SnoozyQ

My thoughts are with you Angie.

Don't let him get to you as you know you're a good Mum. We can't change how other people treat us, but we can change our habits.

Put all of your wonderfulness into your son.

Is there any way you can get someone to drop your son off or pick him up when it's your husbands turn.

That way your son wont have to hear the drivel he sprouts.

Plus you don't have to even look at him or hear him

Good luck Ange xx

Angie247

Thank you so much SnoozyQ! I wish there was someone else that I could ask but there really isn't. Our interactions are as brief as possible but he always finds a way to get in a dig.

I had another relapse earlier this month where I drank straight vodka. I didn't have my son and I spent the weekend drunk while trying to hide it from everyone. I was ashamed to tell anyone or reach out. There wasn't anyone physically around me but I tried to act normal in texts. Then I had an awful two day hangover. When I drink, I eventually have thoughts of wanting to die. I've never acted upon them but the self loathing gets so bad and I want it all to be over. I knew that I really needed help after that last binge and I've been going to an addiction specialist since which is helping a tremendous amount. I'm sober 17 days now. I tried to do this on my own and I couldn't do it. Reaching out is important. I plan to be more active on here. I told the addiction specialist about here, I didn't give him the website address or name but I told him that I used to participate more often in a forum and he encouraged me to get involved again. I've missed it here and I hope to be around more. Thank y'all for all the support. I've got 4 days off and I'll go to work on Monday with no hangover or withdrawals.

Dee74

I'm glad you've decided to reach out more Angie. I hope this can be the turning point for you

D

gleefan

It's great to have you back!

Angie247

I think this is day 23. I'm just stressed because my dad is sick and is right now in ICU. He caught a bad stomach virus, and started to bleed so my mom and my nephew went with him to the ER. He passed out there as he started to stand up and a nurse caught him. He's 75 years old and has pretty much always been healthy. He's doing better now, they ended up giving him two units of blood and there is something for acid reflux in his IV. They were going to wait until some of the infection went down but they are now saying that they will do a colonoscopy tomorrow. I'm hoping that it is nothing serious, and they can give him something to get him back to normal. My dad is such a good man, and we need him here. It hurts so much to be so far away. No desire to drink. Just the idea of drinking through this makes me sick. I'm in a better frame of mind with that lately but I always have to watch where my mind goes.

Dee74

Best wishes and prayers for your dad Angie

D

stargazer016

Sorry to hear about your Dad, Angie , and the tough times you have been facing.

I know in my heart that you really are a tough cookie. You got this.

gleefan

Angie - I'm sorry your dad isn't feeling well.

Sometimes logic helps me. It might help to remember that drinking will not make him get well quicker, or change that you're not nearby.

I hope he gets well soon!

Angie247

Thank you all so much everyone. The MRI showed that my dad had a small stroke recently but he shouldn't have any lasting effects from it. They also did an upper GI and it showed that he had an ulcer which the doctor thinks was causing the issue. They also did an radioactive test and it showed no active bleeding in his body. I do admit to freaking out at the word stroke but he is acting normally and the doctor is confident that it's not anything to be hugely concerned about. He did pass out again a couple days ago but they think it's from not getting enough sleep so the doctor prescribed something to help him rest. He's doing fine this morning and just finished breakfast, which is an all liquid diet of broth, jello, coffee and juice. My dad didn't eat much yesterday with all the tests so he was hungry this morning. He's got an excellent doctor and is surrounded by loved ones and my dad is so strong. He might go home tomorrow or Monday.

I feel bad for talking about myself with what my dad is going through but I fought off an urge to drink last night. I beat it though and I'll hit a month this Wednesday. Went home made some yummy chicken salad and ate half a jar of bread and butter pickles then settled in for Netflix. I was asleep by 9 and woke up shortly before 6:00am. My sleeping patterns have been awful this week so I needed that. Definitely would not have had that restful sleep if I had been drinking. I'm working overtime tomorrow (6 hours) and actually looking forward to it. Keeping my mind occupied is important. Today, I am okay. My dad is doing good and my mom is not as worried as she was. I've been worried about her too. She hasn't left his side. They've been married 54 years and she told me yesterday that she wished she was the one going through it so my dad wouldn't have to. My brothers, nephew, other family, friends and their church family are checking in on them all the time. Everything is going to be okay.

Angie247

Thoughts of drinking came up and the feelings started to get intense so this is what I did.

Gave Elvis, my cat, a massage. He enjoyed the back massage and I rubbed under his chin which he liked too.

Went on audible and bought the audiobook of Alice in Wonderland for 95 cents. Great deal and I'm excited to add it to my collection. I've always loved the book.

Thought about all the reasons why it is important not to drink and how I will feel physically and mentally afterwards if I do.

Came back to SR and read some posts that helped.

The craving is over and I'm listening to Alice in Wonderland now.

Angie247

I feel like I want to take on a hobby but I don't know what I'm good at. It might be fun trying different things to see what I like. I love to read but I would like to have something new. Tried piano lessons for three years as a kid but I wasn't into it, tried crocheting but couldn't get into it, tried to take up running but that didn't last long. Need to remind myself that if I take something on and it doesn't work out that it doesn't mean I'm a failure. Okay, I need to google hobbies just to see what I can see.

gleefan

Those are some nice diversions from thoughts about drinking. Thanks for sharing; you never know who you helped when you share your experiences.

How did your search for hobbies go? I don't have much free time currently, so I guess mine is recovery. It sure beats boozing and hangovers, plus I get to talk to all kinds of great people!

Have a nice day!

Angie247

One month without alcohol today . It's a good start.

Dee74

Congratulations Angie

gleefan

Nice work!

Angie247

I went to see my addiction specialist/therapist tonight. I'm getting a lot of it too. Today's session was emotional but I had to get it out. He's very easy to talk to and he's been sober for almost 30 years so he understands. I wouldn't wish addiction on anyone but I feel comfortable with him and I guess one part is that he remembers what it was like. He's very gentle in his approach but he will in his easy manner get me back on track on talking about something that I try to avoid or rush.

Angie247

I had a bad craving a few minutes ago. I was thinking about Alex and how much I miss him. It's his day with his dad and then that voice came up that I needed to drink to numb myself. Nope, I have a month and I don't want to start over. The craving went away fairly quickly. Man do I hate it when the cravings hit but it's gotten better just in the month that I've been sober and it will continue to get better.

Dee74

I'm glad you got past that. Any plans to do something for yourself this weekend while you're without Alex?

D

Angie247

Dee, I'm thinking of getting a cute haircut and some highlights. I didn't care about my appearance during my relapses and I'm ready to take care of myself again. I also want to plan my grocery list carefully because I have some new recipes that I want to try out next week. Another thing that I'm excited about is to maybe start writing again. I've had an idea for a novel since I was in high school about 20 years ago and I want to start working on it. I'm not looking to get it published, this little project means a lot to me and I'm excited to finally start to get going with it.

Dee74

Sounds awesome Angie

D