Angie 247's thread - This new sober life Part 4
 

last part here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-21.html

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Thank you, Dee. I'm sorry to start my thread like this.

I think I'm the most idiotic person ever. My ex husbands birthday was yesterday so I made him the chicken veggie casserole, left it in the fridge and also for his mom because I didn't think she would feel like cooking after the plane. I bought mini cupcakes for Alex. I fed his fish twice a day. Today, he's like you left the place clean but left a list of things that I should have done. I should have vacuumed before they came back, I should have made the casserole at my own place, I should have not used his bathroom because he saw that the soap was moved. I left that place pristine and I washed everything that I used and put it back. I bought my own groceries for them and bought a Tupperware container for what I made. I left my shoes outside the door before I walked in. I'm so done.

He deserves to live alone for the rest of his life, Angie. That, or either to be stuck with his insane mother.

Sorry, that is harsh. But, honestly, he is awful. :(

He doesn't deserve your kindness.

Just laugh it off, Angie. He's obviously a very unhappy man who is trying his best to make you as unhappy as him. Don't let him.

And congrats on part 4! That's amazing!

Thank you all. I'm hanging in there. Alex is going to a birthday party at one of his dad's friends place. The little girl turned one. I was supposed to get Alex today. His dad told me I was selfish and keeping Alex from having a good time. I'm tired of the manipulation. I need to get out of the house. Elvis is asleep next to his fan and should be for a while. I want a small vanilla sundae with caramel sauce and peanuts. I've got to make some changes in my life or the stress is going to get to me sooner or later. Right now, I'm looking forward to my sundae.

I'm awake and doing nothing so I just drove close by to two poke-stops for Alex so he can have more pokeballs on his game, lol. It was at a museum so I could safely park in the parking lot and get them. Maybe I shouldn't do it this late at night though. I think you can get more every 15 minutes but I've done it twice and I think that's good enough for tonight, haha. Time for me to try to sleep.

So funny, Angie. :)

I'm ready to start to make changes for a better life. If I just don't drink and I'm white knuckling it then I'm in a world of trouble in the future. My opinion for my life because I know me. Any advice is welcome. I have a therapist appt this Thursday.

You're in the best position to know what kind of changes you need Angie :)\
Do you have any ideas? :)

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Dee, right now I'm talking to my family and asking for help. I just had a massive panic attack and there's no one here. I'm not sure what to do.

Try not to freak yourself out. There's no need to change everything all in one day :)

Maybe watch a TV show you like or do a little exercise to try and lose the panic? :)

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I almost feel like I want to run and run and scream until the pain is gone. Not suicidal. Just wanting to figure out something. All the pain of wanting a drink, the pain of life and the self loathing I have for myself that I can't move on from it all.

Angie, you will figure things out. You are sober, kind, and intelligent. The pain of life is hard sometimes. It takes time to unravel and work through things. You will do it though. There is hope.

I cried, yelled, and hid away in bed for a while during the first year. It is sometimes overwhelming, to be bombarded with feelings once you get sober. But things do get better.

Therapy sounds like a good way to work through some of it. I did it for years, before and after I got sober.

You are taking great steps forward.

I appreciate your friendship, soborpotamus. You're a great friend. You have so much wisdom and I enjoy talking to you so much. Thank you.

Hope you have a wonderful Thursday, Angie.

Thank you so much, Casey. I'm so sorry for not being around so much. Your kindness means a lot. I want to be there for all of you too. I'm so sorry that I haven't.

I'm posting a pic that I'll change soon. My sweet son only a few months old. That's me sleeping in the background. How sweet is that baby? :)

3 hours of sober sleeping is a million times better than three hours of sleeping after drinking. I'll get through today at work. They're giving us pizza for lunch too. :) It's been a while since I've had pizza so i am excited lol. I will sleep well tonight. Almost two hours down and one hour and 47 minutes until pizza time.

Enjoy your pizza, Angie. And that is an adorable picture.

Hope the pizza was good Angie :)

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