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Class of August 2016 Support Thread Part 5

Old 09-17-2016, 05:17 AM
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good, Zanna! love your "shields up" reminders!

welcome, AJJ - hopefully you will love the A-team as much as I do!

off to a long day at work then out with a friend so wont be around much but will pop in to read on my phone when I can.

Happy Sober Saturday <3
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Old 09-17-2016, 05:52 AM
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Welcome AJJ!

Good to see you again Mr P and lovehoops!

I'm also popping in quick.

I'm around a lot of people I don't know, being that I'm working out of town right now. Started telling them I don't drink. It's great. No one expects me to and it takes pressure off. Some guy was telling me last night where to go for whiskey and I actually interrupted with a smile and said "it sounds lovely but I don't drink." He sai "oh. Well that's silly, I guess you wouldn't like it then."

I'm on assignment so am working the weekend but am seeing a long lost family member tomorrow. They asked me if I wanted breweries or a vineyard and I said neither. So we are going on a boat down the river with the kids and I am looking forward to meeting relatives I've never seen before.

I know it's hard to stay sober when you're away from home because that is what people tell me and because it helped me get really bad, when I was on the road for a long time. So I'm coming here every day, although I don't always write a lot. Sometimes I'm just so tired. Most times I'm just reading because I don't know what to say.

It's what I'm able to do for recovery right now.

Grateful for you all.

Hope everyone has a good sober day!

B
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Old 09-17-2016, 07:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Julia8 View Post
so proud of you, elle!

quincy - still waiting to hear about your hobbies!
Good morning or afternoon or evening A-Teamers. Wow, we have the globe covered in case of any emergency.

Julia...Most if not all my hobbies have something to do with the outdoors. I love camping, hiking, fishing, taking my Labrador swimming, motorcycling, snowmobiling, attending the local University sporting events (football game tonight), disc golfing, metal detecting, geocaching, exploring new places, snow and water skiing (not anymore due to old knees that have been abused), darts, horseshoes, BBQ'ing, etc. etc.

My indoor hobbies are eating and sleeping and SR (just kidding... sort of).

With that being said... I guess I'd better get outside and see what the Labrador has chewed up.

Hope everyone has a good day.
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Old 09-17-2016, 08:11 AM
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Morning Everyone,
Sounds like everyone is gettin out in the world today. I am heading to the cabin in the Mtns,Winter is coming.. Time to cut, chop, & stack wood. I am looking forward to doing it sober, great workout.
The last weeks posts Made me think about how we create so much stinky thinking in our own minds. I know I am my own worst enemy. Now that I am getting further away from the drink, I am starting to see it clearer. I have been living in self destroying thought, fueled by booze. Its freeing to recognize it.
I look forward to fixing it now.

Thank you everyone, Have a great day. Todd
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Old 09-17-2016, 08:15 AM
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Quincy,
You sound like me, love the outdoors. Enjoy the day.
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Old 09-17-2016, 08:26 AM
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Sounds awesome, Quincy and fgo! Have fun!
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Old 09-17-2016, 11:42 AM
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Quincy - " I guess I'd better get outside and see what the Labrador has chewed up." - good old Slobberadors! Have had some myself
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Old 09-17-2016, 03:18 PM
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Hangovers in the past

Originally Posted by Treebeard View Post
Haven't felt tempted to drink too much, but I'm also feeling very anxious and guarded about it. Fortunately, whenever I DO think about beer, I remember how much I hate hangovers. That, more than anything, has been my motivator.
It is amazing to think I chose all those days and nights of drink when the result were those mornings of feeling so awful, feeling good is a great motivator, I agree!!!!
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Old 09-17-2016, 03:56 PM
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Hi A-team!

It s good to be back and thanks everyone for the welcome messages. I had an amazing two weeks, half of it camping in the woods and the other half at a farm, campsites were very empty and quiet so I got to enjoy family and nature a lot.

Wife had half of one of those tiny wine bottles one night, then sipped my coke! It puzzled me how she managed to do that, she actually threw the other half away! Normal drinkers... didn't bother me though, we had a great night. A few pub lunches and smell of beer was slightly tempting, but didn't think about getting one at any point.

Being away from SR and all my recovery tools made me realise that I now have a established voice in my head that sounds louder than my AV and simply says that I no longer drink and that's cool. I have a wedding to go to in three weeks, we ll leave the kids with in laws and arrive the night before for a pre wedding party, and I am actually looking forward to being the sober one! Happy days!

Recovery plan projects restart on Monday, still lots to unpack tomorrow!

Now let's try and catch up with some of you, I ll get to everyone else soon, promise!

@ssg - glad you made it back here. Have you had a think about the reasons why you drank? Seems to me like both of your slips started casually (work party and the gig), there must be some little thought that triggers it, I think if you crack this one you ll avoid the next time. Also though the count has stated again the time you spent sober have already made you stronger, build up on that!

@Quincy - outdoors living rocks. It s been so peaceful to be close to nature and away from everything for the last two weeks, wish life could be more like that on a regular basis, need to think of a plan to make it happen.

@bexxed - awesome stuff! being away was always a trigger for me, this time thought I am also getting a kick from being the one not drinking, don't know, for the first time it feels more natural not to drink than the opposite.

@Zanna - don't give credit to the shops for being closed, I am sure if you really wanted a drink you could find one, staying sober was your choice and that's great!

@AJJ - welcome to the team!

@Elle - that s a great story! I am starting to realise that being open for good things to happen goes a long way towards actually making them happen. Sobriety helps so much with that! Inspiring stuff, keep up the good work!

@kgirl - thanks! It s great to be back!

Time to go to bed here, hope everyone had a great sober Saturday!

Mr P
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Old 09-17-2016, 06:24 PM
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I'm on day 6 and the shakes have finally stopped. I had only a slip for a few days and had no valium to come off the alcohol so it was fairly tough. I had a reality check on day 4 and started thinking that I really needed to grow up and face reality as it is and try to change what I can. And to cut out all self-pity is another big one.

So the last 2 days have been a major house clean. My kitchen floor is so clean I could eat off it lol. I even managed to start clearing up the backyard. Today is going well with cooking pumpkin soup and a pasta dish. Its so great to read everyones' posts. I'm feeling different about sobriety this time and never want to go back to that nightmare of feeling forced to drink to cure a bad hangover. Hope everyone has a great day/night.
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Old 09-17-2016, 07:34 PM
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Sweetichick,,,
Glad to read your post,, sometimes just a small shift in thinking does amazing things. You got to start somewhere, and cleaning the home is a great place to start. One week tomorrow, congrats.
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Old 09-17-2016, 09:19 PM
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Hey guys - just checking in to say I hope you're all having a fantastic, sober weekend, and I am super grateful for each and every one of you. Loving all the positive, encouraging posts as well.
It's the weekend and I'm off... so FINALLY got to catch up with all of your posts.

Still accumulating sober days (one day at a time though!) and starting to become used to not turning to alcohol. I'm truly amazed each day.

MrP - Your trip sounds fantastic! Glad you had such a good time. And wow, about your wife drinking only a little bit of wine... Normal drinkers will NEVER cease to baffle me!

Elle - Your post also made me smile... really enjoyed reading it. Glad you ended up at a meeting instead of a bar.

treebeard - Absolutely on the same page as you. When I romanticisizing (Just butchered that word) beer, I think about how I used to feel waking up hungover each day.... and how i had to spend the whole day recovering from it... ugh. such a good motivator for me too.

Just for ***** and giggles, here are some of the little tools that have kept me sane during my sobriety : my new laptop, LaCroix water, ordering books off Amazon , reading the books I ordered off Amazon.
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Old 09-17-2016, 10:09 PM
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congrats on days six sweetichick
hiya CajunPrincess
D
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Old 09-17-2016, 10:44 PM
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Thanks, CajunPrincess 😊

Today offered the first tough temptation. After a 6-day week of long houred days, picking up a few cans of beer sounded good. But, when I thought about tomorrow morning, it quelled that nervous enthusiasm well enough for me to be able to refrain in relative comfort.

I've always been on an edge with drinking. Like some diabolical balancing act between sobriety and the beer/hangover cycle. Whenever I take one path, I yearn for the other. I've always wanted to either drink, or not drink, without that conflict. I'm placing my faith in that only being possible by not drinking, because I just don't see myself ever being okay with hangovers.
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Old 09-17-2016, 11:22 PM
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Hi everyone, I'm checking in before going to sleep. It was a long day with a lot of driving around a strange city. Tomorrow I meet up with my family here and go to a child's birthday celebration; we will take a boat down a river.

I'm feeling more confident about being sober. I am thinking about drinking less. The elevator in this hotel stank of alcohol and the smell felt like sadness to me. I feel less like something is missing, I think because I'm closer to a place where it's more natural to not drink. Not that the reasons aren't there, but I guess because I'm working on them by slowly getting used to a different attitude and slowly unpeeling the top layers of self acceptance. I really, really like being someone who doesn't drink.

Every single day there has been an opportunity, since August 12. Whether it's being at home and my girlfriend opens a beer, or whether it's a work thing, or some social gathering, alcohol has been an option everywhere. It's really in a lot of places, hiding out. I read somewhere about how kid's functions, like birthday parties, are wine fests for moms, and a recovering alcoholic mom has to navigate that. It seems unlikely but it's not. We really have to learn to restructure our lives. I have chosen not to go to events that are built around alcohol, but the other ones were much harder at first. The hardest though, is being alone. That was where I had to remember who I used to be when I was alone with myself. I've talked a lot about this here, and want to say that remembering how to be alone, sober, has been the most interesting thing. I think I'm really just starting to see that.

The irony is that I drank around people as a way of getting through social situations. That's really isolating oneself, if you think about it. I know this forum isn't really social in the true sense of the word: we aren't in front of each other, for example. But the interactions, and sometimes regular conversations: about stacking wood, walking a dog, cleaning a kitchen, going on a vacation, watching your wife drink 2 oz of wine, seem to be very real to me. It seems normal. What would we all say to each other if we were drinking together? Nonsense. We wouldn't really know each other. Drinking is an isolating social lubricant.

I'm feeling a lot of gratitude that I will see my family tomorrow and not be thinking about how I can engineer the visit to definitely include alcohol, and then, when I'm successful, how I can drink as much as possible without making a fool of myself, and then, when I'm not successful with that, feeling like I missed an opportunity, and burying that anxiety with more alcohol. I'm glad that I look a lot better, and these people who haven't seen me in many years won't ID me as someone who looks like she drinks a bottle or two of wine every night.

The simplicity of it all is relieving. I'm feeling like a load is off my shoulders and I will do whatever I need to to keep it off.

We get to this place, or at least I did, where we can't even imagine what it would be like to have that load off the shoulders. We can't imagine what we don't have a picture of, right? I don't think I would have even realized that is what I had, even though I understood intellectually what addiction is. So defending it is becoming more of a priority in my subconscious I think.

I guess that's why the elevator smelled sad. I have no idea and it's not my business if the person(s) who stank it up were sad. I know if you stopped me when I was drinking and asked me if I was sad, I'd probably say and mean "no". But I was sad. And I still am, but I'm finding more constructive ways to be happy by being a little more creative.

God this is getting long. But the other day, I was annoyed about the hotel coffee, which is expensive and not very good. I'm a coffee snob. I actually brought coffee beans, a hand grinder, and a french press with me. DO NOT JUDGE lol. But there was no way to heat the water up. Grr. I complained to myself and started each morning feeling very grumpy that I went to the trouble of bringing all the stuff and couldn't use it. I was bitter. When I'm feeling that way I get that load of bricks on my back again and it just sucks. Then I got the idea to buy a cheap electric kettle, which actually pays for itself twice over when you consider that I would drink two big cups of the overpriced hotel coffee. So all this week I've had good coffee, which makes me happy, and I'm even saving money. And I got this because I decided to be optimistic and accept what I can't change and change what I can.

I wish I knew how to post a pic from my laptop because it's funny and illustrative. I have this whole coffee set up in this hotel room where I could have had dead soldier wine bottles. And for the record, I really don't mind cheap coffee, but I don't like paying five dollars for it, and drink it looking at my defeated french press which could make good coffee for a fraction of the price.

Anyway, I've put off sleep long enough. Hope everyone has a good sober day/night.

In Gratitude

B
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Old 09-18-2016, 12:07 AM
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That was a really thought provoking post Bexed. I agree that we need to hear day to day stuff. It makes the cyber world more real. Its good that you are thinking about drinking less. A great encouragement for someone on day 6. I'd love to see a picture of your hotel room with the coffee stuff. What a great idea!
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Old 09-18-2016, 01:40 AM
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Bexxed, thanks for the great post. Also, I too would love to see a pic of your little coffee station. I am super picky about my coffee as well...
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Old 09-18-2016, 04:18 AM
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Hi all,

I just posted a whole long thing and it didn't work...ugh!!!!

Anyway, I don't have time now but I'm sober today.

Enjoy the day everyone xoxo
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Old 09-18-2016, 04:40 AM
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B - I love your posts, they are always so well written and very insightful. You are doing an amazing job with this sobriety thing, you're really peeling back the layers and I see only greatness for you.

My insight is a bit different at this stage. My anxiety has taken on a different form, it's more subtle, but always there nagging at me. I'm finding my sleep patterns are starting to become interrupted and I lay in bed just thinking.
All of this is familiar. I feel like all drinking has done for me is postpone the inevitable. Like I've numbed my emotions and set things to the side and not dealt with it. Like ever. Like having an alcoholic mother, like having a father that isn't engaged, like losing my cousin to alcoholism when she was only 37, and three months later my brother losing his life to an overdose. Like all the stupid things I have done in my life, all the friends I have lost, how now I am not very close to anyone at all. Yes, it's a lot, and this is what happens when I try to get sober. Once I get past the hard part of stopping, and just when it feels like everything is great and life is beautiful, just when I think I have it all figured out, there is a knock at my door and they have a briefcase full of all of this undealt crap from my life and they say " You have to deal with this now, the time has come".
And I want to run away scared because I don't know how to deal with all of that. I don't know how to forgive God much less myself. I don't know how to make it all fair and good in my head. I don't know how to clear it all out, get past it so I can actually be the person I'm supposed to be.
This is so familiar. This is me treading near a relapse. I'm not having cravings. Cravings don't break me. This subtle anxiety does.
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Old 09-18-2016, 05:00 AM
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None says you have to deal with any of that alone Kgirl - there's us here, or a doctor, a counsellor or a therapist...maybe even a trusted friend can be a sounding board?

There must be a million better ways to deal with that anxiety than drinking

D
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