Oswin

Not having the best day. Feeling really down. Still not drinking, but got that feeling in my stomach again and feel very on edge. Amazing how yesterday felt like nothing could go wrong and today feels all doom and gloom.

Was a rest day from running today and think that's a release for me at the moment. Like a form of therapy. So will be going out in the morning and hopefully shake this feeling.

Optimist4ever57

Sorry, JL...hope it goes well.

Optimist4ever57

Oswin, some days do that to us. Please stay strong and know we're here for you :-)

Optimist4ever57

Calling it a day. Finally got my rear end on the treadmill this morning and while I only did 2 miles, it was more than I've done in weeks. I think it will really help me with my afternoon sleep cravings, which have been my binges in the past. I felt great all day today, got a lot accomplished and am now ready for bed.

Night all!

JL2014

I'm glad were through another day together- and SOBER !!
Today was rough. Hurt me.
That being said, I got to talk to my birthday boy 18 today, about alcoholism in a way that never was possible in the past.
I'm very humbled by that, today.
He's back at his moms house area now for a birthday get together .
Kids wife and I are home finally, winding down.

ExDrinkingCub

Hi all. Feeling okay today, day 34. I feel a little bewildered by the false expectations I set around sobriety. It was as if I expected to never drink and simultaneously have every piece of my life corrected, the instant gratification I always talk about wanting. As if one month of time would be the ticker tape. Close up this horrible chapter and start anew...new job, car, apartment, relationship, personality. These were all silly and false ideas. The only expectation of sobriety is to stay sober. Now sure I may feel healthier, somedays happier, somedays miserable but I have come to accept that any new opportunities I am awarded during sobriety I have to earn. I don't just get a participation trophy here. It's not as if bossman is going to say "oh ex you are sober now here is that big raise" and odds are I won't walk out on the street and find my life partner tomorrow. And yet I am oddly humbled and disappointed by this as if my AV wants something else to be addicted to, a job or a relationship. I have to remember to focus on my healing and my sobriety plan before anything else. I have to make myself my own priority and it's been years since I did that. And I'd rather not dig that deep to fix myself. I know what's lurking in the shadows. But I have to clean out my inner cobwebs and find myself and I hope you all can too.

Good days and bad days all around today but know that we are all here as friends and we can do this together.

JL2014

I feel like I'm 'focusing on myself' , as well , more than I did before.
For me I was actually consumed with "self will run riot"- just a runaway train of fear and nonstop terrible flood of emotions. I feel that less and less, or either I just become aware that it's not like that all the time.
So glad !
I hope our weekends going ok for everyone.

KarenOskie

Hang in there, Oswin. I hope today is better for you.
I'm glad you got through that JL. Sorry for the loss of your brother. Big hugs to you!
I am getting ready for work. Short day today, but I have so much to do. I'm going to meet my sponsor to do the second step, too. And get the assignment for doing the third step.
I loved your post, Ex. I feel just like that a lot of the time.
I'm going to try and make the best of today. Keep recovery first, use my time wisely at work and remember to stay close to my HP.
Happy Sober Sunday everyone!

PennyLane76

Hi Oswin, hang in there. Everything changes day by day, up and down. The roller coaster moods will smooth out eventually.

Not sure what day I'm at.. but I pretty sure over or at 30!!

Visiting family without the spouse which I'm thrilled about

Catch up with all posts and y'all later xoxoxo

JL2014

At IHOP w family this morning.
Freaking nut house !!! Lol

Forester

Hi everyone, just checking in for the new week. Day 50 here... that's a record for me. Longest sober/straight period since I was a teenager. Wow.

Oswin

Thanks to you all. Had a good run, then went food shopping. Then had people round for food, I've had a better day, but ended up surrounded by drinking yet again. I had a real urge to join in. I'm so glad I ignored the AV, my husband is passed out in bed, his best mate was so drunk he could hardly walk. They just looked and sounded ridiculous by the end of the night.

I think I read on here that the AV will pass if you just distract yourself, it really did work. I know if I say yes to one glass it's game over and back down that path I will go.

PennyLane76

Hi Ex. Yes, I understand wanting instant gratification. I thought I would be fit, have lots of energy, etc. After 1 mo!. I'm just now feeling my brain is working a bit better at 30 days and coming out of the fatigue. I'm sure it will be much better at 60 days xoxo

Viperidae

Karen, yes its hard to know where to draw a line. I wish I had more monetary power to help her. The thing is she's a good 'kid.' She didn't ask for any of this mental illness and her parents dumped her at a women's shelter in a crappy city at 18 years old because they didn't want to deal with her being sick. They're a middle class family with the ability to help her. She's been an amazing friend, never took drugs, doesn't drink, etc. She's special, like a dreamy artist. The problem is this is the worst I've seen her and I'm trying to make HUGE changes.

I went to a town at the shore today to my buddy's house, and floated in the ocean with my him on big tubes. The neighborhood he's in has a lot of history. Jack London wrote Call of the Wild there. A book I need to reread because I don't remember anything about it. My legs got roasted in the sun while floating. Oouucch.

Ok. Tiiiiieeeerrrrddddd. Tomorrow is a new day. A lot to get done. I've got an appointment for contact lenses tomorrow. I've never worn them, but I want the option. Hoping it works out for me. Daily disposable are the easiest. So I'm going with that.

Viper

Viperidae

I've been watching The Night Of on HBO. It's very good. A true story. I started binging on it and got shafted because there are only 7 episodes. But tonight is episode 8, and hour and 45 minutes. Some of the episodes have been long. John Torturro's best role ever.

Anyway 10 minutes to wait. Got my salami and cheese and fruit, crackers, ready. I had breakfast 12 hours ago. Hungry.

KarenOskie

I don't know how someone could do that to their child, Viper. I just can't wrap my head around it. They must be crazy. I can't imagine how much that hurt her, either. She's lucky to have you. But I sure do see how you have to put your own recovery first. Without that you lose you and she loses you, too. I wish I could be a bigger help. The movie and snacks sound wonderful! I confess, I had chocolate cake and butter pecan ice cream for dinner! And am watching nature documentaries. On Thin Ice was wonderful.
My sponsor did not go over the second step with me. We went over the first step and she gave me homework for the second step. I am having a hard time being patient! This is my life we're dealing with here. But, I know part of it is that I have to quit trying to keep myself sober. It never worked for me. So, I'm taking direction, up to a point. I am still working on my third step, but will do the second step homework, too.
The second step is "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". I believe that is God, but I know God works through others, too, and so I'm having faith that plugging along like a turtle with a broken leg will keep me sober.
Some of you may remember the assistant that was giving me so much trouble a few weeks ago. She quit today!!! Handed in her two week notice, very nicely. I was very sweet about it, told her I would miss her, but deep down my heart was singing, "Ding Dong, the witch is dead!!"
Sweet dreams to all!

JL2014

How about THAT Karen !!
I'm eating a Klondike bar at almost 11pm !
( off on Mondays) . Just laundry school shuttling, and a meeting.

Dee74

Congrats to everyone on hitting those milestones and making it through the tough times

Have a great week guys

D

havetostopnow

Forester, congrats on 50! I just finished day 51. I think Longest for me since I was teenager. I wish things were getting easier though.

Forester

Congrats to you also htsn. Well done mate.

Sorry you're finding it hard on an ongoing basis. I started seeing a counselor who has helped me immensely. I wish that on one of my 100's of earlier attempts I'd sought personal help, it has made all the difference.