Class of March 2016 part 29
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Wow! A lot of sobriety going on here this morning! So great to wake up to.
Pelagic- you are definitely academia. Principal, superintendent,. I knew what you meant about your hidden bottle. I was there. That hidden bottle is not as hidden as you think. Don't go get it today. You can do this.
Thirteenth, Sam, we are with you.
Kayak, sober bike ride sounds awesome.
MITA - I'm up. Have a lot to do today. Good luck with your talk. Saying prayers.
Day 77 here.
Have a great day, class!
Pelagic- you are definitely academia. Principal, superintendent,. I knew what you meant about your hidden bottle. I was there. That hidden bottle is not as hidden as you think. Don't go get it today. You can do this.
Thirteenth, Sam, we are with you.
Kayak, sober bike ride sounds awesome.
MITA - I'm up. Have a lot to do today. Good luck with your talk. Saying prayers.
Day 77 here.
Have a great day, class!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Well I made it about 30 minutes and then I had to leave. Now I am sitting in the car trying to calm myself down after a pretty awful panic attack. AA is not for me. I wish I could explain it.....I get this intense fear and my heart starts racing and somewhere inside me there is this desperate need to leave whatever situation I am in - my therapist says it is all a part of my PTSD....my survival instinct....I hate it. 
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
We're all proud of you for trying it, Sam! I know you'll find a way!! Treat yourself to a nice cup of tea and try to relax. Stay centered.
It's rare for me, but I have had a few very public anxiety attacks. In front of an audience kind of thing. Totally brutal!
Oh, be kind to yourself.
It's rare for me, but I have had a few very public anxiety attacks. In front of an audience kind of thing. Totally brutal!
Oh, be kind to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Well I am home and feeling a bit better - I am glad I tried but disappointed that once again my past is a hindrance in my life. I wish it was one of those things where you just flip a switch and it's fixed...instead I drag it around with me like a lead balloon. Anyways enough of the pity party....sorry
Thirteenth - I hope your meeting was good
Kiki - congrats on getting shotgun!! Scratch that off the bucket list!!
CH - Sounds like you had a pretty good day yesterday. I hope you woke up today feeling better
MITA - thinking of you today....hugs!!
Morning BBG!!
Pelagic - great job telling on yourself! Stay strong!!
Hi Apple....how are you today??
Kayak - an early morning ride sounds pretty nice....being sober sounds even better
If I missed anyone - HI!!!! And if you haven't been around in a while we miss you!!
A small aside......when I have panic attacks I have found that a good grounding technique for me is to think and reflect on things in my life that I am appreciative of and this morning those thoughts were of our little family here...this motley crew of people who can be so very different and yet so similar at the same time. I know with certainty that I would not be sober without you all. So I guess what I am trying to say in between all of the babbling is thank you....thank you for showing me this is possible, thank you for walking beside me and thank you for saving my life. I love you all. <3
Thirteenth - I hope your meeting was good
Kiki - congrats on getting shotgun!! Scratch that off the bucket list!!
CH - Sounds like you had a pretty good day yesterday. I hope you woke up today feeling better
MITA - thinking of you today....hugs!!
Morning BBG!!
Pelagic - great job telling on yourself! Stay strong!!
Hi Apple....how are you today??
Kayak - an early morning ride sounds pretty nice....being sober sounds even better
If I missed anyone - HI!!!! And if you haven't been around in a while we miss you!!
A small aside......when I have panic attacks I have found that a good grounding technique for me is to think and reflect on things in my life that I am appreciative of and this morning those thoughts were of our little family here...this motley crew of people who can be so very different and yet so similar at the same time. I know with certainty that I would not be sober without you all. So I guess what I am trying to say in between all of the babbling is thank you....thank you for showing me this is possible, thank you for walking beside me and thank you for saving my life. I love you all. <3
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
Sorry you had to leave with a panic attack, Sam. I sort of felt one sitting in the car, but somehow pushed it away. Anxiety is a relatively new thing for me. I typically get panic attacks while driving - not the best situation. I'm still learning to manage. Trying to identify them before they happen. Trying to deal with them when they happen. It's not easy work to be sure. While I've not done anything as it relates to working on it per se, I have found that having something to distract me, even if only for a few seconds, can calm me. So I always have something to glance at in the car (not my phone!) while at a stoplight. If the car is moving I have to focus on the road so it's not so bad. Kind of a ramble there, but it is what it is.
The meeting was OK. It was speakers and I was unprepared for the turnout. I was originally thinking as long as half a dozen people show up I’ll be good. Didn’t want it to be too one on one. There were probably 50 people there. I listened to five different people. Some were good, some were meh, but take what you need and leave the rest as they say. Somehow, aside from saying thank you to a gentleman who held the door as I entered, I didn’t speak to a soul. I can sometimes be standoffish without meaning to be, perhaps that’s why nobody spoke me. Then again, I also didn’t speak to anybody. No big. First time for myself down and I think I’ll go again.
Afterwards I made a supply run for the apartment and came close to my personal record by spending $175. That’ll cover me for at least six months in the toiletry and cleanliness department. Next up, laundry and washing the dishes and maybe, just maybe, some cleaning.
Happy Sunday everyone.
The meeting was OK. It was speakers and I was unprepared for the turnout. I was originally thinking as long as half a dozen people show up I’ll be good. Didn’t want it to be too one on one. There were probably 50 people there. I listened to five different people. Some were good, some were meh, but take what you need and leave the rest as they say. Somehow, aside from saying thank you to a gentleman who held the door as I entered, I didn’t speak to a soul. I can sometimes be standoffish without meaning to be, perhaps that’s why nobody spoke me. Then again, I also didn’t speak to anybody. No big. First time for myself down and I think I’ll go again.
Afterwards I made a supply run for the apartment and came close to my personal record by spending $175. That’ll cover me for at least six months in the toiletry and cleanliness department. Next up, laundry and washing the dishes and maybe, just maybe, some cleaning.
Happy Sunday everyone.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Day 162. In a row!
Either the neighbor brats were extra quiet while getting ready for church this morning (which would not be the norm for them) or I was really sleeping hard today. Grateful either way.
Work tonight. Heading to my own AA meeting here in an hour. Glad to see so many folks checking in this morning. Hello to everyone. Have a safe and sober day. Remember to come ask for help at the first sign of trouble. Help others here as much as you can in the meantime, even if by only saying "hello" or "I'm listening", and never forget you don't have to take that first drink today no matter what.
Either the neighbor brats were extra quiet while getting ready for church this morning (which would not be the norm for them) or I was really sleeping hard today. Grateful either way.
Work tonight. Heading to my own AA meeting here in an hour. Glad to see so many folks checking in this morning. Hello to everyone. Have a safe and sober day. Remember to come ask for help at the first sign of trouble. Help others here as much as you can in the meantime, even if by only saying "hello" or "I'm listening", and never forget you don't have to take that first drink today no matter what.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
Originally Posted by samantha14 
Well I made it about 30 minutes and then I had to leave. Now I am sitting in the car trying to calm myself down after a pretty awful panic attack. AA is not for me. I wish I could explain it.....I get this intense fear and my heart starts racing and somewhere inside me there is this desperate need to leave whatever situation I am in - my therapist says it is all a part of my PTSD....my survival instinct....I hate it.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Originally Posted by Thirteenth
I've been thinking a lot about this. Perhaps it's some pernicious aspect of your AV intensified? Do you often have this feeling in other social situations? I just wonder if because it was a recovery situation your AV took it and ran with it. Not that it drove you to drink, but that it shut down what may, or may not, be a good recovery option for you. I may be making something of nothing, but I wanted to share the thought if it's useful. If not, hit me
I refer to these episodes as "panic attacks" but what they truly are is a symptom of my PTSD - hyper-arousal is what my therapist calls it or a fight or flight response to situations that my mind deems scary or dangerous. This encompasses things like having too many people in a room, not knowing where the exits are and having someone sit or stand behind me. All of this stems from the sexual abuse I suffered as a child - the lead balloon
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,224
Originally Posted by Pelagic263
Good morning class!! Kiki, congrats on getting shotgun! Also thanks for that lifeboat post. I feel the same way. Kayak, congrats on the chip. Thanks also for that "find your bottom" thought. When I think how close I've been getting to stuff on that list.... I think I'll write that down and keep it in my wallet. I thought my bloodwork was off for 3 years but I found some old paperwork and it's been off for 4 years (and that was the first time it was checked). And yet thoughts of that seem to disappear all the time!! Insane. CH, forgot to welcome you back! Stay strong. Applekat, you too! thirteenth, you can do this. Make that promise. I'm the same way about promises. I broke so many I stopped making them, but that's a way to get out of it ahead of time. We all believe in you!! MITA, I had no wisdom for you the other day. My wife has a two drink limit built-in, and she knows all there is to know about my drinking. Good luck with your talk today. It sounds to me like a solid plan. Casey, you're like the school principal for our class. You got us all organized and you continue to serve. You just rock!! Dee as well! You're like the school district superintendent for the SR local school district. No end of thanks! Today, I have one big challenge. About 2 weeks ago the state started selling liquor on Sundays. Before that all I could get was beer on Sunday. I woke up this morning and the first d* thought was vodka. So I'm ratting myself out right now!! I will not drink anything today!! I will not sneak past the liquor store, or ice down beer in the garage. I will not hurt my wife anymore, even though I can get away with it. I WILL NOT drink!! There, it's out. Stay strong and all my best to everyone!!
And yes, not making promises is a good way to let yourself off the hook in advance.
Don't drink. It's REALLY dumb
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
Sam, while I don’t experience those feelings, I do understand. We survivors of sexual abuse are a many and varied lot that respond in different ways. We are Survivors! F those people that did what they did to us.
What’s important is that you’re working on it. Going into a situation that could, and did, make you uncomfortable is huge. You faced a fear head on. Therapists would call it exposure therapy. It didn’t fully work out this time but there’s reason to try again. I think so anyway.
Perhaps try reframing from a lead balloon into just another challenge. Easier said than done of course. You’re obviously a very strong woman. Some self-talk, reassurance to yourself might help. I’m sure you’ve done that, but keep doing it. Someday soon I believe you’ll look back on this and know it helped you get a little further along in leaving that horrible situation behind you.
What’s important is that you’re working on it. Going into a situation that could, and did, make you uncomfortable is huge. You faced a fear head on. Therapists would call it exposure therapy. It didn’t fully work out this time but there’s reason to try again. I think so anyway.
Perhaps try reframing from a lead balloon into just another challenge. Easier said than done of course. You’re obviously a very strong woman. Some self-talk, reassurance to yourself might help. I’m sure you’ve done that, but keep doing it. Someday soon I believe you’ll look back on this and know it helped you get a little further along in leaving that horrible situation behind you.
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