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Angie 247's thread - This new sober life Part 4

Old 12-09-2016, 06:49 PM
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A few months ago while drunk, I had plugged my phone charger into that little slot on my tv in my bedroom and yanked too hard. The TV fell and the screen cracked. I wouldn't get a new one because I thought that I didn't deserve it and the same thing would happen. Tonight, I found a good sale and bought myself a new tv. Also, I've been working lot of overtime and I used a portion of my parents Christmas money for me. Also, I bought some comfy pants to wear around the house with the rest. It's bad but I had hardly any clothes to wear away from work. I think the tv is little smaller but I don't care. I can enjoy television in my room again. It might sound silly, but I'm excited to have sound going on again because I pretty much stay in my room when I don't have Alex. That little voice is telling me that I don't deserve it but it wasn't that terribly expensive and I've been saving money by not drinking too. I'm just going to enjoy it.
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Old 12-09-2016, 07:17 PM
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You deserve it Angie - enjoy
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Old 12-10-2016, 12:11 PM
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I had to have a phillips screwdriver to install the stand and couldn't find it last night so I went to bed early and woke up this morning to get one. Slept from 9:00pm to 5:30am. Awesome!! I found what I needed at the dollar tree. So, I am watching Netflix right now in my bedroom. I did go out and get my haircut, it feels a lot better. I'm working 4 hours of overtime tomorrow and getting off at 10am. Then I pick up my sweet boy to enjoy our day. He's excited that he will get to sleep late tomorrow lol. Grateful to be sober, and grateful for another chance at life.
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Old 12-10-2016, 03:14 PM
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sounds great Angie

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Old 12-11-2016, 03:56 PM
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I got the 4 hours in and I'm enjoying the day with Alex. I have worked overtime the past two Sundays. Before when I was drinking, this would never have happened. I would still be drinking and telling myself that I needed to quit at a certain time so I would be "ok" for work the next day and I was never okay. It was the most depressing thing to be on my last can and I then hated life even more. On Monday, I would wake up miserable, headache, dry heaving and hating myself for drinking. What a sad life. It's so nice to have hope again. I know I'll still have those cravings but I'm determined with this. I ordered myself a necklace on amazon for less than 5 dollars and it is engraved with "she believed she could so she did" and I can't wait to get it. There is still a part of me that says I'm too weak and I'll never remain sober but I know I can do this one day at a time. My son deserves the best and I am determined to be the best that I can be for him and myself. I'll never be perfect and I'll make mistakes but I can do my best and not drinking is a big part of that.
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Old 12-13-2016, 06:53 PM
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Love the necklace Angie! Great attitude!
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Old 12-17-2016, 11:00 AM
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Thank you so much stargazer. . Had a craving last night but I got through it. I was beating myself up big time for those thoughts. For a few minutes the desire to drink overwhelmed me. What got me through it was going over why it was important not to drink and how bad physically and emotionally I would feel after drinking. I didn't drink so that's the important thing. I'm feeling good this morning and grateful to still be sober. Day 40 today.
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Old 12-17-2016, 02:45 PM
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40 days is great Angie

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Old 12-17-2016, 05:41 PM
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Thank you so much Dee. .

We went to go see the new Star Wars movie today. Neither Alex nor myself could get into it but the popcorn was good, haha. I am working 6 hours tomorrow morning. More overtime which I can always use. Getting off at 12:30 and will pick up Alex then. Love these sober weekends.
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Old 12-18-2016, 06:40 PM
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I worked my 6 hours and they ended up giving us all pizza for lunch, which was very nice. I've spent the day with my little guy and I'm done with Christmas shopping. Some thoughts of drinking have come up briefly and I'm annoyed by that but it was easy to get through. I'm kind of in a irritable mood and I don't know why. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen and it's bugging me. These feelings normally go away the next day so I'm hoping this will be the case too. I think some of it is that I did something slightly different at work today, and I think I did a good job but I'm always worried about it being right. I can't take this home with me because I know I gave it my all. All I can do is do my best but I always beat myself up so much when I make mistakes. I'll talk about this with my therapist this week. In the meantime, I'm going to try to get my mind off the negative stuff.
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Old 12-18-2016, 08:05 PM
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And just like that a series of texts from my son's father makes me really want to drink. I'm not going to but I wish I didn't automatically think of drinking when I have those issues. I had a good cry (I'm alone now) and I feel a bit better. I did buy myself a carne asada burrito and I'm going to eat that and then maybe go to bed. Just one of those days but I won't drink over it.
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Old 12-19-2016, 05:12 PM
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Sometimes it helps me to remember that feelings aren't facts.

Taking deep breaths, posting on SR, or doing something I enjoy often help me relax when the things I can't control get intense.
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Old 12-19-2016, 08:11 PM
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Thank you, Glee. It's another rough night but sad and sober is much better than sad and drinking. I went to Starbucks just now and got a hot peppermint mocha frap.
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Old 12-20-2016, 07:08 AM
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Woke up feeling better. Headed to work in a bit and maybe grab a coffee on the way.
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Old 12-23-2016, 07:05 PM
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Day 46. Went to work today even though I didn't have to do it. Loving the overtime money and I've saved a lot by not drinking. Am able to give Alex and my parents a nice Christmas. I know that's not what it is about but they so deserve this. I've just managed to catch a cold. I felt it really coming on a couple hours in at work today. Hate to be sick during the holidays but it is what it is. Won't be back at work until Tuesday. I was heaving in my car from being naeusous after work and it reminded me of being hungover which wasn't a nice memory. I had to pull over until it passed and I am not planning on going anywhere until Sunday. Sure do hope that I don't get my baby or anyone sick.
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Old 12-23-2016, 07:31 PM
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Hope you have a Merry Christmas Angie!
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Old 12-23-2016, 07:33 PM
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Hope you're not falling ill Angie - have a great Christmas

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Old 12-24-2016, 02:30 PM
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Merry Christmas Stargazer and Dee!!

I'm doing ok, just that cough that will take a while to go away. My dad is doing well but has to go back to the heart doctor next week. He has a small leak in his aorta valve and they will discuss what they will do next week. I've freaked out about it but he has great doctors and they will do what needs to be done. He's feeling fine otherwise.

No desire to drink. When I want something to drink, it's usually water or an occasional diet coke. I can't stay away from those.
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Old 12-24-2016, 02:34 PM
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Angie- I hope you are all good. Howz the tele? Good that your dad has support and his aorta stuff has been found. Have a safe, peaceful, sober, sane and happy day. 105F here today (yay). PJ
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Old 12-24-2016, 02:58 PM
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Hi Phoenix!! Thank you! I'm enjoying my television very much. I watched A Christmas Story on it last night and it's so nice to relax and watch movies or tv shows again in my room.
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