gleefan

You can take it one day at a time. When you find yourself forward-tripping / worrying, try the Serenity Prayer. It nudges me back into the present. Sometimes I have to repeat it several times in a row to get refocused.

Angie247

Day 60. .

Angie247

Not quite. 59 days. Looked at the calendar lol. Almost there though.

Dee74

whatever the count, you're doing great Angie

D

Angie247

Thank you so much, Dee. I really appreciate that.

It's 3:45am right now so I can officially say I'm on day 60. Had a craving tonight but I worked through it. It only lasted about 5 minutes and wasn't a strong craving. Tonight, I'm up with allergies. Fun. I do have to say though that my sleep has been awesome the last month. I didn't think I could make it to 60 days again after my relapse but with some work from me and reaching out for help it is possible. I was not able to do it on my own. Coming to SR multiple times everyday and going to my therapist has been what has worked for me. I'm only on day 60 but so grateful for how I feel today besides the allergies, ha. Okay, going to try to get some sleep. I have my sweet boy that fell asleep next to me and we had a wonderful Friday night. We made cookies, he had lemon tea and I drank lemon water. Grateful for a fun, sober Friday night with my sweetie.

Dee74

official congratulations

D

Angie247

Alex and I had a great day today. Went for a lunch at applebees which was good. There's a cornbread and chicken salad that I got, very yummy and Alex got the steak off the kids menu, perfect size for him. Had to go to Walmart for a charger and afterwards I suggested to Alex that we each get a 50 cent drink and sit outside at the tables. He got a Hawaiian punch and I got a brisk tea. We sat for about 45 minutes just talking and laughing. I'm sorry to be sappy but I'm so grateful to be sober and to be enjoying moments like that with my little man.

Angie247

Alex went back to his dad's today. I cried a little on the way home but I'll see him tomorrow after work and get him back on Tuesday. I realized that we were not home a lot this weekend. I know a lot of the country is having horrible, freezing temps but it is 70 now here and we've been enjoying the weather outside. I came back and cuddled with my cat, Elvis who was in need of some affection. I rubbed his head and back until he decided that it was enough and he is back at his food bowl, lol. Grateful for a wonderful weekend with my sweetie, grateful for my cat, grateful for a job to go to tomorrow, grateful to be sober.

Angie247

I'm missing my son tremendously right now. No desire to drink. I just miss him but I'm going to bed soon and I'll have work tomorrow to keep me busy. It's supposed to rain tomorrow morning and I only live 7 miles from work but I set my alarm for 30 min earlier than usual so I can get ready and head out. Definitely don't want to rush to work and I want to give myself plenty of time to get there. Another thing I wouldn't have thought of if I had still been drinking. My son also starts back to school tomorrow after three weeks off for his break. He wasn't really looking forward to going back so I tried to make this weekend as light hearted and fun as it could be for him. I hope he has a good day tomorrow and I'll see him after work.

gleefan

Good job recognizing your triggers and finding ways to soothe and calm yourself.

I hope A had a good first day back to school.

Angie247

Day 63. I'm a little upset about something that happened at work. I have been kept off doing paperwork for about 2 months, and have worked solely on computer. It's not that I wasn't doing well on paperwork but I'm just faster on computers and we've had a lot of computer work. They also kept someone else off who was having issues with paperwork. I started back on paperwork today and someone had to tell me about the office loud mouth who told a new employee that she needed to watch my papers because I made a lot of mistakes. If I made a lot of mistakes, they would tell me but I wasn't. Everybody makes mistakes but to assume that's why I was kept off and tell another coworker that is very upsetting. None of my paperwork had even been worked on yet and I went through the day with my work being good. I'm also wondering about if my other coworker should have told me what the other person said then immediately tell me please don't tell anyone. I was wanting to go to the boss about it. I've ignored so much throughout my life but I was wanting to stand up for myself then the woman who told me asked for me not to tell anyone. Now, I'm wondering if everyone thinks that about me and I just feel really bad about the whole situation. Not really wanting to go in to work tomorrow but I have to do it. No desire to drink through this but I d o want chocolate. Just a little piece wouldn't hurt. I'm also dealing with (tmi) hormonal issues so that might play a factor in this but I feel like I m justified in being ticked off. I'm not sure how to handle it or not worry about it which is going to be hard because I don't want people afraid to do my work. I always try to make sure my work is well done. This just really is irritating.

Angie247

I don't know why I'm letting this get to me so much. I have spent a solid 10 minutes just now crying over it. Really wish I didn't know what was said about me. Already the thoughts have come up that I need to drink but I'm not going back to that life. This is just one of those days, and sometimes people are big jerks. This is just life. I'll be okay.

Dee74

Try and let it go Angie - they wouldn't put you back there if they didn't feel you were up to the task

Gossip is just gossip no matter who it comes from.

D

Angie247

Thank you, Dee. I'm feeling a lot better about it today. It even feels sort of silly about how upset I was but to be honest, it still bothers me a little bit but I'll get over it. The woman who said the mean comment came up to me today and asked me if I would finish her little stack because her daughter was sick and she had to go. I told her of course and I hoped her daughter felt better.

I'm on day 64. I'm proud of that. Life is so much better and I expect to feel even better the longer that I'm away from alcohol. There will be bad days but I don't have to drink over them.

gleefan

You feel like you want to drink because you're an alcoholic. And that's exactly why you cannot drink. This would be a good time to go to an AA meeting.

I work in a similar environment to your workplace. We are buried in work, and have to work fast and accurately. We are working toward the same goal but competing with each other to be the fastest and the most accurate. We sit close, have low cubicle walls, and can see everything happening in the department from our desks. Something as simple as a glance or a closed door leads to speculation. Gossip is a way to pass the time.

Here's my take: Some people are better at certain tasks than others. A manager who is looking to optimize their team's output is going to place their people at the jobs they do best.

It's dangerous to let another person define how you feel about yourself. You can't let your self esteem rest in someone else's hands - especially not in a gossipy coworkers hands. What was her intention in sharing that with you? What good can come out of sharing that with someone?

The way I see it, recovety has given me choices. I can let go of the pain that weighs me down - and choose to invest my time in things that are good.

Maybe instead of focusing on your pain you can say the serenity prayer and ask how you can help others. A quick trip to Newcomers to greet someone on Day 1 is time well spent in service to others....

Angie247

All I've got to say is that I'm feeling really inadequate and useless today in a lot of areas but at least I'm a good mom and I'm sober. Day 65. I'm going to browse the forums.

Dee74

I hope tomorrow is better Angie

D

Angie247

Thanks Dee. I am looking back at my previous post and I don't like my wording in it. Being a good mom and being sober are the most important things in my life. I let that woman get to me again today and I feel idiotic. She likes to tell people negative things she hears other people saying about them. I told her today not to tell me any negative thing she hears about me because it upsets me. I said if anything happens that I need to informed about that the boss will let me know but I was done with office drama and my blood pressure didn't need it either. I said it nicely but I'm tired of it all. I hope that I handed it correctly.

Dee74

I think you did - that's great Angie

D

gleefan

Way to stand up for yourself Angie!