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Angie 247's thread - This new sober life Part 4

Old 12-24-2016, 03:06 PM
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I want to add that therapy is helping me a lot. Also, I really want to start attending AA meetings again as well. It would be nice to make friends who understand what it's like with addiction. SR has helped me so much and I am so glad I found this website. It might sound silly but I have anxiety sometimes about commenting on other peoples thread and I'll work on that. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. If I want to make friends to go to coffee with or things like that then I will definitely have to work on social anxiety issues. When I went to the AA meetings, it was so hard to say my name and that I was an alcoholic. It wasn't because I was ashamed but I have a hard time speaking in public which I know a lot of other people can relate to that.
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Old 12-24-2016, 06:45 PM
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I have a cold too, Ang. Plus it was a busy work week leading up to the holiday. I'm not drinking over it though.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas!!
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Old 12-25-2016, 04:21 PM
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I'm so sorry you're sick. I sure hope you feel better, Glee.

Merry Christmas to you too!! Thank you for all your support.
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Old 12-25-2016, 08:59 PM
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It's been a nice Christmas. Alex enjoyed opening his gifts, and he just thoroughly enjoyed his Christmas. I tried to just not get him all games for his Nintendo wii u and 3ds but I wanted to get him something that I hope he would enjoy. He is always talking about magic tricks so I got him a big magic set that I hope he will like.

One stressful thing came up. I looked at my checking account online and a restaurant way overcharged me. My receipt states it was 18.11 but they took out 181.11 out instead. Whoa!! I got it on the 23rd and just noticed it. I usually check more but I have been feeling yucky and didn't look. So, I'm heading out tomorrow to try to get this rectified. Being sober, this is a pretty big annoyance but I would totally be freaking out if I were still drinking. I'm hopeful to get it corrected tomorrow. I still have the receipt which states it was 18.11 too so that's good that I kept it. When they charged me, they must have put in an extra one but it sure isn't on my receipt. I hate to think that this was intentional. I'm sure it was just a mistake and everybody makes them but it makes me think twice about going there again after I get it fixed.

Hope everyone has had a great day. I'm feeling better, the sneezing has started but the headaches have gone pretty much.
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Old 12-26-2016, 06:29 AM
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Sobriety keeps me on a more even keel too! Good luck fixing your restaurant tab and enjoy your day.
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Old 12-26-2016, 06:03 PM
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Thank you, Glee! They refunded me 161.00 so I'm very happy. The manager said it would take a day to show up in my account and I have the receipt they gave me showing they deposited. I was very polite and so were they. I'm headed back to work tomorrow but it's a three day workweek. Alex is having fun, he's got this week and the next off. I made grilled chicken and rice mixed with low sodium soy sauce. It was simple and good. Got clothes washing and just sitting home relaxing. Hope everyone is having a great day.
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Old 12-26-2016, 06:26 PM
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There's nothing like completed chores and a wholesome meal to make me feel accomplished! I never had those feelings of contentment when I drank; they are new to me in sobriety.

I hope you enjoy the last little bit of your weekend. I'm thankful for the short work week too!
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Old 12-26-2016, 10:07 PM
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I'm sitting here tonight with a lot of thoughts. I'll hit 50 days in a day or two and I'm grateful to have those days. There's a part of me that is so scared of picking up again and going back to the sad life I had before. Maybe falling even deeper down than I had. I'm always thinking of things to add to my plan but when that intense craving hits, it is so hard but I've gotten through many of them. It's funny because I almost want to cry because I have hope again but there's that little voice that says that I'm not strong enough for this, and that I don't deserve anything good so just go back and drink. That voice tells me that I've failed at everything that I've ever tried to do and this won't be any different. To that voice, I say shut up and watch me. I always have a tendency to worry about the future when I should indeed just take it one day at a time. I'm really doing so much better since I have started to come back here more often and seeing my therapist. I can do this. It's just that I need to have more faith that I can. Even if sometimes I think that I don't deserve this, that's something to work on but my son most definitely needs me at my best and I'll do it for him.
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Old 12-27-2016, 06:00 AM
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Angie - I'm so proud of you for approaching 50 days.

For me, coming to SR when I was newly sober, I found that the folks in the forums believed I was brave and willing to do what ever it took to stay sober, til I believed in myself.

It's definitely easier for me to take it ODAAT when I have others to help me stay in the moment - and gently nudge me back into the moment when my mind starts to wander. You can do it.
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Old 12-27-2016, 02:22 PM
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I believe you can do this Angie

D
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Old 12-27-2016, 08:16 PM
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Thank you so much Glee and Dee.

They did a CT scan on my daddy on Monday and found a blood clot in his right lung. They called today and told them. Since he had a bleeding ulcer, they don't want to give him blood thinners. They said for him to take baby aspirin and they said that would act as a thinner okay for him. Some think he got the clot while in the hospital. He goes to his regular doctor tomorrow. My daddy's gone through a lot lately. We will know more tomorrow after his doctor visit. I'm so worried. Absolutely no desire to drink through this and that's the truth. I don't know how I'll feel in the future but I'll fight any cravings. I just want my daddy to be healthy and feeling good again.
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Old 12-27-2016, 09:50 PM
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On a selfish note, I did hit 50 days today. 50 days doesn't sound that long, but the difference in myself is amazing. I feel better physically, mentally, and with my father's health issues, I can be there for them in a clear headed way. My family definitely doesn't need to worry about me drinking on top of what they are already going through. I just want my daddy to feel better.
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Old 12-28-2016, 12:02 AM
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Its not selfish to celebrate an achievement - congrats again, Angie
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Old 12-28-2016, 08:07 PM
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Thank you, Dee.

My dad is doing good. His enlarged aorta is not large enough to need to be treated. They will be keeping an eye out on it though. They are going to do another test next week to see how the ulcer is doing and if it is okay then they are going to put my dad on blood thinners. Right now, he is taking baby aspirin for it.

Had kind of a stressful day at work, and thoughts of drinking came up. I let those thoughts just go on by. Just want to go in, do my best and that's all I can do. I have one more day and then will have 4 days off. Looking forward to that.
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Old 12-28-2016, 09:25 PM
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To de-stress a little bit, I am watching Bob Ross paint on Netflix. This is actually soothing and I'm enjoying it, lol. Makes me want to paint now.
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Old 12-29-2016, 05:31 AM
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Good job on 50 days.

Also good job on letting those thoughts of drinking pass, and instead finding a healthy way to relax. Bob Ross is very cool.

Hope your dad feels well soon.
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Old 12-30-2016, 11:55 AM
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Fought through a desire to drink last night. I was driving and the thoughts came up that I had 4 days off and had time to drink Friday and Saturday since I didn't have my son. What did I do? I pulled into a gas station parking lot, and called a friend. I didn't even tell her that I wanted to drink but we had a nice, fun talk for about 10 minutes. It sounded like she was happy to hear from me because we usually just text. At the end of the phone call, my thoughts of drinking had gone. Day 52 today and so happy that I didn't drink.
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Old 12-30-2016, 12:13 PM
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One thing is that I'm going to have to make some changes. They don't have to be major right now but one thing is that I'm going to have to stop being scared and making excuses and go to a meeting. I think I need to go, I'm not having urges right now but I think it would help. I just looked at meetings and I found a women's only one tonight at 7.
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Old 12-30-2016, 01:16 PM
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Meetings help me keep drinking off the table.

There are so many different people who go to meetings that you're bound to be able to relate to the stories you hear.

Our struggles may be different but they come from the same place.

Let us know how it goes.
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Old 12-30-2016, 05:40 PM
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Thank you so much, Glee.

I'm eating a quick bite before I go to the meeting. It is at a different location than the church that I usually attended. I just happen to know where it's at (no need to ask Siri) and it is very easy to get to. No excuses. No reason to have anxiety, I will be okay. I wrote that just to remind myself.
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