Angie 247's thread - This new sober life Part 4
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
I wore sandals today at work and I know how he is with shoes in the apartment so I took them off and put on a pair of sock slippers that I bought from the dollar tree for this occasion. I usually buy socks that I can put on while in his apartment but I put on slippers today. He told me that I always buy the cheap stuff and he doesn't want that on his carpet. There is no winning. I have my son with me now but I need to talk to a lawyer because I can't handle this anymore. My ex husband said that he has me because I am an alcoholic now but there has to be something that I can do. I'm not an unfit mother. That boy is my life and I will do anything for him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Angie - he's just trying to rile you.
You're in recovery you're not an unfit mother and you've been very generous with custody and all the other demands he makes.
He hasn't got a legal leg to stand on & he knows it which is why he's trying to upset you and psyche you out.
Please don't let it bother you, it's just nonsense.
D
You're in recovery you're not an unfit mother and you've been very generous with custody and all the other demands he makes.
He hasn't got a legal leg to stand on & he knows it which is why he's trying to upset you and psyche you out.
Please don't let it bother you, it's just nonsense.
D
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
It fell between the seats which I had already checked but missed that exact spot toward the back. I'm very happy. It's crazy how weird it was without my phone today. I'll never turn on silent again lol. Goodnight!! 
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
My ex husband texted my mom today and said they are going to have to help me with bills because he can't anymore. He's talking about child support. Livid is not the word that I am feeling now. I will leave it at that right now. I'm tired of this and I will be handling it legally next week.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
If it is court ordered child support don't let it trouble you Angie. He has to go to court to have that changed. He needs to understand that child support is not about you but about providing support for his child.
I hope you have a good weekend.
I hope you have a good weekend.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Angie - This is a hard situation you're in. Your ex sounds insulting and verbally abusive, and it sounds like you know that his words have no merit. When he does it, don't engage him by freaking out, disagreeing, or fighting back.
To prevent him from getting under your skin, you need to find a way of detaching from his words. Some people on the friends and family side of SR have found peace by referring to their former abuser's rants as "quacking." Any time your ex goes on one of his rants you can replace his words with him going "quack, quack, quack."
This can apply to false promises, unrealistic threats, or insults. As in "my ex is quacking at me again."
I wish I had this tool to use with my mother and step mother! It works!
In fact I just used it yesterday at work! I have a coworker who is super knowledgable and hard working but has struggled with advancing due to her emotional outbursts and other behavioral issues. Yesterday she asked me "will things ever get better?" and I launched into how gratitude and acceptance work for me when I'm feeling frustrated.
A couple hours later she confronted me, crying, and making outrageous statements how my comments insulted her deeply and if I didn't think she deserved a better job then she should quit right now.
It was very melodramatic and emotional, but I was able to detach from it by thinking of it as "quacking" - in other words, more of the usual behavior that hurt her reputation in the first place.
This wasn't easy for me. Detachment is a newer tool to me! In the past I would have told anyone who would listen, to try to gain consensus that I wasn't at fault, that I was in fact the victim. My relationship with this coworker would be over afterwards. However by using detachment, I was able to keep it pleasant with her, but stand my ground, and have the confidence that everything will turn out ok.
To prevent him from getting under your skin, you need to find a way of detaching from his words. Some people on the friends and family side of SR have found peace by referring to their former abuser's rants as "quacking." Any time your ex goes on one of his rants you can replace his words with him going "quack, quack, quack."
This can apply to false promises, unrealistic threats, or insults. As in "my ex is quacking at me again."
I wish I had this tool to use with my mother and step mother! It works!
In fact I just used it yesterday at work! I have a coworker who is super knowledgable and hard working but has struggled with advancing due to her emotional outbursts and other behavioral issues. Yesterday she asked me "will things ever get better?" and I launched into how gratitude and acceptance work for me when I'm feeling frustrated.
A couple hours later she confronted me, crying, and making outrageous statements how my comments insulted her deeply and if I didn't think she deserved a better job then she should quit right now.
It was very melodramatic and emotional, but I was able to detach from it by thinking of it as "quacking" - in other words, more of the usual behavior that hurt her reputation in the first place.
This wasn't easy for me. Detachment is a newer tool to me! In the past I would have told anyone who would listen, to try to gain consensus that I wasn't at fault, that I was in fact the victim. My relationship with this coworker would be over afterwards. However by using detachment, I was able to keep it pleasant with her, but stand my ground, and have the confidence that everything will turn out ok.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
I'm up at 3:30. The only thing that sounds good is making a pot of spaghetti and couple pieces of garlic bread. I love lots of mushrooms in my spaghetti. I only ate lunch yesterday and it wasn't much. Gonna carb it up now. I'm wanting alcohol too but I have no alcohol in the house and I'm not buying it when stores open. I just have to get over the feelings because I'm in recovery. I'm feeling very tired of my ex husbands behavior but I would regret so very badly using him as an excuse to drink. I need to work on the plan more. Eating three meals a day will be a priority. Can eat healthy but have to eat. I just want spaghetti now. I'm feeling better already thinking about it. . Thank you all so much for being here for me.
. Thank you all so much for being here for me.
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