One Year & Over Part 40
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Why do I react so strongly. I would like to be blasé and not care
Mags, this is soooo me, wish I had words of wisdom. I can share however that the serenity prayer is my go- to when I start reacting and helps me to dissect and step back from the situation.
Also I agree with IP....sounds wacko!
Mags, this is soooo me, wish I had words of wisdom. I can share however that the serenity prayer is my go- to when I start reacting and helps me to dissect and step back from the situation.
Also I agree with IP....sounds wacko!
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,662
Morning overs
Thankyou for your replies
Dee I hardly have them in my life really but I have a clerk job for the parish council and they're in my face. Hubby says to drop the job. I only started it to help the community, it's a thankless job. Just a few hours a week.
Yeah Inpar and Dharma. They are full on! I don't know their problem but it may be me! Don't know. My neighbor said they'd upset a lot of people in Next village in the result them leaving the after school committees.
Looking now I've done nothing wrong except to do the best I can as clerk. They are so in my face it's unbelievable. I really don't know who they think they are.
Suze thanks xx
Thanks again. Speaking to you all as made me realise I'm not going to back down. I've wrote a reply last night and I will check through it later and reply to all. It is a nice letter. If it continues I will resign my post.
Hope it's a good Wednesday for all.
Thankyou for your replies
Dee I hardly have them in my life really but I have a clerk job for the parish council and they're in my face. Hubby says to drop the job. I only started it to help the community, it's a thankless job. Just a few hours a week.
Yeah Inpar and Dharma. They are full on! I don't know their problem but it may be me! Don't know. My neighbor said they'd upset a lot of people in Next village in the result them leaving the after school committees.
Looking now I've done nothing wrong except to do the best I can as clerk. They are so in my face it's unbelievable. I really don't know who they think they are.
Suze thanks xx
Thanks again. Speaking to you all as made me realise I'm not going to back down. I've wrote a reply last night and I will check through it later and reply to all. It is a nice letter. If it continues I will resign my post.
Hope it's a good Wednesday for all.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Hi Toots!
Hey Dee spot on!
RZ,
Mags,
I taught Assertiveness training and the only skill you need for those kinds of people are "I" messages.
First you memorize just these four step starters in this order:
When you . . .
I feel . . .
Because . . .
I would like . . .
Say them over and over and have hubby quiz you on them every day. If it seems not worth the work remember you have to use it when you are highly emotional not later after the event. If the intros to each part are not instantly available, by rote memorization you will not be able to use an I message when angry or embarrassed or hurt or shocked.
After learning the four steps you will never use it in a tight situation without practice. Here the real initial rewards for your hard work really start to pay off. Now remember they are not for manipulation or control, or flattery. They are very powerful and very easy when sincere.
"When you" is finished with an exact description of the behavior, not any name calling like when you are an arse or some such. In your example it might be.
I feel . . . Name your feeling in one word or two.
Because . . . say why that action makes you feel that way.
I would like . . . name what you want them to do as a change in behavior.
The key is to shut up after the last step and telling them what you want them to do next time. The next person to speak loses. Maintaining eye contact with an expectant look waiting for them to say yes or no or comment is critical!
The biggest pressure you can bring to bear in any conversation is silence. If they turn on their heel and run away from answering you've won.
So were you trained, practiced faithfully giving true I positive messages, you might have emailed, or arranged a meeting and said:
When you demean me in emails sent out to a group,
I feel angry
Because I do not like people who bully me or try to embarrass me hurtfully.
I would like you to discuss anything you feel the need to demean me, or any other here, in private and face 2 face.
Mags, when you reach out here, I feel validated because I know you give me credibility. I would sincerely like to tell you how much your honest and quiet daily trials and tribulations make me feel trustworthy.
That was sincere Mags, and it was an I message. Most folks miss it completely in speaking to them. The problem most folks have is they feel "fake" or can't remember the steps in a pinch (No or not enough practice memorizing and likely no sincere practice positive I messages ) If it was easy everyone would be using them. Try this on a lover or husband or wife.
When you share a quiet walk with me around our place, I feel so loved, because you holding my hand is tingly all over again. I would like to take more walk with you. Ball's in your court, I've trained hundreds if not thousands and it works if you put the practice in. And remember, if you pause after each step intro, don't worry, it adds even more power like you meant the silence, not that you were desperately trying to remember the next step because you did no real practice.
People's favorite subject is themselves. I messages start out with "When you" because once they know the subject is them, you have their undivided. Pausing makes it even better. So pausing to consider the right words for the rest of each step starter doesn't make you look artificial to them, only like you are very sincere and about to say something of import, and it is.
Your homework assignment is to become familiar with more single words that describe feelings bookmark this page and browse it while training and before each planned positive message. This is required for all, men especially, as they usually cannot come up with ten feeling words when asked.
Click here - Feeling Words
Class dismissed, there will be a test.
Extra credit reading: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/arti...ertiveness.htm
FBL,
You gravity challenged too?
Suze,
Yep we have it here too, but a bit longer:
"Suze and someone sitting in a tree k. i. s. s. i. n. g.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Suze with a baby carriage."
I like to tell folks when leaving a simpler adult concept and say Hey y'all don't do anything I wouldn't do . . . and remember I have children!
Dee,
It's so nice to have you jump in as a member often.
Star,
I hope everything comes out all right. Personally I think those cleansings are just a bunch of crap. I never strayed more than, oh, say 15 inches, from my friendly family bathroom.
Just be careful after, as the anesthesia makes you a bit off for the rest of the day.
Wolf,
2 AM here, 8AM there - Good Morning, you will have a great day, look closely - you will have a good day!
Nite nite overs!
Hey Dee spot on!
RZ,
Mags,
I taught Assertiveness training and the only skill you need for those kinds of people are "I" messages.
First you memorize just these four step starters in this order:
When you . . .
I feel . . .
Because . . .
I would like . . .
Say them over and over and have hubby quiz you on them every day. If it seems not worth the work remember you have to use it when you are highly emotional not later after the event. If the intros to each part are not instantly available, by rote memorization you will not be able to use an I message when angry or embarrassed or hurt or shocked.
After learning the four steps you will never use it in a tight situation without practice. Here the real initial rewards for your hard work really start to pay off. Now remember they are not for manipulation or control, or flattery. They are very powerful and very easy when sincere.
"When you" is finished with an exact description of the behavior, not any name calling like when you are an arse or some such. In your example it might be.
I feel . . . Name your feeling in one word or two.
Because . . . say why that action makes you feel that way.
I would like . . . name what you want them to do as a change in behavior.
The key is to shut up after the last step and telling them what you want them to do next time. The next person to speak loses. Maintaining eye contact with an expectant look waiting for them to say yes or no or comment is critical!
The biggest pressure you can bring to bear in any conversation is silence. If they turn on their heel and run away from answering you've won.
So were you trained, practiced faithfully giving true I positive messages, you might have emailed, or arranged a meeting and said:
When you demean me in emails sent out to a group,
I feel angry
Because I do not like people who bully me or try to embarrass me hurtfully.
I would like you to discuss anything you feel the need to demean me, or any other here, in private and face 2 face.
Mags, when you reach out here, I feel validated because I know you give me credibility. I would sincerely like to tell you how much your honest and quiet daily trials and tribulations make me feel trustworthy.
That was sincere Mags, and it was an I message. Most folks miss it completely in speaking to them. The problem most folks have is they feel "fake" or can't remember the steps in a pinch (No or not enough practice memorizing and likely no sincere practice positive I messages ) If it was easy everyone would be using them. Try this on a lover or husband or wife.
When you share a quiet walk with me around our place, I feel so loved, because you holding my hand is tingly all over again. I would like to take more walk with you. Ball's in your court, I've trained hundreds if not thousands and it works if you put the practice in. And remember, if you pause after each step intro, don't worry, it adds even more power like you meant the silence, not that you were desperately trying to remember the next step because you did no real practice.
People's favorite subject is themselves. I messages start out with "When you" because once they know the subject is them, you have their undivided. Pausing makes it even better. So pausing to consider the right words for the rest of each step starter doesn't make you look artificial to them, only like you are very sincere and about to say something of import, and it is.
Your homework assignment is to become familiar with more single words that describe feelings bookmark this page and browse it while training and before each planned positive message. This is required for all, men especially, as they usually cannot come up with ten feeling words when asked.
Click here - Feeling Words
Class dismissed, there will be a test.
Extra credit reading: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/arti...ertiveness.htm
FBL,
You gravity challenged too?
Suze,
Yep we have it here too, but a bit longer:
"Suze and someone sitting in a tree k. i. s. s. i. n. g.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Suze with a baby carriage."
I like to tell folks when leaving a simpler adult concept and say Hey y'all don't do anything I wouldn't do . . . and remember I have children!
Dee,
It's so nice to have you jump in as a member often.
Star,
I hope everything comes out all right. Personally I think those cleansings are just a bunch of crap. I never strayed more than, oh, say 15 inches, from my friendly family bathroom.
Just be careful after, as the anesthesia makes you a bit off for the rest of the day.
Wolf,
2 AM here, 8AM there - Good Morning, you will have a great day, look closely - you will have a good day!
Nite nite overs!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Mags. ( and I don't care what rumours that starts!) The world is full of insensitive or bitter people, and it is so easy to say 'don't let them get to you' but when it happens to me, I find it just as difficult to shrug off. The problem is when you are a genuinely nice person who never sets out to hurt anyone, when someone deliberately has a go at you, you cannot understand why. Not the specific why of that instance but the why at all. How can people be so mean and nasty? My philosophy is do as you would be done by. I don't like being hurt bullied and belittled so I don't do that to others. I imagine you are much the same.
It sounds like the problem is very much these people and their attitude, and how public their meanness is tells others far more about them than about you. All who know you won't listen, any who believe them aren't worth knowing.
We all love you here Mags, you are a huge support to every one of us and seeing you avatar cheers me, knowing that you are around.
Please don't allow the actions of a pair of small minded mean natured nasties cause you a moment more pain. You are worth so much more than them. Xx
: Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,662
O gosh. I just popped on. I'm at work. Itchy and toots, you brought tears to my eyes. ( which is hard nowadays because my meds have stopped me crying) lol.
Thankyou for your inspiring and informative words. I've just had a quick read but will digest it all later.
Love you all xx
Thankyou for your inspiring and informative words. I've just had a quick read but will digest it all later.
Love you all xx
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,839
Sending hugs to Mags this morning. When I run across those kinds of people in my life, I treat it as mind over matter...I don't mind, 'cause they don't matter
Hot and humid again here the next couple of days. Supposed to cool down just in time for the weekend, which will be nice.
Now let's see...what day is it today??? Oh yeah...
Happy HUMP-DAY, overs!!!
Hot and humid again here the next couple of days. Supposed to cool down just in time for the weekend, which will be nice.
Now let's see...what day is it today??? Oh yeah...
Happy HUMP-DAY, overs!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Eugene Oregon
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by Mags1 
Evening Overs.
Hi Wolfie, hi Star.
Star, hope all goes well tomorrow.
Suze, I haven't heard that poem before. I used to play British Bulldogs in the playground and I won once, last man standing!
Feeling terrible at moment. I received an email that stressed me out. Why do I react so strongly. I would like to be blasé and not care!!! How do I deal with it. The person who sent me it puts me down on the occasions we have had to meet and I don't like her and her husband. I don't let her know of course but we seem to have a personality clash. With them putting me down in an email to everyone. Though an official spoke up for me I'm not sure what to do next except run away! Haha. I won't do that. But it isn't her, it's how I react I don't like. What's a matter with me! This happens now and again. Any words of wisdom would be greatly received, please?
Thanks for listening overs.
Hi Wolfie, hi Star.
Star, hope all goes well tomorrow.
Suze, I haven't heard that poem before. I used to play British Bulldogs in the playground and I won once, last man standing!
Feeling terrible at moment. I received an email that stressed me out. Why do I react so strongly. I would like to be blasé and not care!!! How do I deal with it. The person who sent me it puts me down on the occasions we have had to meet and I don't like her and her husband. I don't let her know of course but we seem to have a personality clash. With them putting me down in an email to everyone. Though an official spoke up for me I'm not sure what to do next except run away! Haha. I won't do that. But it isn't her, it's how I react I don't like. What's a matter with me! This happens now and again. Any words of wisdom would be greatly received, please?
Thanks for listening overs.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,707
Originally Posted by Rusty Zipper
mags, try to wear life like a loose garment
Happy Hump Day!
Feeling more myself today. Had a great sleep last night, dreamed I was about to climb a huge mountain that went into Russia(?)
A coworker told me yesterday that he's going to quit drinking next year. He definitely sounds like he has a dependence on it. I told him I quit almost five years ago, he was surprised. I can't believe it's been that long! Five years sounds like a really long time.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,165
Originally Posted by Itchy
Wolf,
2 AM here, 8AM there - Good Morning, you will have a great day, look closely - you will have a good day!
Nite nite overs!
Survived the colonoscopy, and good for another three years. Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville was playing in the OR. I joked with the anesthesiologist that this was an appropriate tune to go under to. This song was definitely a regular late night bar song back in my college daze.
Have a good day all!
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Just popping in for a quick hi- you guys are Awesome.
Itch, I am printing out your post about assertiveness, hope you don't mind. Holy Hannah, I can use this advice. I've taken a 2 yr school board position and I know already I need to toughen up a bit to handle other people's "opinions".
Mags,
Itch, I am printing out your post about assertiveness, hope you don't mind. Holy Hannah, I can use this advice. I've taken a 2 yr school board position and I know already I need to toughen up a bit to handle other people's "opinions".
Mags,
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