel better, maybe, for a couple of hours, but then you'll come back down, but still have the same issues with your husband, your kid will still be sick, and you will be sick still too, but with an extra headache.
Sometimes, life is a little bit about luck... good and bad. Good opportunities pass by us all the time, but you have to be mentally alert and sharp to be able to reach out and grab those opportunities. You also have to put yourself in a position to be ready to "catch" that break. The guy who caught the fly ball to win the world series wasn't sitting in the dugout. He was out on the field, watching, waiting, glove ready to go.
Give yourself that chance too! Maybe your son will tire himself out and you'll have a break and get some work done. It may not happen, but maybe you'll see an opportunity or get an inspiration how to chat with your husband about certain things. But being sober will put you in a position to take back a little control when the opportunity presents itself.
I hope things get better!
EH
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
*Hugs* SFL sorry you're having a rough day 
Hang in there!
Day 14 today trying to remain positive when there's not too much to be positive about. Last night was hard but had no cravings or thoughts of drinking. It is after all why I am where I am in life. Trying to remain hopeful and listen to what my signature on here says. Have a great day/evening all!
Hang in there!Day 14 today
trying to remain positive when there's not too much to be positive about. Last night was hard but had no cravings or thoughts of drinking. It is after all why I am where I am in life. Trying to remain hopeful and listen to what my signature on here says. Have a great day/evening all!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by EventHorizons
I'm really sorry sunflower. I wish I knew how to help. Don't give in to the alcohol though, please! You'll feel better, maybe, for a couple of hours, but then you'll come back down, but still have the same issues with your husband, your kid will still be sick, and you will be sick still too, but with an extra headache. Sometimes, life is a little bit about luck... good and bad. Good opportunities pass by us all the time, but you have to be mentally alert and sharp to be able to reach out and grab those opportunities. You also have to put yourself in a position to be ready to "catch" that break. The guy who caught the fly ball to win the world series wasn't sitting in the dugout. He was out on the field, watching, waiting, glove ready to go. Give yourself that chance too! Maybe your son will tire himself out and you'll have a break and get some work done. It may not happen, but maybe you'll see an opportunity or get an inspiration how to chat with your husband about certain things. But being sober will put you in a position to take back a little control when the opportunity presents itself. I hope things get better! EH
Oh and thanks for the laughs about my paragraphs (or lack thereof.) my iPhone is being weird and I can't press the "return button" unless I use my nail. I swear today is one of those Murph's Law day. Everything is going wrong! Just gotta get through it- I know tomorrow will be better. Thanks again for all the words.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by CuteNGayYay
*Hugs* SFL sorry you're having a rough day Hang in there! Day 14 today trying to remain positive when there's not too much to be positive about. Last night was hard but had no cravings or thoughts of drinking. It is after all why I am where I am in life. Trying to remain hopeful and listen to what my signature on here says. Have a great day/evening all!
Hang in there! Day 14 today trying to remain positive when there's not too much to be positive about. Last night was hard but had no cravings or thoughts of drinking. It is after all why I am where I am in life. Trying to remain hopeful and listen to what my signature on here says. Have a great day/evening all!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
